My Husband Has Secret Female Friends: My Husband Has A Lot Of Female Friends

I think my husband is having an emotional affair because he is exhibiting the signs of emotional infidelity and acting very strange lately. He becomes very wary when he is talking on his cell phone or on his computer and he can't give me a straight answer when I ask him who he is talking to. He also gets irritated if I keep on asking him about it. He does not want me to touch some of his things now and he has prohibited me from going into his closet.

I have read a lot of articles about emotional affair, its signs and how to stop it. But it is very much different when you are personally facing the problem. You get confused and do not know what to do. There are a lot of other things on your mind like your job, the children and other important things.

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I have also seen on tv about emotional cheating and how it has destroyed marriages. A lot of couples have ended their relationship because of this problem. The psychologists even said that an emotional affair is more dangerous than a sexual affair because it involves emotional feelings and attachments. Deception and unfaithfulness are also very common in emotional infidelity and these are the reasons why many couples go into separation.

When I found out that my husband is having an emotional affair, I talked to him immediately about it. He admitted that he is becoming very close to one of his coworkers but said that they are not doing anything wrong. He also said that I was overreacting and should not worry about it. I stopped confronting him about it because we always ended up fighting. He still asserts that nothing has happened between the two of them but still, I think my husband is having an emotional affair.

I am contemplating on attending a marriage counseling program but my problem is how to get my husband to go with me. I do not think counseling will be effective my husband is not going especially that he is the one having an emotional affair. I have also considered getting an online program that specifically deals with affairs.

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If you find that understanding men and why we make you guys so mad all the time is a frustrating issue, let's take it back on level. There is something that you lot do often that we have to deal with which doesn't make things easier.

Unless we're intentionally trying to make you angry, we wouldn't do anything on purpose to try and get under your skin. I'm not pointing fingers, but you do realize that sometimes, the problem starts with you? Let me explain.

One of the things that can get on a guy's nerves is when girls assume things. Now don't get me wrong, I do the same thing, so it's not just limited to females. I know my girlfriend does it too, so I'm assuming that other girls might have a similar problem.

Huge, heated arguments have arisen out of a complete misunderstanding between my girlfriend and I, where assumptions were made by either one us. Heck, just last night, I saw some tablets on the bench and assumed that my girlfriend wasn't taking her contraceptive pills regularly and not being responsible enough in our relationship.

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Turns out she was just cleaning out her bag and they were old cold and flu tablets.

Silly me.

We didn't talk for an entire day early in our relationship when I was asking her questions about her favourite brand of hair straightener and she thought that I was buying it for someone else when I was acting all suspicious. That's probably the worst situation assuming something has caused hell in our relationship.

There was this other time that I was late to her house and she went to sleep without me. She wouldn't open the door because I was so late. Turns out that she forgot to turn back her clock one hour for daylight savings. Again, completely innocent mistake, but still caused me quite a bit of grief.

Try not to assume anything. He might have a good reason for not doing something. You can practice understanding men by not jumping to conclusions and letting your emotions get in the way when you communicate with us. We know that we do it as well and as long as we are both aware of our problems with assuming things, we can sort it out over time.

If you are adamant that your man is causing all the trouble in the relationship, I'm sorry but you probably aren't going to last much longer. Remember, it takes one to know one.

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Introducing change into a relationship has to be deliberate and focused. There has to be a conscious decision to do things differently. I have seen couples start enthusiastically only to have the initial change stop and their pattern of relating return to the old familiar way of doing things. Even though they both know the "old way" did not work well for them doing things the old way takes them right back into a familiar comfort zone.

Why is that? One of the main reasons is that relationships take on a life of their own. Couples adjust to each other in ways that become familiar. The balance they have created may not be healthy for them but it is a balance that has served a need. The goal for rekindling a relationship is to free each person up to be able to be in charge of self by having the freedom to express what he/she feels and thinks in the presence of the other. Together they can then decide what changes they need to make in order for both to feel content with life.

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Rekindling is a two way process. Each person has to figure out what he/she needs individually in order to be happy and what changes they need to make as a couple so that they can be happy with their relationship. I have found that change has to be introduced quickly and deliberately and then kept up. Otherwise the old ways come back. Molly and Chuck decided to set aside 20 minutes 3 times a week to talk with each other but not about the children. They were amazed how hard that was for them and initially after about a week they stopped the task. After they made a commitment to three specific evenings that they got serious about using this time to get to know each other better.

Change can only happen in the present. It has to be deliberately and consistently introduced in order for lasting change to occur.

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Six steps of my marriage counseling processes are reviewed; the various qualities of being a marriage counselor, a psychologist, a life coach and a relationship advice provider are outlined.

Step # 1: I ask to speak loud and clear; to lay the problems on the table. I want to fully understand as quickly as possible. Describing a recent fight in detail often helps partners begin to identify core problems. Most couples fight about pragmatic issues, laundry or paying bills, for instance, but it's the emotional needs underlying these tiffs that need my attention as their marriage counselor and life coach. Is it sex? Need for emotional support or career expectations?

Step # 2: I help couples to recognize the cause of their detachment to each other and try to identify their inner needs and fears that are not being met. As couples more carefully explore the underlying source of their arguments, they begin to realize that the enemy is not the partner but their own unhealthy or too vague communication style. This awareness is the first relationship advice they get. In this step I ask the couple to use "I want", "I need", "I would like to have" sentences. Ultimately my questions will uncover their needs, fears or expectations they might have (sexuality, recognition, equality, rejection, failure, temptations) which are driving the negative dynamics of their relationship.

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Step # 3: I assist couples to articulate their emotions and perceptions regarding their spouses and link it to their own behavior. Both partners have to be non-judgmental while explaining to each other their disappointments. It is my job as their marriage counselor to teach them and keep them listening while a positive feedback process is taking place. This is the second relationship advice they get.

Step # 4: The transformation process begins here. Partners realize they're both hurting and that neither is to blame. As the couple begins to see the negative dynamic as the source of their problems, they become more aware of their own needs for attachment, as well as those of their partner. My part is to nurture the move towards empathy. I'm the psychologist here. Partners can now approach their problems with a less combative mind-set. Sometimes their honesty makes them feel increasingly vulnerable, and my job is to encourage and support them and to help them remain responsive to each other. Here I play the life coach role.

Step # 5: Partners create new solutions to their problems by analyzing their past processes and viewing their history in a different light to allow newer, healthier ways to surface while approaching pragmatic problems. At this stage of I do not hesitate to be an active facilitator; I will offer creative ways to get the couple moving in a new direction. This solving problem stage also calls for my qualities as a life coach.

Step # 6: In conclusion, I employ my psychologist role and help the couple to reflect what got them off track in their communication and how they found their way back. The therapeutic circle could be completed.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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