Husband Refuses To Talk About Problems: Husband Wont Talk About Marriage Problems

Communication is absolutely key to maintain a healthy marriage. For those experiencing marriage problems communication, you should know that many marriages experience problems in the communication department.

As we all know, marriage is a lifelong union of two people in which both persons have vowed to live together. Communication in marriage is meant to build a union between two people. You're not just talking to each other for the sake of it.

Communication is active listening and responding appropriately, and its not one person talking to dominate the conversation. To communicate effectively you both should be able to share your views on life and other issues you both decide to talk about.

In communication you should be able to talk to each other about your fears, joys, frustrations, achievements, victories, challenges and disappointments. Communication is meant to make you more transparent for your soul mate.

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By transparent I mean that your partner should be able to see straight through you. They should be able to know exactly how you feel. When you make that "look," they should know what you're feeling and thinking. To make a marriage work, you hide nothing from each other.

Marriage at the root is a friendship that begun from communication, you know like the dates you both went on together before you got married. If you're stuck in the "marriage problems communication" category then you have to be open, and talk to your partner on a daily basis.

Make sure to listen more than you speak, and think before you speak. Understand that people assume, they make generalities, and they're vague. Your spouse is only human and they too may be that type of person.

If this is the case you have to understand that people assume that when they say something to another person that the person automatically understands what's being said. People also tend to say things like, "You always do this" or "You never do that."

This is not effective communication because it makes your partner feel like they can do nothing right. Remember this, communication is the key to relationship success. If you can be open and communicate your needs and feelings, then you are on the road to a healthy and successful marriage.

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If you are experiencing problems related to your respective family of origins in your marriage you are not alone.

It is very common for newly weds to experience problems with their parents, or in-laws. Sometimes brothers and sisters contribute too by offering unwanted advice and opinions contributing to family gossip. Later, when a couple have children problems with relatives can return, or even flare up for the first time.

Being able to relate to the members of the extended family in a way that is acceptable and satisfactory for you and your partner is essential for a happy marriage. In this article I am telling you how you can achieve this.

The first year of marriages is often difficult. This is because your identity as a married couple is new. You both need to achieve the transition from being an individual member of your extended families, with the expectations that entails, to being seen as belonging to a couple with the ability to develop your own family values.

Here are some suggestions:

1) Clarify your own values as a couple and remain consistent to these when communicating with your extended family. Your parents, siblings, cousins, uncles and aunts will want you to adopt their values rather than the ones you need to develop with your partner. Beware! Focus on how you as a couple would like to do things and not on how your extended family would like you to conform. Remember as a young couple you are the future, and whilst listening to those more experienced in life can be helpful you are best advised only to follow those who are both happy and successful.

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2) Solve your difficulties between each other. Often well meaning third parties, such as family and friends, make the situation worse. This is because they have some kind of investment in you being a certain way. If you are stuck, invest in marital therapy rather than involving other family members. Because once either your in-laws or yours have taken a position with respect to your difficulties your marriage is in great danger. A brother, or sister can easily complicate matters. They may tell of your difficulties to your friends, or other family members, with whom you would not want to share information about your relationship. Moreover if you have complained about your partner to a sibling, and then subsequently make up, your brother or sister may remain unsympathetic to your spouse or even accuse you of being a fool.

3) Decide together the frequency for the family visits. The transition for your families from seeing you as their child to accepting you as a married individual may be difficult. Many families have hard time trusting new comers. If this is true for your family your attitude and commitment to your partner will help them to adjust quickly.

4) Share all concerns about members of your extended family with each other and speak as one voice with family members who are problematic. If there are bullies in your family you may need to show your strength both as an individual and as a couple in order to deter them. There are times you need to be firm to be nice.

5) Do what you can to have separate accounts from your extended family. Many families use money to control its members in an unhealthy way. It is better to have a modest life if the price of money is too high. Family businesses can be great to generate financial success with the commitment of its family members; however make arrangements beforehand to make sure you are not compromised in a way that does not suit you and your partner.

You are either committed to each other or your family of origin and friends. Prioritizing your loyalty to your partner above others is the key to a happy marriage that will last a lifetime and more.

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Every marriage needs a lot of hard work. When you feel that things are not heading in the right direction and you just get a feeling that something might be wrong then it's time to get to work and set things right. Here's what you need to do to save a failing marriage.

Accept that you have a problem
The first thing to do is to admit and accept that there is trouble in your paradise. A lot of people don't wake up and admit this and by the time they do, it is too late. Your problems or difficulties don't have to match the other person's. As soon as you feel that you have issues, you need to deal with them.

Don't talk to your friends
One big mistake that we all make is that we go and talk to friends when we have these marital problems. You can use a friend like a sounding board at times but don't take advice from them. A friend will never be able to give you because his/her judgment will be clouded by his/her love for you.

Head to a counselor
One of the best things that you can do to save a failing marriage is head to a counselor. A counselor will be able to assess you and your problem and shall be able to help you work out a solution for your marital problem. His/her vision will not be clouded by personal judgments, like and dislikes.

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Convince your spouse
Once you are ready and have spoken to a counselor, you need to convince your spouse as well on the same. This might take a little bit of persistence as your spouse might not be ready to see that your marriage is in trouble. So be patient and persist if you want to save your failing marriage.

Be objective
You will probably end up hearing a lot of unpleasant things about yourself during these counseling sessions. Though these revelations might be surprising and extremely hurtful you have to bear in mind that you take these objectively. These revelations will only make your relationship stronger and you a better person. So don't be spiteful and say unnecessary hurtful things to get even.

Don't use information for fights
What you get to know of each other should not be used in fights that happen thereof. That might be difficult but is the only way to set things right.

Work hard
Be prepared to work very hard on the directions given by your counselor. Remember that if you cheat its only you who will suffer. Put in an honest effort and you will benefit and save your failing marriage.

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Take this quick test:

· Were either of you under 22 when you married?

· Did either of you not get your high school diploma or GED?

· Do you make under $24,000/year as a couple?

· Are you two of different religions?

· Did either of your parents divorce?

· Are you or your spouse very critical of each other?

· Are you or your spouse very defensive? Do either of you need the last word?

· Do you tend to withdraw from each another?

· Do either one of you feel contempt for the other?

The more you answered "yes" to these questions, the higher is your risk for divorce. Those who answer "no" generally have more realistic expectations of one another and their marriage. They tend to communicate better, use more effective problem solving skills and are found to have higher compatibility scores.

What type of person is most likely to benefit from marriage counseling? Well, everything else being equal, women seem to learn more from it than their spouses.

What type of couple benefits the most from marriage counseling? The answer is younger, communicative, educated, egalitarian, still loving and relatively open-minded couples.

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Everything else being equal, important factors associated with unsuccessful marital therapy include: Procrastinating before seeking help, spouses who are determined to get a divorce and/or those who is closed to any new suggestions.

Dr John Gottman's research discovered that all couples experience conflict in their marriages but the happier ones manage their disagreements better because of a foundation of affection and friendship which they previously developed. Those without this foundation don't appear to have the commitment, motivation or skill to problem-solve effectively under high stress.

Bottom line - if you really care about your marriage and think it may be in trouble, don't wait. Seek marriage counseling as soon as you notice the warning signs and make a commitment to be open-minded during the process.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

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Author's Bio: 

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