How To Cool Husband When He's Angry: How To Convince Husband When He Is Angry

There is a huge difference between an angry spouse and a spouse who gets angry. We all get angry sometimes (mostly everyone). We get pressured and things don't go the way that we want them to. If your spouse gets angry once in a while... it's not pleasant but it is also not the end of the world.

However, if it happens a lot then you are dealing with an angry husband or wife and not just a husband or wife who gets angry. If this is the case then you better do something about it ASAP. It will not go away by itself. Yelling becomes swearing, which becomes, stomping, which becomes, breaking things which could become physical damage.

In this article I'm going to show you what to do so it will not escalate into something extreme and dangerous.

1. Make them aware that you are aware of the problem. A lot of people with anger issues were raised in a house with such issues and this is the only way that they know how to communicate. They might know intellectually but not emotionally. If you don't teach them there is a better way they will never know.

Be very clear that you do not want to live a life with someone who, you feel, gets angry. It's not up for debate if this is anger or not. You tell them that YOU do not want to be spoken in such a fashion.

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2. After that they might apologize and be on their best behavior for a little while. Great. However if it starts up again then you go one step further. Don't get mad but tell them that you are going to speak to someone, not in the family, about what to do. People with anger problems DO NOT like it when their behavior is made public. (Can't say that I blame them for it).

Don't fall for apologizes and promises. If it persists it will only get worse and worse. Be persistent for them to get help. If not, then you, your spouse, and your children are in for a tough life. Believe me; it's not worth it to be passive and watch your life go down the tubes. You may feel scared and wonder what he will do if you stand up to him but you need to push through the fear and stand your ground. He needs to know that it is not acceptable behavior and that if he truly loves you and your children, he needs to be willing to go get the help to learn how to deal with things in a less explosive way. Don't let is go on until there is violence and physical injury to someone. Show that you love him but will not let this behavior go on. If you need help, encouragement or strength to deal with your spouse, you can find a local support group by contacting your community center, or you can go online and find chatrooms and forums filled with others just like you.

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Problems are what makes a marriage bad. Maybe there is one big issue in your marriage that is keeping your relationship with your spouse from being the best it can be. Or maybe be there are numerous problems that add up to one big mess that leaves you frustrated and confused.

When you love your spouse and your marriage is bad it can dramatically affect your social life, your work, and all your daily activities. In order to stop a bad marriage you have to identify the problems you're having and fix them.

Usually when problems develop in a marriage both spouses try to express their feelings regarding the issue so they can come to a conclusion and resolve it. Unfortunately not all solutions are effective and will only make the situation worse by making your spouse even more angry. So regardless of how effective you think the solution may be, you have to try a different approach.

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This is important to remember because if something doesn't work the first time to solve your problems you shouldn't keep pushing it more aggressively and hoping your spouse will change how they feel. To make a bad marriage good you need to find what works for the both of you and not try to force anything. When you force it you will only keep pushing your spouse further away.

When your marriage is bad you will fight and argue with your spouse a lot. This is usually because your spouse doesn't believe you understand them.

The only way around this is to become a good listener. When you really listen and let your spouse know you understand where they're coming from you'll make your spouse feel better and it will open the door for some reconnection between the both of you.

Communication goes hand in hand with being a good listener. You have to tell your spouse how you feel and express your feelings and concerns. No matter how you do it whether it be through email or verbally, you have to get your feelings out and express yourself to your spouse.

It's possible to stop a bad marriage and hopefully some of these tips can help you.

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This is something that I can relate to. What men want is to be finessed by a woman. If that woman is their wife, it's even more important that she continues to finesse him, just like she did when they were dating. Now, finesse isn't a code word for something dirty, it's far more important than that. In fact, if you don't finesse your man, you are actively destroying the relationship. Here's a personal example of mine.

There was this girl that I used to date. She would have been any fella's ideal girl: she loved video games, playing sport, plus she had a body to die for. She did love being intimate with me. At the start, it was crazy and really enjoyable.

After we started dating for a few months, it lost all meaning. She would come close to demanding it, physically putting my hand where she wanted it. I wasn't turned on at all. In the end, I had to break it off. She really wasn't in the relationship with me for anything besides sex.

If the term "to finesse" is brand new to you, then here are three examples of things you currently do that men actually perceive as you finessing them. It will help put things into perspective, just so you have a better idea of the way to go about doing this:

- telling the hosts you want to leave a party early with your husband (when really he knows that you want to spend more time with him alone),

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- tilting your head onto our shoulder when we're out in public (shows us that you're thinking about us, even when we're out),

- being upset at us (shows that you want us to listen to you. If you weren't upset, that means that you don't care what we think, which means that we might as well be strangers).

Women are always going to be the more subtle ones. Us guys will try and some of us can be very subtle and mysterious, but women will always win out. Don't ever lose that ability to finesse a man. It will always put us back in the mindset that we can still have fun with you, just like when we started dating you when we were young.

