Codependency Articles

Spring is almost here. Yay! Do you know what that means? It means it’s time to get ready for New Beginnings… As everything in nature will slowly be coming back to life and starting anew, so can we. We can take this opportunity to come Alive, to engage more with our life, to create new beginnings, to reset, to recharge… We can start anew in any area of our life we choose. The best way to start anew is with a good detox and spring clean!r

Having fun in our relationship is paramount to its survival. Relationships are challenging. We have to integrate two completely different lives, usually with different gender, brains and biology, upbringing, histories, ethnicity, religion, worldviews, expectations, and many others, to create a joint life. There is so much room for disagreements, confusion, and impasses contributing to the already stuck dynamics and power struggle created by unconscious mechanisms… Fun is an easy way to build in reserves necessary to persevere through the challenges.

… Newness generates inspiration, energy, motivation, momentum, new heights… How do you keep things Fresh in your life? How do you inspire and motivate yourself? How do you strive for new heights? Building on our current Spring Renewal Theme, when we declutter, detox, spring clean and reenergize the outcome is a phenomenal spaciousness, surge, and drive… This generates a new perspective from which anything is possible…There is so much opportunity and beauty in this…

You know, it’s not enough to desire to have an amazing relationship. For us to have an amazing relationship, we have to want it and create it… This is where partners go wrong. They might just expect it to happen on its own. They don’t necessarily know how to go about creating their extraordinary relationship. Or, they try but their attempts don’t pan out… Sometimes the relationship might feel like a dry sponge, it needs more than one drop of water for it to work well as a sponge… Embrace nurturing your relationship, use the 5 relationship boosting activities to get you going…

Happy Love Month! This is when things can begin to look up. It is up to us to grab the possible new vibe… It is up to us to create a new vibe… Will you continue to feel exhausted, burnt out, unmotivated and blah? Or will you replenish yourself with a rich Self-Love Practice and set the right tune for the year? Will you generate lovely notes to fill your heart and share it with others? Will you be open to giving and receiving more love in your relationship? Connection Habits help enhance or rekindle love…

Certain times of the year are great for letting go and clearing. Now is one of those times. We can declutter and detox and do other letting go practices and activities. The key is to surrender the old, the grip on our potential, and allow ourselves the opportunity to create something new. Better yet, with the spaciousness and restructuring we allow for newness to automatically emerge… Let’s deconstruct to allow for a new reality… We are focused this month on refreshing to allow for this newness, so far we covered: Decluttering and Detoxingrnr

Are you setting yourself up for your Best Year Yet? I want to help, this is what we’ll do…

How do we make sure this year our relationship is better than ever before? Speaking from personal experience, self-care is the key… And, as I’ve been writing, self-care comes in many forms – from having a luxurious pampering session at a spa to being gentle with yourself in your Self Talk to easing up on your overly ambitious agenda… There is being motivated, and there is driving yourself into the ground. What’s the point in that?

Have you decided how you want the rest of the year to go yet? Yes, this is a decision… Regardless of what the world is doing out there you still have control over your mind, your feelings, your actions, your home, your work and the rest of it… This is a hard concept for some to accept. Some might get hang up on how challenging things will be with back2school and back2hectiness regardless of what form that will take, what will happen with the election, what will happen with the economy, etc.

Do you love Valentine’s Day? Some obviously don’t. And, some would totally love to love it but because of their circumstances it is just a painful holiday for them. Which one are you? If you fall in the don’t love it (actually hate it) or in the painful category, I hope you can still find nuggets in here to apply to your life and relationship/s outside of Valentine’s Day… So, here is what to do with Valentine’s Day…

You know when you don’t feel so hot physically or emotionally, how you are more sensitive to most things? And, even more so with your partner and how they are being? The things that you would normally let go or that wouldn’t necessarily bother you, in this state they are actually experienced as micro aggressions. And, when this happens you are both thrown for a loop... You can prevent pain and drama with self-regulation and co-regulation.r

A lot of times when we are feeling stressed, bored, out-of-sync, reactive, and other such feelings, part of the reason is that we are operating from a less-than-resourceful state and are not tapping into our fullness, power and authenticity. When we operate from this place and do not bring our best self forward, we are robbing yourself of a richer experience and our partner of being in a genuine relationship with us. They are in relationship with the worst of us! And, then we wonder how come we get the worst of them!!

