How To Overcome Loneliness In Marriage: What To Do When You Are Lonely In Your Marriage

How To Overcome Loneliness In Marriage: What To Do When You Are Lonely In Your Marriage

This relationship advice for women will be relevant to you if you've identified the fact that you and your man have completely different passions in life that are taking you in different directions. Usually, this is a bad sign for things to come. How can you stay together and live under the one roof if you have different priorities in life, let alone spend the rest of your life with each other? It is possible and in this article, I'm going to explain how my wife, Elle, and I have been doing it for the last 5 years.

1. Our Priorities

My priorities are as follows: start a successful business, hire staff for the first time, travel to Ethiopia and get a sense of the depravity there, start my own charity fund to help the people who need it and win the Nobel Peace Prize (no, I'm not ambitious at all).

Elle's priorities are as follows: finish her MBA, enter a multi-million dollar company, reach middle to upper management, start her own firm, have kids (eventually), work until retirement then live off the superannuation.

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2. Observations

Quite different, aren't we? Yet, we get along perfectly fine. We've talked about our goals and dreams and aspirations before but we don't see any clashes there. We love helping each other out and being there for each other.

We actually share one thing in common which keeps us together and that's ambition. We are both very driven. That doesn't mean that we don't feel like giving up every now and then. That's where we help each other out.

3. Accountability Partners

We are accountable to each other. We rely on each other to make sure that we are hitting our milestones and reaching our goals, day in, day out. If it wasn't for each other, we probably wouldn't be making much progress.

The fact of the matter is, we each understand how passionate we are about our own goals. I wouldn't dare think of replacing Elle with someone else, since she actually "gets" me. That's what makes it work. She actually wants to "get" me and she put in the effort to do so.

This relationship advice for women is relevant to you if you think that you have vastly different goals, dreams and aspirations from your man. You don't have to break up. Just support each other, be there when needed and most importantly, try to understand the emotional implications of those goals to the hilt. Your man will appreciate and love you for doing this.

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We don't ask enough questions of ourselves. Although it is true ladies like to 'challenge' themselves, which is different than asking questions, it doesn't help to change behavior. It is not unusual for a lady to say something like, "Now why did I do that," when they think they have done something incorrectly. The emphasis in that kind of question is more of a self admonishment and doesn't do much good.

The idea is to learn from our mistakes, not beat ourselves up every time we make one. Until we train ourselves to be good students of ourselves we are effectively mean to ourselves. So I want to give you a list of intimate questions to ask yourself in your marriage with the intention of having a constant reminder of a better way to create a harmonious marital relationship. Put these questions in a place where you can see them until you've trained your mind to automatically respond affirmatively to them.

1) Do my actions express love to him?
2) Do I treat him like the finest man in the world?
3) Do I praise him to others?
4) Do I smile at him just because I love him?
5) Do I remind our children how blessed they are to have him as their father?

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I know some of you will cry when you read these questions because you will realize how far you have come from when you stood on the altar and said, "I do." It is never too late to rekindle the great love that is in your heart and direct it to the most important person in your life. When we don't give our love in abundance, when we hold back because of some petty hurt or sense of unfairness, we are depriving ourselves of the greatest experience marriage can bring us.

Instead of feeling like you are not getting enough out of your marriage, and thus turning yourself into a victim, do something about it. Turn your attention towards loving thoughts, speech and action. Ask yourself the kind of questions that inspire you to become a better person, a better parent, and most importantly the best spouse who ever lived. When your mind tells you, "It's not fair," tell your mind to behave. Give yourself credit for the good things that you do, which far outweigh the little mistakes that you make. Remember that your marriage is like a container: the more sweetener you put into it, the sweeter your marriage will be. The first chance you get, tell your spouse from the bottom of your heart, "I love you."

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Ego also means personality, character, self-image, sense of self, opinion of self, self-worth and self-esteem. A man's ego or sense of self is so important to him that he uses his all to defend and protect it from all impact, including the result of his own mistakes.

When a man's ego is hurt by his superiors, he has a hard time picking himself up again. He usually transfers aggression to his subordinates or spouse and even female friends.

If a man's ego is rubbished by his subordinates or spouse, he punishes the act in such ferocious ways that are; most of the time, not comparable to the hurt he has suffered but always in measures far worse. This is what translates to high-handedness in the conduct of many a man. It makes women and children wonder where the love the man had professed for them traveled to.

