Browse Grief and Loss

Have you been on a plane and heard the flight attendant tell you to put on your oxygen mask first? The immediate response is, "No way, I need to take care of my kids (husband, mother, best friend, stranger in the seat next to me...). The idea clashes with our instinct. What does it really mean? Simply put: If you don't put your mask on first, you won't be there for all those other people when they need you. You will be unconscious. The same applies to caregivers.

What do you say to someone whose life comes crashing down around them; whose life, as they knew it, is forever and profoundly changed? The first thing to really recognize is that when someone experiences the death of a loved one, the loss is so pervasive, the pain so excruciating, that there are no words that will be particularly helpful or meaningful to hear. You see, grieving is a wholly feeling experience. The intellectual recognition that someone has died is present insid

There is a powerful vital life force energy that resides within each of us. Like a raging river, this vital energy needs a channel to flow and be fully expressed. When we allow it to move through us for example with our writing, artwork, or music…by expressing our passions, we allow the river of the divine to flow through us. When in the flow, we are in the present moment. Our spirits come alive; we feel at peace and can experience great joy and bliss.

It's August, let's talk about your child leaving for college. Yes, I know it brings up many feelings. One minute you're laughing with them at a Blue Light Special, the next minute you're dissolving into tears. The thing about being a parent is that when we finally master one stage of development with our kids, they catapult into the next. Leaving for college is a big transition for a family. For many parents it feels like a little death. In a way it is - death to the original family construct.

“It's the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary.” – Paulo Coelho Camping this summer, my husband, John, and I were reminded how freeing it is to live simply. We had only the bare necessities with us…food, water, our camping gear and clothes. Living in a simple environment, we were able to appreciate the small things and be more fully present in the moment. Consequently, we felt more joyful and at peace. For example, here is a brief journal entry I wrote after waking up to a gorgeous day in Ouray, Colorado:

No one can know the depth of despair to which a person may sink upon contemplation of suicide. Possibly, the black hole in which one finds him/herself gets deeper and darker as the days go by. Soon, even the smallest sliver of light is blocked from view. And then -- instead of being frightening -- the darkness becomes comforting and safe. It cradles and protects the person from all outside forces – from life and all the decisions to be made, both large and small. Ete al sleep and “supposed” freedom from worry beckon the suicide until he can no longer resist, and life is snuffed out.

Many are mou ing the death of Elizabeth Edwards. I would like to share some thoughts of my own about why we are gripped by her life's story. I believe Elizabeth Edwards embodies two archetypes: the mother and the hero. I will focus on the hero archetype believing it is the more prominent. Just as Odysseus was asked to leave his routine life because something serious occurred, we also may be called to do something heroic.

I have worked on my grief for 10 years, 10 whole years. That loop of grief would get occasional relief, relief that would sometimes last a few weeks. Some of the edges were smoothed. There was hope that I would be whole again for a bit. I would fall back into that pit of grief every, single time for 10 years. I can’t even imagine the frustration my friends went through, trying to help me help myself with every, single modality that was available. I failed every time. I f

Spring is wonderful season for planting the seeds of abundance. Flowers bloom in abundant colors, gardens yield fresh yummy vegetables and the sun shines for outdoor adventures with family and friends. Abundance truly is many things to many people. Have you ever seen someone do the money dance? You know, where they take their arms and swing them in circular motions, all while singing, “I am in the money, I am in the money.” The money dance makes you smile and resonates happy energy. Everything in life has the possibility of becoming a dance. The dance you choose is up to you.

At one point or another, tragedy will affect our lives. At the time that it happens, you will think that the bad feeling will never go away, but there are certain things that can be done to help you move forward and resume your life. You need to acknowledge and accept that the unfortunate event has happened so you can move forward, otherwise you may hold on to that grief forever. Grief Comes In Stages There are certain stages of grief that come in a predictable sequence no ma

Have you ever felt confused when speaking with someone? He or she might be smiling but you were uncomfortable by how they were acting? Well, it might be a passive-aggressive behavior you are experiencing. Passive-aggressive behavior is a manner of interacting with others in passive ways as, ...

