Husband Too Attached To Parents: How To Separate Husband From His Parents - He Won't Leave His Mother and Father

Husband Too Attached To Parents: How To Separate Husband From His Parents - He Won't Leave His Mother and Father

A crowded marriage usually means an affair by either spouse which need not be the case in many instances. A marriage does become crowded when there is an external factor intruding upon the privacy of the couple. This factor could be interfering in-laws on either sides or it could be an obsessive preoccupation with work (over ambitious or workaholic) or it could be plain indifference. Very often it is apathy on both partner's part and their failure to invest time in the relationship that accounts for an unseen presence responsible for the failure of a marriage.

Vijayan and Madhavi is a recently married couple living with his parents. Madhavi resents Vijayan coming home late everyday and complains that he prefers to spend more time with his parents than with her.

She grumbles, "His excuse is before marriage he had not spent enough time with his parents due to work. If that was the case why did he ever want to get married? He should have devoted his time to his parents rather than marrying and neglecting me." She has a point.

Vijayan's apprehension is that his parents would feel neglected if he spent time alone with her. While his fears are appreciated Vijayan should realize that his newly married wife needs the privacy and attention during the initial stage. This does not mean having a separate bedroom. She needs to feel secure and loved and that means spending more time without distractions.

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Marriage is a lifetime commitment between two unrelated people brought together saves by marriage. So, the relationship is definitely more special and has to be accorded that important place. This does not mean that you have to relegate other relationships to the background. It is about the sanctity of marriage and by extension the wife who automatically takes the first place by virtue of piety of the relationship.

Rajeev and Latha are both successful in their respective careers. They are confident couple. But both are unhappy. Reason being, their busy careers are taking them away from each other. When Rajeev is in town, Latha is away on a project and vice versa. Both have no time to spend with the other and their respective work takes precedence over everything else. Both are reluctant to give up their lucrative careers. The work has made their marriage too crowded to exclude everything else in their life including having children. So much so they have reached a point of no return.

While it is important to have a successful career, it is equally if not more important to have a fruitful married life. Had the couple decided not to have kids then it would not have been an issue. However, both want children but don't want to sacrifice their careers to plan a child. The increased stress factor to have a child takes a toll on them and proves the reverse.

Now, what do they want? They have to make a choice. Rajeev and Latha need to choose and that choice might require major sacrifice on either one or both their parts. The question is- are they willing to go that extra mile?

To avoid from being crowded it is imperative to provide for space in a marriage. It is not about having a bedroom of your own or being indifferent leading parallel lives rather it is about giving room for both individuals to grow independently and also inclusively so that the relationship blossoms into something wonderful to cherish. A relationship for posterity, after all that's what marriage is all about - a commitment for lifetime!

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"You should do this or that", "you should have said that or done that", "make sure you do that the next time" are phrases you hear every day, not always from the closest people in your life, and quite often from people you never asked for advice on marriage.

Somehow, they all seem to be experts in the others' problems, even when they don't really know the people involved. So what should you do? Forget everything you heard or following the advice to the letter?

First of all, it is very important to analyze the reliability of the source. Does that person really care about you? How well does that person know you? Does that person have any kind of experience in relationship problems? Does the advice provided match your thinking and your personality?

Answering these questions should help you distinguish between two categories of advice providers: the ones that want you to be happy and are honestly trying to help you and the ones that simply cannot keep their mouths shot and pretend to know everything even when they don't.

In the first category, you probably have your friends and your family, the people who know your situation and care about you. There is nothing wrong in listening to their advice, but, before you follow it, make sure they know everything there is to know in your case.

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Half truths, words said out of anger and resentment can give the wrong impression, and no matter how impartial and well intended your advisers are, not knowing all the details can get them to suggest the wrong solutions.

Besides, it is better to make sure their advice follows an objective analysis of your situation and is based on impartiality. You cannot expect someone who has always been against your marriage, even if that person really cares about you, to teach you how to work things out with your loved one.

And then, there are the people who don't know you but claim to have an eye for marriage problems and a solution in hand. Chances are those people are just shallow and irresponsible. They don't really care about what you are going through, and if you try to prove their ideas wrong, they will defend them above everything, simply because they never accept the fact that they could be wrong.

Accidentally some advice on marriage these people provide may prove helpful, but determining which can be a real tough deal.

In the end, no matter how many pieces of advice you receive, from whom and with what intentions, the responsibilities and the risks are only yours. That is why you should listen to your heart and your reason.

If it seems difficult, take some time for yourself, get away from all the things and all the people troubling you and analyze your situation objectively. In the end, no one knows you and your spouse better than you do, and only you can decide which advice on marriage is worth following and which not.

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Is your marriage in crisis? Are there issues in your marriage that drain you and your partner's happiness? I know how it feels to be at the crossroad right now. You tell yourself "I want to fix things up and save my marriage today". But you wonder how to do that without having to beg or plead.

Here is what you can do today to save your marriage.

