How to do Slow-Motion Forgiveness; Self-forgiveness 101, the Missing Manual

Slow-Motion Forgiveness ~ Duplication Encouraged

Also posted on NVC site HERE: https://www.cnvc.org/blog/2012/11/12/slow-motion-forgivenessservice-mark...

Self-forgiveness 101, the Missing Manual
Slow-Motion Forgiveness

HealingToolbox.org, Best Practices in Energy Healing

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Summary ~ SMF increases the effectiveness of self-forgiving by simplifying; and making more precise, the language and the method. Everyone who wants to, can learn and use this. SMF is based on the model of our psyche as a “habit body” our “hologram of habits.” This is explained. Then SMF converges self-muscle-testing with self-forgiving and applies it to reduce inner drama. SMF has been field-tested since 2001 with clients with consistently excellent results.  The experiments below are for home use; ideally, with a Healing Buddy of your own choosing, so you can trade practice time.

Table of Contents

Forgiveness, the forgotten super-hero of growth 
Three conventional ideas limit the benefits we receive from self-forgiveness
New idea ONE ~ We over-generalize the process of affirmations
The “redecorating” analogy for forgiveness
New idea TWO ~ all “issues” are at core simply habits, behavior conditioned to repeat
New idea THREE ~ Feeling “stuck" simply means you face multiple unresolved issues
“Feeling stuck” as an issue of tempo 
Forgiveness 101, the Missing Manual a better way to forgive
How memory works in the inner child 
How to do Slow-Motion Forgiveness (SM)

Slow-Motion Forgiveness simplifies both the language and the method of self-forgiving. Everyone who wants to, can learn and use this. A major benefit placing the lion's share of work on the client, not on the facilitator.  This means persons with less training can facilitate more change work. It also works to keep released energies flowing away from the practitioner.

In common with Compassion Communication (NVC) [http://cnvc.org] and Reevaluation Counseling, SMF encouraging varied social applications and working in pairs, trading time both ways. 

Testing protocol ~ Client-controlled-self-testing, self-muscle-testing, of any kind, is ideal. HealingToolbox.org is one place to acquire self-muscle-testing skill. If you get stuck, give me a call. Arm-pull-down with a partner is possible but the arrangement of client-controlled testing developed by Peace Theological Seminary is high advised; as is, a general ecumenical context of 'God is my Partner.'

In common with NVC, SMF invites people to try language in new ways. It reframes internal conflict in recent language with much stronger therapeutic direction. Like NVC, SMF is easiest to pick up in person with a facilitator, coach or at least by phone. After the topic is understood, anyone wishing to, can compose their own “forgiveness formulas,” practice solo, with clients, etc.

Forgiveness, the forgotten super-hero of growth

If you can think of a more common, effective tool for self-healing than self-forgiveness, please tell me.

Based on 12 years of doing this with clients, few people understand much about Forgiveness; few get full benefit from forgiving.

With a little education about how unresolved issues are formed, stored and released, people can get get much more "oomph" out of forgiveness for growth.

Three conventional ideas limit our understanding of self-forgiveness:

First, we misunderstand forgiveness in the simplest of math terms.

Second, we forget all issues are still only sets of habits, combinations of habits, formed and reinforced thru repetition, like 95% of our behavior. To release an issue, we have to address and delete the connections formed thru repetition. We do this by deleting the repetitions, int eh way they are recorded in our habit body. The more “core” the “issue” is, the more habit components must be addressed and individually deleted. This addresses the “layered” aspect of core issues. Deleting repetitions is one of the few ways to reach deeply hidden, invisible, inarticulate unconscious habits.

Thirdly, we imagine “feeling stuck" is real an final, like death; instead of understanding “feeling stuck” simply means we face multiple choices and do not yet recognize this yet.

New idea ONE ~ We over-generalize the process of affirmations

Forgiveness does not work like affirmations.

Affirmations are analogous to addition.

Forgiveness is analogous to subtraction. 

In utero and after birth, our habit body undergoes an educational process that is primarily additive. This is meaningful and effective because our conscious waking self starts out as a blank slate. All the info and behaviors we need to function in our family and local culture get added during infancy and childhood.