Brain science is a fabulous field – it provides answers to some of life mysteries! There are so many new advances and discoveries being made that we are beginning to get a better understanding of what we are capable and of our potential as cognizant beings. My readings and research consistently reinforce my belief that we are truly amazing creatures with tremendous power over our own lives and world. We actually have the ability to change our own brain and with it how we experience and create our world and relationships!! I find this to be extraordinary and miraculous.

How is the most romantic, loving, nurturing, pink/red week of the year going for you? Doesn’t it feel so lovely to step up the usual TLC and focus on treating your partner? What do you do when you want to step up showing your love? You don’t have to go the whole pink/red flavor, but do put on a more Loving lens… Let’s commit to stepping up our Loving game every day! [To this end there is a sneak peek announcement at the end of the post!]rnr

As the Love Month is coming to an end, our attention is now to focus on carrying on with the love theme… As being kind, loving and romantical for one month out of the year just won’t cut it... To create an amazing relationship, we must be amazing partners… It is common to get sidetracked with the business of life and to neglect, or lose focus on, our partner and our relationship. Let’s set ourselves up to change this as our relationship is the cornerstone of our life! Follow these 3 powerful steps to take your relationship to the next level.

Being a Mom has been the greatest gift and blessing in my life. This role is at the core of who I am and part of my purpose at the end of the day… I am so proud of the Journey I have walked with our daughter since the moment she was a desire in our minds until this very moment. The pride and love I have for her is immeasurable. But even though this is my greatest pride and joy, it hasn’t come without its challenges. How being a Mom impacts you…

Life can be as hectic as can be this time of year with End-of-School and Summer Planning. These stressors create great strain for couples as they juggle the multitude of demands and additional expenses in their homes. There are a few times of year when things get really hairy, and this is one of them (the other main ones are Back-to-School and the Holidays, right?).

First, if you are a Mom, sending you lots of love and appreciation for all you do and endure as a Mom… Second, if you are not a Mom, I’m sure there is a Mom in your life that you can Celebrate… And, third, we all have a Mother inside us to whatever extent. It’s part of the human condition to Care… This is a perfect time to review how we are doing in the Caring department. How are we being amazing (not perfect) Moms to our children? How are we being amazing Caring individuals to the ones we love? How do we show care, tenderness, nurturing? How do we show up so that others know we Care?

We’ve been on a little Journey together these past few issues. We’ve been diving into aspects of the 5 Elements in our Successful Couple Strategy™: Boundaries (Element1: Context & Mindset – Empower Yourself) Communication (Element2: Communication & Alignment – Improve Understanding) Repeating Patterns (Element3: Clarity & Dynamics – Change Patterns) Connection (Element4: Connection & Intimacy – Feel Connected)

I think romance is underrated… I hear couples express they want romance and to be romanced, but they state it with a sense of shame, wishful thinking and as an unattainable outcome. They off-handedly claim their wish in the same sentence that dismisses it with the practicality of everyday life. Yuck!

Last issue covered Boundaries… A hugely important concept that we address in Element1-Context & Mindset, in our Successful Couple Strategy™… Boundary bridges show up everywhere in our life if we are attentive in making sure we lovingly hold our ground and take care of ourselves…

Do you think that you love your partner more than they love you? That you care more? That you do more for the home, the family, and the relationship? That if it weren’t for you, things would fall apart? You are not alone in this. It is very common for one partner to do more nurturing, caring, and making sure everything is ok. Does this sound like you? Do you do the caretaking for the family and the relationship? Does it feel like you Love TOO Much? https://metrorelationship.com/signs-that-you-love-too-much/rnr

One of the main roadblocks to creating a radiant and successful relationship is having poor communication skills and tools. Even if you believe you are a great communicator, you might not necessarily have the skills and tools needed to get on the same page with your partner… Great communication skills and tools are a must for succeeding at your relationship.r

With the 4th of July just around the corner, I usually like to write about Freedom around this time. I was inspired to write more about feelings, emotions and their relationship to Freedom… It is an obvious fact that some people are very emotional and others barely even notice how they feel… Emotions have to do with feeling in the body, and feelings have to do with naming the emotions and owning them with awareness.

