How To Change My Marriage: Things To Do To Strengthen Your Marriage

How To Change My Marriage: Things To Do To Strengthen Your Marriage

Like life itself, marriage has its ups and downs. When you find yourself saying ' I am so unhappy in my marriage', there ARE things you can do to find happiness again.

As with any relationship, there are things you can do right now to start to change your marriage, for the better.

If the two of you disagree about something, which happens very often in marriages, stay calm. Don't fight over it - all that does is raise blood pressure and get you even more worked up. This leads to more aggravation, and worse arguing, or even fighting.

Try to keep your cool, as much as possible. Your reaction to what your spouse does or says can trigger an explosive reaction, or can keep your situation calm.

When you're in a marriage, there is no right or wrong. One person simply cannot be in control of everything, every time. That's just not how relationships of any kind work. The two of you must have equal control.

When we get angry, very mean and hurtful words get said. Try not to let these words get to you, if they do come out. Words spoken out of anger are nothing but anger speaking. They are almost immediately regretted, but the pain they cause takes a long time to heal.

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To bring happiness back into your marriage, take some time out. By your taking the time to do something for yourself, you will feel more at ease, and will relieve some of the tension you feel.

Do something with your spouse, or your kids, if you have them. This will take some of the stress off, too. The more physical activity you can do, the better you will feel. This also is a great way to release the build up of anger and stress in the marriage.

Every marriage has its good points as well as bad. When you are in an unhappy marriage, it is all too easy to only see the bad things about it. Take a closer look, and see how many good things your marriage holds. You may be surprised!

Focus on the good qualities of your marriage. By thinking of the good things, you will bring positive energy into your marriage. The more you can do this, the more you will feel happy.

Tell your spouse that you love them. Give them a hug and kiss. There are so many studies that prove physical touch in relationships helps to keep them happy and strong.

Remember what it was like when you were first married. Those feelings don't go away, they just get buried sometimes under boredom and stress, which makes both of you feel unloved, which adds to the unhappiness in the marriage.

Take extra care of yourself - do things you like to do. Relax as much as possible. Let your mind wander back to the good times in your marriage. There ARE good times, although you may have to think a little bit to remember them right now. The more you can remember, the more you will see that this is just a phase your marriage is going through, as you WILL find happiness in your marriage again.

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Let's face it: 100% of marriages have difficulties and problems. It is the nature of such a close relationship. Two people living in close proximity are going to have marriage problems. Statistically speaking, about 1/2 of those marriages survive.

What keeps them together? What makes the difference? Is it more than a toss of the coin? Absolutely!

When Greg and Susan came into my office last week, they were trying to decide upon which side of the coin they would land. Should they stay married? Should they divorce?

Both wanted to tell me all about the faults and problems they had during their 11 years of marriage. Frankly, while I politely listened, where they had been was of relatively little interest to me. I was much more interested in where they wanted to get to!

Problem is, Greg and Susan had both decided that the solution to their problems was in their past. They thought that they needed help communicating better. Greg thought Susan was controlling and needed to change. Susan thought Greg was lackadaisical in his approach to life. More importantly, neither felt loved or appreciated.

So, I decided it was time to stop this cascade of pain and useless dialogue. "Greg, Susan, please stop shooting at each other! You both say you want a good marriage, but I have heard neither of you make a positive contribution to where you want to be!" Greg started to respond, but by the look on his face, I knew he was only going to make a defensive statement.

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I stopped him, "Greg, hold on for a minute. I can tell you, if you want to know, what the secret is to saving your marriage, and to not only save it, but have a marriage you can treasure!"

Now I had their attention! My answer was going to be deceptively simple, but would take them a lifetime to work out. I continued, "The secret to a successful marriage is following the 2 'C's.' Fail in doing that, and you will be in trouble. Follow them, and I promise success."

Greg and Susan had relaxed a bit, but I could tell they were listening intently. "Now, the 2 'C's' are not complicated, but they require some action and dedication. But mostly, they require you to do something you already said you would."

By now, they were looking a bit perplexed. What had they already agreed to?

It was time to let them in on the best marriage advice I could give them. Two simple steps that would lead to a lifetime of happy marriage. I slowly told them about the 2 C's: "The two pieces of the puzzle are Commitment and Connection. If the two of you accept your commitment to the marriage and work on being connected, you cannot fail!"

Let me say a bit about each. First, Commitment: this is the cornerstone of any marriage. It sets the backdrop to a marriage. In most weddings, we promise to stay committed to our spouse, regardless of what the future holds. So the first C is just following through on that promise. Even when things are tough, we rely on having made that commitment. That means we are faced with working it out when there are difficulties. After all, a lifetime commitment requires resolution.