To save a marriage, you must first acknowledge that there exists a problem. I have seen couples who refuse to accept the glaring pointers that indicate challenges in their marriage until it gets to the verge of divorce. You must understand that marriage problem is no different with every other problem, the more severe it becomes; the more effort is needed to resolve. Be vigilant to the signs of a troubled marriage and act fast to mend the situation helps greatly in your desire to "save my marriage today".

Now you know that a problem exists, you need to work towards a successful solution. Take responsibility for your part in the failing marriage. It is very common to see couples pointing fingers whenever there is a conflict. This is the killer that ruin most of the relationships regardless how strong your foundation is. It takes 2 hands to clap. It will need 2 parties to foster or hurt a relationship. Compromise is the key to keep your marriage strong.

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Adopt a positive mindset and try to see things or even your partner in a new light. Stop talking negative about them as this has great impact on your feeling towards your partner. Shift your thought to think of your partner in a more positive light. Think of what you cherish the most about them and appreciate that. Your partner will eventually notice the change in you and he or she will start doing the same to save the marriage.

Telling everyone that "I want to save my marriage today!" leading you nowhere unless you take action. Start by changing yourself, change the way you respond to your partner, the way you talk to you partner. Change how you look at things and the most importantly your mindset. Be open to ideas and suggestions. A method will not work if you don't believe it to work. You must have faith in the methods you implement and things shall fall into place.

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If I'm a student of grief, I'm also a student of conflict, and whilst understanding of grief leads to acceptance, understanding of conflict leads to forgiveness. This is the premise:

When you forgive you let go of what you cannot control.

Let me be frank. I've wandered two quite unique journeys of reconciling myself to peace, in making matters right in my own mind and heart, through forgiveness.

Incredibly I found complete peace when the most significant person in my world ended our relationship. Almost immediately I could see where I'd messed up in that relationship. I owned my contribution. Forgiveness was easy because I took the log out of my own eye.

But there is another path I've had to walk, where I felt abused, and there has been no effort from others involved to reconcile matters, despite our efforts. A completely different path for someone who has experienced the ease of letting go by letting God have His way. I can tell you that this ease of letting go was as real as could be, yet it was nothing about me being in my power - all God's power, because that's how God works - through our letting go.

So, with the experience of forgiving a betrayal about as deep as anyone could be betrayed, contrasted with experiences of not being free to let other situations go, I have prayed long and desperately to understand something more of the riches of God in the grace He gives and the grace He takes away.

Suddenly I've come to an understanding that in experiencing both kinds of hearts - soft and hard - God has shown me both the depths of His grace to enable us to let go and the extent of our sin to resist His movement of softening our hearts. I know both intimately. Both states of heart have been important experiences. I thank Him for both.

God has allowed both and has invited me to compare them in the light of His grace.

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What He's allowed me to see is compelling.

Until we've not been able to forgive, we've not come to the place where we're desperate enough to give forgiveness another try. Until it's been impossible to forgive someone who abused us or betrayed us, we don't dig deeply enough into the mysteries of the heart's rebellion in unforgiveness. We remain in self-protection mode. But we also remain locked out of the freedom Jesus seeks for us to have and knows we need. A freedom from the perpetrator, so they may no longer do us any harm.

In those difficult situations where letting go seems impossible, we're given the opportunity to develop an attitude of forgiveness, acknowledging forgiveness is classically a two-way process requiring protagonists to give and receive forgiveness.

It helps in our developing this attitude of forgiveness when we acknowledge it makes logical sense to let go that which we cannot control. To let go of that over which we have no control. It makes no sense to continue to hold that which can only be bad and that which can never be good for us.

When you forgive you let go of what you cannot control.

While we prepare for ourselves a heart ready to forgive we have another opportunity: to prepare our hearts for what God is doing in the mix of what was a troubled relationship.

God brings us all to account. Even if we've experienced the worst kind of abuse and our offender is the worst kind of sociopath, we have equivalence in our relationship with God. The Lord calls us all to account. We must be ready for ours with a clear conscience for what that might entail. And pity them if they refuse their own readiness!

You have control over how God will judge you.

Sometimes God wants us to be tough on a person for their own good; it's the loving thing. We can be tough in kind ways. We can be firm in gentle ways. We can hold our ground in ways that is inoffensive. We can prepare to meet the offender in the grace they withheld from us. We can rise above the standard of their sinfulness. We do not need to trust them if they're not trustworthy. We can make things right.

When you forgive you do what God wants, by doing what is within your control.

When you act in grace, you forgive by action.

When you forgive you exhibit God's power to love a person, not according to what they deserve, but according to the victorious holy standard of God.

For, in forgiving a person of their sin against Deity you let yourself off the hook of God's judgment, while there they remain, standing in the Dock.

The only way they can make it right with God is if they make it right with you.

When you forgive you do what God wants, and you get out of His way and let Him do what He will do.

These kinds of things demonstrate an attitude of forgiveness acknowledging in faith that God catches up with every sinner this side of eternity or the other.

Now Listen Carefully-

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