Grief and Loss Articles

Loss, grief and death are a normal process that happen to us during our lifetime. As we face the reality of life, we go through many types of grief that are unavoidable. It's unreal to think that we cannot suffer any loss in our lives. Being prepared for is the hardest part. Sadness is the response to any type of loss common to man. Unrecognized situations in our lives have often resulted in grief that we are not ready to face. We see grief as distraction in our lives rather

Is your Psychic, Psychic? Everyone has “Intuitive” abilities, we are born with natural instinct. It’s common sense. Think of those who trade on the open market. These talented people have some sense of a feeling to sell or buy. Yes, the watch the market and stocks but they still go on instinct. More common than not if you truly have a conversation with most people they will tell you ” I just felt it, or knew it”. How? Natural intuition, Mother’s instinct? Yes.

Throughout my entire life, I have always enjoyed creative writing and public speaking. As a species, I believe that we write because we have a need to tell our stories and connect with people. During 2005-2006, I began writing my book, “Farewell, My Friend”, which chronicles the illness and death of my husband. I have always been an extremely organized person and used this skill to manage all aspects of my husband’s care. During his illness, many people approached me fr

When we have lost someone we love, our job, our health, our marriage, or our deepest relationship, we want to feel some compassion coming our way. We want to know that we are going to make it. Here are some ways for your body, your mind, and your spirit to meet every day with ...

THE STAGES OF GRIEF HEALING Article Series “HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller Welcome back to the second in a series of ten special articles of homespun real-life talk about the grief still gripping your life – and the things you can do to step out from under its shadows.

One of the saddest days of my life was the day that my father ended his struggle with cancer. Initially there was the relief that he would no longer suffer, followed by the acceptance that there was no other answer for him, they had done all that they could, and his life cycle was complete. But what was shocking to me was the complete sadness and grief that I felt when reality set in. Logically I could accept that his life was over, but I was surprised by the truth and rawnes

In 2009, I opened up my business as a grief and relationship coach and started to write and self-publish books. Unfortunately, no one had ever heard of me or was aware of my services, and there didn’t appear to be any reason why others would consider me an authority or an expert on these subjects. This is a common issue encountered by most entrepreneurs when starting a new business. And, to be successful, it is an important one to address and then overcome. As with anything worthwhile, it is not an ove ight process.

My wedding anniversary is June 3. The first couple of anniversaries after my husband’s death were extremely difficult. There seemed no helpful way to get through this day. I would even start feeling sad and uncomfortable several days prior.nnDuring the fifth year, my old dog began having health problems. She was 13. She looked really good for her age, but I had to acknowledge that 13 was on the older end of the life spectrum for Black Labs.nnI was in the process of starting

STAGES OF GRIEF HEALING Article Series “HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller Welcome back to the sixth in a series of ten special articles of homespun real-life talk, about what has by now become the issue of healing while you grieve, as opposed to continuing to experience the ravages of outright grief. This will be the first of a three part series within these articles dealing with different aspects of reconnecting to your loved one.

"Who do you need us to beat up?" one teen asked another. It was a type of field day at the high school, and there was a small group of youth gathered around a friend in tears. "Yeah, we'll take care of it," another one agreed. The tears continued, silently, while the grieving girl held onto her friend's sleeve. I had been looking for one of the students in the group, who had not returned to her assigned spot after lunch, and found them in their current state. They had filled

"Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes light" Jean Giraudoux Searching for the right words to shed light after the tragedy in Tucson, I remembered a book I wrote after the Columbine Shootings, titled Another Parent For Love a book on answers for ending school violence. This week I’ve selected parts of the book to share with you, in hopes that it may shed some light.

I have joined the club, no one wants to join. Widow...I am a widow. Sometimes on official forms there is no check box...married, separated, divorced...what am I? No check box for me. Two years ago, my husband of more than 20 years died as a result of surgical error. Yeah, the nightmare of dropping him off for same day outpatient surgery and burying him four days later. A self employed psychologist widowed at 54. I desperately clung to the notion that life would go on, that a

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller How often during the course of your grieving days and months has something like this happened to you and helped you in your healing just by its happening?

You tell yourself to hold your tongue, to buck up, and keep your eyes on the prize. But you can’t, not like this. Why, of all people did it have to be you? You’re not too bad of a person, so as soon as you have silently told yourself not to; you start to cry. It’s unfair really, you have looked back, checked and rechecked the past and nothing you did deserves this. The pain is something you haven’t felt before, the tears have come and gone, and yet the emptiness it st

“Art Heals: The Power of Art Therapy”nnDuring a girls’ group at a community mental health agency, a teenager paints tear drops on a plaster mask- after she recently witnessed a violent crime in her neighborhood. nnOn a pediatric oncology unit, a 10 year-old Spanish-speaking boy draws a picture of his brain and with a large black marker draws a large circle where his tumor is located.nnAt home, a recently widowed woman builds a shadowbox with pictures and keepsakes from

Oh……. we’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz …Those words and melody always bring back to mind one of my favorite movies in the whole world. Maybe it was gathering around the television with mismatched Tupperware bowls of popco and a cold bottle of Coke ...