Let's talk about the four seasons of marriage: Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Usually we think of marriage as a relationship with our partner but it can also be the state of marriage solely within us called "the inner marriage." The inner marriage is an intimate relationship with ourself. ...

I f you are going through a divorce or a romantic break-up you may be experiencing many emotions....from anger, fear, disappointment, hopelessness toward the future, sadness, to grief (this emotion sometimes is not recognized, but it can be real). In many cases divorce is not a devastating loss, on the contrary you may feel happy or relieved, but in most cases, all of a sudden finding oneself not being part of a couple hits us hard and sometimes we ask, • How was I wrong?r • What mistake did I make?r • Could I have done something different?r

Living from the heart, throwing logic and practicality to the wind, and following the voice of love and inspiration takes strength and courage. But, as we break free from the chains of reason to follow our soul’s callings, a universe of possibilities opens up to us. Unforeseen assistance guides us and supports us on our journey. As a result, our hearts open and expand in love and trust. Strength and courage build and soon we find ourselves living the life of our dreams!

Many who grieve find comfort and healing through the jou aling process. Writing truly does cause thinking. And thinking is the beginning of new awareness. And awareness is the beginning of transformation. When the love of your life is no longer physically present in your everyday like, there is definitely a huge empty space in your life. Often there is a great need to express yourself. Jou aling can really fill that need in a safe and secure way. Your journal can become your closest confidant. You may ask if jou aling is an isolating process.

In my younger days I was naive enough to think I could control change. I've learned, but not quickly enough, that no one can control or stop change. And, here is an interesting little fact: Charles Darwin believed that those who survive are the people who can adapt to ongoing change. They are not necessarily the most intelligent or even the strongest people, but they are the survivors. That thought of survival brings me to today's topic of change and how to understand it a little better.

For many people, family gatherings during the Happy Holidays aren't so happy. While most of us enjoy getting together at holidays, mixed feelings of love, anxiety and confusion often collide. But why in the world would family holidays cause conste ation or anxious feelings? Why would family be other than a supreme source of joy? Are not our families the portals in the storm and our safe refuge? Sadly, not always, and the reason is that some families just aren't safe and their communication style is often a big part of the problem.

If you are dating or planning to marry a widow or widower, here are some suggestions and thoughts to consider. LEARN ALL ABOUT GRIEF Do some research about grief, read books and talk to others in similar situations. Know what to expect on anniversaries, birthdays and other days that were special to your new partner and his/her late spouse. Being aware and understanding about another person's feelings allows you to be gracious and sensitive to your new partner. TALKING ABOUT A LATE SPOUSE: SHOULD YOU ASK QUESTIONS?r

For many of us, Mother's Day stirs something deeply loving. For others, ambivalent feelings abide. You see, after thirty-three years in the counseling field and drying the tears off many faces, I can accurately say that not every woman feels she had, was or is the "good-enough mother."

While grief is a universal experience, the mou ing process varies from family to family and from culture to culture. What I am referring to as the mou ing process are the rituals that most of us grow up with about how to behave and how to speak when confronted with a loss. In essence, mou ing rituals can be referred to as habits or paradigms. These habits or rituals are usually not questioned.

Millions of people have lost their jobs in this economy so let's talk about managing the stress of a job search. Anyone who is in this situation, or loves someone who is, might consider these six suggestions…. Step One - Do not internalize a job loss or job search into your personal identity. Whether you are a new graduate or a semi-retired person whose 401K was cut in half this year, you are not in this situation because of your personal failure. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported in May, 2009 that 7.0 million people have been out of work since December 2007 in the US alone.

Loss of those we love is our most painful reality. In Christopher Buckley's newest book, Losing Mum and Pup, we come to journey with him in the aftermath of both his parents dying within less than 11 months of one another. We come to understand, more deeply, the forever ache of that loss. The ...

