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Browse published articles attributed to Susie and Otto Collins, with full-archive search.
It seems that everywhere you look, many long-standing (or short) relationships and/or marriages are dissolving. If you’re like most people, when this happens, you find yourself stuck in thinking about the past, wondering what went wrong, and unable to move from the pain of the relationship. ...
If your partner had an affair, you might be trying to figure out how this happened. Whether you are still in this relationship or not, your heart might feel broken into a million pieces. Unfortunately, some of the beliefs that you may hold about infidelity could be making your broken heart pain worse than it already is. There are many misconceptions about why people cheat.
Breaking up or getting a divorce might have been your idea. It could be that you, your partner or both of you were caught in destructive behaviors that could only be stopped by ending your relationship. Maybe there was abuse of some kind involved. Or perhaps the troubles in your relationship were less overtly damaging, but they seemed unresolvable and the dynamics were making you both miserable and unhappy. As much as you know, deep down, that ending your relationship and moving on with your life was the “best” decision, your heart might feel broken.
We've all seen cartoons in which a character shapes snow into a ball, perhaps to build a snowman. As the ball of snow is rolled, it grows bigger and bigger. Pretty soon that snowball is quite large and here comes a slope or hill... The next thing we see are the arms and legs of our beloved mouse, dog or other cartoon character sticking out from this gigantic snowball that is quickly rolling down the hill, continuing to grow and knock out anything in its way. Giant out-of-control snowballs are funny in cartoons, but there's nothing funny when jealousy snowballs in your relationship.
Flirting between two people can be fun, sexy and harmless...unless, of course, one of those two people is already in a committed relationship with someone else! When you are the one who watches (or hears about) your partner flirting with another person, it can be emotionally painful and it can also bring up a lot of questions, doubts and suspicions within you. For example, you might wonder, “Why doesn't she flirt with ME like that? I am her boyfriend after all!”
Jake was a party guy in college. He stayed up late, was the life of every social event he attended and was never without a date. In fact, Jake had a lot of dates and sexual partners during this wilder time in his life. Now, 5 years later, Jake has settled down a bit. He still lives life to the fullest, but he doesn't party the way that he used to-- and he's glad about that.
Does it seem to you that you're always the one in your relationship being flexible, giving and self-sacrificing? If it does, you're not alone. Many men feel like they bear the brunt of the work. They keep the yard mowed, go to work everyday, change the oil in the car, watch the kids and are expected to be ready with cards, flowers and romance at the drop of a hat. Many women feel as if the bulk of the load is dropped on their shoulders.
Is there an issue about which you and your partner can't seem to see eye-to-eye? Perhaps you two try to avoid talking about or even looking at the tough topic because, in the past, it has only seemed to cause tension and arguments. The trouble is, these sensitive and challenging issues aren't always ones that either of you can easily avoid. When you try to pretend, for example, that your partner's flirting isn't bothering you, his or her flirting only seems to be more frequent and blatant from your perspective.
When Jeff sees his girlfriend, Tami, flirting with another guy, he gets jealous-- really jealous. It can take every ounce of restraint that Jeff has to not storm over and confront the other man, and Tami too. But Jeff has promised himself-- and Tami-- that he won't let his jealousy take over anymore. The trouble is, the anger and worry that fuel his jealousy have only become more intense as he tries to deny his emotions. In situations like this, Jeff feels as if he's going to lose it. Something has got to change.
It's been a turbulent couple of years for Selena and Robbie. After living together for over 5 years, Selena was shocked and outraged to learn that Robbie was having an affair with another woman who also lives in their apartment building. She was so upset about this, she packed up her things and moved in with her sister. During that time apart, Selena broke up with Robbie. She couldn't see a way to forgive him for cheating even though he told her how sorry he was and that he'd end the affair immediately.
Lindsay feels as if she's trapped in a nightmare. She was well aware that her marriage to Sam has been rocky over the past year or two, but she always believed that the two of them would eventually work out their problems. She was completely unprepared when Sam came home from work a few evenings ago and announced that he is filing for divorce. When Lindsay heard Sam's words and watched him begin to immediately start packing up his clothes, she cried, she yelled, she tried to reason with him and she even begged him not to leave.