Predictably then, as adults, we approach Forgiveness the same way, as if it was an addition process.

The first popular approach to Forgiveness, in modern terms, was thru affirmations. Tip of the hat to Louise Hay who resurrected the topic of forgiveness but in the context of the affirmation boom of the 1980s. Most readers will be familiar with affirmations, the additive math process in growth. We are “indoctrinated” to affirmations.

But Forgiveness does not work additively; Forgiveness is the subtraction process. 

Forgiveness, not affirmations, is the primary subtractive process in our psyche.

Forgiveness, technically and ultimately, forgiving from your soul, is the primary subtractive process in personal-spiritual growth. Forgiving in this sense overlaps with “releasing,” “letting-go” and all related subtractive language.

When people use forgiveness like affirmations, they are using the tool incorrectly. Only a fraction of potential benefits can accrue if you use forgiveness like an affirmation.

Using self-forgiveness as if it was an affirmation, is like driving a car only in reverse. You can do it; it works, yet, if done habitually it's a bad habit. Trying to open an unlocked door with a hammer is another metaphor. You don't need a hammer, just turn the door handle; the door opens easily.

So many of us are re-learning and practicing this newer, simpler, clearer model of forgiving; and, deleting our old habits around forgiving.

The “redecorating” analogy for forgiveness

“Subtracting before addition” is exactly analogous to the familiar situation of re-decorating a home or apartment.

Before you can bring in new furniture and hang new pictures on the wall, the old worn-out rug and furniture has to go first. Subtraction first—then addition. “The old has to go first to make room for the new” is true even in our deepest unconscious.

This is why forgiveness can be so powerful. Even tho the content of our unconscious remains invisible, “subtraction before addition” still works; our unconscious knows how to cooperate with this intervention; which is in fact, routine for it. Even our unconscious understands both addition and subtraction; tho, principally in the domain of 1-10.

You can “redecorate” in your own unconscious. In fact, our dysfunctional unconscious habits are more accessible here, in the physical 3D experience, than either before we were born, or after we leave the 3D physical level.

Right here is the ideal place to SUBTRACT, clear, resolve, shed and release unresolved disturbances in our sub- and unconscious. Then you add in the new habits, the new ideas, the new “furniture.”

Work with and within loving, for your own highest good and Brightest Future. Your unconscious will trust you if you approach it in a “highest good” context.

New idea TWO ~ There is no such thing as “an issue.” All “issues” are simply sub-sets of our habit body. Our habits, our habit body, is behavior conditioned to repeat.

Beginning in 2011, I believe, Bruce Lipton began describing our sub- and unconscious minds as controlling 95% of how our circumstances manifest. Like many authors, he likens our subconscious mind to a super computer; which is, running us on automatic pilot mode, 95% of the time.

Bruce Lipton concludes: Three very effective ways exist to change old, limiting or sabotaging beliefs [mental habits] in the subconscious mind:
- Buddhist mindfulness [the willpower approach to redirecting a habit],
- clinical hypnotherapy, and
- ...”energy psychology” [Psych-K, et al].
Discussions of these different programming methods are available in the Resource section on my website (www.brucelipton.com)
http://brucelipton.com/media/interview-bruce-planeta-magazine-part-3

Before Bruce Lipton, we used to say 90% of our behavior arises out of habits. Bruce has upped this to 95%. Using his number, 95% of our behavior is habitual, is habits.

Q: What's the other 5%?

A: Conscious choices and deciding. Soul is choice.

Find full discussion of your habit body in Your Habit Body, An Owner's Manual here: http://www.amazon.com/Your-Habit-Body-Owners-Manual/dp/1449953301/ref=la_B007SNVG46_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1347594551&sr=1-4

If only 5% of all our behavior is choice, it means our issues are predominantly habits as well.

Whatever issue concerns us, with our mother, with our boss, with our self—it is a habit formed thru repetition. All our habits and issues are formed thru repetition.

So issues that seem impossible to access; such as, feeling betrayed by all men or by God, are really on the same field as how we learned to tie our own shoelaces in kindergarten. We learned a habit useful to us thru practice and repetition.

This is why in Slow-Motion Forgiveness we locate, identify, address and delete our built-up repetitions of disturbance. 