We simply cannot get enough love, especially summer love. Maybe it's because summer love feels friendlier when we are walking to the beach carrying a chair, a favorite book and an iPod to keep our own delicious thoughts company. Seriously, don't your olfactory sensibilities become completely engaged with fresh suntan lotion? The smell of Coppertone and I'm 13 all over again.

A woman was shopping when an adorable little statue caught her eye. It was fun, and she had to have it! Once at home, she examined the purchase more closely and realized it was a metaphor for her life. She had bought a “Woo” doll, and the attached tag read: “The Woo is a benevolent force reappearing to remind us that a POSITIVE attitude is essential and that anything IS possible. Make it happen!” In the game of life, this woman had been dealt cards from both sides of the deck. Today, she leads a fulfilling life overflowing with friends and family.

Loyalty is essential for genuine family solidarity. But blind loyalty leads to family dysfunction. A loyal family member is faithful to the family's traditions and honors its obligations. A loyal family member is emotionally present with support and encouragement during success or duress. These unwavering devotions are admirable and observable: just look at how a loyal family member helps another member during an illness, a financial crisis, the breakup of a marriage, death. I admire family loyalty; I believe in it. However, I do not believe in blind family loyalty. Here's why.

Peer pressure is not isolated to one age group, everyone needs to belong or feel connected to his or her own age group. Kids and adults are partnered to peer pressure. Teens like adults are influenced by their peer group. This is normal behavior and is modeled for teenagers by the adults around ...

Three months after my brother died, I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen in about six weeks. When she asked how I was doing, I naturally assumed she was conce ed about how I was handling the grief. (This particular friend sent me a lovely condolence letter a few days after my brother’s death.) When I told her that I was “doing as well as could be expected, considering the circumstances” she looked confused. “What ‘circumstances’?” she asked. Feeling somewhat confused myself,

Is it a bit unusual to have a conversation with a deceased loved one? Do many people do this? And are there any benefits to such action? What will my friends think if they find out? These questions are not uncommon in the thoughts of those mou ing the death of a loved one. These questions are the result of a scientifically oriented culture.

“Christ died for our sins in accordance with the scriptures, and that he was buried, nand that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the scriptures.” Corinthians 15: 3-4 Human ...

You can reduce unnecessary suffering when grieving by limiting the time you either knowingly or unknowingly isolate yourself. Self-imposed isolation is a common response to the death of a loved one. Although some alone time is necessary during all grief work, the bereaved all too often withdraw ...

Caregivers and family members often ask whether they should tell a loved one with Alzheimer's Disease or other dementia about a death in the family, and how they can help them grieve. Although much has been written about the profound grief of caregivers and other family members throughout the course of the successive losses associated with dementia, surprisingly little has been written about bereavement in the dementia patient.r

The business world does not recognize mourning in the workplace very well. Once we bury our loved one, we are expected to go back to our jobs to continue, as if we were unchanged by their death. nnWe do not see widows wearing black clothing in the business world, and men certainly do not mourn in public. A universally accepted time allotment for mourning is not recognized. When is it enough? When is it too soon to stop? nnYet, there are some job cultures that do recognize a p

Have you ever had an experience where you said, "Wow, what a coincidence." Maybe it was more. Maybe it was a synchronicity. Let me explain through a Jungian perspective. Carl Jung, the prominent Swiss psychiatrist, believed synchronicity meant 'more than a coincidence.' Jung, the thinker and founder of analytical psychology, connected synchronicities to the bigger world: the collective unconscious.

Has Your Pain Turned into Anguish and Despair? Today, I want to talk about something that is very painful and deep inside some of us. Something that eats at you and gnaws away at your very being. It seems like it never gets better, but only worse. What I am talking about is our pain, but not just any pain. I am talking about that pain that is so intense that it has turned into anguish. Anguish of the soul, mind, and even your body. All you can do is cry out to God amongst you

The intense and painful experiences of grief are generally considered "normal." However, when those experiences are extremely distressing, unduly interfere with day-to-day functioning or do not subside to a manageable level over time, the bereaved may be experiencing complicated or traumatic grief.

