How To Talk Nicely To Your Husband: How To Communicate Better In Marriage

If you have noticed that your communication with your partner is a bit strained or albeit non-existent, there are some things that you can do to rectify this problem. Marital communication is no easy matter. When you communicate it is important to practice some basic courtesies that may in this day and age appear a bit outdated. But they do work. Whether they work every time is not an appropriate question because communication depends upon so many variables.

So how can you communicate better in your relationship? How do you go about re-opening the lines of communication where there may be hurt and pain from a prior experience? That is exactly the goal of this article, to provide you with at least there (3) solid techniques you can take away and use on your relationships. Now in all fairness, do not expect your relationships to improve after you attempt this ONE time. What you need to do, is establish a solid pattern of extending this new way of relating to your partner and then over time you will be e believer to.

Improve Marital Communication Tip #1
The first and foremost communication step to employ is that of putting yourself in the other persons shoes. That is to say look at what you are going to say before you say them. And consider them not from your perspective but from your partners angle. This is something my Grandma used to do. She would say and teach us that, "you should taste your words first before you say them."

That is sage advice from someone who lived to be 83 years old. There is a lot of truth in her statement. You see, if you would taste your words first, you would avoid saying many of the things you say that are hurtful to your mate. You often have to recant those statements later on. This tip #1 would save you from having to do that.

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By the way, you communicate not just with your words. But also with you looks, your eyes, your touch, your body language or posture. They all come together to establish a communication message.

For example, if you are listening to your husband explain how he has to go in and buy this vacant land so he can hunt on it with his hunting buddies, you may look down, away or keep reading the paper or something. Now, because you became quiet he may interpret your silence as a lack of interest in the activities that he enjoys. So, when you want to tell him about your mother who needs to come visit and stay for a month or two, he MAY respond in a less than hospitable manner.

Improve Marital Communication Tip #2
Strive to understand the need your spouse has to stay in touch with your throughout the day. In an era where everyone tends to have a mobile phone, it is so important to stay in touch with each other. Some spouses are more distant. They want to spend their days doing what they do for a living and not feel "tethered" by a call home policy. But really, you should seek to please your spouse here. It makes for a much more pleasing and hospitable relationship. Remember you got into this relationship supposedly to please the other and not yourself, right? Give her or him a call or text message. Let them know that your day is well and you will be her or there and so on. Details, details, details. If you use just tips one and two so far you would see a major improvement in your spousal communication.

Improve Marital Communication Tip #3
Determine just how your spouse prefers to be communicated with. Some people have a natural tendency for directness. they need explicit instructions for most things. They want details. So if you respond in very general less specific ways, this may drive them bonkers. But if you take some time to think back to situations where it seemed as though you had very positive communication with them, you can then decipher out the positive attributes. At that point try to keep doing that which produced the positive communication.

Communication with your partner is so important. Taking the time to do it is another priority we could have delved into. Your plate and agenda are likely as full as ours. So just start out by using these simple three tips and build on what you experience.

Pay Close Attention Here-

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As the story goes, a Cherokee elder was sitting with his grandchildren. He told them, "In every life there is a terrible fight--a fight between two wolves. One is evil: he is fear, anger, envy, greed, arrogance, self-pity, resentment, and deceit. The other is good: joy, serenity, humility, confidence, generosity, truth, gentleness, and compassion."

One of his grandchildren asked, "Grandfather, which wolf will win?" The elder looked him in the eye and replied, "The one you feed."

This brief story contains a far-reaching truth. You choose which traits, attitudes, beliefs, and values you will give attention to. And what you focus on will grow and expand. For example, if you value honesty, this value will affect all of your dealings and interactions with others. If you nurture and "feed" resentment, it will eventually take over your life.

Continually focusing on marriage problems makes the relationship seem even worse than it actually is. If you continually talk about how you've been done wrong and how angry you are at your spouse, your anger will grow and blot out your memories of more positive times. When that happens, you are unable to see a balanced picture.

The more energy you devote to focusing on the negatives in your relationship, the worse and more hopeless everything seems. And when you're feeding your negativity, your creative energy is frozen. Thus, you don't have the ability to generate helpful options or a fresh perspective.

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You influence your perception of reality by the thoughts you think, the beliefs you hold, and the attitudes you cultivate. According to Katherine Mansfield, "Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different. Life would undergo a change of appearance because we ourselves had undergone a change of attitude."

In each moment, you decide whether to make negative or positive interpretations about the events and people in your life. These interpretations shape your experience of reality and impact your capacity to be all you can possibly be. They also affect your expectations about what is possible.

Choosing to develop qualities such as compassion, honesty, serenity, and joy can transform your marriage and your life. And choosing to reduce the resentment, anger, deceit, and fear in your life can lighten your emotional load and leave you will more energy to generate creative solutions to your marriage problems.

As you become more positive, you bring more positive energy into your interactions with your spouse. When this happens, surprising things can happen in your marriage. The sharp, prickly edge of anger can start to soften between you and your partner. New insights and understandings about a situation can occur, and you can be more likely to find the middle ground of compromise.

The following tips can assist you in training yourself to focus more on what's right with your marriage and your life:

1.Take the time each day to list the things that you are grateful for in your life. Remember to include the things people often take for granted, such as three meals a day, a hot shower, heat, a stove and refrigerator, running water, medical care, and friends.