Janelle is having a difficult time knowing what she can believe lately. She is well aware that her boyfriend, Paul, is a very social guy. He was popular in high school and college and now he is still a favorite among his co-workers. Paul stays in touch with a lot of people from his past and present life on the internet through social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook. He and his friends will often recount wild parties of the “good old days” and more than one woman has posted fond memories of intimate times shared with Paul.
There are many books, dvds, articles, lectures, courses and more about the Law of Attraction. You can learn how to use the Law of Attraction (LOA) to create more wealth, better health, a new car, a great job and, yes, a passionate love relationship or marriage. But here's the big question... Once you are in a love relationship or marriage, can you also use the Law of Attraction to get rid of all of those irritations, annoyances and harmful habits that drive you further and further apart from your love? Our answer, unfortunately, is “No.”
Do you play the “Comparing Game?” If you get jealous easily, chances are high that you play this game-- that isn't fun and won't bring laughs into your life. In fact, both the “Comparing Game” and jealousy will undoubtedly cause you pain and wreak havoc on your love relationship or marriage. Here's how it usually goes... Liz and her boyfriend, Rick, are out together with a group of friends. They both love to dance, stay out late and socialize with friends. They also love each other and have a commitment to their relationship with one another.
Lindsay and Brian have been dating for about a month now. They've been spending every weekend together. Both of them are beginning to wonder if this is turning into something more. This is an exciting time for Lindsay and Brian. They are having fun together and their growing intimacy is welcomed by both. Neither Lindsay nor Brian wants to rush things though. Lindsay doesn't want to scare Brian off or make him think that she's pushing him to get serious. At the same time, she would like to be certain of the level of commitment he has to her and their developing relationship.
“I feel like I just walked into a buzz saw.” Have you ever felt this way about your partner? Perhaps you've been apart all day and when you next see him or her, it seems like you can't do anything to your mate's liking. In fact, to you it feels like your love is critical or ...
Jessica is a mess. She has cried herself to sleep-- all alone-- more nights than she can even keep track of. Her husband, Charles, has been absent a lot of the time. He stays out all night, partying with friends or, when he does come home, he sleeps on the couch. When Jessica and Charles are together in the same room, they often argue and fight-- sometimes the fights even become violent. Jessica has no appetite, she can't focus on her work at the office and she has withdrawn from her friends and family. Everyone is worried about her...except, it seems, Charles.
We all go through times of stress in our lives. When you're in the midst of difficulties, it can seem like the difficulty is all you can see. It can be equally challenging when the one you love is going through a tough time. Your partner may withdraw from you, lash out at you, or vacillate ...
Do you ever feel like your jealousy takes over? It might seem to you that the stream of jealous thoughts you are having are never-ending and even unstoppable. They can appear to overwhelm and overpower you. As you might already know, you can easily end up saying or doing things that you may later regret when you are in a state of feeling overpowered by your jealousy. It's as if the jealousy is “making” you do and say these things. Angie sometimes feels as if her jealous thoughts take over.
No matter how long you and your partner have been together, it doesn't take long for the two of you to become disconnected. Between work and family demands on your time and energy, staying close to your mate can easily get lost in the shuffle. And from a place of disconnection, miscommunication, confusion, resentment and conflict can develop and build. At some point, you might look at your love relationship or marriage and wonder why you two are still together? It can feel like you and your mate are merely “roommates” with little or no passion happening between you.
Jamie and Carlo fell in love while Jamie held a temporary job in the city where Carlo lives. When the time came for Jamie to return to her home-- which is in a neighboring country-- both of them worried about how to keep their relationship alive and well. They considered breaking off their relationship, but neither of them really wanted to do this. They briefly considered having one of them re-locate to the other's city, but it felt too soon and too financially difficult to do at the time. Instead, Jamie and Carlo decided to try a long distance relationship and see how things progress.
Is it possible to be completely transparent in your relationship? In other words, how honest do you consistently need to be with your mate in order to enjoy strong and healthy trust? After all, aren't there times when telling the whole truth is simply unwise? These questions relate to the ...
“There are no good men left in the world!” At least this is how it feels to Liz. She has met and dated many men, but none of them are what she's looking for. Liz has had horrible experiences with men. She's dated guys who were disrespectful, guys who took her for granted and guys who lied and cheated on her. It seems like all of the quality men are already in committed relationships and that Liz is destined to be alone-- or with a man who is not what she truly wants.