Second, Connection: this is what keeps us wanting to be married. Commitment keeps us married. Connection is the joy. Nurturing connection is a daily activity. It is partly mental -- thinking about a marriage and a spouse in loving and respectful ways. It is partly action -- finding ways to carve space out during the day to connect and reconnect. This is where our priorities show. If we cannot make time to be connected (even 15 minutes per day!), then our marriage is clearly not at the top of our priorities.

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What men want in a woman is someone who is positive in life. This isn't another article about telling you how to see the glass as half-full, it's more so an article that explains why men need a woman who is positive. If she is positive about her outlook in life, as well as how she feels about herself, the man will shower her with affection naturally. There's nothing you can't love about a woman who's positive, unless she's unnaturally positive all the time. Here are three aspects of life your husband wants to see that you're more positive about.

1. Yourself

You can't love anyone who doesn't love themselves. Some women simply can't take it if they give themselves praise. They think that by praising themselves, they're relaxing, or dropping their guard.

What's so attractive about a woman who's on guard all the time? My sister is an example of someone who is never happy with herself. Whatever you have, someone else might kill to have.

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2. What you own

There are plenty of women out there who wish that they have more than what they currently own. They either express their wishes to their husbands, or they simply envy other women who have more than they do.

Like I said in the previous post, you have a lot that many women would never even have the chance to own. By realizing this and being more appreciative of what you have, you will start emitting vibes that make you easier to love. That's also how the abundance mindset works!

3. Us! (your husband)

Us guys aren't perfect. You did get married to us, so can you remember why you married us? If you can't remember, just realize that plenty of women out there die alone. Would you be happy dying alone?

Of course you wouldn't. No one would. If you're more positive, hopefully you're come to appreciate us more too. Maybe the reason that you're not getting much love from us is because you're simply taking us for granted.

What men want in a woman is someone who's positive. She appreciates us for what we are, what she owns and her own assets. Women who can do this are easier to love. If you think that you're not positive enough, just take a trip to some of the seedier parts of your town. Or if you get the change to go to a third-world country, that will open up your eyes.

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When couples decide to undergo therapy together, it means that they have goals in mind and they want to seek resolution in the midst of conflict. That said, seeking the help of a couples' counselor is a proactive decision. A marriage counselor is a third pair of eyes and ears when it comes to distressed couples.

A distressed couple may have difficulties from mental, physical or emotional stresses. Further, with differences in terms of personality and circumstances, couples will certainly experience disputes along the way. After all, not all relationships are perfect, and help through couples' therapy these disputes are easier to sort out.

When couples attend therapy together to resolve their disputes and to restore their love and trust with one another, goals and boundaries must be clearly set. One of the goals of couples' therapy is to build or improve communication lines. More often than not, the root of marital disputes lies on the lack of proper communication among the partnership. This is also the reason why some needs are unmet and misunderstandings between couples ensue. Once a counselor helps couples build or improve their lines of communication, couples essentially learn how to articulate their sentiments and fears without anger or resentment towards their partners. Even outside marriage and in the family, communication is essential.

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Another goal of couples' counseling is to bring back the sense of commitment lost along the way in the marriage. Marriage is bliss, but it can also be brought down by events that can challenge the commitment of a partner to the other. Counselors can help couples develop the dedication they initially have by revisiting the issue/s that caused the commitment to break. Couples can also create other avenues for communication and understanding so that resolution can be attained. It is challenging for couples to move on from a sensitive issue. However, with a counselor who can establish the road to understanding and healing, it can definitely help couples grow stronger and move on as wiser beings.

In hindsight, another goal of couples' counseling is seen in improving family life. When married couples are not on good terms, children receive the stress of the dispute. When this happens, some children may rebel from their parents. Some may absorb the family stress all to themselves, thus sacrificing their right to enjoy their childhood and their youth.

Through counseling, married couples will learn to realize that the relationship they have with their children can also hang on the balance when marital problems take over the household. They can start to resolve their issues and move forward with a positive outlook on their relationship as married couple and as heads of their family. When couples choose to fight for a healthy relationship, everyone involved receives the benefits as well.

Moreover, the goal of couples counseling is to make couples better as individual people as well as, as a couple. Through counseling, people do learn a lot about themselves. They realize that all their actions have impacts on their significant other, and sensitivity and understanding do play a big role in keeping a satisfying and happy married life.

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