Changing Patterns of Thinking

Many of our patterns of thinking and habits of dealing with life happen unconsciously. Many of these were ‘downloaded’ in early childhood. These patterns of thinking and behaviour repeat themselves automatically whenever a similar situation comes up. Before you know what’s happened, you’ve recreated the same outcome again. That’s fine when the pattern serves you well, but what can you do with patterns that don’t serve you well or support what you want in your life?

In Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) terms, a strategy is made up of the steps that follow one after the other to end in an outcome. The first step in making a change towards resourceful thinking is to become aware of what behaviour of thought isn’t serving you.

What ‘problems’ arise over and over in your life? Do financial problems keep happening no matter what you do? Does every intimate relationship eventually fall apart in a heap of pain? Are you always dealing with health issues, one thing after the other? Does success seem to elude you? If you don’t want these patterns to continue, can you figure out how you are doing them? Yes you! Not why is this happening to you (which you have no ability to change), but HOW you create it.

It’s very important to be both curious about all of this and gentle with yourself. After all, it’s not something you are doing consciously. It’s a pattern that you likely created at a young age to survive in your family and the world. However, it’s no longer serving you and when you understand and accept that you create what happens in your life, the power to change it becomes yours.

For example, I’ve had difficulty making decisions about major purchases. When I would finally make a decision and buy the item, I would continually question the decision, doubting whether or not I’d made the ‘best’ choice. Rather than enjoying the car, house or kayak I’d bought, I’d be so stuck in rounds of doubt that I could hardly enjoy my new purchase.

When I became aware of the ‘strategy’ I’d been using to make major purchases (and sometimes even minor ones), I realized I had a pattern that included many rounds of doing extensive research about options. In my old strategy, I opened up too many options or possibilities, wanting perfection. I could never be happy with my choice because it was likely that there was something more perfect out there waiting to be found.

Recognizing the old pattern, I now make purchase decisions after doing just enough research to know I'm making a good choice and leave it at that. I look for what will serve me well, rather than ‘perfect’ solutions. I also notice where good things arrive even if I don’t research the options. It’s simpler and helps me enjoy what I create and what life brings!

Something to try:

Find an issue or problem that has become a repeating ‘habit’ in your life. Figure out HOW you do this problem. When it comes up, watch yourself as an observer with curious interest and simply notice. Next time a similar situation comes up, try changing something. You might say something different to yourself, or if you hear a voice in your head, turn it into a funny or silly one. Above all, have some fun with this.