My Husband Starts Fights Then Blames Me: Husband Wife Fight Solution

In a relationship it is important to establish rules for how to handle conflict. A conflict occurs when two people want different things at the same time.

Here are seven rules that will greatly help when trying to resolve conflict.

1. Be Fair

If you are in a committed caring relationship what matters is that you resolve differences in a way that both people are OK. If winning at any cost becomes the most important thing for one person the other one will have to be a loser. It is far better to come to an understanding that it is OK to disagree.

2. No Name Calling

Much emotional pain is caused by put downs and name calling.

3. No Third Parties

It is not fair to pull other people in to support your side. Instead input from others can be considered independently but not when the actual discussion takes place.

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4. No Past History

When one person pulls in past history it is a way to put the partner down. Stick to the topic at hand. You can only do that if you stay focused in the present on the current discussion.

5. Do Not Bring Up Your Partner's Weaknesses

That amounts to what is often referred to as 'hitting below the belt' and is a way of trying to make self better. It generally results in the other person retaliating by bringing up your weaknesses.

6. Don't Go To Bed Angry

This is an age-old suggestion for building healthy relationships and still as relevant as ever. Dragging conflicts out is draining.

7. Take the Conflict Seriously But Lightly

Most disagreements are not earth shattering. Laugh at yourself but do not laugh at or make fun of your partner. When you lighten up you begin to see that the process between you is very familiar to how you have handled other disagreements. Instead concentrate on how you can present what you have to say in a new way.

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Some of the synonyms of friendship are companionship, comradeship, familiarity, closeness, alliance. Think about when your husband or wife is your ally - that is your supporter, helper. What a world of sweet relationship is potentially present in your marriage? Your supporter, helper, companion - always there for you. Actually, I always have this feeling that marriage relationships should not exist unless friendship is established. Think about spending your days with someone who is not your friend, who cares less about you, who does not have a mind to support or help you succeed in life. Opposite of that, think about living together with someone who is there for you always - in his or her mind and heart - who has your interest at heart. One friend of mine once said; "I'd better work hard to be friends with my wife and children so that I would not have to spend eternity with my enemies". The critical need for friendship in marriage relationship is the reason for dating and courtship and engagement before the marriage itself. Friendship is the opportunity that total strangers have to be able to contemplate living together for time and possibly, eternity. Think about it. Without friendship, it would be an uphill task to have any marriage and several other relationships to survive one full year.

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Society would advance better and marriage relationships would provide more joys and blessings, if we would be deliberate about friendship in all relationships and seeing that it is hoisted before any further advancement is made towards marriage. And this can be developed if at the preliminary stage of the relationship - especially dating in the case of relationship with the opposite sex with marriage expectation - those involved are conscious of the need for friendship as a critical mix in the foundation for their continued enjoyment of the relationship. This knowledge would help the participants to open their eyes, see, learn and check the possibility of friendship. They would be able to know when to call off a relationship that has no chance of making progress.

It was Elbert Hubbard who said that "your friend is the man (and I add the woman) who knows all about you, and still likes you". Where else can this statement be truer than in marriage relationship. Hubbard's assertion here is critical. We all who have been married and those who have been in dating or courtship relationship for a long time know that the closer we get to one another; some of the excitements of the initial contact wear out. It would take friends, someone who knows everything about you and still likes to stay married, to find joy in that relationship. The delicate nature of relationships in general and the marriage relationship in particular requires that we consciously set our house of dating and courtship relationship in order before it gets to the point of marriage.

Friendship is the key to a joyful relationship. When childbirth, disease and age have removed our physical beauty and handsomeness, it is friendship that sustains the relationship with our spouses. So dating partners should grow their friendship before attempting advance the relationship to another level.

Friendship sustains life. Get involved.

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When people are asked about what they think about marriage and true love, their answers can sometimes be sobering. Many of them, quite simply, do not believe that marriage is often the result of true love nor can it lead to true love. But what really gives? Can you truly have both marriage and true love or is one as separate from the other as sun and moon?

Marrying the person you love or loving the person you marry? Marriage is a life-changing event. Not only does your status as a citizen of your country changes, it also profoundly alters your life and all the subsequent decisions you have to make. For most people, the equation is quite simple: meet someone, fall in love, get married. It's the basic premise that millions of couples around the world understand and have experienced. However, it doesn't always end there.

After marriage, there are periods that couples have to go through together in order for them to live and survive and ultimately get to know each other better. Many times, this also means finding a side to the person you married that could surprise you in a bad way. Whether or not this makes you love the person more will really depend if what you already have is true love in the first place. If it is, then consider yourself lucky, whatever happens in your life together as spouses, you can be sure that you can easily overcome.

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Happily ever after?

The one reason why many people become disillusioned with love and marriage is that they have been led to believe in the happily-ever-after product of a wedding. After all, the idea that two people can be wed and then live the rest of their lives in bliss is the main selling point of some of the most successful companies in the world, including publishers, film outfits and even cosmetics.

But this can be erroneous.

The danger here is that by believing that true love can be obtained automatically with marriage, couples become too engrossed in the myth of the matter. As a result, they get so lost in the fairytale that when reality takes a nip, the perfect image of what true love in a marriage is immediately crumbles in their minds.

The key here is to refuse to have your relationship categorized in any way. It's a relationship, period. It involves you, your partner and an agreement that, with a lot of hope, trust and hard work, you intend to turn into real, lasting love. Only then can you truly have both marriage and true love.

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This relationship advice for women is something that I think is somewhat different what you would normally expect to read. Women want to always try to be more confident, more assertive and more sure of themselves. The funny thing is, this doesn't always work, especially when you're talking about trying to make your man notice and be impressed by you. I'm going to share a few reasons that being assertive is the wrong way to go and what to do instead if you want your man to acknowledge, respect and love you.

1. Power Struggle

If your man is the more dominant person in your relationship and you're happy about that, why should things change? If he was being abusive or taking advantage of your subservience, maybe it would be a good idea to be more assertive.

Some women think that men like assertive women full stop. This simply isn't the case. In fact, if you try and be assertive to a man who likes being in control, you may end up being in a power struggle, which will just make both of you unhappy.

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2. Assertive Or Demanding?

Some women confuse being assertive with being demanding and being plain inflexible. You've got to realize that being assertive is simply being sure of yourself, while demanding is not being empathetic of the other person's feelings.

For this reason, some women go beyond being assertive and simply become people that their men can't love. It's a bad way to break up, but it does happen.

3. What To Do Instead

If you want to be seen as more attractive to your man, you don't have to change your character. All you have to is try to find out what your attractive qualities and turn them up. Don't ask your man what he finds attractive about you, though.

Instead what you want to do is talk to him about women that he finds hot/attractive. If you're on a good level of trust with him, this won't seem abnormal. Just don't ask him out of nowhere. He would probably get suspicious.

This relationship advice should be taken seriously if you were thinking of trying to improve yourself by being confident or assertive if that's not usually how you are. Don't ruin something that's perfectly good. A safer bet is to find out what your man likes and to ramp it up to get more attention from him.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.


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Author's Bio: 

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