How To Change My Husband Character: Things I Want My Husband To Change

How To Change My Husband Character: Things I Want My Husband To Change

I have heard it so many times! "Why did I married this man or woman?," or "How do I know I married for the right reasons?," or "I don't know what happened to my marriage but I think I married the wrong person!"

Really... "How do you know if you married the right person?"

Short answer: You never know! You'll never know!

Long answer: You never know! You'll never know!

There is no way to know, because when you "fell in love" you didn't think "marriage." Understand?

"Falling in love" is not difficult. You look forward to meeting that person, you wait for those telephone calls, you want to be touched, you like their uniqueness in whatever form or shape it comes. "Falling in love" is simple. It's spontaneous. It's passive! You DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING to "fall in love"... It simply "happens" to you! That's why it's called "falling in love!" "Falling in love" gives you the illusion of passion and fulfillment but in reality it's a very passive form of love!

Now, when "marriage" has been on the roll for a few years, the euphoric feelings of love have usually dissipated. But you see, this is the way all relationships go. I like to say that all marriages move from ROMANTIC LOVE to MARRIAGE! When "marriage" settles in, the anticipated telephone calls are a bother. The touching is not always welcome. The uniqueness of that person now wants to make you scream! Now, you slowly begin to find out that "cute" drives you "bananas" and "handsome" is just too much! The girl that attracted you in the "love" stage is now the "bit**" and the handsome man has turn into a "jerk" or even worse!

The profile of each couple is different. The manifestations of the passage from "love to marriage" may vary. The number of years may vary. There may be more or less love in the initial stages and more or less anger, dullness and disappointment in the later stages but all couples go through those stages. And it is at that critical point, (the passage from love to marriage) when I usually hear a spouse asking the infamous question. "Is this the same person I married 25 years ago?" or "I surely made a mistake!" And the darkest thoughts begin to lure him/her in the direction of divorce.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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If the conflict lingers in the mind for too long and reaches the deeper levels of the emotions the divorce becomes more and more attractive as a way out of a perceived miserable situation.

A dull mood usually develops during this stage. It begins with a skeptic look at the other partner. A sense of contempt. High levels of irritability. Inability to resolve conflict. Perhaps you remember your past "love" stage and begin to long for it and fantasize with the idea of having that "love" experienced with someone else. Affairs happen very often during this stage. People loose their equilibrium. Spouses don't only hurt each other but their kids, families and others involved in the affair. This is when marriages breakdown. Spouses in an affair usually blame their spouse for their unhappiness and try to justify their behavior by creating exaggerated stories about the other.

But "affairs" don't always happen in the form of "marital infidelity." Many times people find extramarital fulfillment in activities outside of marriage such as work, a profession, church, religion, a hobby, a friendship, substance abuse, social life or "traveling for business."

The key to understanding this dilemma is this: "Love" happens! Marriage does not happen! So, really... who cares if you married the right person 25 years ago? You will never know! That's why close to 75% of second marriages fail. Once the love stage disappears in a second marriage (usually very fast) people face the same conflicts and the same issues as before. Divorce simply creates the illusion of TEMPORARY RELIEF. You feel better... for just for a little while. Then back to real life. I like to tell the people I coach that "being in love" is like weekends... Being married is like "Monday"... Back to real life!

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT IN FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S IN LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH! That's it! Simple!

Good, healthy, fit marriages are not made by wishful thinking. Good marriages have one component that bad marriages don't have... Love is active the right way... Good marriages believe that love is a verb! It needs to be conjugated in behalf of the other person! LOVE IS MADE TO HAPPEN by design! Consistently, I have found out that one or both spouses of bad and divorced marriages believe in passive love or practice the wrong kind of love. If love is not given in the way the other person needs it, it ceases to be love!

Love takes time, effort and energy. Love takes some thinking to make it happen. Love calls for creative energy. And more than anything else, love calls for WISDOM. You must know what to do to make your marriage work. Marriages in conflict seldom know how to practice good, healthy love. Either one of them, of both refuse to do what's needed in order to create a new synergy in the relationship. Very often people are dumbfounded when they find out how simple it is to recreate the love they once felt.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Love is not a mystery. Love happens under two circumstances:

o Once, when you are physically attracted to that one person you CHOSE as a partner for life.

o Second, love happens when you make it happen.