Great communication has to do with smoothing things out and feeling Aligned. It has to do with getting on the same page, feeling understood and accepted, and getting traction towards a vision in common. Unfortunately, partners get in their own way when interacting with each other which prevents the flow of joy, harmony and love that is possible when doing this well. Let’s remove the roadblocks to great communication. Shall we?r

It is uncommon to speak in terms of Mothering and Fathering in the context of our relationship… Unless of course we are talking about raising our children. But I’ve been presenting this concept as a way to continue to heal and grow ourselves. As a personal development tool, and more recently as a relationship enrichment tool… Today I’m expanding the Fathering repertoire by sharing the importance of personal and partner’s character strengths.r

What we Focus on is what we Create… Something happens or Isr We observe that, we assign it meaning and have thoughts and opinions about itr Which create how we feel, our mood, our energy…r Which in turn inform how we react, operate, and behaver And, what we do and how we show up creates our results, our life and everything in it…r

With only two months left to 2020, still pending election results, a ranging pandemic and looming holidays, life can feel pretty stressful right about now. Our plates are full as usual and then some. We are still trying to recoup the year, weather this pandemic, and get stronger footing in our life. The positive coping necessary to actually thrive during this time becomes elusive under these uncertain times and sustained stress. The drama and pain in uncertainty can be pretty debilitating.r

We are asked and begged to be Mindful by our partner. More often than not we hear their plea as a complaint or criticism. We do not recognize their cry for connection and love. This is because they might not have the language or know how to ask us to be in connection with them. They might instead indeed complain that we are not around, too busy, distracted, controlling, demanding, etc. But all they are saying is, “I can’t feel you. Please show the real you to me.”

Valentines’ Day is just around the corner. Whether you are into Valentine’s Day or not is irrelevant. The point of this and the upcoming issues is to focus on: How you do Love… For remember, that where we focus our attention our energy goes, and what we focus on grows… So, let’s make sure we Focus on Love and Relationship Enrichment, shall we? This is the first issue of a 3-Part Series on Enhancing Love in Your Relationship: Part1: If you can dream it, you can create it…

As the saga of Covid-19 continues and the outbreak is expected to peak in our area this coming week, now is the time to generate as much mental strength and fortitude as we can muster. It is not easy witnessing so much illness and death. Other parts of the country are trailing behind us, so these are going to be a couple of tough weeks. Turmoil and loss are not easy.

A lot of times we experience our partner as selfish. They might seem self-indulgent, inconsiderate, self-absorbed, thoughtless, demanding, and unsupportive. They might be passive-aggressive and underminding. It appears that everything is about them and for them.

Are you enjoying more freedom and peace of mind this Summer? That is what Summer is all about… Freedom from the usual and the opportunity to Be… When was the last time you had a large chunk of time to do nothing? To just chill? To get in touch with your lightheartedness and ease? To play and frolic… I’m afraid I usually hear from people how packed their summers end up being with all the extra programs, traveling and projects… Please do remember to build in down time for its own sake… In Spaciousness we Are… In Spaciousness we get energized, inspired, and enlightened…

I know there are ebbs and flows to how we feel, as there are seasons in our lives (not just weather wise!). The trick is to hang in there during the lows and focus on snapping ourselves out of it, and to enjoy the highs while they last and focus on sustaining them the best we can.

I say stay openminded to the beauty of this month. I know most people don’t appreciate March for its length, lack of holidays, and as it makes winter linger around these parts. But what if we were to take full advantage of everything this month has to offer? For starters, for me it feels like I have more time! I just feel more abundance- warmer weather, more sunlight, more sunshine, more weeks, more weekends, more newness... To experience the newness, we also have to let go of the old… Detox to surrender the old and allow the new…

A lot of people have difficulties having trust in their relationship, and in general… Mistrust in our relationship is not just about wondering, or obsessing about, if our partner is cheating. But not trusting our partner usually has the flavor of not trusting we can count on them. That they have our back. That they’ll pick up where we leave off. Whether or not they’ll follow through on what they say. If they’ll use their best judgement. And so on. It is imperative that we create safety, security and trust in our relationship for it to be successful…r

This time of year, and specially with everything that’s going on, we might be feeling raw, sensitive, antsy, edgy, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, unmotivated, lethargic, detached numb, and such. These feelings are more compounded when we are feeling disconnected, might be experiencing a bout of low intimacy, and have fewer opportunities for fun. This doesn’t help the low desire and lack of intimacy epidemic of the modern-day couple… A challenging trifecta: Feeling disconnected from our partner is usually accompanied by low desire and intimacy.

As there has been so much talk of doom and gloom about the economy and everything economy related, crashing oil prices, recession in line with the Great Depression, major layoffs and furloughs, businesses closing down and the rest of it, finances are on our minds more than ever. This is usually a hot topic for couples regardless of recessions or pandemics. We teach our couples a protocol to get on the same page that eliminates stress and conflict around managing their finances.