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2.Each day, remind yourself of your spouse's positive qualities and contributions to your life. Think back to what attracted you to your partner initially. Reflect on how your spouse has caused you to stretch and grow and on how much you've learned from the experience.

3.Write in your journal about what positive qualities in yourself you want to cultivate and develop. These are the attitudes, beliefs, and values that you want to focus on and encourage to take root, grow, and thrive in your life.

4.Visit a library or bookstore and select some inspirational reading material and inspirational tapes or CD's. Find the time each day to read or listen to something that is positive, encouraging, and inspiring. It's important to refill at the well of inspiration daily.

5.Spend less time with friends and family members who are negative and leave you feeling depressed and fatigued. There's a name for those individuals who drain your positive energy--"energy vampires." Instead, cultivate new friends who are positive, supportive, and encouraging and who bring out the best in you.

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Are you struggling with your marriage? Do you ever contemplate what it would be like to be divorced? Well you're not alone. As a matter of fact, almost 67% of all first marriages fail before they reach their 40th anniversary.

Many couples experience unhappy marriages. There are fights, disagreements and arguments that remain unresolved for years. A great many couples live in an unusual state of "life suspension", that is, they postpone the joy of their life until later when things can be worked out.

The sad truth is that they've lost their ability to communicate with their partners. So they wait, hide and put very little effort into their marriage. They figure if they stay clear of trouble spots they can avoid any arguments or disagreements. And it's true. Many couples learn how to avoid their relationship instead of embracing it.

It all seems counter-intuitive, yet it's happening all over the world. Divorce has unfortunately become an alternate way of life for many of us.

But I'm here to tell you that it doesn't need to be this way. There are no arguments or disagreements that can't be overcome if you learn how to regain your powers of communication. That's right. You can start to save your marriage today and attain the healthy and happy lifestyle that you once imagined.

Your Return To Freedom Awaits

If you think about it rationally you'll begin to see how backward we become when we lose our ability to effectively communicate with our spouse. And it takes a long, long time to get to this place of marriage failure. If you consider how difficult your marital situation is today, you must realize that it took some diligence on your part to get here.

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And don't think it's all your partner's problem. It takes two to tango, as they say, and you have more than likely been a major contributor to the mayhem.

But as I said, it's all reversible and you can begin saving your marriage today. It may be hard to believe but you can systematically repair every problem and every unresolved argument. If you're ready to save your marriage, you'll need to improve on just a few of theses key ingredients.

1. Improved communication skills: This is the big one. It is the tool you'll need to do most of the heavy lifting. But it's not difficult. You just need to learn how.

2. Unconditional forgiveness: This is how you replant the loving seeds of your early relationship. And it doesn't require that you lose face or give up on your dreams. It means you'll find the inner strength to work through your problems because it's the right thing to do.

3. Renewed acceptance: This is the tool you'll need to press forward and build a fresh new life together. There is no overnight fix, just as your current situation didn't begin this morning. But with these simple and effective tools, you can turn everything around.

Quitting Should Not Be An Option

Not withstanding some unusual circumstances such as substance abuse or physical violence, your marriage problems can be remedied and repaired in relatively short order.

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We are not a high conflict couple but we are not really happy, either. How would we benefit from marital counseling? There are many benefits to marital counseling besides learning how to bring down the emotional level of arguments-although, this too, is a benefit.

Marital counseling with a licensed marriage and family therapist can help your marriage in many ways. It affords you a number of opportunities for change that you would not ordinarily know how to accomplish by yourself. With marriage counseling you will have an opportunity to identify the issues, feelings, and behaviors that are bothering you and to communicate them to your spouse in a safe and supportive environment.

One of the major benefits of marital counseling is the instruction, coaching, and feedback in developing new skills to make changes in your relationship. Skill development often focuses on the following skills areas:
1) communication and problem solving
2) appropriate expression, disclosure, and resolution of painful emotions
3) effective negotiation for change within the relationship
4) acquisition of the ability to work within a partnership to achieve goals
5) development of the ability to engage in consultation and cooperation with family issues such as money management, parenting, lifestyle issues, and stage of life issues.
6) de-escalation of arguments before they get hurtful
7) identification and elimination of dirty fight tactics.
8) learning and practicing effective problem solving techniques
9) learning and practicing effective ways to start a difficult conversation in a neutral manner.
10. regaining the ability to perceive the positive characteristics in your partner and in your marriage.

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When you participate in marriage counseling you have an opportunity to get to know your spouse again. Couples who have been together awhile have a tendency to talk superficially or about things and issues other than themselves. Partners often quit talking about the things they think and feel.

Couples counseling can guide you through your unresolved issues, including the emotional baggage from your family of origin that may be re-created and played out in your current relationship. You have an opportunity to identify how your prior experiences "color" how you experience your life now, and can learn how to neutralize the negative impact of your histories. In doing so, you can visualize the relationship that you want, discover how to accomplish it, and begin to work toward your relationship goals.

Your couples counseling should last long enough for you to accomplish major treatment plan goals. If you continue in counseling long enough to establish new behaviors to the point where it has become habit, you are most likely to sustain your relationship gains over a longer period of time.

Most couples need some help these days with maintaining positive regard, loving feelings, and healthy partnership behaviors that help keep marriages stable and happy. Whether you are dealing with mental health issues, addiction(s), need for personal or relationship skills development, or relationship problems, may website has host of resources available to you. Please keep in mind that it is a work in progress, with new resources, articles, and other educational opportunities being added to it regularly.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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