Adjusting To Being Alone

I decided to write about this subject because every person has experienced this at one point in their life or another. I refer to this as the ultimate art of growing. Read on and you will learn why.

When you are in a relationship you have someone to talk to. You have someone to share your daily routines with. When the relationship is over for whatever reason, you have to adjust. Some people adjust sooner than others, while others don’t adjust at all. You have to be comfortable with being you before you can go into another relationship. If you don’t adjust to being alone, you might run the risk of taking the old relationship with you into a new one. This is a transition, allow yourself time to adjust.

When your mate is gone, you have to take the time to get reacquainted with the new you. Notice I did not say the old you. You have grown as a person so you can’t go back to the “old” you. You have to establish the new you.

What is the “new” you? The new you is a person who is transitioning from being with someone to being alone. What is the “new” you? The new you is a person who is transitioning from being with someone to being alone. This is a challenge, the longer you were in the relationship the harder it might be for you to adjust; especially if the relationship you were in defined who you are. You will have to be willing to do the work and stay focused. Here are some tips to help you:

1. Take time to be alone-No distractions, this is very important. This means no television, no friends interrupting and no phone calls or computer. You are going to have to fit time in your schedule to be alone. Read on.
2. Sit in the quietness-no sounds, turn the phones off. Do this for 10 minutes to start off with. We’re only doing this for a little bit at first. Your mind will be start to wander about other things you could be doing. Keep your mind focused on the here and now, and the quietness. Don’t think about anything. Just sit and relax. What you are doing is giving your body and your mind time to adjust to doing nothing. You are getting comfortable with you. Your mind is becoming comfortable with no distractions, just you. Try to do this twice a day.
3. Go by yourself-start going places by yourself. You might be used to meeting up with your friends. Do not stop doing this; just go to a place or two by yourself. Remember, you are adjusting to being alone. While you were in a relationship you had a routine. You went places and did things together. It is time to do them some of those things by yourself.
4. Go to different places than you use to. You are reestablishing who you are. You are redefining who you are. When you are finished with this process you will become a better person, you will gain a new level of self-confidence. Hint: At this point if you go back to the same places you visited while you were in a relationship you are going to get upset, you don’t want this as you are not ready to deal with the emotions and you just might try and drown them out. This is why you are going to new places.
5. Talk to your friends-tell them the good and the bad. What you are having a hard time adjusting to. Remember, your friends are there to help you. Ask them to hold off fixing you up with anybody until you have adjusted to the new you.
6. Time to deal with the emotions-After you have become comfortable sitting with yourself and doing things by yourself you can look at what happened in the relationship and come to terms with what you miss. Be honest with yourself. Write down what you liked and disliked about it.

The more you sit in the quietness the more you get use to you. You should be able to go out to eat by yourself and go to your favorite places by yourself. You should feel comfortable in your own skin. You have raised your level of self-awareness as well as your self-confidence.

In the beginning it was normal to feel lonely. Let’s face it, you were used to doing things and going places with another person. At this point, the feeling of loneliness should be diminishing every day. You should be feeling alone, but not lonely. You are comfortable in your own skin. You are comfortable with being you.

If you are having trouble working through your thoughts and dealing with the emotions of being alone, or if you are fighting feelings of depression, you might need to talk to someone who specializes in this. If you find that you have started to drown out the feelings associated with being alone, then it’s time to speak with someone who specializes this. Some people have a hard time coping with being alone. Some people can’t cope and turn to other habits such as food, alcohol and drugs, etc. in order to not feel what they perceive as pain from being alone. This is not healthy. Do yourself a favor and talk to someone. It is better than suffering alone.