It is not uncommon for couples to have the same recurring issues and arguments… If partners are not intentional and proactive about addressing the underlying reasons for these, they will continue to have them… Not addressing relationship dynamics can break a couple… Banging around unconscious as to who you really are, what really is driving you, what you really want and how this impacts interactions with your partner, is a sure way to create a dissatisfying relationship and mediocre life. Ouch! Is this how you want to live your life?r

Piggybacking on last week’s issue about letting go, deconstructing, and continuing to streamline. No such venture is done well without setting proper effective boundaries… It’s funny, whenever I cover this topic with clients or in discussion with people, they all seem to believe that setting boundaries means being a jerk. They think they have to be strict and tough, and make a statement to others about what’s tolerable and such…

The Holiday season is taxing. It is difficult to incorporate all the demands of the Holidays into our already jammed packed calendar: all those parties, the shopping, decorating, cooking and just all the extra details. And it is even harder when we are emotionally and physically exhausted. This is why I want to specifically target how you can make sure you are up to the part.

As I’ve written before, one of the reasons some couples’ relationships deteriorate over time is because the partners get lured by life away from their partner… Partners work hard at their jobs and become involved in their careers, children absorb much of their attention and a multitude of life maintenance tasks drain their energy. Compound this with “poor relationship skill” and the fact that most relationships get stuck in the “power struggle” stage of relationships, and we have a formula for disaster!

I have written in the past about the importance of having fun in our relationship. Fun equals Life! There are all kinds of fun that can be had with our partner. The trick is to figure out how as couples seem to lose this knowledge as the relationship progresses…

Have you ever stopped to think about what your ideal relationship with your partner would look like? If you had your dream relationship today, with your partner, what would be different? Think about this from the stand point of how you would feel differently, what you would be doing differently, how you would be responding differently, how you would approach your partner differently, how you would look differently, how your routine, lifestyle, home, activities, foods, would be different… What else might be different?

This is about the toughest week of the year… This is when we have Blue Monday, supposedly the saddest day of the year. Bills come in from the holidays, attempts at new habits start falling to the wayside, hibernation is knocking on our door, and things just feel heavy. It’s rough to get going on creating our Best Year Yet… What’s needed is an influx of energy to set us on the right path. The best way to do that is by Embracing Self-Care and Resilience… Self-Care is one of the 4 Aspects of Self-Love we are working on to help us start the New Year right… Self-Honoring and Beingrnr

It never ceases to amaze me what couples can accomplish and how they are able to turn their relationship around when they set their mind to it! I have literally seen miracles happen… I have seen couples come back from real horrible places. It is a formidable phenomenon to witness. I have, unfortunately, also seen partners give up on their relationship without fully investing in creating changes. They get too hang up on what their partner is doing or not doing and how they are being or not being. This is a train wreck in the making… Very unfortunate indeed rnr

Because things are challenging it doesn’t mean we have to lose our s*t. This is the most important aspect of managing the current crisis. That is, to manage how we choose to process information and how we choose to look at the facts. How well are we able to separate the facts from the stories we tell ourselves about the facts… We are really good at taking ourselves on rides…

Thanksgiving is about really appreciating everything in our lives… A grateful heart is like a magic pill… There are so many ways to embrace a Gratitude Practice and being Thankful. When we appreciate our life in its full glory, the challenges and all- as they are for us, then we are abundant… From an abundant place we can genuinely be generous to enrich the life of others, and in turn our own. Today, let’s focus on Expanding Generosity (Thanksgiving Series Pt3). In Part1 of this series we covered Giving Grace. In Part2 of this series we covered Embracing Gratitude.

I LOVE this time of year to set myself up for an amazing new one. Everything I walked you through in the past few blogs, all captured here: How to Waltz into the New Year, I do myself. I’m so excited for the new habits I’m integrating this year like Morning Pages (concept from The Artist’s Way) and The 5 Second Journal. And, I’m super excited Pete (Hubby) and I refreshed our collaborating approach and platform to capture this year’s Strategy. We are set for our best year yet! Yay!

In my recent reading I have come across a piece of writing that has made me think of sexuality and physical intimacy from a different angle. I love when that happens! Give me material that sparks my creative juices and that I can integrate into my work for greater impact, and I’m a very happy camper. This is what tickles me!