There are very specific things you can do to recreate love in your relationship. Just as there are physical laws of the universe, there are laws for relationships and they are not hard to understand and implement. Just as the right diet and a workout program makes you physically fit, there is a diet and habits that must be implemented to create a healthy marriage. No way around it! It's a matter of cause and effect. Smart marriage partners "make love happen" all the time by learning habits that bring back the feelings of love they once felt passively.

Did you married the right person? You will never know. Who cares, anyway? You can make your partner the right person by choosing to love actively. You will be happier and most likely your kids will benefit beyond your wildest imagination!

Here are the keys to success when you make that choice:

o Choice must be followed by massive ACTION. Choice without ACTION is empty! ACTION is about doing what's right! LOVING for the sake of the other person not for your own pleasure.

o ACTION always precedes understanding. Don't wait to act until you understand. You will never understand until you ACT! That's one of the laws of emotional growth.

o UNDERSTANDING will then, lead you into new behaviors. Once you see what happens when you ACT (Do what's best for the other person) you will UNDERSTAND your partner and that will move you to create new behaviors for the sake of the other person and your own betterment.

o NEW BEHAVIORS will create a new environment.

o A NEW ENVIRONMENT will create NEW FEELINGS. That's what I call a sense of renewal. It's often felt as "falling in love" all over again!
The "Life Zone" (ADR-Action Driven Results) formula for a healthy marriage is the same we use to coach people who are recovering from divorce and emotional pain. The keys of emotional, spiritual and relational wellness are the same that improve the fitness of a marriage and help spouses avoid divorce.

Psychotherapy and analytical thinking usually begin with understanding. We don't believe in that approach. We believe that change begins with ACTION. "Action Driven Results" create immediate feedback and positive energy. The best way to resolve marital conflict and create new love is to ACT in the midst of your marriage, not divorce to understand and get re-married to a better partner.

Instead of asking if you marry the right person, CHOOSE the person you CHOSE to marry as your partner for life and by an act of the will do what's right for yourself, your children and your world around!

Pay Close Attention Here-

Now listen carefully! Take 2 minutes to read the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. There is a set of easy to follow psychological tricks which will save your marriage and get you back to that place you once were - in love, committed and excited about the future - within a few days guaranteed. I strongly urge you to read everything on the next page before it's too late and time runs out- Click Here

If you're like most people, you probably entered into marriage with a number of unchallenged assumptions in place. These assumptions may have been about what marriage is and entails, about love, or about your spouse. While you may have already bumped into reality concerning some of your assumptions, you still may be operating with others firmly in place.

Why should you be concerned if this is the case? Because what you aren't aware of can blindside you down the marital road, that's why. Life throws in enough surprises on its own, so you don't want to be caught off guard unnecessarily.

The following misguided assumptions can get you into trouble in your marriage. Review them for a quick reality check:

1. You should always feel loving toward your spouse.

It's not realistic to think that you'll always have loving feelings toward your spouse. There are occasions when Lee and I are upset with each other and we don't like each other very much. We may have to make an effort to remind ourselves of the other person's positive traits.

At those times, we know that underneath all of our upset feelings we still love each other, but the predominant feelings we're experiencing are anger and hurt. And it's difficult to feel loving when you're frustrated, feeling resentful, or harboring anger toward your spouse.

That's when it's vitally important to clear the air as soon as possible so you can be in harmony with your spouse and get those loving feelings back.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

2. Love should consistently feel the same way.

Feelings vary in intensity over time. It's just not possible to experience forever the ecstatic feelings that can be there when a relationship is new and you've just fallen in love. At that time, every sensation is ultra intense and heightened.

But the feelings associated with the initial or honeymoon period of every relationship eventually change. Love deepens and grows in different ways.

Of course, there are still wonderful high's, but there are other feelings in the cycle of love that you also experience--a rhythmic waning and waxing of desire, the enjoyment of companionship, and the comfortableness of knowing someone well and sharing a history together. Love has many faces and produces a variety of feelings during a marriage.

