The Power of Permission

Give yourself PERMISSION to be what you want to be; do what you want to do, become who you were meant to be.

We limit our self-expression when we ask other people's permission to be who we were meant to be.

Take Responsibility and take a R.I.S.K . That's the power of PERMISSION.

R.I.S.K means Respect your Intention using Support and Kourage to get you where you want to go.

Every day there are dozens of distractions, excuses and evasions that stop us from doing what we want to do. The wee small voice inside that says you really should; you absolutely could; and you must, gets swallowed up in the doubts, the fears and the refusals to heed the call for action.

Being able to STOP this merry-go-round of endless demands and limitations on you means first of all, giving yourself PERMISSION to say NO! This sets boundaries that honor and respect YOU.

We are too quick to say YES and often we actually mean NO. It's the smallest word in our vocabulary and yet the impact is enormous. We say maybe when we mean NO. We don't want to offend when we say YES and mean NO. We're afraid of someone's reaction and we say YES. We want to keep everyone happy, not upset the status quo, and end up feeling resentful and frustrated because the people in our lives just don't understand that we are working too damned hard for their pleasure.

NO is one of the most empowering words in the English language. It allows you stand up for yourself. Stand up with integrity. Stand up for what you believe in. It gives you the power. It sets your boundaries and gives you a feeling of self-esteem. No means you are taking care of yourself.

Saying NO when you are in a confrontation is a powerful thing to do. You are in charge. You are not giving your power away. You are being I'm Power(ed).

No is also a powerful example to your children if you have any. You model giving PERMISSION to them. They grow up understanding that there are boundaries and they can set them. You are the role model for your children. Giving yourself PERMISSION is the first step to creating the life you want by loving yourself first.

The damage done by refusing to say NO is evident in the depression that shows up in women's lives.

It is estimated that 17 percent of the U.S. population (between 5-12 percent of men and 10-20 percent of women) will suffer from a major depressive episode at least once in their lifetime.

In North America, women are 1.7 to 3.0 times more likely than men to experience depression during their lifetime, and one in every four women is likely to experience severe depression.

The causes of depression in women are not primarily biological (as was once believed), but are of a variety of biological, social, and psychological origins. For example, infertility, miscarriages, and surgical menopause can all cause depressive symptoms in women. Mothers of young children tend to be very vulnerable to depression; in fact, the more children a woman has, the more likely it is that she will be depressed.

Study done at M.I.T 2000

Amanda was depressed for months and didn't know it. Every time there was a confrontation with her husband, who was a demanding man, she wanted to say NO but swallowed the word because she was afraid he would leave her. One day she found herself on the floor in the closet in tears, ripping apart a silk blouse she treasured, with no idea how depressed she was.

She found help and as she explored her feeling, Resentment and frustration were at the core. She felt no one respected who she was. In fact, she was sure no one even saw her for who she was. But the difficult thing for Amanda was she didn't realize how everything she did was dependent upon PERMISSION from other people. She was always asking if it was okay before she took the first step.

Getting Amanda past this obstacle was the key to helping her with her depression. Eventually, she would say NO to her husbands demands and he didn't leave and more importantly, she allowed her children to see her as someone who could make a decision that was good for her. She gave herself the respect she needed.

One of the biggest issues in my own life is control. I'm sure there are plenty of you reading this who can relate. Giving up that control means saying NO to myself and letting other people take over the responsibilities. The problem for me was the feeling no one did the job as well as me! Can you relate? Women know this syndrome only too well. The opposite side of the coin was I complained that I was doing too much. Because I didn't delegate the responsibilities enough, I said YES when I should have said NO. This became evident during a big move from Amsterdam to New York.

In the middle of the move from a house in Amsterdam to an apartment in New York, I told myself that I had already done enough packing and organizing of our household stuff. I had spent two months of night and day activity making sure the boxes were packed correctly, the extra furniture and household effects were sold or given away, and the family was taken care of. I actually considered doing a Thanksgiving dinner for friends the night before we moved!!! Talk about insanity!

I had just finished a conversation with my coach about how well I had done in getting everything organized and that although I was exhausted, it felt good to have all the parts in place. I told her my husband was busy working on his wine collection and I knew that it was none of my business. I had done enough. He could figure it out for himself. Well, within one hour I had completely forgotten what I had told her and myself.

He was having trouble fitting a case inside a cardboard box because it was too small. I couldn't help myself. He asked if I would help and I said YES.

I went down into the cellar with a box and it was too small, so I returned upstairs to find something larger and on my way down the narrow wooden Dutch stairs with the empty box in hands, my feet slipped from under me. Now, I am trained in martial arts and know how I'm supposed to land, but stairs are an aggressive enemy and there was no saving myself here. What came next was not a pretty sight and I landed heavily. When the bruising set in, my ass looked like I had a huge black bar code across my right cheek and I swear you could have run me through the checkout at the supermarket and found a price. An extremely high price.

I was in Control? It was his job, not mine! I didn't listen! Every part of me was screaming NO!!! It is now a year since that accident and I have not fully recovered, but I learned the hard way that you control what's yours and leave everyone else to their own stuff.

Setting boundaries and honoring our feelings is part of giving yourself PERMISSION to live the life you want. We all have people in our lives that trespass on our boundaries, but mostly it is because we allow them to. We ignore or stuff our feelings and don't let them know when it is not appropriate. We do it in our business, in our home and with our friends.

When we get clear about what is good for us we honor what we are. We take care of our spirits and our bodies. We begin to feel good about what we do in the world and who we are to ourselves. We live a life filled with integrity.

Giving ourselves PERMISSION to step outside the box is critical to making changes in our lives. You know that you'll meet opposition. Any change is threatening to those who are used to things being a certain way, including yourself.

Be willing to step outside your comfort zone. Give yourself the PERMISSION to take the next step. Take ACTION that serves your needs. Honor who you are. You've been playing safe for too long and it's time to get up and boogie.

When you were a child you knew how to have fun. You still do. Did you know that children laugh out loud on average 44 times a day? Adults laugh out loud about 4 or 5. Hmm! We're missing something here.

Give yourself permission to live the life you want to live. Be willing to step outside the comfort zone and move towards the dreams and goals you desire.

Some people make things happen, some watch things happen, while others wonder what happened. --Proverb

Give yourself PERMISSION each day to:

Say No more often
Talk with significant others about what is important to you
Learn something new
Honor your feelings
Set boundaries with the people in your life
Take care of your body
Give up some of the control and delegate responsibility
Have more fun
Read more books
Laugh more often

"The thing I hate most ….is asking permission to do things. What you really want to do is say, 'This is my need; this is what's going to get me further; this is what's going to be alive. I don't ever say, 'Do you mind if.?' I just come in and do it."
Lance Henrikson

Your life is filled with PASSION

In what way do you give yourself PERMISSION?
In what way do you refuse yourself PERMISSION?
How can you do it differently?

Fearless Fifties coach and speaker Jacqueline Wales shows you how to become the woman you were always meant to be; how to take risks to strengthen your beliefs about who you are and grow more confident, secure and strong as you develop the life you want. For your free copy of the Fearless Fifties newsletter and a bonus report Putting PASSION Back Into Your Life go to

Please contact or call (718) 502 9332

Author's Bio: 

Fearless Fifties coach and speaker Jacqueline Wales shows you how to become the woman you were always meant to be; how to take risks to strengthen your beliefs about who you are and grow more confident, secure and strong as you develop the life you want. For your free copy of the Fearless Fifties newsletter and a bonus report Putting PASSION Back Into Your Life go to

Please contact or call (718) 502 9332