We have discovered that one of the most important things you can do to create a great relationship is to be fully present with your partner. nnTo illustrate what we mean by "being present" we want to share part of a conversation Otto had with a business associate recently. nnnThe person Otto was talking with referred to himself as a "social dancer" who had just spent the weekend at a dancing event. nnAs a result of this conversation, Otto who doesn't enjoy dancing, has gained
Janet can't believe how far apart she and her husband Mark have grown. To Janet, her husband seems nothing like the man that she married almost 20 years ago. That man wouldn't have had an affair. To be fair, she has changed as well. When Janet looks at the way she sometimes acts when she's around Mark, she recognizes that she's not even close to the person she was when they first fell in love. Wishing that she could somehow turn back time, Janet wonders how she and Mark might have prevented the infidelity, the distance and the pain.
Whether you’ve been in your relationship for 2 months, 2 years or 20 years, we don’t have to tell you that making the decision to stay in or leave a relationship is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. We’ve both also made this decision ourselves in our ...
Are you in a love relationship or marriage with your soulmate? Have you found “the one” for you? Maybe you haven't yet found “Mr. Right” or “Ms Right” and are trying to attract the relationship of your dreams. If you're in a relationship with someone you love and you want this relationship to stay close and you want it to last, you might be looking for ways that you can keep your connection healthy. If you're not in that perfect-for-you kind of relationship yet, you may still want to learn ways to keep that relationship strong when it does happen.
A breakup can be excruciating to go through. The end of your relationship can evoke feelings of loss, grief, sadness and anger. In these moments of pain, it might seem that you will never be as happy again. You may wonder if you'll ever have another love like this. Patti feels this way. Since her breakup with John, she's been unable to sleep well, she cries easily and often and she can't remember the last time that she laughed. She misses John even though she understands why they had to end their relationship.
Did you know that the beliefs you hold about marriage can significantly impact the relationship you have with your spouse? You may chock up your beliefs to merely 'thoughts,' but they actually can mean the difference between you having the relationship you want and feeling dissatisfied or ...
Julie cannot believe the audacity of her husband Andrew's ex-wife. Julie and Andrew have been married for almost 6 months now and his ex continues to call him asking for favors, e-mail him with news about her family and even drop by their house, usually when Julie is out. It sometimes seems as if Andrew's ex is watching their house to see when Julie leaves and then she conveniently drops by. Julie knows that Andrew has tried to set some boundaries with his ex. She has seen him delete his ex's text messages and e-mails without a reply.
Are there any "holes" in your relationship? nnIf you're like us--the answer is yes. nnIn fact, in many relationships there are usually quite a few "holes." nn"Holes" are those things in your relationships and life that you may know are there but it's always a surprise when you fall into one. nnThings can be going along just fine and before you know it, you've fallen into one of those darn holes again. nnThe house we live in is over 130 years old and just like a lot of relatio
Amanda feels unloved and under-appreciated in her love relationship. She's dated Jeff for 2 years now and she's starting to wonder what she's doing in this passion-less relationship. To Amanda, it seems that Jeff is more willing to spend a weekend fixing her broken toilet, than he is to take her out for a romantic dinner followed by sensual lovemaking. Would you like to feel more appreciation, love and passion in your love relationship or marriage?
Do you tend to see your partner as a “fixer-upper” kind of man or woman? Sure, you love him or her-- but there are certain aspects about your mate that, to you, need fixing or improving. Perhaps you spend your time either subtly (or more overtly) working to help your partner become more ...
So you've met a special someone and have started spending a lot of time together. You're realizing that this attraction and connection is turning into a love relationship. This is exciting news but perhaps a little scary as well. Past relationships may have left you feeling hurt and wary of ...
When it seems that your relationship or marriage is headed for a breakup, is there anything you can do to prevent it? Yes, there are certainly steps you can take to turn your relationship around, rebuild trust, improve communication and create agreements that will help bring you and your partner closer together again. However, when your partner says that he or she is ready to end your marriage or love relationship, it can be more difficult to head off a breakup. After all, you simply cannot force another person to be in a relationship with you if he or she is ready to move on!
