Conquering Negative Emotions

You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass...

On television Sally hears a man who is being interviewed comment about a woman skillfully kayaking down a class 5 rapids. “Hey,” he comments, “that’s pretty good for a woman!” She thinks, “That’s a pretty sexist comment; he’s a jerk. Why do men act that way?” She begins to feel really angry and irritable as stress chemicals enter her bloodstream.

A little while later when her husband comes home, she snaps at him over some minor issue. He feels hurt and responds, “Why are you always so angry with me?” and he withdraws emotionally. They eat dinner in silence, and she has trouble getting to sleep that night. The next morning he refuses to kiss her before heading out to work.

A sad, but very common situation.
This is an example of the kind of scenario that takes place in most of our lives over and over, chipping away at our happiness, our relationships, and our success in life.

Although they are both unaware of it, they have suffered and will continue to suffer due to their emotional reactions to events in their lives.


Emotions serve purpose
Negative, or unpleasant, emotions are valuable messengers from our paleomammalian cortex (the home of our “subconscious mind,” the so-called limbic system). Their purpose is to inform the higher thought centers (the neocortex, home of your “conscious mind”) of a possible threat to our life or wellbeing. The best response is to decide, “Is there a problem that I can act to resolve right now or not?” If there is, The appropriate action to take is to respond intelligently and let the emotion go. and even if there's nothing specific you can “do," let the emotion go as well; it has served its purpose.

Negative emotions, such as anger, fear, anxiety, sadness, and resentment that hang around long after they have served their proper function (informing us) are the primary cause of most of our unhappiness, failure, and broken relationships and most of our physical illnesses as well. dealing effectively with them is the key to self – healing.

In this scenario, Sally is experiencing resentment as a result of prior experiences of sexism whose trauma has not been healed, and Her husband is reacting by extending his history of feeling rejected.

Transcending feelings of helplessness
When we are feeling relaxed and secure, we are easy prey to the myriad forces invading our consciousness every day. Advertisements designed to frighten us, alarming news reports of terrorism and crime in our neighborhoods, insecure and in adequate employment, traffic jams and drunken drivers each trigger our internal stress responses (fight or flight reaction). Their goal is to capture our attention so they can sell us products and candidates through hypnotic techniques. Unable to attack or flee from the true cause, our lingering emotions injure our relationships, inhibit our performance and make us sick.

When words and random events, like reckless drivers we encounter on the highway, can control you, then others and arbitrary events can control you. Mindless anger, frightened withdrawal, or suppressing your feelings and wearing a mask of serenity only make things worse. (They are the feeble responses of a brain that feels helpless.)

Your true power becomes available to you when you realize that you are not helpless, and that you possess the tools to respond wisely.

Awareness
First, and this is extremely important, you must realize that anger and irritability are not appropriate responses to video clips on television, Just as dejection and withdrawal are never helpful in marital relationships.

Decision
The next step is to become aware of the message the emotion is bringing to you, and then decide to release the emotion.

Relaxation
Next, and for this step you may need some skills or training, release excess tension from your body and empty your mind of all but peaceful thoughts. Techniques such as deep relaxation, meditation, prayer (prayers of gratitude), mindfulness, and self-hypnosis all teach methods of reaching what I call “your inner island of peace.”

Wisdom and Choices
Now, from your island of peace, you can look, in detached and thoughtful manner, at the situation and choose the behavior that you know/believe will produce the most desirable long-term outcome. Because negative emotions inhibit your cognitive functioning, this relaxation now gives you access to your higher intellect and the ability to make a wise choice.

Action
Finally, activate the behavior of most likely to produce the outcome you most want, through the use of mental image rehearsal. This means picturing in your mind an image of yourself and acting that most desirable behavior. (Action)

In other words, you can act with true power and wisdom when you can
pause before you react or speak take a deep breath in release the stress as you release that breath and accept the moment exactly as it is, with serenity.