3. Your spouse should just "know" what you need without you having to tell him or her.

It's not unusual to feel that if your spouse really loved you, he or she would somehow be aware of your needs and desires without having to ask you. But in reality, most of us do rather poorly when we try to second guess someone else or try to "read their mind."

This particular assumption leads to many hurt feelings in a marriage. "He should have known that I wouldn't want to celebrate my birthday with his family." Or "She should have known that all I wanted from her was a little understanding and sympathy."

When this happens, spouses often erroneously conclude that their spouse must not love them or they would have been more tuned in to their wishes and needs. But the responsibility to let your spouse know what you need and want ultimately rests on you. Give your partner feedback and clues so he or she can have the information needed to make different choices.

4. If you really love each other, keeping a loving relationship shouldn't take much work.

I've heard this or statements similar to this numerous times. But the sobering reality is that relationships always take a lot of work.

It's a challenge to keep the communication channels clear of debris and residue from disagreements. It takes time and effort to follow up by checking with the other person to be sure that things aren't building up under the surface and that everything is truly okay now.

This process can be compared to housecleaning. You can clean the house one week, but by the next week it needs cleaning again. It's a constant cycle--the same is true in a marriage relationship. What you ignore doesn't just go away; it stays right where it is, waiting for more dust or debris to collect on top of it.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

5. Being married lets you off the hook in the romance department and sets you up in the sex department.

This assumption has tripped many spouses up. As a counselor, many times I've heard the statement, "But I thought now that we're married, I didn't have to do all of that romantic stuff I used to do."

Often this is said when the marriage problems are already serious and the marriage is in crisis. It just makes good sense to take the offensive and make the effort to find ways to be romantic throughout your marriage. If you do, you'll be accumulating those "good will" bank deposits or "brownie points" that Lee likes to talk about.

And as for thinking that marriage assures you of unlimited great sex without any extra effort on your part, that's a fantasy. Emotional intimacy sets the stage for great sex and depends on good communication, plus a host of other qualities such as sensitivity and empathy, all of which take work.

6. Your spouse will speak up and tell you if he or she is unhappy in the marriage.

This is an assumption which has been the undoing of many marriages. The reality is that numerous spouses are uncomfortable with anger and are afraid that expressing it will damage the relationship. So they try to bury their feelings and pretend that everything is okay.

It pays to be observant and pay attention to your spouse's tone of voice and non-verbal communication. It also pays to learn to disagree without attacking each other and to be respectful even when you don't understand how your spouse could possibly have such odd ideas.

When you create a safe environment for discussing your real feelings, you increase the likelihood that your spouse will gain the courage to share from the heart with you. You can help this process by taking the lead in making yourself vulnerable by sharing your real feelings in a respectful way.

7. The commitment expressed in your wedding vows is enough to sustain your relationship.

The commitment you made to your spouse and marriage on your wedding day was certainly important--and it counts for a lot. But it's not enough.

It's all-too-easy to treat the marriage commitment as a one-time thing, when the reality is that a satisfying, healthy relationship requires daily commitment--over and over again, day by day. It's similar to what individuals do who are successful in 12-step programs for sobriety--they recommit to their sobriety each day.

The recovering alcoholic may say, "Just for today, I'm sober, with God's help." The spouse with a successful marriage makes a daily commitment, also, even if it's unspoken--"Today I will honor my marriage and be the best supportive partner I can be." It's that level of daily dedication and commitment that makes the difference in marriages that make it and those that don't.

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

Save your marriage now and visit Save The Marriage

Learning how to save your marriage is not about how to express your individualism, pursue your dreams and lots of other nonsense you see written about being married.

If you want your marriage to survive and thrive then you need to find out what marriage is really about. Do not get me wrong, you do not have to give up being yourself in order to be part of a happy and successful marriage; but it is not just all about you.

Often people get married in a cloud of emotion and once that cloud dissipates and the reality of life kicks in they feel trapped and may even rebel; sometimes with outward bursts of anger directed at their spouse.

You need not feel bad or guilty if you have fallen into this trap, after all, did anyone ever teach you how to be married? Most of us only have the example of our parents, and with so many broken households these days, who sees a good example?

A business secret that can help you saving your marriage.

