Codependency Articles

Here is a collection of resources for the Season! Enjoy!! Newsletters: Peacefulness, Abundance and Givingr Don’t Just Survive the Holiday Season Books: On Personal Success, Motivation and Goal Achieving Happy Holidays!! ~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment Have a discussion with your partner about how to make the Holidays meaningful for you as a couple. Create a couple ritual that captures the essence of your partnership. Have fun! ~ Share Your Thoughts & Successes in the comment box at the end!

rnYou should follow these simple steps to keep your tile and grout clean at all times. Keeping things clean is not rocket science, if you didn't clean up for a week you'd be dirty too. You may also need an additional scrub to clean yourself, as dirt builds up in dirt and makes things harder to clean. Weekly cleaning Cleaning the tile and grout weekly will prevent it from getting so dirty. It will help you break the habit of getting on your hands and knees every two months to

It’s amazing how often I hear that people don’t have the time to do self-care… When their lives literally depend on it… I’m not sure if they look at self-care as a luxury – like having a spa day or laying on a chaise eating bonbons – that they shouldn’t have? But really, in this day and age to not prioritize self-care when it at the very least increases resilience? I look at self-care as a duty and a responsibility to ensure our wellbeing, and our ability to show up with our Best Self and create the relationship and life we desire… It is our duty to Embrace the Art of Self-Care…

Last month of 2020! Let’s make it a good one! In this context, making it a good one means making the rest of the Holiday Season as magical as they can be, properly wrapping up this year, and setting up the new one for more success… Today’s topic is the first step in putting a bow on it and launching into the New Year with pizzaz. It includes how to properly do end-of-year, decluttering and minimalism to lay the groundwork for setting up the new year right…r

How do you like to spend your snow days? Indoor or outdoor? Do you have any fun rituals or traditions? How can you make the time more special? Actually, how can you make your weekends more special regardless of snow?

With the hustle and bustle of the year end activities and holiday preparations and festivities, it is no wonder that we might feel a little over extended and perhaps have been neglecting our selves and loved ones. With the New Year just around the corner, it is time to shift gears and change our focus. It is time for fresh starts and new beginnings.

Boy, oh boy! Are people struggling right about now. If this is you, please know you are not alone and do not worry we’ll get you out of the funk soon enough! There are plenty of reasons for potentially not feeling well: Crunch time at work or business, spotlight on life success, overwhelm with the holidays, financial concerns, family-of-origin stressful dynamics and painful memories, relationship dissatisfaction or spotlight on relationship status, over commitment in all areas of life, poor health, fatigue or burn out, and so many others. Unfortunately, this is pretty universal.

I’m familiar with relationship struggles. I’ve had my share, obviously I’m not exempt, and this is what I work with day-in and day-out. I’m pretty intimate with the nuances of what troubles partners and what gets them stuck. For reasons that are beyond the scope of this article, I love working with couples. Couples are my passion. I’m intrigued by them and care about their wellbeing.

As with busyness comes neglect of things we care about, our partner is usually one of the first to go. This is very unfortunate as most would say that the relationship with their partner is one of the things they care about most in life. But, still they usually come in last on the priority list.

I say we focus on really enjoying the next two months and getting ourselves ready for weather what’s coming in the fall. Are you with me? What does this type of getting ready mean for you? For me it means:rn- Maintaining and upleveling my Self-Care Practice for great health, wellness, fitness, and vitalityrn- Clearing the decks of minutiae and distracting miscellaneous noise rn- Wrapping up any unfinished lingering tasks and current projectsrn- Putting in place and/or upleveling whatever support I need…r

A common complaint in relationships is partners feeling disconnected from each other. I hear this as one of the primary concerns couples present with in my practice, aside from fighting a lot and not communicating. As a couple is composed of two different individuals who have different histories, upbringings, personalities, ways of looking at things and processing information, styles of communication and many other individual characteristics, it is easy to get disconnected. This gets even further compounded with current dynamics and contexts if an effort to stay connected is not made.

I love this time of year! I love the coziness of the season, palette, and activities. I love making the holidays, from decorating to hosting to gifting. I love the urgency of getting projects done to wrap up the year with a bow.

How we do our days is how we ultimately do our life… Our life is but a collection of days… We can decide now what kind of life we want to have lived at the end of the day… When on our deathbed, what kind of highlight reel would we have to showcase? What kind of life do we want to have to show for our time on earth? What regrets do we want to make sure we don’t have? How will we have immortalized ourselves, how would we live-on in the hearts and minds of others? What would our footprint have been, what kind of impact did we make?