Soon after my husband’s death, I felt myself descending deeper and deeper into a dark, lethargic place. My body felt sluggish. My mind felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls. I ate little, but seemed to be gaining weight.nnI decided to visit my naturopathic doctor. She reminded me that I was beginning my transition through menopause. Somehow I had forgotten that my body was moving into this new phase of life.nnThe doctor’s conclusion was that the menopausal symptoms w

Pain, whether emotional or physical, is a condition of existence. No matter what your station in life, you are bound to confront relationship separations, work conflicts, medical difficulties, or the death of a loved one. No one escapes these circumstances of life and the pain they ...

Meaning affects everything we do; and equally important it affects the body and its physiology as attested to by the many examples of body-mind relationships, such as the placebo effect. Finding meaning in death is not always easy, and sometimes it is hard to find. However, the search for ...

Grieving is a process that starts at different points for different people after encountering a tragedy. Some start straight away while others lay dormant in shock until the reality of the situation hits home. Either way there is a large part of grieving that is unexpected and unexplained. It’s the bits that you have to deal with long after the tragedy has taken place. The mental and emotional damage, the suppressed fears, distortions of the mind, all of these things are th

Holidays can be difficult for widows. Whether it is a birthday, anniversary, Thanksgiving or New Years, the memories of past holidays can keep widows stuck in the past and unable to move forward in their life. It can feel impossible to even consider participating in a holiday without one's spouse. Those shared traditions and memories from past years probably do not feel appropriate now. Sometimes widows feel guilty when they think about participating in special days without their spouse.

Do you feel stuck in your grief? Has it been months since your loved one died and you feel you should be feeling better? Do others close to the deceased seem to be adapting more quickly than you? Has the pain gotten worse? These are questions with very individual answers. They may or may not indicate outside assistance is necessary.

Every year over one million children in the United States under the age of seventeen are involved in their parents’ divorce. Separation and divorce can be emotionally overwhelming, painfully challenging, and distressfully traumatic. How parents, extended family members, helpful family ...

When you lose someone you love and are grieving, Thanksgiving Day feels burdensome and painful. When a brain tumor took away our precious Katie’s life I dreaded that holiday. For seven years we served no rutabagas because they were Katie’s favorite vegetable. The thought of their seasonal aroma wafting through our home without her in it was too much to bear.

Having worked with many mediums over a 15 year career within the metaphysical readings industry. I have collected together many pieces of information which explain the science behind what happens to us when we die. Before we die our spirit guides prepare for our deaths months or weeks in advance. They know ahead of time when a spirit is about to pass over. When we are on the path to death our vibration becomes much lower, if you can think of our energy centres and chakras as

Surrounded by royal blue water extending beyond the horizon in all directions, no land in sight, I gaze at the path of diamonds dancing on the ocean’s surface. The sun radiating on my skin feels like a warm cashmere sweater. It is August 19, 1998, and I am on my first ocean passage of a ...Surrounded by royal blue water extending beyond the horizon in all directions, no land in sight, I gaze at the path of diamonds dancing on the ocean’s surface. The sun radiating on my skin feels like a warm cashmere sweater.

As stated in my book Letters To My Son, my son was diagnosed with an incurable malignant brain tumor in February of 1986 and although receiving a miracle healing in Mexico he ultimately died of related cancers on December 1st 1987. When we were in Mexico, I had with me a very special rosary ...

Loss causes us to ask the tough questions, “Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? It sends us on a journey of self exploration and discovery. It causes us to question the nature of reality. Who we thought we were is no longer. All that we knew to be true, all of our assumptions about life, are tossed into the air where they float in the void of the unknown, then re-organize and create a new picture…a picture of beauty, richness, color and texture.

Balance is a state of equilibrium for which we each strive, not just in relationships but in all aspects of our life. Envision yourself with your feet planted on a narrow plank atop an oversized ball. With your arms spread out and your legs flexed to spring into action, you attempt to keep your balance. Perhaps, for a few moments at a time, you actually are perfectly still and in balance. The rest of the time, however, you expend a lot of energy wavering back and forth trying to rebalance.

Assisting those grieving a loved one's death