Is It Good To Be Intimate During Marriage Separation: Why Would My Husband Not Want To Be Intimate During The Trial Separation?

Why go through a trial marriage separation in the first place?

Trial marriage separation allows each person to evaluate their life and where their spouse fits in. It also gives them the breathing room to think about where their marriage went wrong and what they can do to fix it. Many couples date each other during their trial separation in hopes of reviving the spark in their relationship and saving the marriage.

There's a wrong way and right way to making a marriage work with a trial marriage separation.

The most important thing when it comes to a trial separation is that you and your spouse are always communicating with each other. A trial marriage separation is not a "get out of marriage" card. You and your spouse need to continually work together to make sure you guys are taking the necessary steps to working out your marriage.

It's really important you and your spouse sets up a time to meet every other week or so to catch up on things. Some couples choose to see a marriage therapist at this time and statistically it's significantly increase the chances of making their marriage work.

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Date Nights
Try to set up nights when you guys can take time and go out dates together. This will help you get out of that mold you guys put yourself in the past few years and begin seeing each other with a pair of fresh eyes. You can also address the issue of what went wrong in your marriage and figure out what you guys can do from there to make sure it doesn't happen again. Don't use date nights as a night to forget you guys have problems. Address your problems if the issue comes up. Don't forget that this a date, relax, be aware and fully enjoy your time with your spouse.

Set Up Boundaries
Before you and your spouse separate, make sure it's clear for both parties involved on what the boundaries are. This means can you and your spouse date other people while separated? Can you and your spouse be physically intimate together while separated?

If you are want a trial marriage separation to make you marriage work, remember that commitment is key. If you are committed to making your marriage work, you will do every thing you can for the general well-being of your marriage. If it get's to the point of where a trial marriage separation is what it takes to bring you guys closer together, then so be it. A trial marriage separation can break or make your marriage. With commitment and clear communication, a trial marriage separation may be just what you and your spouse needs.

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A divorce in itself is a difficult process. The legal aggravation, the exposing of your private life to lawyers and courts, is to put it simply, HELL. But even this difficulty is endured for those who feel that a marriage is hopeless and beyond repair. Surely there are other reasons to for couples to work out and reconcile a marriage, apart from wanting to avoid the mental anxiety of seeing a hopeful future slip away. In this article, I will share with you some reasons to reconcile a marriage.

Obviously, the first reason for reconciliation would be the children. You would want to spare your son or daughter the prospect of having a single parent in the household or a stepfather or mother, which may work out well eventually but complicates matters and admittedly is just not the same thing as the traditional marriage and kids.

It is an established fact, statistically that is, that children from broken homes are more likely to be juvenile delinquents. But the effects of the divorce of one's parents last beyond adolescence. It takes an exceptionally talented parent to be able to raise a kid into a fine adult. Even then, the child may have developed intimacy or commitment issues that are not easily resolvable.

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Keep in mind that these are generalizations of how things are. It would be an injustice to claim that all adults whose parents were divorced are messed up and in need of help. But even this generalization points to the sad fact of the long-term ramifications of divorce.

Children are not the only factor in finding reasons to reconcile a marriage. You yourself may feel that your partner is good for you, and that you are right for each other. This does not mean that either of you is perfect, or that you won't have your squabbles later on. All of that comes with the reality of being a family.

You want this marriage to work out because you know that even if you do split up and you decide to marry someone else, you could encounter these same problems. Clearly, your marital woes are a means by which you could work out your own demons, and it is best to face them head on. And you want to face them head on with your current partner at your side.

Saving a marriage is about what is good for you, first and foremost. That it is also good for your children and other people around you follows from this. Once you realize that this is the primary reason of all the reasons to reconcile a marriage, you are on your way to healing your relationship.

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In recent times, marriage mentoring has become increasingly popular not only for those in a Christian marriage but also for just about any couple who's looking for other couples to share their problems and exchange advice with. If you're uncomfortable about approaching a marriage counselor, marriage mentoring is probably the next best thing and could produce just as excellent results for your relationship and family life.

How Marriage Mentoring Works

Marriage mentoring is usually offered by religious groups or any local community. You can also start a marriage mentoring group on your own in your neighborhood and workplace.

Finding a Match

Strictly speaking, anyone can join a marriage mentoring group. There's no age limit and couples from all religions, cultures, and walks of life are usually welcomed. What matters is that you and your spouse find a perfect match for your needs. For some, the 'opposite attracts' rule works because it lets you perceive your situation in a completely different light. For others, 'peas from the same pod' is the standard rule because they feel they'll get along more with couples they have something in common with.

A professional marriage mentoring group would usually have prescribed rules for couples to find their ideal match. At times, a couple may even have been pre-assigned for you. With informal groups, however, couples can form and break mentoring partnerships anytime.