Rebound relationships: We've all seen them and many of us have had them. These are relationships that are entered into a short period of time after one (or both) person has been through a breakup, separation or divorce. A rebound relationship can look like any other love relationship. The big difference is that the person who is on the “rebound” may still be in a raw emotional place from the relationship experience he or she just got out of. For the most part, rebound relationships have been painted in a negative light.
Habits. We've all got them. Some of our habitual ways are beneficial and others can limit or even harm us. Couples can also fall into habits or tendencies in their relationship. It might be the assumptions you each tend to make about one another. It could be the habitual ways you two usually ...
Kim vacillates between raging anger and tears. She has lived with the suspicion that her husband was having an affair for almost a year and now she is sure. She has her proof and she wishes it was different. Confronting her husband about his affair-- that's still going on-- is not something that Kim wants to do. At the same time, she can't go on pretending that everything is okay in their marriage anymore. For months she has put on a smile and acted as if nothing has changed, mostly for the sake of their young children.
“I want to quit my job and go back to school.” “I would like us to work with a relationship coach.” “I think we need to make some decisions about our child.” “I want to spend more intimate time with just you.” It's not always easy to speak what you want or how you see a situation in your ...
Have you ever wondered how a casual conversation with your mate can somehow end up an argument? Maybe you two started out talking about something as mild as the weather and in some way one or both of you were triggered and ended up shutting down. If you’re tuned in to yourself and your ...
Ellen feels sick to her stomach. She and her husband, Jim, had a really difficult weekend. Out of town guests were staying with them and, on top of this, it came to light that Ellen has been lying to Jim about how precarious her job.
If your heart has been broken by infidelity or another kind of betrayal, you might be trying to cope with the double whammy of grief and shattered trust. These two often go hand in hand. It may even be that, since the breakup of your relationship or marriage, everywhere you look people seem to ...
The cover story on the men's magazine read, “Make Your Woman Deliriously Happy.” This article title immediately caught Jeff's attention. He was, however, disappointed to see that most of the suggestions involved bouquets of flowers, expensive romantic get-aways or extravagant jewelry. A big portion of the article seemed like an advertisement for florists and cruise lines!
“There's nothing better than make-up sex,” Joe's friends tell him. Joe and his wife, Elizabeth, had a huge argument a couple of days ago. He wasn't completely honest about where he'd been and she found out. She became jealous after discovering Joe's lie and accused him of cheating. Joe pointed out that this is exactly why he lied about meeting a female business associate for lunch-- because Elizabeth gets jealous so easily. He defended that he was just trying to avoid causing Elizabeth worry and was also trying to prevent a big blow up like this one.
Breaking up just about always creates big changes in the lives of people and moving on can be fairly hard. A person might be stalled for a long time and it may be very difficult to handle common activities. whether or not your relationship break up has happened it has been years or yesterday, ...
We read about it all of the time. Wealthy men in positions of power who cheat on their wives. Some of them have multiple affairs. Even if you aren't married to a man who is rich and powerful, you might be conce ed that someday the corrupting influence of power-- or an aspiration for power-- will lead your man astray. When you hear about a man like Tiger Woods, who is married to a gorgeous model, reportedly cheating with 9 or more women, you can't help but ask yourself, “Why?” Why would a man who seems to have it all, break his relationship agreements?
In a love relationship or marriage there are always commitments. You might make a commitment to be monogamous with your partner. Or you might make a commitment to love him or her “through sickness and in health.” Even if you’ve not sworn in front of a religious leader or ...
When you find out your partner had an affair, it can seem as if the world stopped and you are frozen in the feelings of pain and hurt in the aftermath of betrayal. As the reality settles in, you might be confused and conflicted about whether or not to take back your mate. You might be ...
If trust in your love relationship feels weakened, broken or completely lacking, perhaps you have made an intention to rebuild it. This can be especially so if there has been infidelity. You may not know exactly how to go about healing your relationship and moving closer to your partner, but ...
Have you ever been so angry that everywhere you look you see what’s made you so upset? You can just about feel that steam rushing from your ears as cartoon images depict. It doesn’t matter what’s going on around you or what another person is trying to tell you, once you get ...