My life coaching clients often ask me why their life isn’t working, or why they can’t achieve a specific goal, and I’ve found the easiest way to find answers to these questions is to analyse your successes. Your failures can provide you with the same information but if you focus on your failures when you are feeling vulnerable, you feel bad about yourself. When you analyse your successes you begin the process of positive change.

During the mid nineties I experienced financial difficulties, I was angry at myself and life in general and I was unhappy. As I made changes in my life I analysed my successes and by going back over what I did right I created my Ten Step life coaching process and started a whole new business. The great thing about this process is that you can start with any step, and as long as you do the work, you can turn your life around.

I once had a successful business which I closed down to start a new venture. Unfortunately the new venture was a dismal failure and I ended up broke and very unhappy with my life. One day I felt so miserable I made the decision to re-read the self help books that had once helped me. I picked some of the most powerful authors I know and studied their work. I recognised a common theme in all of these books and that was changing your thoughts can change your life. I started observing my thoughts and words and was shocked at how negative I had become. I made a conscious choice to change my thoughts.

Each night just before I went to sleep I would think of every person who had ever hurt me and forgive them, this made me feel good about myself. There were 3 people I felt I needed to make amends to, so I wrote each of them a letter of apology. This made me feel really good about myself. Whenever I caught myself worrying or feeling negative I would go for a walk. It wasn’t long before I was walking 4km twice a day and as a result I started losing weight, I felt even better about myself.

As I wasn’t working I decided I needed to be more responsible and took a part time job. Having a small, but regular income made me feel better about myself. It wasn’t long after this that I was offered work as a ghost writer and I started feeling successful again. It was from that point that I was able to formulate what I learned into a structure which eventually became my Ten Step life coaching process.

The habits I established during that time didn’t change my life, how I felt about myself for establishing those habits created the change. If I had focused on where I’d gone wrong, what had happened in my past to create this situation, or even who was at fault, I would have continued to feel bad about myself and my situation would have remained the same, or gotten worse.

If you feel stuck, stop what you are doing. This may be trying to change a situation, achieve a goal or solve a problem. Shift your attention onto doing something that makes you feel good about yourself. I want to emphasise this point. Don’t do something that makes you feel good such as eating, drinking or spending, which is a quick fix that ultimately makes you feel worse about yourself. Do something that you know will make you admire you, such as getting up a little earlier and going for that walk each day. Stop talking about your problems. Set a specific time to meditate each day and do it. Feed your mind inspirational material and act on what you learn.

The Ten Step process is a great tool that can assist you to develop habits that support you. Once you get to the point where you feel good about yourself a lot of the time you can then put your focus back onto the goal you want to achieve. Ask yourself, Who do I need to be and what do I need to do to attract this into my life? Keep asking this question once or twice a day until you feel you receive an answer. The answer may come in the form of an offer from someone else, you may receive inspiration from a book, a call from a friend. If you stay open and receptive you will recognise the opportunity when it comes, then you need to take action.

Most people get stuck at times, so stop fighting what is and accept whatever is in your life as an opportunity to learn more about you and about the laws of life.

Author's Bio: 

Anne Hartley is a life coach and author of several books including Love The Life You Live and Love Your Money Love Your Life. She is a contributor to 101 Ways to Change Your Life book 2. You can read more about Anne's work by downloading chapters from her books at