Man is a pack of ego. This understood, wives can keep their husbands close to their hearts' desire if they could but be meek enough to deliberately massage the ego of their husbands regularly. This is not to be done derisively. It should be done as a normal duty. All considered, a woman is actually supposed to focus all her attention and desires on her husband. Putting the man up as the lord and master out of the woman's own volition appears, in my opinion, as a cool way to focus one's attention and desire on one's husband.

There should be no fear of subjugation. Praises move even the gods to do more for mortals. How much less mortal men? Experiences have shown that when men are put up as wonderful they behave exactly that way and when they are put up as rags, they behave exactly the same way.

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In fact, it is the physical, verbal and mental effort of women to prove equality with men that lead to subjugation. Intrinsically, women are superior to men, especially in the spiritual and emotional plane. These two areas rule the life of human beings more than the sheer physical superiority of most men.

Men would resist any efforts to prove superior to them in the physical and mental sense. But when the superiority is on the spiritual and emotional plane, they do not even understand exactly what is happening. They don't stand a chance. In fact, they view all acts by the female folks that enhance their spiritual and emotional capacities and superiority as a sign that women have acceded all powers to them. Think about some of the time when women cry, men's hearts are melted naturally.

It seems to me that a woman would get the best part of her man if she set him up as superior in the mental and physical aspects while she rule him where it mattered most - with her spiritual and emotional superiority. This means that women would need to enhance their spirituality and sharpen their emotional language skills.

It is possible for a woman to very easily sharpen her emotional language skill and her spiritually be reading from the best books and applying the principles contained therein. It is the duty and place of every woman to work her relationship. This is basically what is being required here. Many a woman has erroneously believed that getting a husband is the end of the journey. Actually, getting a husband is just the beginning of a long story.

Attitudes, character and disposition of both men and women in a relationship need continuous improvement. Deliberately looking out for what to do to improve and support your spouse is what best describes marriage which I have just recently learnt that it is not a noun but a verb meaning a doing word.

This is a new theory. Let us share our understanding of it, criticize it, review it and prove it worthwhile or useless.

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Making the decision to end a marriage or love relationship and not turning back, has got to be the toughest part of any relationship. You wish to never ever reach this end, but you're seeing everywhere signs to end a relationship.

Frequently the obstacle of leaving a relationship for good with dignity and the pain of rejection and dealing with guilt that comes with the territory can be unnerving.

If you make a person appear to feel rejected that can be a certainly difficult issue as well. The impacts pain of rejection and the guilt you would have to feel must be dealt with.

The Course in Miracles states, "The guiltless and the guilty are totally incapable of understanding one another."

It typically is challenging to prevent thinking that if somebody no longer desires to be with them, then there need to be something wrong with them when somebody is leaving a relationship for good.

We do not feel linked to most people, so there's no need to believe that just because somebody no longer feels anymore connection in the relationship, then there's something wrong with one (or both) of them.

No reason at all to feel pain of rejection or feel guilty about anything.

It's a time for accepting the learning experience and being happy about the lesson, while moving on in life.

The Course in Miracles teaches, "The happy learner can not feel guilty about learning."

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

When leaving a relationship for good, leaving your partner, this special bond doesn't necessarily go away.

If it is considered that it's much better to end the relationship, say, because the signs to leave a marriage are showing, most of the time, the reason is that the relationship is simply not prepared or in shape to continue into the next level.

Still sometimes, when a person leaves his/her partner, most often it's actually not since his partner is inadequate, rather the individual who suddenly decided to let go of the relationship is the one having a problem of staying in any relationship-- the 'It's not you, it's me' issue.

In my opinion this is the very first thing to hash or contemplate out in your own mind, when opting to end a love relationship and not going back.

It might be better leaving a relationship than waiting, and waiting still, wishing to give time to feel the connection which you understand would most likely will not come.

Whether the individual you left felt the pain of rejection after the separation, you can't state you're responsible for how he/she feels.

Try to keep in mind that leaving a relationship for good means accepting the truth and speaking, dealing with guilt and pain of rejection.

There should be no judgment or condemnation and the burdening obligation for the other individual's feelings.

In the end you both might still smile looking forward to searching for your best match yet to arrive into your life.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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