Some people, especially in the Western region, view sex as a source of recreation rather than a means of transformation. They tend to focus more on the end goal – the destination, rather than the journey. In Tantra, every intimate moment is an opportunity to experience optimum pleasure and connect with your partner more fully. Last week’s article, Exploring the Art of Tantra – Taking Your Lovemaking to a Deeper Level, discussed the general concept of Tantra so you may want to review it before delving further into this vast pool of possibilities and potential pleasure beyond human comprehension.

First of all, Tantra is a practice, in essence a specific form of yoga. It is not about putting your heels behind your head or getting into crazy sexual positions. Many people think of yoga as purely physical and forcing your body into various pretzel twists like a contortionist. Tantra yoga is about being aware of your breathing – prana, life-force energy. It is also being aware of your body and all of your senses, as well as your connection to the energy of the earth and all that is. This may sound a bit “woo woo” to some who are not yet familiar with this type of spirituality, however it is the most natural innate aspect of humanity – to simply feel and experience the present moment without judgment or any thought whatsoever.

“Yoga, an ancient but perfect science, deals with the evolution of humanity. This evolution includes all aspects of one’s being, from bodily health to self realization. Yoga means union – the union of body with consciousness and consciousness with the soul. Yoga cultivates the ways of maintaining a balanced attitude in day to day life and endows skill in the performance of one’s actions.” – B.K.S. Iyengar

Tantra is basically spiritual sexology … because Tantra is the only science which teaches you expression of sex — not as indulgence, but as a spiritual discipline. This is a transformation of a biological phenomenon into spirituality. You must first learn to practice Tantra Yoga on your own before bringing it into your lovemaking. The more comfortable you are in your own skin, with your own breath, and being fully present with your conscious awareness – the better you can maintain that sense of meditation during sexual intimacy. Also you can better direct your partner to stay focused on rhythmic breathing and movements, maintaining eye contact and a deep soulful connection, while fully surrendering to flow of intense pleasure and ecstasy.

Leading teachers of Tantra suggest that even men who experience premature ejaculation can learn how to extend orgasm. With practice, both females and males can enjoy long, extended orgasms that transport the couple in union to an altered state. One of the most well known advocates of Tantra is the musician, Sting, who credits his fulfilling sex life to this ancient art. With ingredients such as love, trust and mutual respect, the magic of Tantra is available to couples of all ages and levels of sexual experience.

As you experiment with Tantric techniques, don’t worry whether you are doing something the “right” way. Tantra does not judge right or wrong, good or bad. Ultimately, your pleasure is what matters most. When transitioning into sex, the idea is to maintain a state of sexual ecstasy for as long as possible. Tantric lovemaking is not result-oriented, but rather, timeless and unstructured. Here are a few suggestions:

Maintain a deep level of intimacy. Continue to gaze into each other’s eyes as much as possible. Gently caress and lightly kiss your lover’s face, neck and shoulders. Whisper words of love and encouragement to help each other feel loved and desired.

Keep it slow. A long, slow build helps men control orgasm and piques women’s arousal. The longer you linger in this process of building energy, the longer men can resist ejaculation. During this time, focus on each other. If your thoughts should wander, gently bring your attention back to the present, concentrating on your lover and the magic of the moment at hand.

Bring your attention back to your breath. Resist the urge to breathe quickly. Quick breathing or panting creates arousal, speeding you toward orgasm. Instead, take long, slow, deep breaths from the belly, exhaling gradually. You may match your breath to that of your partner, or try breathing alternately—as you inhale, your partner exhales. This moves energy back and forth and connects you to your lover.

Vary your positions to explore your duality. Different sex positions add to sexual pleasure and balance male and female energies. When lovers release themselves from gender roles, they are free to engage in deeper, more intimate sex. Men realize their sexual potential through surrender, by being soft and open, gentle and vulnerable. Women, in turn, can direct and initiate. As you experiment with different positions, some male-dominant, some female-dominant, explore your capacity to be strong and gentle, generous and receptive.

Resist ejaculation. For most men, there is a “point of no return” where if you cross that fine line, there is no stopping the inevitable ejaculation. It can be an extremely pleasurable practice to ‘dance’ on that line to see how close you can get, and then pull back – which may mean pausing for a time before continuing with intercourse. After doing this several times, he can learn to experience waves of orgasmic pleasure without actually ejaculating. However don’t act disappointed if he does, as it is perfectly natural and sometimes difficult to control.

Use a long-lasting lubrication. Extended friction is sometimes painful and your sensitive areas may become sore and raw. Using additional lubrication feels soothing and enables you to last a lot longer for those all-night ‘sexathons’. There are several lubes available such as The Natural with all-natural ingredients and several qualities. Or there is Gel Sensual, which is a thick silky glide/lubrication with medical grade silicone for long-lasting pleasure.

Of course there are a lot of terrific resources in books, videos and on-line. Because Tantra is such an extensive topic with numerous different perspectives, it is important to find information and utilize techniques that resonate with your personal relationship and lifestyle.

Author's Bio: 

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Allura Joy has counselled women and couples for many years in the areas of personal relationships, sexuality, natural health & wellness, and various holistic therapies. Allura has facilitated various women's groups, retreats, conferences and special events for women to come together in community to share, connect and support one another.

Allura is a published author, certified Hypnotherapist, Life Coach, NLP Master Practitioner, Licensed Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor. She enjoys writing articles to empower women in their sexuality, promoting a healthy fulfilling sex life - with or without a partner! Check out Allura's blog, Straight UP Girl Talk: