How To Deal With An Inconsiderate Husband: My Husband Says Our Marriage Isn't Working, But I Don't Want To Give Up On Us

Saving a marriage from divorce can be difficult for lots of couples. There are some people who claim that if you and your partner live together before marriage to get to know each other it will sort out any possible issues and the marriage won't have any problems. But this is incorrect. Studies show that more couples who live together before marriage get divorced than those who do not.

The reason that one relationship fails may be the complete opposite for another. Saving a marriage from divorce is all about communication and commitment.

Where Do You Begin?

When you don't talk to each other and there's no dedication to make the marriage work then there is little or no hope to save your marriage. Sit down, talk with each other and be open to other points of view.

When either one of you is unfaithful it is one the most difficult problems to resolve. But if both of you make the effort to care for each other's needs and build a solid home life then maybe nobody will tempted to stray. But it still occurs.

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Arguments will arise in any marriage but try to be respectful of your partner's opinion. Your partner is human and will make mistakes or do things that annoy you. Some you can forgive and maybe some you cannot. If you give an appropriate level of consideration to your partner's likes and dislikes it will help to avoid too many arguments.

Dealing with issues about sex and money are high on the list when trying to save your marriage from divorce. If you have too little of either of these factors it can cause issues. These two things are best discussed before marriage but feelings and needs can change after the marriage vows are taken.

How Do You Maintain A Good Marriage?

Good marriages are hard enough to maintain because there are ups and downs, good days and bad nights. It is easier to save your marriage when repair begins early although sometimes one of you is not even aware that something was wrong.

Marriage can be like walking a tightrope because one wrong step and the whole thing can go wrong. The best way to avoid a divorce is to be aware of the main cause and communicate. Let your partner know how you feel. Remember that they can't read your mind and will need you to tell them what you want. If they don't know, how are they going to give you what you need in the relationship?

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Cancer is a disease caused by an uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in a part of the body. These cells eventually grow to become malignant and most of the time could cause the death of the host. It is a known fact that some type of cancer if when detected early, could be brought under control. It is said in the medical circle that early discovery of this deadly disease is a key to survival.

It is no news that a lot of marriages are struggling to survive. The rate of divorce is at an alarming rate. The devil's onslaught against this sacred institution has reached a trepid crescendo in recent times. Couples, who once swore they would never leave each other eventually find themselves in situation where they are at daggers drawn and at each other's jugular. Sometimes, I ask myself, what happens to the 'I can't live my life without you' or phrases like 'my life is incomplete without you' or stuff like 'you are my heartbeat, without you I am dead' the list is endless. What happens to all the laughter and the moment of bliss you enjoyed together shortly after your wedding. Somewhere along the line, things began to fall apart and the center could no longer hold. Couples who had spent time together end up loathing each other with passion. Something is wrong and I mean something must be definitely wrong somewhere. Where have we missed it?

Let me start by saying that there is no marriage without a foundation and like the scriptures say, 'If the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do?' If the foundation of your marriage is polluted definitely, your marriage will end up being polluted. Another verse from the scripture reads, 'Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?' - James 3:11. The answer is a definite No! A spouse that beats up his/her partner in a marriage relationship will most likely had shown sign of a belligerent character which must have been ignored by the partner all in the name of love. A man or woman who cheated on you during your engagement will most likely do same even after you become married. These are the 'little cells we ignore that eventually grow to make most marriages cancerous. It is not always true that you can completely change your spouse after you eventually get married, you may be living in fantasy world to think that. I have heard people tell me, 'I never knew my spouse could do something so awful.' The truth is, he's always been that way but had only succeeded to put that habit in recession while you were engaged. A person entering into a marriage relationship is like a marketer who tries to convince his buyers of the 'wonder product' he has in stock. He will go over and beyond to convince his prospective buyers of the value of the product and it is not uncommon for this marketer to exaggerate in the process of trying to convince his listeners. Excited! You buy the products and on unwrapping it, you discover that you have been sold a lie. Does it mean that you can never have a blissful marriage? The answer is no, you can but it will take a conscious effort which starts with a decision from both parties to make the marriage work.

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Most marriages that end in divorce have been attributed to the inability of couples to resolve conflicts. Know this for sure that offenses will definitely come within the marriage. It is your ability to handle the conflict that will determine the longevity of your marriage. Let me share this truth about dealing with conflict with you:

Don't be in denial: There is nothing too sacred for you to talk about in your marriage. When there is an offense, couple should make sure they talk about this and have it settled. Don't be in denial and pretend that all is well when it is not. Remember, these 'little cells' can grow and become malignant. The Scriptures says, 'Can a man put fire in his bosom and not be burnt?'- Proverbs 6:27.

Control your tongue: Oh! How many marriages have been destroyed by this little member of our body. Are your words seasoned with salt? Avoid heated exchange as much as possible. Two wrong can never make a right. Maintain your cool or at best step out for a while in order for nerves to calm. Don't say something you might later regret. Words spoken cannot be retrieved. Soft answer turns away anger. When your spouse is angry, don't fuel the fire of his/her temper. Learn to restrain. Be wise!