There is a multitude of ways in which we don’t embrace our Freedom… We can certainly imprison, subjugate and de-self ourselves with how we choose to live our lives. We pigeonhole ourselves through our mindset, perspectives, habits, lifestyle, job, career, marriage, home, community, religion, appearance, everything… We don’t realize that everything about us is a choice… Everything about us is a decision we made, or didn’t make, along the way…

Romance is not just for Valentine’s Day! Romance adds spice, texture and color to life. Unfortunately, most of us don’t utilize this much in our life and relationship. We get too comfortable and busy… This is probably one of the hardest muscle to exercise unless you are in the dating world, and even then you might feel challenged. I hear all the time from my single clients (yes, I do also work with single persons and individuals on attracting love and having an awesome relationship) how difficult it is to figure out what would tickle another person.

What makes us Us? What is the essence of our relationship? Is it the sum of You and Me? Of two separate entities committed to each other, hopefully, that positively, or indifferently, relate to each other? The essence of our relationship is made up of the connection between ourselves and our partner. The energy in the space between us.

Trust is very delicate and fragile and needs to be earned and developed, it is not a given. And, once it is achieved it is only transient. For it to survive it needs to be safeguarded and nurtured. It is like achieving our ideal weight and level of fitness. To maintain them we need to continue to eat healthy and nutritious foods and keep up with out fitness program.

Have you ever wondered how some people create successful lives and others settle for mediocre ones? Have you taken this a step further and wondered how some people create successful relationships and others settle for mediocre ones? I have. This is my life’s purpose… It’s a constant wonder and question for me. My every breath, thought, and action revolve around this. I’m obsessed with this. There is a common theme to my musings, research, and work driven by the question of how we can Be our Best Self… Reach our Highest Potential…

The only Time that exists is Now which encompasses our past and future as we understand them. I’ll spare you the physics lesson, but suffice it to say that at any moment in time we create our own reality and have access to all the information we need… I’ve created a powerful tool, Imagine Visiting with our Future Super Successful (FSS) Self who shows us the ropes to create what we desire in all areas of our life. Mine is my cheerleader, counsel, guide, and coach.

Some couples experience a lot of discomfort, dissatisfaction and unhappiness in their relationship as the partners have a hard time syncing, seeing eye-to-eye, understanding each other and connecting. This is not just about hectic schedules or intense life styles, different communication styles, gender or other differences for as these are addressed the dejection remains… There is a human fundamental need that is not met for the partners in these couples. The need of being Accepted – to know that they are OK, that they exist, that they matter.

What are you striving for when you are in the pursuit of Balance in your life? Do you have a visual of a scale perfectly balanced in the middle? Are you looking to work 9-5 and then you are OFF? Are you looking to break down your day into thirds: sleep, work, live? What is balance? I believe striving for balance means finding an equilibrium in our life that is satisfying to us… That honors who we are and what we are about… This is what I call Work-Life Integration…

Whoever said that Halloween is just for kids and trick-or-treating? Yes, adults have fun too with the decorating, costumes, and parties. But I’d like to also suggest taking this a step further by using Halloween as a relationship-building tool. Why not? Why waste a perfectly set up situation with built in opportunities for awesomeness?

I wrote in the last issue about feeling like we are embarking in a New Era. Feels more and more like that every day. I’m so excited thinking on the fact that we are starting a whole new decade. We are at the beginning of a new huge chunk of time. It makes me dizzy to think about what this means. To step back and think of what I’d like to create in the next 10 years of my Human Experience… Looking at this New Beginning this way is humbling, and so super Inspiring. Have you pondered similarly?

How are you doing with your New Year Relationship Resolutions or Intentions? How are you doing with staying loving and nurturing post VDAY? Are you keeping up with your Connection Habits™? Remember that to create change we have to keep a focus on what we want to achieve, focus on the progress and the result (not the lack of!), and how to continue to invest, tweak, and course correct to make it happen.

As we already started diving into in last week’s issue, Fathering is a very important concept in our life. From “fathering” comes discipline, the self-discipline we need to really succeed at our life. How disciplined are you? Do you have systems or a mechanism in place to achieve your goals? Do you have goals? Do you have a strategy, a plan? We tackled this thoroughly for the New Year… If we don’t know what we want and where we are going, how are we supposed to get it and get there?!

