I Filed For Divorce Now Regret It: I Wanted Break But Now I Want My Husband Back

After you split up with your husband did you find yourself saying "I want my husband back?" Well, it might be helpful to know that the way you are feeling right now is not so uncommon. Even if things were bad in the relationship saying "I want my husband back" is fairly natural. After all you had a pretty good relationship once upon a time.

But before you fall into the trap of wanting your husband back and trying to get him back you need to step back and think things through.

You might be saying "I want my husband back" but your husband might be saying, "Not so fast."

So first ask yourself "What were the reasons for the split up?" Did you do something wrong or did he? Did you just take each other for granted and got bored? Sometimes it's just the "little things" that add up and break a marriage in two.

If either one of you had an affair, well the chances of your relationship healing are pretty iffy. But if there wasn't any type of betrayal in your marriage then you probably can get your husband back if you work at it.

First thing you have to do is find out if your husband is interested in getting back together with you. Does he want to save the marriage? Or has the break up given him so much distance that he really is not ready to renew the marriage?

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Now don't think that this means he is not interested in getting together in the future. He may just need some more time to figure out what went wrong and if he wants to fix the marriage or not. Even though that might scare you a little it shouldn't . It is actually very healthy for him to think things through. Your relationship won't get fixed if the two of you are not willing to face any problems or issues head on.

If you are still living together you can try to get him interested by reading a marriage counseling book to him and asking him to try out some of the techniques. If he won't let you read that to him or if he is not living with you right now then you should try some of the techniques and see if they work without letting him know you are using the tips.

If you seem to be getting through to him then keep working the techniques and give him time to come around. More than likely he will.

If you don't seem to be reaching him though you might have to try to get him to actually see and talk with a live marriage counselor.

If he won't go to a counselor then you should go by yourself. Learn what to do from the counselor it may help you improve your communication skills with your husband and then you can reach him better. At the very least it will help you to have someone experienced in marriage problems to talk to.

Getting feedback from a counselor will also help you to see if "I want my husband back", is really what you want.

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Understanding men takes a bit of practice sometimes, especially when you're talking about trying to understand why we can be so slow.

I'm a pretty thick-headed person. I'm not very fast on my feet and it has taken me days in the past to understand a joke that someone's told me.

My girlfriend isn't the patient type. If I don't understand something, she'll voice her displeasure by taking control away from me and doing whatever I'm trying to do herself (which annoys me quite a bit, see tip #1).

If there was one thing I would change about her, it would be her patience. If she was more of a patient person, I wouldn't have those days where I would question our relationship (which is normal in any relationship, by the way).

Unless we're ungrateful good-for-nothings, we wouldn't intentionally try to annoy you by being stupid. We're genuinely trying our best, more often than not.

I am sort of embarrassed to say this, but there have been times where I've always been impatient with my girlfriend when she's taken her time to understand something I'm trying to tell her, so it does work both ways.

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Whenever this happens, I try to remember times when my girlfriend has had to put up with me then I eat a slice of humble pie and I patiently wait until she solves the problem herself.

A few examples of these include:

1. Trying to figure out how to manage our bills and mortgage, when I already explained to her how we planned to work it out,

2. Trying to come to terms with the fact that she actually takes longer than I do to get her point across, especially when she's feeling emotional.

Just remember, whatever they're trying to do that's taking longer than expected, they're more often than not trying to do it for you. They wouldn't be doing it otherwise and it wouldn't be taking so long.

Understanding men shouldn't be as hard as it is. Just realize that women are better when it comes to mental wit and that we tend to not be as quick as you guys. At the same time, realize that there are things that you do slowly as well that gets on our nerves. Neither of us is perfect.

If you learn to accept us as we are, then we'll come to respect you more and to show more patience for you if there is anything that gets on our nerves about you.

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To make relationships work involves balancing each person's individual needs with their desire to also be a couple. As we look at history we can see that paying attention to individual needs is a much newer phenomenon in relationship building. In the past there were societal expectations that defined the roles of both people. We are living at a time where people want the freedom to be themselves and the togetherness that being in a relationship provides.

Here are five top reasons relationships succeed.

1. Each person takes responsibility for self-mastery

They each take responsibility for self. They know that caring for their minds, bodies, and emotional well-being makes them a better partner. Each recognizes that they alone have to figure out what they need in order to feel fulfilled. They take responsibility for their own feelings and thinking.

2. Together they determine what they want from their relationship

They talk about what each hopes for and decide how to incorporate the individual desires into a relationship blueprint that will work for both. They understand that their plan has to be flexible enough so that it can be altered if needed.

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3. Each person operates from fairness and can be trusted

They trust each other to follow through on what they have agreed to and to be where they day they are going to be. They believe in being respectful and fair. If they have trouble coming up with solutions they are open to learning new tools for coping.

4. They enjoy each other

They accept each other just the way they are and as equal partners. However, they also understand that for the good of the relationships there are times when they have to make adjustments so that both can be fine. They value being friends and enjoy each other.

5. They know that love has to be nourished daily

They understand that in order to get love they have to be love worthy. They are willing to commit to becoming caring loving companions.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Almost every relationship encounters rough waters. Some will need professional involvement. If you decide to start professional Marriage Counseling with a marriage counselor, psychologist, or life coach, please know that a pre-requisite is not only the fee but the beneficial process of all parties.

Here are five questions you should ask yourself prior to this process; be sure you put your 4 'yes' answers and the 1 'no' at the right places.

Question # 1: Is there a problem or you only agree to the process because your spouse wants to? 'Yes' is required; your definition of the problem must be well defined. Do not begin if you deny there's a problem. The practitioner's office is not where one should learn about the marriage conflict. It is most beneficial that both parties consent to the counseling process.

Question # 2: Do you contribute to the problem? Unless you view a marriage as a system - where there are certain homeostasis or balance occurring between the two elements of the system (the partners), there is no point seeking marriage counseling. You will find no real practitioner who will not relate to you both as two parts of one system. This means that you both can't help but to impact and interrelate with each other. Your behavior will cause a reaction by your mate, and vice versa. It is highly unlikely that one person is solely responsible for the entire problem in a marriage. "It takes two to tango."

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Question # 3: Are you having positive expectations? A self fulfilling prophecy is a powerful force that motivates and creates reality, and this is a pre-requisite most crucial in the marriage counseling. If not, one partner would most likely be passive or expect the therapist to perform miracles to make positive things happen. The "You fix me" or "You fix my spouse" message or expecting problem solving style from the marriage counselor is absolutely unacceptable. Each partner must engage and participate. My role as a marriage counseling professional is to explore, analyze and understand behaviors or chain of behaviors. Then I help to re-engineer the relationship. So you better expect to see powerful changes occurring between you and your spouse.

Question # 4: Are you ready to accept and adopt changes in behavior? Before considering your answer, be aware that most people declare that they would expect to see their partner change, or at least change first... Without a willingness to make your own adjustments in the marriage, there is no point in beginning the marriage counseling process. The 'yes' attitude in essence gives a strong message that you are going to be an active partner in the 'renewed' marriage.

Question # 5: Is it O.K to dedicate an entire week-end (only) to the marriage counseling process? Your busy agenda... The amount of time marriage counseling takes is dependent on a number of factors; the amount of resentment, period length of unhappiness and willingness to change are just a few. It's definitely an investment of time, effort and money which can be stressful for some people. You must accept the 'NO' answer, since there is no "quick fix".

Now Listen Carefully-

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com