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller ‘A Mother’s Gratitude’ tells you a brief story of the grieving process from a mother’s perspective – and serves as an example of acceptance and hope for all of you readers looking for the affirmation that there are others out there like you who are also grieving the pain of separation from their child.

Mother’s quilt provides a warmthr Beyond its fiber downr Each night I’m wrapped in love, Our family history, and my wedding gow Mother cut with care her patternsr Each scrap to trim and save. Just as she did with the numerous fabric remnantsr That to her others gave. Each patterned square reveals a storyr Of our family’s growth and change. It is far better than an album, for this memento speaks to mer Of many precious moments the camera did not see. Part of each marriage c

By Frosty Wooldridge During your journey on Earth, you face incredible moments of joy, challenge and discomfort. You never know where those “moments” may originate or for how long. In your life, you may face an accident, loss of a loved one, disintegration of a friendship or disease. A famous philosopher said, “Life is a spiritual boot camp. You will be tested. You must make good choices to thrive.” As a former hospital medical tech, I met a child named Paula in the cancer

Fear is big these days and, like wildfire, it spreads easily and quickly. Fear is a primal emotion; it triggers our reptilian (more primitive) brain to fight or flee. When the reptilian brain is engaged it overrides rationality. Therefore, whatever our fear is about - our safety, our ...

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller This was a poem written in still dreaded anticipation of the third anniversary of her death due to arrive once again on the following day. It would in fact turn out to be a landmark day in my healing process as I finally allowed myself to remember and experience its full effects on me for the very first time, in order to finally be able to give outlet to those deep feelings of grief still trapped within me. Anniversary Memories

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller Every single death that occurs brings loss, grief and bereavement to someone who loved or cared for that individual, and its significance never can or should be discounted in its impact and meaning to those suffering and finding healing from its effects.

Is it a job or a new location or even perhaps a better or new relationship that you seek? Maybe even something different you want to try or do. Most of us get settled in our routines, stuck in the rut so to say. It is hard or maybe even uncomfortable to try to change our lives or even to re-create ourselves. But really what is worse; staying in the same old routine or trying something different? If we stay in the same routine, relationship, job, what have you, I promise you nothing will ever change.

I can still remember the call that told me my younger brother was dead. It was from my grandmother. Funnily enough I’d been contemplating that my grandparents were getting old and that I needed to prepare myself for their death. I never expected that I would receive a call from them to tell me that my brother had crashed his car into a lamp post on the way home from a concert and was killed immediately. He was 17 – I was 22.

The workplace is like your second family to many people. Let’s face it, some people spend more time at work than with their immediate families!! After my mother died I don’t think that I was a very good employee. Of course, I couldn’t show it. You have to try to act like your old “normal” self. That in itself is exhausting.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller On a recent visit to the beauty of Southeast Alaska I was privileged to encounter an Elder of the Tlingit peoples who live there. He had recently lost his wife after many years of an illness which led eventually to her passing.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller When I walked into the funeral parlor prior to my daughter’s funeral for a private family viewing time, the powerful music and words of Vince Gill’s song “Go Rest High on that Mountain” was playing on the speakers. The poignant words and haunting beauty of this song drove me into a pew at the time, curled up and covered in pain and tears with the harsh reality of her death before me.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller In today’s world of rapid change on all fronts the integrity of family units has not been exempt from the effects of those changes. This has resulted in ever greater numbers of broken relationships, divorces and separations – and thereby new children, partners and spouses being added to the mixed equations of their family lives.

Losing a parent is something we all have to face at some point in our lives. At a young age this is particularly difficult, so we rely on adults to show us how to grieve. Sadly, most adults are poor models of the grieving process as a whole. When we lose a parent in our adult years we are facing a changing of the guard so to speak. The older generation is leaving which leaves us without a buffer to our own eventual demise. We may have just lost our last surviving parent, or

STAGES OF GRIEF HEALING Article Series “HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real-Life Storyteller Welcome back to the eighth in a series of ten special articles of homespun real-life talk about your grieving process. Today’s topic of ‘Hearing Their Words Of Joy’ is the third of a three part series within these articles, which began with the article called ‘Talking To Your Lost Loved One’, and dealing with different aspects of reconnecting to our loved ones.

Fear is big these days and, like wildfire, it spreads easily and quickly. Fear is a primal emotion; it triggers our reptilian (more primitive) brain to fight or flee. When the reptilian brain is engaged it overrides rationality. Therefore, whatever our fear is about - our safety, our ...

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller This was my poem of decision – written in the realization that it was finally time for the ‘rubber to hit the road’ of my future life in a meaningful way despite the fact that I was still a healing dad. I knew I was on a journey of healing but felt the compelling force of these questions within me of…”where do I go from here, and how do I get there?” I needed to know their answers.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller “This little light of mine…I’m gonna let it shine…” So go the words of a Sunday school song of ancient memory as I sit down to write this story – and in them I’m finding a source of solace and strength as I continue walking my healing path more than five years after a daughter’s loss.

Since grief is a difficult topic for most people, there is a tendency to descend into myths about the subject of grief. These myths have often been passed down from generation to generation. These myths or paradigms easily become the truth of our lives that we accept without questioning. In ...