It turns out that some good old business advice can help you with how to save your marriage. Surprised?

While not the business entity preferred by many, even myself, the simple partnership is very common in the working world. Most fail; gee, does that sound familiar at all?

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

When you want to save your business partnership, start out by talking things out with your business partner.

When you want to save your marriage, possibly even needing to stop divorce, then take a chapter from the business world and talk things out with your spouse, your marriage partner.

Is talking with your spouse difficult? That happens, and it comes as a surprise to many of us, especially considering the hours, days and nights when we first met when we talked all the time.

Hopefully you got married because you love each other, even though those feelings of love may not seem real prevalent right now. Chances are the much of this occurred because one or both of you tried going it on your own just a little too much.

Many times people will consent to something if only asked first, the resentment many times comes when they feel their input was not required, let alone invited.

Now can be the time to change that, breaking down the wall that may have grown between you and allowing hearts to soften and love to flow.

Marriage is indeed a partnership, and that partnership can certainly allow for much individuality. Yet you must always make certain to consider how your words or actions will affect your partner - from their perspective.

If you are newly married then you may find adjusting your path in marriage a little bit easier. If you have been married a long time then these "ruts" leading the wrong direction may be harder to break out of, but still possible.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

My client, stayed steady with all his improved behavior towards his wife. He spoke kindly to her, asked if she needed anything, asked her to dinner, he was a true gentleman. While you wait for your spouse to return home from their affair, learn how to be alone, take care of yourself, be healthy for the wayward spouse when they come back. If you're unhealthy emotionally, what do they have to look forward to if and when they come back home? If you're unhealthy, they will run as fast as they can from you, never looking back. Do you know that you will control a lot that will happen when your partner comes back home? Your attitude, your tongue (what you say), your commitment, your love towards your spouse, and most importantly, your unconditional love towards the one that has offended you must be felt and seen. Don't keep reminders around the home that proves they have been unfaithful to you. Don't hold their past over their head, or keep reminding them that you know all of their faults.

One of my clients wife did that, and she wouldn't show him her evidence. She kept reminding him and repeating she knew he was cheating on her. She never had any evidence, just her thoughts and her written suspicions on paper! Just a ruse to cause tension in the home. So, if you really want to save your marriage stop reminding your spouse of their past and how it caused you pain.

If you want to save your marriage, have healthy people around you, people who will encourage you to keep the marriage intact. People you can call and will be uplifting to you. If you have some friends that are suggesting that you end your marriage, that you want to save and work on, then either cut them out of your life, or don't share any of your marriage problems with these kind of people. Most of the time what you share in secret with unhealthy people will be shouted from the roof tops, meaning, you will be gossiped about..A big problem with some men and women who are trying to save their marriages is dealing with their bitterness. Bitterness can creep into people trying to hold on to save a their marriage. They start to focus on the one that is involved with their spouse. They will blame the person who is having an affair with their partner, and struggle with the one who left the marriage to have an affair.

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When my wife was having her affair, I wanted to leave the marriage (knee jerk reaction most people have). I still loved her, she knew that, I expressed that all the time we talked. I had a lot of turmoil within me about her affair. But I have to be honest with you, it was very difficult to love her 100%. It would ebb and flow from day to day. Some days my love towards her was strong and I wanted to work on the marriage, other days, not so much. I decided that I had to show her real love every day, day in and day out. I had to commit to that, she needed to see that from me. She would say very hurtful things, just to make a dig here and there!

My ex wanted out, she wasn't making things easy for me. She had excuses for not going to counseling, or meeting with me to talk. I had to prepare myself for hearing the words "I'm having an affair", they never came, nor would she admit to having one. Yet, people I knew saw her with another man. She was in denial, and I'm sure she would tell anyone who confronted her, he was just a friend. The people I counsel and divorce coach with, would tell you that a spouse having an affair is the worst thing that can happen in a marriage. Most of us would agree. This is one of the toughest challenges you must face if you want to save your marriage. You have to forgive that person, continue to love your spouse through it all. I'm not saying that you don't have the right to be mad, angry, and all that goes with finding out that you have been cheated on, these feelings are natural and need to be released. I want you to think about learning to trust again. It will take time, but are you willing to try?

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.