Depression Is A Spiritual Issue

Depression, from my point of view, is cured when we become aware that it is a spiritual issue and not an inherit physical flaw or defect. This is my story about how I cured myself of chronic depression when the medical profession failed me. I am not advocating that what worked for me in regards to curing depression will work for anyone else. On the other hand, after reading my story, many people have told me that my way of overcoming depression is an option worth considering.

In a desperate attempt to cure myself, I read everything I could on the subject of depression. I took the psychological approach as well as the religious approach. I experienced some relief using these methods, but eventually the feelings returned. The stronger the depression, the more aggressive my search. Self-help courses and recovery groups brought minimal relief but never a cure. Each improvement was eventually followed by a setback.

I began to believe that I was inherently flawed. It was even suggested that I was possessed by an evil entity, a thought I rejected. And yet, when the feelings were at there strongest, I doubted myself and believed I might actually be possessed by an evil entity and became even more frightened. I didn't know it at the time but I was scaring myself to death.

One day, I realized just how terrified I was. I felt like a house divided against itself. Desperate feelings require desperate measures: Voluntarily I went in for psychiatric evaluation. I began weekly therapy and was prescribed a drug which altered my mood almost immediately.

I gained many insights during therapy, but eventually the prescription drugs caused me to experience the side effects of hyperactivity, chills and headaches. I felt as if the cure was worse than the disease itself and so I took myself off the drugs without consulting my doctor. I did, however, continue therapy until I decided that I no longer needed it.

I thought therapy had solved my problem with depression until I had an extremely devastating setback and experienced the worst depression of my life. Suicidal thoughts began to intrude into my mind, and yet no matter what, I would not surrender. I lived with my depression for years, I tolerated it and put up with it. If depression was going to kill me, to squeeze the life out of me, it would do so without my help.

I struggled through my life, day after day, hiding my depression from everyone, but when I got home and I was alone I would realize I was exhausted. I just wanted to lie on the couch and do nothing. I felt hopeless. After many years of living this way and contrary to professional advice, I isolated myself, knowing when I was alone with my depression, I felt it the strongest.

If it was going to defeat me I wanted to feel it absolutely. I was tired of running from the monster within. One day I realized that I was at a standoff with my depression. It wasn't getting any worse and it wasn't getting any better. I realized that it wasn't going to kill me, and it wasn't going to let me enjoy life either. Then I decided to start analyzing what was going on with me. I knew I couldn't feel any worse, so I might as well treat my condition as a mystery that needed solving rather than a problem to fear.

First, I went back to the basics. I looked up the word depression in Webster's dictionary; it is defined as a disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentrating, excessive sleep, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies. Yes, I agreed, the dictionary was intellectually correct. I experienced all of those things, but when I explored my feelings, I made some amazing discoveries.

One of my discoveries was that my depression was actually made up of a variety of strong unexpressed feelings interwoven together. These feeling included unexpressed anger This entanglement of unexpressed emotions left me feeling like a net had been dropped over my spirit and pulled tight. The more I struggled, the more entangled in them I became.

Instead of judging my feelings of depression I decided to observe them. I noticed that I was afraid of my feelings. I also observed that throughout my life whatever I feared eventually became my enemy. How did I make my depressed feelings my enemy? I did it by accepting someone else's belief that my depressed feelings were dangerous. By accepting this belief unedited, I erroneously concluded that my feelings could lead me to killing myself. In making my feelings the enemy I gave them power over me; the moment I did that, they dominated and controlled my life for over 30 years.

To make my feelings the enemy, I also had to convince myself that something outside of me was responsible for what I felt. I accomplished this by blaming others for my feelings. I blamed God, my parents, my teachers, my circumstances, my genes, my past, and my environment for my negative emotions. Once I realized that I was doing it to myself, I simultaneously, experienced a sense of sadness and relief. I felt sadness because I realized that I had been causing myself to suffer. I felt relief because if I could cause my depression, I could cure it, and that excited me

The first step was to make depression my friend. This was a scary process because I was very afraid of what I felt. In order to overcome the fear, I personalized my feelings. I began talking to them, and writing to them. I told my depressed feelings that I was afraid of them and that I was tired of being afraid. I told them I wanted to make them my friends and see what they could teach me. That was the beginning. Today, my depressed feelings are my friends. When I experience depression, I know that spirit--my inner guide--is using those feelings as a way to teach me something that I need to learn.

My inner guide uses these feelings to let me know when I'm off track in my thinking, trying too hard, headed in the wrong direction, or not taking proper care of myself. I no longer struggle with "depressed feelings".. When they comes, I work at embracing them, In embracing them, I can hear the spiritual message being directed to me. When I hear the message accurately, the feelings leave me, and I am filled with an exuberance and a renewed passion for life.

If you are willing to let your feelings of depression become your friends--if you are willing to learn from them, embrace them--you too will once again be excited about living life generously and passionately.