Clutter: Attempting to fill the space within

There’s certain energy and power in ownership. Society tells us it’s the American dream to accumulate. The house, the car, the toys, the accessories, the clothes. You set your sites on these things and once you have it all everything will be fine. Right? For some this may be true, for many it’s an illusion; the beautiful palm tree and cool thirst quenching pool (mirage) in the journey of our lives that continues to stay just out of reach.

We accumulate to fill the space that we’re convinced is fillable. The truth is there is a leak in the bottom of the space and everything material falls through, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, like the feeling of never being able to satisfy your thirst on a hot day.

The space is in each one of us, our spirit. The leak, on the other hand doesn’t happen for everyone – it may have begun with lack, or the perception of lack. It could be lack of touch, love or communication as a child, lack of healthy boundaries, or a lack of safety as a child where abuse pierced your spirit.

We begin walking through life accumulating things with which to fill the space; more and better clothes, the house, the cars and before we know it we’re buried beneath the stuff and often the debt that comes with it. We’re still unsatisfied, we’re still lonely, we’re still not quite sure what, but something is missing. So we shop, eat, love, drink and accumulate more. The cycle continues.

The First Step
The first step is to recognize the unmanageability created by this cycle and that all valiant efforts to control it have availed you nothing. You can certainly keep trying nothing changes, until something changes.

So, here’s what you do. Admit this isn’t working, say it to yourself in your best Dr. Phil voice, “How’s that workin’ for ya?” Admitting you can’t fix it alone is the most powerful step you can take towards choosing another way.

So Now What?
Move forward in healing. Do the inner work that heals the leak and feeds your spirit with nurturing self care. Like using the rear and side view mirrors in your car you can glance back at where you’ve been but beware of spending too much timing looking in the rear view mirror while going forward….the real work is right behind the wheel, looking forward and choosing a new way. Here are a few ideas you can try.

1. Journal – writing on paper with a pen is a powerful healing tool. It brings the volume of chatter down in your head and makes room for the truth. (write on paper not into the computer.
2. Talk it out – find a trusted friend who can be honest with you, I mean really honest.
3. Attend a support group or 12-step group that addresses your area of need (alcohol, drugs, codependence, shopping, gambling, eating, sex). You can Google local resources.
4. Be kind to yourself. This is a journey, it didn’t come to this over night – life is not about arriving, it’s about the learning journey.
5. Acknowledge yourself for the steps you are taking, see the slightest progress as just that, PROGRESS!

Slight persistent effort is the key; it may feel like no progress is being made. The truth is much of the work is done at a level we are not fully aware of, often for a long time before we start to experience the changes. Action follows motivation so taking the actions listed above begins the transformation process. Give yourself the gift of healing.