Facing Suicide Loss at the Holidays Serious loss of any type is always re-triggered during the holidays. The holidays themselves are a kind of tribal celebration, thought to have originated in the hope that a celebration would help with the darker, shorter days. We are more confident and energetic in the lighter, hotter weather. A Survivor of Suicide may not yet be recovered and stable when the holidays come. Some people may not yet know of the death. the Survivor has to "sta

Several times over the past few years I began to keep a gratitude journal. I bought a special notebook and pen and kept them by my bed. I wrote for a few days. Then I would forget for a day. Then I would stop completely.nnLast year I made a commitment to myself to write in my journal for 21 days. I have read that it takes about 3 weeks to form a new habit or to break an unwanted habit.nnThe 21 days passed months ago. I still write every night before going to sleep. A few time

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller One thing that seems certain about healing from grief as time passes is that it’s a process of change for those of us living in it. How the earthquakes of pain we feel in the early anniversary days of our grief evolve over time is a perfect example of that process of change.

I have talked with countless people who have felt a relief when their loved one died. Relief their loved one was no longer in pain, relief that they didn’t have to visit that nursing home anymore and all it entailed, relief that their loved one is “in a better place.” However, the partner to ...

nChildren are often the unintended victims of life crisis. Parents don’t always think how their decisions will affect the children in their family before making them. If a marriage has become irreparable each may be focusing on their feelings only. The parents may forget that they, NOT the children, are the ones with feeling of hate and hurt. Too often an angry parent tries to inflict pain on the other spouse by using the children in a cruel game. nnIf a loved one dies, the

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller In the early days of grief amid the numbness and shock of loss the thought of memorial symbols is not yet a part of your grieving or healing process. But there comes a point in the days following where suddenly it seems that’s all you can think about, and a drive to remember the one you’ve lost compels you to do something of lasting value to honor them and maintain your heart link to them.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller This was a poem written in trembling anticipation of the second anniversary of her death due to arrive in its full force and fury the following day – a harsh truth about anniversaries every grieving parent will know to be true. Realityrn(A Daughter’s Death) It’s been two years since my daughter’s deathr And my heart still feels empty and tight! I know and accept all the reasons she diedr And still – it just doesn’t feel right!

There will come a time in your life that you might be given the chance or opportunity to help or comfort somebody who has lost a loved one or even a beloved pet, work through their grief and loss. Treat the person who is experiencing grief and loss as you would also want to be treated if you were in their situation. Some individuals react and cope to loss in some different ways: some might break down and cry, some may become too withdrawn or some may fall into a deep state of

STAGES OF GRIEF HEALING Article Series “HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller Welcome back to the fifth in a series of ten special articles of homespun real-life talk about the issues surrounding grief. Today we’re going to talk about how to find the ‘Light’ of Love and Memories of your lost loved one again, and how you can use this Light to begin to completely change your experience of grief.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller How often in the midst of your loss, grief and bereavement have you found yourself feeling as though you were about to drown in sorrow, not knowing what direction to reach out to in order to find the safety of something to hang on to and not go completely under from the pain of it all?

So far in this series of articles on the Myths of Grief we have discussed the following myths: 1) It just takes time. 2) Keep your grieving to yourself. 3) Put on a happy face. You'll feel better. 4) Be strong. Others are depending on you. We have explored how each of these ...

Grief is a personal experience, unique to each mourner and unique to each loss. Grief comes in waves, as times of peace and calm are suddenly shattered by overpowering emotion. The following strategies provide a few suggestions to help you ride out the waves as you cope with your grief.nn1. Take time out. In many ways, the experience of grief is similar to recovery from a serious illness; some days will be darker, and some will be brighter. Recognize your limits, and separate

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller For many people dealing with issues of loss, grief and bereavement there’s also a spiritual aspect which can play a powerful role in their healing and recovery. Within the community of religion, and faith in a living afterlife of the spirit to be found in peoples around the world, there is an acceptance of death which transcends beyond the human pain of those left behind to mou their passing.

STAGES OF GRIEF HEALING Article Series “HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real-Life Storyteller Welcome back to the seventh in a series of ten special articles of homespun real-life talk about your grieving process. Today’s topic of ‘Feeling The Touch Of Their Spirit’ is the second of a three part series within these articles, which began with the previous article called ‘Talking To Your Lost Loved One’, and dealing with different aspects of reconnecting to your loved one.

The first essay collection released by Dalton Publishing, Stricken: The 5,000 Stages of Grief is edited by award-winning authors Spike Gillespie (Pissed Off: On Women and Anger) and Katherine Tanney (Carousel of Progress). The book is a collection of essays on grief written by a variety of contributors including best-selling authors and award-winning writers Rachel Resnick, Owen Egerton, Margaret Moser, and Hope Edelman. Stricken will be released in March 2009.nnThe essays in

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller My wife came home from the office last week with a discovery from among her filing which has brought me much comfort as the still healing father, son, brother and friend that I am. The simple beauty and imagery of these words has cast a new and profoundly peaceful outlook on the journey of all those whom I’ve lost throughout my life to dying – and eased my pain.