Give and Take

Once couples are matched, the idea is to share whatever experiences and stories they'd like to share and exchange advice when welcomed and desired. At the very least, you know with a couple mentor, there'd always be two essential parties ready to listen or give you either a congratulatory pat on the back or a shoulder to cry on. Needless to say, you and your spouse should always be ready to do the same in return.

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Honesty and Confidentiality

This doesn't really need repeating, but just for the sake of clarity - it's also always better to be safe than sorry - then whatever revelations you have been made privy to by the other couple should remain completely confidential and vice versa.

On the other hand, both couples are also expected to be completely honest with their sharing because how else can mentoring help if all cards haven't been laid out? After all, the greatest attraction of marriage mentoring is that you have two persons who could greatly empathize with what you're going through. These people aren't there to judge you. Heck, they aren't even in the position to do so because they also have their own problems to deal with.

Mentor couples are not like pastors or counselors, and as such you and your spouse are less likely to feel intimidated and awkward toward the other couple.

Schedule

Schedules for private meetings between you and your mentor couple is up to the both of you, but in most cases, marriage mentoring groups usually arrange general assembly meetings just to ensure that every couple is able to benefit from marriage mentoring.

Training and Seminars

Some groups may require member couples to join training in order to improve their mentoring skills while other groups offer it as an optional service. In any case, you should do your best to join even just one seminar as this would not only help you become better mentors to other couples but it can also help you maximize the benefits you can enjoy from marriage mentoring.

Tips for Mentoring Other Couples

If it's your first time to mentor another first-time couple and there is no opportunity as of yet to join a mentoring program, here's what you can do for now to make mentoring mutually beneficial.

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Establish rapport.

Don't jump directly to asking couples what their problems is. That's just plain rude and awkward. Instead, take pleasure from making small talk and establishing rapport between the two of you. Treat your first meeting as if it were just another chance to make new friends. It's not easy for many people to open up. Others are also understandably wary about revealing sensitive information about themselves and their marriages to people they've just met. Surely you feel the same way, too.

As such, you should take things slowly and just let your friendship develop naturally. Enjoy each other's company for what it is and if either of you feels like sharing or asking for advice then great. But if not, then perhaps having simply someone ready to listen is enough.

Never judge.

Your role is to extend support, sympathy, and understanding. You are to avoid, however, being completely judgmental. This will only make the other couple retreat and feel reluctant to continue sharing because they're not getting the support they need. You always have to keep an open mind. Try to put yourself in their position and see where they're coming from.

Be tactful.

Even if your mentor couple isn't the most sensitive persons in the world, you should still strive to be as tactful as possible when conversing with your mentor couple. If you have advice to give or you need to make a painful truth clear, do so gently and remember that you'd want the same treatment when it's your turn to hear an ugly truth.

Don't pressure.

You can't nag the other couple into spilling the beans or about changing. It's called free will. Even if you know that they're doing something either completely immoral or self-destructive, it's not your place to control them. You have to make them see the light with gentle persuasion and rational logic, but you can't force them to do something they don't want to.

Solutions and advice are easy to give but following them and putting them to practice are a lot harder. It's your role to motivate them to do their best but don't force them to change overnight. Things like forgiveness and healing take time and it's your role to help them get by day after day as one struggling couple to another.

Marriage mentoring may not be for everyone, but it won't hurt to give it a try. There's nothing to lose but there's a lot to gain for yourself and your marriage.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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All the marriage relationship self-help books talk about communication as being the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. They're wrong. There's one thing that trumps even communication. What men want is a connection with their woman. Without a connection, no matter how much the man talks, he won't feel any happier with his woman. Are you in danger of losing connection with your man? Here's what to do to fix that.

Have you ever had the situation where you haven't seen a friend for a long time, then you see them again, either in the street just randomly or maybe even online, if they've flown overseas? Did you end up chatting and losing track of time? Well, that's what it means to have a connection. No distance or length of time can break a relationship.

This is a lot to ask on any relationship, but it's safe to say that if you're connected with your husband well, he's always going to feel comfortable and happy around you. If you had that connection, but you feel like he's being more and more of a stranger with each day that passes, make sure that you strike up a conversation with him about it.

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How do you know if you have a connection with your man? How do you know if the connection with your man is strong or not? Here are three ways to answer both these questions:

1. There's something other than sex keeping you together: animals have sex, and usually go their separate ways. Humans have sex but if there was a connection, we would usually stay together.

2. You have considered leaving your partner, or have considered dating someone else, but there is something far more important to you that is keeping you together with him. This one thing is stronger than all the reasons to leave him, combined.

3. You are completely comfortable with him seeing all of you, body, mind and soul. This last point is somewhat harder to answer, since we all have secrets, but give a "more or less" kind of answer.

If he genuinely cared, he'll talk about it with you as well. It happens at least once in all marriages and really is a healthy thing. It means that you're both self-aware in a relationship and are actively working to keep your marriage happy and healthy. If you can't pin it down, it's wise to consult with a marriage counsellor that you're both comfortable with.

It's just about being aware of things and nipping the bud before the problem gets worse.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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