Does your partner support you, romance you, engage you, enliven you, energize you, seduce you? Is your partner there? When couples are not on the same page, they tend to drift apart. They fight a lot, don’t feel each other, and don’t get their needs met. Partners appear invisible or have a negative presence.

What is the key to an awesome day? Yes, we can say that all kinds of good things happening to us would make the day awesome. But I dare challenge that notion as we don’t want to be at the mercy of good things happening randomly to us for us to have an awesome day. When good things happen, let’s of course enjoy them and be grateful for them. But let’s not hang our hat on that. Let’s instead create our awesome day- become the of Master your day! As usual, the key is to own your day… I’ve covered this concept from the idea of Designing and Owning our day:

We are responsible for absolutely everything in our life… When people struggle, they are quick to find the reasons and explanations for why things are not going as they would like. They usually end up pointing the finger at some external factor for why things are as they are…

Couples usually have a challenging time coming up with fun things to do as a couple. They have difficulties having fun in their relationship. And, they might struggle having fun with each other. Do you know how to have fun together? This is not unusual as partners have a tendency to focus on what they don’t like, an unfortunate product of our brain’s built-in negativity bias. They worry about everything that is not to their liking, about what their partner is doing or not doing, and how they themselves might not be measuring up… These are the scripts running in their head…r

It’s been a wonderful Season so far of clearing, replenishing, and resetting ourselves. As we move into the lovely holiday weekend with Passover and Easter, if you observe, we can expand on the meaning of the holiday beyond the religious message. I love to experience this time as a time for new beginnings… A time for rebirth, for freely pursuing our heart and our dreams, for beginning anew, for blooming, for thriving…

Whether there is a lot of fighting and bickering or quiet discontent and separateness, most couples struggle in their relationship. You might feel dissatisfaction, loneliness, and hopelessness seep in and take an unrelenting hold of your relationship from which you can’t seem to figure out a way to feel okay in your relationship and with your partner.

So many of our “big projects” are coming to gorgeous fruition. Life indeed is Grand! How about you? What accomplishment or deliciousness are you celebrating from this year? Nothing is irrelevant, a given or expectation. Anything beautiful in your life you Allowed and coCreated. Acknowledge it, own it, celebrate it. We create the life we have, take credit and delight… We get what we put in… This brings me to today’s writing. We are on Element2 of the Successful Couple Strategy™: Element1 – Context & Mindset Element2 – Communication & Alignment Element3 – Clarity & Dynamicsrnr

I’m sure you’ve heard a version of the saying that if you can see it, you can create it. Yes? What does this mean for you? Does this mean that the Elon Musks of the world get to have huge dreams and then make them happen allowing us to space travel and such? I say we own our own power a bit more and embrace what we can see, we can create also… How about it? Let’s dream and inspire your alternate reality…

We’ve been making our way through the 5 Elements of our Successful Couple Strategy™ to launch us into the New Year ready to create the best version of our relationship yet. We are midway through, at Element3, of better implementing the Successful Couple Strategy™: Element1 – Context & Mindset Element2 – Communication & Alignment Element3 – Clarity & Dynamics Element4 – Connection & Intimacy Element5 – Collaboration & Partnershiprnr

I have noticed that we have a tendency to have difficulties Receiving. And, that this is especially true for people who appear entitled, arrogant, demanding, critical, picky, choosy and such for in that approach they are actually rejecting… They have an underlying unconscious operating program of undeservingness. They sabotage what is coming to them, reject the good, and are blind to the Gifts. They actually create a self-fulfilling prophecy where they don’t get, they get taken from, they are undermined, and even invisible as a possible viable recipient.

It helps to still yourself, your mind, and quite all the noise… When we still ourselves, we connect with our Essence… We connect with our Higher Self. We connect with who we really are. The more we do this, the more we integrate (Mindsight) and Become who we really are… Who you experience yourself to be day-in and day-out is a conglomerate of defense mechanisms, programming, and habits… We can have a very choppy experience of one-self and a messy and treacherous experience of life if these are not consciously and intentionally addressed…

Ok, so you’ve been together for a long time, or maybe not so long, and are feeling time just passing you by and your relationship not moving or progressing with it. You find that you still have a lot of the same issues, unresolved concerns, repeating arguments, don’t feel connected, are living parallel lives, can’t seem to have fun together or enjoy each other’s company, are bored, and feel empty. You are just going through the motions and question your commitment to your relationship and your partner.