We know that you know that we want sex all the time. That doesn't mean that you have to turn it into a chore that occurs at a certain time during the day, on a certain day during the week. If you mix it up, we'll be inclined to put in a bit of effort and that will make it more pleasurable for the both of us.

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Every person has a special gift, talent, and ability that God has placed inside of her for the fulfillment of the vision that God has called her to fulfill. Just as finding that vision is a part of this journey, so is developing this foreordained gift. It takes a good motivator to help someone not only discover her vision but bring out and harness her God-given talents and abilities.

The very essence of this article is to help you bring out the best in others... your spouse, your children, your friends, your co-workers, your staff, your congregation, your other family members, etc.

FIND OUT WHAT THEY LOVE TO DO.

Some people do not know where they are good at or what their talents are. Some have so many different talents that they are confused as to what they should really do. The first thing to do really is to find out what the person loves doing the most. What is she most passionate about? What, among the things she does, lights up her face when she does it? What does she do with so much ease? These are just some of the questions you can ask to help the person find out what her strongest points are.

When it comes to children, you will know right away what their inclinations are. My eldest, Justin, used to turn boxes into cars, robots, and computers. I knew then that he would end up either as an inventor or an artist. He is a graphics artist now and he is the one who designed the God'z Gurlz logo. My youngest, Rico, has always been fascinated with how things work or why they work the way they do. He loved experimenting. He would get cornstarch, mix it with water and would get amazed at how the mixture's viscosity changes when pressure is applied to it. He is currently in 9th grade and excels in Math and Science. I recently asked him what he thinks he will do after high school or what he would like to take up in College. He said he wants to get into computer programming. See the pattern here?

Observing your kids is no different from observing other people you want to motivate. Find out where their strengths lie and motivate them in that area. Give them something to do that will enable them to develop their gifts. This is the main reason why I have been encouraging women who I know have the gift to write, to take part in our magazine. I want to see them develop that gift to the fullest, for the glory of God.

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CATCH PEOPLE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.

It is so easy to catch people doing something wrong. We always call our children's attention when they are not behaving the way we want them to, but we hardly catch them doing the right thing. Or if we do, we don't compliment them in the same way or in a better way than when we are correcting them.

We should be "compliment" conscious than "finding fault" conscious. We have to be on the lookout for things to compliment about others, not to flatter them but to encourage them. There is a saying that goes... Flattery comes from the teeth out but compliment comes from the heart out.

CORRECT THE RIGHT WAY.

The Bible says that "the wise loves correction". In fact, correcting others is helping bring out the best in them. However, there is a right way of correcting others so that you will build them up and not break their spirits.

Proverbs 15:4 says that a gentle tongue is a tree of life, but willful contrariness in it breaks down the spirit.

A correction that is done in a gentle way and not a harsh way is the right way of correction. Another right way is to focus first on what the person did right, and then present the thing to be corrected in a way that will let her know that you believe she can do better.

Let me give you an example here. If a person who submits an article to me has a real good article but lacks the impact that it needs to capture an audience, then the right way of correcting would be

You have a real good article. This can surely reach out to so many hurting women. You can even make it more impactful by choosing more powerful words.

IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

I think I first heard this from the movie Bambi and it did make a lot of sense to me even as a kid. Why say something if you are just going to hurt the other person? And yet there are people who always say the wrong things not because they want to inflict hurt but because they don't know how to say things the right way.

Proverbs 16:24 says: Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the mind and healing to the body. The opposite holds true for rude or "uncalled for" remarks.

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I had a friend and sister in the Lord (very skinny and small-framed) who is a very nice person and a deep woman of God yet always says the wrong things. Let's just call her Fiona. One time we were in an elevator on our way to a Bible study. One of our friends with us was a bigger lady. Fiona looked at her and said, "You will look more beautiful if you lose weight". I was so shocked and called Fiona aside and asked her why she said what she said. Her answer was, "What was wrong with that"? She really looked so surprised with my reaction. She didn't know what was wrong with her remark.

I have experienced the same thing for myself several times. I had a friend who saw me in a supermarket a few months after I gave birth and she said in her loudest voice, "What happened to you? Why are you so fat now"? I just stood there so shocked and embarrassed.

Ephesians 4:29 says... Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

BELIEVE THE BEST IN PEOPLE.

1 Corinthians 13:7 says that love is ever ready to believe the best of every person. This means that you always look at people positively, focusing on their strengths more than their weaknesses. When you start believing in people, you are encouraging them to believe more in themselves, the way God created them to be.

Bringing the best in people is such a fulfilling thing to do because you see them become the people who God made them to be... people who are confident of how they were uniquely designed... people who utilize their gifts to the fullest, giving glory to God... people who in turn become an encouragement to others. In effect, it also brings out the best in you.

Whoever refreshes others will be refreshed (Proverbs 11:25).

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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