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Crush the 'I' Syndrome: Every human has the root of selfishness in him. We think about ourselves first before we do others. That's why people will do everything to crush opposition particularly if they pose as a threat to them but in marriage, the reverse should be the case. The 'I' should be replaced with 'us.' There is a collective ownership now. It's no more 'your' car but 'our' car. It's no more 'your' success but 'ours.' Don't be selfish in owning up to your fault. Be humble enough to admit and apologize, by doing this, you are killing those 'small cells.'

Fill your home with laughter: Laughter is a free gift. Can you imagine if a price is attached to laughter? I am sure the very rich would have bought for themselves and cronies without leaving for the average person. I know there are things that could make you sad sometimes but don't dwell on these. Sadness is a fertilized ground for the devil to 'sow' the seed of depression. Be happy! Be an expert in lighting the candle of joy in your family. Let the joy of the Lord be your strength and the bind that holds your family together.

Pray! Pray!! Pray!!! - You can never pray to much. The 'evil vulture' is looking for where to perch. Prayer-proof your home. Research shows that the couple that prays together has a lower rate of divorce and enjoyed a blissful marriage than any other. When you pray together, the chances are that your heart will knit into one. Whatever the challenge that you may face, take it together before the Lord and He will see you through. Your home is blessed.

Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouse. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now.

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Understanding men tends to be something that a lot of women struggle with, especially when it comes to understanding why there is a breakdown in the relationship when the woman puts too much pressure on the man to always be there.

There's all this rubbish that the guy has to support the girl and protect her and blah blah blah. That's all well and true, but it's rather non-realistic, don't you think? Guys do more damage to the girl in the long-term by promising the world.

If your man has been putting in a lot of effort for you and you haven't been giving him something in return of equal value, the relationship is not going to last longer than the honeymoon period.

It's the typical master/slave relationship. The slave is not going to respect the master in the long term, even though he might pretend to do so. There has to be mutual respect; both parties have to show that the other person means a lot to them.

If he's been displaying less and less interest in you recently, it's probably because he's tired of doing so much for you, while you don't acknowledge or appreciate him. That's what happened to me, anyway.

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My girlfriend had to lose me for 5 days (by breaking up with me) to realize how valuable I was to her. Just last Christmas, we bought each other gifts pretty close to equal value. It's not I got her a $2000 necklace and she gave me a kiss on the cheek.

She's learnt her lesson and I'm glad that she realizes that time spent with me is worth a lot. Does your man know that you value him? Here are a couple ways that you can show him that you value him and make him realize it:

1. Show a bit of affection (and actually mean it): nothing like a bit of tenderness to really get through to him.

2. Something out of the blue: this is sort of related to the first point. If you're usually quite aloof and cool, if you're affectionate with him out of the blue, it'll be a big deal. Just like if he usually buys things for you, if you buy something he wants out of the blue, he'll know you appreciate him.

Understanding men takes a bit of time, but it's not too hard once you realize we're not that hard to crack. There are many ways to show equal value; just realize that it's important to forming a strong connection with us that will stand the test of time.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Marriage Counseling: What, Why, How

What is Marriage Counseling?

Any intervention in which a third party - Psychologist, Marriage Counselor, Life Coach, Medical professional or clergy - provides types of 'therapy' for either a married couple or a partnership who tries to resolve problems in their relationship. Typically, the two attend the counseling sessions together, or in the case of Online Counseling - the same phone or computer conference call. There are however many cases in which only one partner may actively participate as each may have different agendas.

So what is 'therapy', in the context of marriage counseling?

It is a systematic and structural process in which the marriage counselor, who must be trained in psychotherapy and family systems, focuses on understanding the clients' symptoms, underlying needs and expectations and the way their interactions contribute to problems in the relationship.

What is the difference between 'good talk' with a friend or a family member and the discussions with a professional Marriage Counseling?

Marriage counselors are trained in behavioral science models, psychotherapy processes and techniques and anonymity with no bias to one or the other. Most likely the professional also consults with colleagues or other experienced therapists regarding their cases.

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How does it work? Marriage counseling is usually a short-term therapy that may take only a few sessions (1-12 sessions) to work out problems in the relationship. Typically at first the counselor asks questions about the couples' history and personal background, their past and current roles, dating, sexuality and communication patterns, personal or mutual goals, and their current value/belief system. A summary of the initial meeting with the couple, assessing the aspects of the relationship follows; thereafter participants create a preliminary understanding about their issues, regarding sexuality, recognition, achievement orientation, etc. The process in most cases continues to zoom in on the 'Identified Client' - the partner who "appears" to contribute the most to the problems in the relationship. The talented professional will soon diffuse and reveal to both clients the fallacy of one being the sole responsible and help them see the reciprocal nature of the events.

Only with total acceptance of this, can the two explore ways to change their interacting. A well practiced tool is a 'contract' in which each partner describes and commits to remedial behavior he or she will try to achieve.

Does it work? I know that my marriage counseling processes help 70-75% of the couples who meet with me to deal more effectively with problems and alternately, years of agony and unhappiness could end within two or three months of working together. Case follow-ups after a year show that those problems with tendencies to reappear do not repeat themselves in most cases. My personal data is aligned with continuous academic research results: effective professional marriage counseling does improve the couples' physical as well as mental health, while improving their satisfaction with the relationship.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com