The time has come to decide who you really are, who you are meant to become, what kind of relationship you want and what kind of life you want. This is it! Do you want an extraordinary life? Have you noticed that more and more systems are breaking down and revamping (deconstructing and reconstructing…)? We are at a moment of truth. This is our chance to barely hang in there by a thread or to take matters into our own hands, to take our existence to the next level. The choice is ours.

It makes sense that New Year’s Resolutions have such a bad rep. They don’t get to really take hold as they are initiated during this challenging time and not integrated as new habits in good routines. I’m sure that if you started the New Year with Intention and a plan for creating the new habits that you are faring much better than your counterparts!

Focusing on the things that are good for us, make us feel good, and create a stronger connection to our Self are massively important in our Journey. Not only do we feel good (haha, who doesn’t want that?), but this is imperative for creating our successful relationship, and meaningful life…

As we wrap up January, things start to perk up. We start getting more traction and picking up momentum for the year. If you have been cranking all along, the more power to you! You might want to moderate your pace, so your investment is sustainable. Regardless of what camp you are in, how are you doing with the new Habits you committed to implementing this year? I know the people most invested in having an amazing life, are invested in personal development as a means to higher levels of success, in all areas of their life. These are the people stretching themselves.

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Do you often feel you are alone and unsupported - that your partner is out to lunch, or they are prissy about getting their hands dirty…? Do you feel you have to take care of everything, or things don’t get done? Do you bicker over everything and the silliest things can spark a massive fight? Do you find that you don’t address frustrations and disappointments for fear of fighting? Does it seem like forever since you really liked each other and enjoyed each other’s company? Do you feel lonely, taken for granted, overwhelmed, and unappreciated?

Obviously, we keep an eye on our overall wellness and progress throughout the year. We make adjustments and course corrections along the way. We recommit to habits and goals as we go. Some might have been forgotten and need a little dusting-off. In all, we stay the course to the best of our ability and keep shooting for the stars. We keep shooting for the stars by continuing to Become our Best Self… We have covered upgrading our thinking and our mindset. We have covered addressing our feelings and our state. We have covered mastering our behaviors and our habits.

It is not uncommon for us to become so tunnel vision in our experience that we miss the forest for the tree. We focus on what’s not working, how we’ve been wronged, what we don’t like, how much we have to do, and all the miseries of life. We tend to overwork, neglect ourselves and our loved ones. We are far from living our Best Life and creating our Best Relationship… We can focus and work differently instead… And, we can implement pleasure and delight habits…r

Do you have what it takes to live your best life? As I embrace this concept more and more, for myself and to bring to you of course, I’m just in awe at the gorgeousness life has to offer if we actually tune ourselves to it and allow it… Things started turning around for me a while back when I learned to Let Go… Now, if you know me, you know I’m in no way a slacker, passive, or easy going… LOL I still love to lead, take charge, plan and orchestrate, make things happen, work hard, deconstruct obstacles, etc…

We are all super busy. We have hectic and full lives. As we very well know, it’s so easy to lose sight of our partner and for our relationship to be at the bottom of our priority list. This is a real sad situation as our partner is our Partner, our life partner- and, by definition, the most important person in our life. Then why do we not treat them as such? Why do we struggle investing in our relationship? There is no need to rack our brain about it. Let me just show you the easiest way to invest in your relationship…

I love new beginnings whether it’s a new year, a new season, a new chapter, or just a nice and simple refresh and reset… I believe these are amazing opportunities to take stock and plan anew to keep evolving and expanding ourselves and upleveling our life. This applies to all areas of our life, from personal to relationship to professional/business. A refresh and reset are great when feeling off and looking to increase connection in your relationship.r

You have a loooong to-do list. You have others to attend to. You have projects on the burners. You are busy, you juggle, you push to the limit to get to it all.You might be sleep deprived. Sometimes you might forget to eat, even though you generally go for nutritious and clean food. Heck, you might even try to stick to an exercise routine. At the end of the day everything else but you comes first… You are in the throes of demands and might feel like you are running out of steam, pulling your hair out, screaming at the top of your lungs, hiding under a rock, or all of the above.

Don’t you just love Love Month? This is it, one-week left to Valentine’s Day. Are you a VDay lover? You don’t have to be! I get how commercialized and gross the holiday gets. Non-the-less, I love the concept and prettiness of it, so I indulge and invite others to do so as well. What do we have to lose by being more Love Aware? In the spirit of Being Loving, here is a little love nugget for you, for experiencing more Self-Love...