How To Change My Marriage: Things To Do To Strengthen Your Marriage

If your marriage is in trouble, there are some simple yet important tips I can offer you right now to improve your marriage and help get you both on the road back to "happily ever after"

Staying together requires more than just finding time for each other and taking care of your appearances. Here are some ways to help you begin your journey back to a committed, successful relationship:

Stay committed to your vows.

It's much easier to throw in the towel if you are always holding it in your hand. If you know that you have a way out, you are more likely not to want to work through the problems. These days spouses pull out of the commitment too soon and too often. We take vows for a reason, so remember that next time you bring up the word "divorce."

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Refrain from controlling or managing your spouse.

It's impossible to have complete control over another person. We can't reach into the thoughts and fantasies of our spouses and change them. So it's best to accept that he or she is a whole other person who makes decisions for themselves and has their own needs and wants separate from your own. Next time you feel the urge to get on your partner's case, think of three ways you can better manage and control YOUR behavior in the marriage and focus on that task instead.

Use loving language and a respectful tone of voice with your spouse.

So often spouses speak to each other like they are two adversary shoremen down at the docks. Never answer your spouse with a loud, obnoxious "WHAT?" we they call your name across the house. Don't roll your eyes at them or curse them out. Speak with a loving, patient and considerate tone of voice. It's so common to see older couples bickering at a restaurant table with such ease that it seems they have spent years treating each other badly. This is never the couple you want to end up like because they are tolerating each other in old age, not enjoying each other's last days together.

Avoid friendships that bring temptation.

Cross-gender friendships are not wise. It's fine to go out with friends of your same sex and enjoy a "girls' night out" or a "boys' night in", but getting close to someone of the opposite sex is too risky. Marriages have up and downs and if there is someone else around who cheers you up during a down, you may end up emotionally attached to that person, which often leads to an affair.

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The problem you have is that you're intent on avoiding divorce in your marriage but it's like the whole world is against you. You don't want to become one of the 50 percent of marriages that end up in divorce every year. And yet, you're frustrated that everyone seems to think divorce is a better option.

What's so great about the possibility of staying home alone eating ice cream in front of the TV? Or picking up your life and even your career after divorce? Or putting yourself out there, desperate to snag a date for Saturday night? Or dealing with children as a single parent?

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

You're avoiding divorce because you still think your marriage is worth saving and having. You're certainly not avoiding divorce because you fear being alone. You just think that a person is better able to bloom when love abounds in his or her life.

So what can one do when everyone -- your parents, your friends -- is intent on making you go down the divorce path? Heck, even your spouse brings up divorce when things are rough. Here are 3 steps you should take --

1. Don't give in, stay your ground
2. Find positive people to support you, outside your current circle
3. Get professional help

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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The causes of sexless marriages can vary widely from person to person and such variety sometimes makes it hard to pinpoint what is really wrong. Some believe that mismatched libidos are just something we have to deal with or move on from but those that have managed to overcome a sexless marriage know better. Marriages with a lack of intimacy and passion are not just inevitable; they are the product of a number of issues that can be untangled and solved.

Some causes of sexless marriages are:

1. Old Resentments - Resentments from unsolved issues can fester away in your spouses mind wether it be unconscious or on the forefront of their thoughts. Over time a wall of resentment can come between you and sometimes... you might not even realise! Uncovering these problems and finding peace from them is a major part of unblocking the desire again.

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2. Body Image Issues - Sometimes your spouse might have some serious problems with their own body. This can be a serious mental hurdle fro them to overcome as they feel un-sexy and as such do not feel like sexual relations. Weight issues, self esteem, aging body and many more can stop both men and women enjoying being naked with you. This is an issue that needs to be treated gently.

3. Physical Issues - Other causes of sexless marriages might be something very physical. Men might experience erection problems and feel inadequate and women might feel pain during intercourse due to a condition which might turn them off. There are many more problems that affect us sexually which need to be taken into account and sometimes it is hard to get your partner to admit some as well.

4. Poor Communication - This relates to all three of he above. With better, more honest communication you can get over most of these problems. However in so many marriages we hold things back and don't want our partners to know things for various reasons. Sometimes we are simply bad at expressing these things as well. Learning proper marital communication is vital to get the intimacy and love flowing again.

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I sometimes hear from wives who are starting to notice great improvements in their relationship when they have been on a trial separation. Often, they want to hope that these improvements mean that the separation might end and that their husband might come home. But they are afraid to address this directly because they are afraid of rejection. So, they aren't sure if it's in their best interest to just be honest and ask their husband if he wants to come home and end the separation, or if they should just wait to see what happens.

I heard from a wife who said: "my husband and I have been on a trial separation for about three months. At first, things were very rough. He was avoiding me and I think that he was considering going out with other women. I didn't know if our marriage would survive, but slowly, it has gotten better. Gradually, we started to talk and see each other more and more. For the past couple of weeks, he has started calling and coming by. We have started flirting with one another. He bought me a present yesterday and swung by my office and asked me to have dinner. At the end of the night, we started kissing but my husband backed away and said that we shouldn't let things go too far. I am practically walking on air because it finally looks like my marriage might have a chance after all. I told one of my coworkers that I was considering asking my husband is he wants to just end the separation and come home. But my coworker feels that this would be rushing things. She said that I would be better off just waiting and making sure that things are right between us before I had this conversation. Is she right? Would I be wrong to ask him to come home and end the separation?"

This wasn't a call that I could make. Only the wife could decide which strategy to use. With that said, I can certainly tell you my opinion on this based on my own experience and on some of the comments that I get on my blog. It's my belief and experience that you are better off waiting until it is obvious that it is time to reconcile. And what I mean by this is that there is no uncertainly, no nervousness as to whether things are going to work out, and no outstanding issues that are still at play. I will explain this more below.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

The Risk of Asking Him To End The Separation: I am fully aware that this probably isn't what you want to hear. I know this because I was in this same situation. And I was very tempted to ask my husband to come back home as soon as I saw the slightest improvement. But, I'd had to work so hard and for so long to achieve any improvement, that I wasn't comfortable risking all of that by pushing too hard. And this suspicion is supported by wives on my blog who regret pushing because it made their husband back away and negated all of the long, hard progress that they have made.

I know that no one wants to wait when a reconciliation is possible. I know that you want your husband back as soon as is possible. But it's my opinion that it is better to wait until there is no longer any doubt rather than to risk taking multiple steps backward by moving too soon.

Building On The Progress That You Have Already Made: I didn't want to discourage this wife or to diminish her excitement over the progress that had been made. She had every reason to feel excited and hopeful. And nothing says that you can build upon the progress that you have made. Continue to date. Continue to flirt. Continue to grow closer because all of these things make it so much easier to work through the issues that lead you to the separation in the first place.

Because there is a real risk in reconciling before you have healed. If you do that, you might find that the issues resurface and lead to either an additional separation or an eventual divorce. But now, you are in a situation when you have an opportunity to strengthen what has been weakened. You have the opportunity to rebuild a stronger foundation and to start again, emerging much more solid than you were before.

So to answer the question posed, it's my opinion that it's in your best interest to wait if there is any doubt that it's time to reconcile. It's my experience that it is better to wait until your husband brings up the topic or until it is just obvious that you both feel the same way. The risk of speaking up only to later regret it is just too great. You don't want for your husband to become hesitant and to back off and avoid you once again. So, at least in my opinion and experience, it makes sense to wait until the outcome is more obvious.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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