How Can Professional Women Help Protect Themselves and Their Children From Abuse?

How many women have to be abducted, raped and/or beaten before our society says “no more”. As professional women we know the aftermath to such abuse, especially repeated attacks over time propagated on young people, leave deep scars. Many women find it is difficult if not impossible to ever have a healthy relationship with a man again, as their trust has been so broken.

I don’t think men who do these despicable crimes think or care about how their actions affect their victims. I hear they generally just dehumanize the other person, and therefore have no adverse feelings about the atrocious things they have done. Some still believe girls/women are basically slaves (remember we only fought for and won the right to vote in 1920, when we also were then finally considered by law to be citizens). Before that time many men believed we were just property of first our fathers then our husbands.

We still struggle to get equal pay for equal work. Women only make about 77% of a man’s salary in the U.S.A. today and there continues to be a glass ceiling, although tenacious women are beginning to break through it. The woman’s movement in the late 1960’s helped the process of women being considered to be equal human beings at least in the workforce. However, we still hear of sexual harassment, most recently being exposed in our military. Therefore the belief system of some men is still in cave men days, even though we have become surfacely very civilized.

How Can Professional Women Help Modernize Men’s Beliefs and Reduce Abuse?

Changing beliefs often takes many years after enlightened legislators have created laws. For example, we passed laws in the 1970s so that we now can prosecute men for beating their wives/girlfriends. I remember over hearing two men in their 70’s in 1995, complaining that when they were young and had a bad at work they could come home and beat the “old lady” but now the women actually might fight back! I was good and didn’t jump up to give the old man a piece of my mind that day, but it hit me that probably around the end of World War II, this was a common belief among many men. My point is that in 2013, more men may already realize that at least it is unlawful to hit or rape women, more of us are fighting back so we are not as easy to be victimized, and women are seeking help more often legally and through agencies that help abused women, but the problem does still exist.

Some specific ways to help women and their daughters prevent being abused include:

1. Be really careful who babysits your daughters. Just because someone is a friend or relative does not mean they are trustworthy.

2. Teach your daughters to tell you if someone touches them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable, as often molesters groom their victims before they engage in serious sexual abuse. My mother described my “personals” as being between my neck and knees. Although she was only five feet tall, she also let me know that if anyone threatened to hurt her or our family, she was quite capable of defending us—and I believed her.

3. Always be aware of your surroundings. Refrain from using head phones or cell phones when walking, as they can distract you from hearing someone coming up behind you.

4. Date rape is more common than you may think. My parents demanded the boy come into the house and meet them. They were clear about curfew and respecting me and looked stern while sharing those expectations. Boyfriends usually referred to my parents as “ma’am and sir” and not surprisingly acted like gentlemen.

5. Taking rides from strangers or even neighbors/parents of peers without parental screening is never a good idea.

6. Personally I hold a black belt in a martial art similar to Judo. While it is not aggressive, Aikido is very effective. Knowing how to defend yourself can boost your confidence and also can help you stay focused if you are attacked.

7. If the unthinkable does occur, please reach out to trained professionals who can help you recover. Rape is a violent attack and in no way is the victim’s fault.

Remember staying safe takes awareness and planning, but training helps too!