New idea THREE ~ Feeling “stuck" simply means you have choices—and don't know it

When we are feeling stuck, we almost always face two or more choices--and we do not recognize this.

This is why the construction, “One on hand I feel this way; on the other hand, I feel this way,” is so commonly useful. AT a certain depth, we no longer have words, no longer have ability to express this conflict in words. We call this “feeling stuck.”

All of us, me included, are stuck where multiple issues are presenting themselves and we do not recognize.

“Deer frozen in the headlights” is the classic image for “Feeling stuck.” Why? Because it's a classic instance of two pressing problems coming at you simultaneously.

A rain storm has downed a tree in the dark highway. The deer says, “Oh boy, the nice juicy leaves I was unable to much are now within reach!” Then it sees the car headlights. The deer is stuck. On on hand it wants new juicy leaves. On the other hand, danger approaches as the car barrels down on it. Running and staying BOTH have a cost. The deer has to make a decision. It's poorly equipped to make quick decisions. Ever feel like this? I know I have.

When we feel incapable of solving several problems at once, and feel overwhelmed, the bottleneck is not our soul; it's not we're incapable of choosing. Rather, we are unaware of multiple bottlenecks in our sub- and unconscious--and we don't yet recognize these choices calling to be processed.

Robert Frost has imagery for this:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
Being one traveler, long I stood...

Robert Frost faced only two somewhat equal diverging paths in front of him, in a quandary about which to take. In our sub- and unconscious, where memories of prior existences live, three, four and more paths may exist. Maybe none of the old choices apply today. How will you know? You test.

Our zippy waking conscious mind hopes one solution fixes multiple problems. But most problems are not solved like David “solved” Goliath. Most problems are solved by chunking them down into bite-sized pieces.

This happens in counseling. This is what happens in wellness coaching for chronic and serious disease conditions. Cancer, diabetes, heart disease do not “show up one day.” We simply didn't pay attention when the car headlights in the night first showed themselves. Likewise, when therapeutic direction is lost in a course of balancing, it's often because multiple problems exist and we do not recognize this is the case.

“Feeling stuck” as an issue of tempo

The deer in the headlights gets hit because it can't switch tempos. The tempo of feeding, eating, on the downed tree in the road, is a slow tempo, the slow rhythmic tempo of nourishing your self. Making a decision about bright car lights requires a much faster tempo! I believe if we interviewed lots of deer killed by cars they would say, “Yeah, you're right. I was munching away, savoring those most delicious leaves. And BAM! The lights came and I was hit. I was unable to switch gears fast enuf.”

It's usually this slower tempoed part of us who is stuck. To help these slower parts of us get un-stuck, we have to slow down. Corporate consumer culture has few ways to make a profit from us slowing down. If we don't learn how to down-shift into a lower gear from nurturing and educating our own children or from school teaching, you can go thru life without learning this skill.

The slower part of is lives this way: "it's a cinch by the inch." Baby steps. Our waking conscious self prefers moving fast, Tom Cruise, eat the whole enchilada in one gulp. We are Speedy Gonzalez, zip, zip, zip... We forget our unconscious is developmentally equal to a three year old. Our immune system, from the neck down, likes to go slow, one thing at a time.

Adults and teenagers can respond to multiple choice questions. The very young child is not equipped to respond to multiple choices. The very young child is equipped to respond to one thing at a time. The deeper you explore to your unconscious, the more this is true. Finally at the cellular and DNA level, only one chemical “key” will fit this one chemical “lock.”

A healthy, rested three year old can tell you if they want mango slices or an ice cream cone. But even two choices can overwhelm a very young cranky child. Our subconscious is developmentally most like a three year old. Our immune system—ditto.

If you are stuck on an issue, it's almost always because you have multiple problems at hand and the basic self does not know which path to go forward on.

Almost every time Life throws you a troubling question, it's because multiple questions inhere in the one question; or, multiple decision makers are involved, or both. So when in doubt, chunk down the choices to one at a time. That's what your inner three year old wants in a nurturing conscious self.

How memory works in the inner child

Our unconscious has, as one of its jobs, the job of recording and storing unresolved disturbances.

Why? Because unresolved disturbances contain valuable learning the soul has not yet extracted. This is one reason why we have memory. In service to the soul, our child within records and holds onto all unresolved experiences until learning and wisdom can be extracted.

Once we extract the learning from memories held onto, we can easily release the waste. This is the general form behind most miraculous recoveries from life threatening diseases: the lesson was learned, the negativity was released. The body bounces back according to how resilient the immune system is.

Example ~ We have a disturbing experience as a child. We are too young to process it at all. We go on; we grow up—yet the experience is stored in memory and feelings, a "story," which may or not be very accurate.

Where are these unresolved stories stored? Anywhere the inner child can put them. Naturally our habit body has a 'habit librarian' to keep track of the location of thousands of learned habits. When our Habit Librarian runs out of room to store unresolved memories, it uses our physical body as storage bin.

Q: Where in my body are memories stored?

A: All over! They are stored in the body according to body symbology and psychology of the meridians and psychology of major organs and glands. Find a full reference manual on this in Meridian Metaphors, Psychology of the meridians and major organs here: https://www.createspace.com/3416642

This means all of us, me included, carry around a lot of unresolved disturbances. Don't feel like the Lone Ranger. If you get stuck, call someone you trust or a Healing Coach who has resolved issues at the level you wish to work.

Now let's learn how to use self-forgiveness to delete all the incidences of any target issue. 

Forgiveness 101, the Missing Manual a better way to forgive

You can take this to the bank: If you have an issue, X, it is never just one incident. It only exists thru repeated incidences, thru “practice” and “rehearsal.”

To delete the issue, you simply delete the practice incidences.

Some readers will know this is deliciously close to NLP wisdom: If you erase all the internal sensory representations of an issue, you have erased the issue.

How to do Slow-Motion Forgiveness

If the target issue is emotional; then:

“I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel __________ (i.e. betrayal), the first time, the second time, the third time 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 . . .
If the target issue is mental; then:

“I forgive myself for thinking __________ (I was betrayed by _____), the first time, the second time, the third time 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 . . .

The above two handle most of our unresolved disturbances as most of them are mental-emotional. For the record, the other ones are:

Imaginal ~ I forgive myself for IMAGINING _____, the first time I imagined X, the second time, 3, 4, 5, 6...

Unconscious ~ I forgive myself for BEHAVING AS IF _____, the first time I behaved as if X, the second time, 3, 4, 5, 6...

Spiritual ~ I forgive myself for CHOOSING or PERCEIVING (you have to test which one) _____, the first time I perceived X, the second time, 3, 4, 5, 6...

That's all there is to it, as long as you ask Love, Light and Sound to clear the room afterwards and set your intention that Love is doing the work, not you; because, karma released flows to the author of its release. You don't want that job.

Q: How do I know if I have the best target?

A: You don't. It's always your best approximation. If energy moves and clears, that's your positive feedback.

Q: How will I know if it's working?

A: You will know if SMF is working for you if energy moves or shifts for you. Look for any inner shift, any shift KVAOG. Keep counting as long as energy moves, shifts and clears. 

Don't create any rigid ritual. If no energy moves, try changing-adjusting the words of your forgiveness formula. Feel free to change the words to “hit the nail more on the head.” This is trial and error, simple scientific method.

NLP puts it this way, “If you don’t get the result you wish, try something else.” The University of Santa Monica (USM) puts it this way, “Make stuff up,” (MSU). Trial and error; it's Thomas Edison finding a sustainable filament for his lightbulb.

If energy moves, it’s a “hit.” If nothing moves, change something. Make up your own verbal formulas and try them! Improvise.

In the Scientific Method, there is no cost for failure; you simply try a new experiment.

Q: What will I feel?

A: Often clients cannot feel energy moving. A more intuitive person can tell them what’s occurring. Do SMF daily and you'll start feeling what's moving too. The classic inner experience feels like throwing off a burden you no longer wish to carry, like throwing off a wet blanket you did not know was draped over your back. 
 
To Learn More:

Forgiveness, the Key to the Kingdom by John-Roger. This book has virtually no “how to” on forgiveness; still, any page you turn to has the frequency of forgiveness, a terrific touchstone.