Husband Wife Dispute Problem Solution: How To Resolve Conflicts Between Husband and Wife

Conflicts and disagreements between couples are a part of marriage and marital living. Two human beings with their own thoughts and freewill are bound to get tangled up in conflicts and misunderstanding once in a while. It's not so much about the fact that it happens, but how you and your partner tackle them.

Fighting in your relationship/marriage may be problematic if it rarely ends in peaceful resolutions or at least compromise. More damage can be done if one or both partners feel hurt or angry after the incident has passed, which can mean unfinished business between the two of you.

Resentment is very dangerous to relationships and marriage. Poor conflict resolution skills can destroy the happiness and joy that took you and your spouse years to build in your relationship/marriage. Here are five signs that indicate you are not fighting fair:

1. You name call or make below-the-belt character attacks. If at the least provoked chance, you use it as an opportunity to call your spouse names, ("You're stupid!") or stronger words that you know will surely annoy your spouse.

2. You use global statements such as "always" or "never". ("You never listen to me!"). Nobody like being told that they are used to doing a bad thing, always.

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3. You go off-topic to a long list of prior examples of the current issue. Past things/fights are gone by, and once they have been settled, they should not been brought up again. No matter the circumstances, they should not be brought up.

4. You use family traits as a weapon ("You're just like your mother!"). Such references can only heighten your fights and countering by your spouse with the same use of words (where they had such intention before).

5. You shut down or storm out of the house. Sometimes leaving the situation altogether is a good idea, but using a structured "timeout" is a better a choice, to avoid making your spouse/partner feel abandoned.

Even in healthy relationships and successful marriages, there are often times when couples don't agree, when they don't get along, and may not even like each other for brief periods- a reflection of words and/ or behaviour of the other, not who they are in their core.

Awareness of the signs that you are not fighting fair is a huge and very helpful step towards lessening the damage done to your relationship/ marriage. Once you learn about the actions that are less helpful, you can then learn about more productive ways to have difficult conversations, which includes things like active listening skills, "I feel" statements, and other methods of respectful, loving, and attuned dialogue.

Remember, conflicts will happen. You and your spouse can learn to get to the place where it's less a "boulder in the road" and more a "blip on the radar".

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When a marriage starts to experience serious trouble, it's easy to become overwhelmed with the whole process of trying to save it. At times, it's as if you are at each others throats so to speak on an everyday, every conversation basis. So much that it seems as if any communication just turns into another heated argument in which nothing is resolved or has just made things a whole lot worse. If you're having trouble, may I suggest this little idea of letting go? Let me explain.

Now, it's probably safe to assume that things haven't always been like this. There was a time when you both loved and cherished each other unconditionally. But, over the years much like any marriage things begin to change. You've had your fair share of ups and downs with one another. And, together you have weathered many storms and have gotten through it, for the most part just fine. Along this journey, I imagine or presume that many memories have been built and to some degree there is a level of blame that you both share for one event or the other.

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While it's important for you or your spouse to own up to your mistakes and take responsibility for them as time goes on, it serves neither one of your best interests to be constantly reminded of it. Holding on to it and using it against your spouse every chance you get will not do your marriage any good. In fact, it can constantly or repeatedly damage it. So for the sake of saving your marriage, try your best not to bring up blame throughout the process of saving your marriage the best you can. I know it's hard at times, especially when trying to justify some of the things you have done directly related to what they have done, but do your best to remember it only makes the situation that much more difficult.

Now, the next part of letting go may go against everything you believe at the moment, but it really works. That is love your spouse enough to let them go. I know it fits into the old cliche of "if you love something, let it go and it will return if it's meant to be". But, that's not the case exactly or the meat and potatoes of it so to speak. What it means is, give them some room right now. Don't be so attached or needy of them or at their throat. Believe it or not, you're spouse is just as confused and emotionally drained as you and could use the extra space to sort things out. What you don't want to do is push them away further, by not giving them this time and space.

Believe it or not, letting go can be a powerful concept when it comes to saving a troubled marriage. It helps set up a foundation in which the marriage can be rebuilt, guilt and blame free. It's part of setting up a troubled marriage moving forward for lasting success.

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For many centuries numbers have been associated with successful marriages. In China the number 8 is considered the most successful day to have a wedding. If the number is the eighth day of the eighth month in a year ending in eight, it is considered to be even better. This year the number is 7/7/07 for a successful marriage. In some societies if the wedding is conducted on the number 4, it is considered doomed to failure.

In reality numbers can be associated with successful marriages. For example, one stands for unity in marriage. It represents the coming together of a man and woman in holy matrimony to begin a new family unit as one. In religions of society, the number one is associated with God who was the originator of Holy matrimony. A couple that starts their marriage based upon shared faith and beliefs is more likely to be successful.

In marriage the number two represents the union of two people-a man and a woman. As two individuals, they take vows to live together permanently. In the ceremony they have at least two witnesses who can testify that they have promised to remain together until the death of one of them.

Three represents the three-way tie of Christ, the bride and groom. A rope that is braided with three strands is considered the strongest. In a Christian marriage, success is more likely when it is centered on Christ.

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Four stands for the things in society that can rip the marriage into fourths. Excessive spending through credit card debts, careers, and health issues or family changes are causes for problems in marriages. Discuss expenditures and incomes. Plan a budget; pay for credit charges as soon as the bill comes, never charge more than you can pay. Avoid his and her bank accounts. Establish joint bank accounts; save for a "rainy day". Talk about job opportunities and pray about the best situation for your family. When health becomes an issue seek professional counseling and guidance. Try to understand each other when the family size changes. Maybe the loss of family member is causing strain on the marriage. Speak about how you feel to each other and to God. Communication is the key to overcoming many of these issues. Avoid dividing your marriage into me, myself, I and them.

Five represents the phases of marriage that can affect the success. There is the honeymoon period. This is the time of becoming intimate, the blending of your personalities, learning to share and living on love. The next phase is when the first child comes. This brings about a new relationship of sharing time and energy. The third phase is when the first child starts to school. This family change is sometimes difficult to accept, especially when the parents are closely knit to the child. Mother may not want to let the child go of her apron strings that may cause a problem with the father or vise versa. The empty nest syndrome is when the last child leaves home. This is a difficult time for husbands and wives who have not learned to live with each other. They may think it is easier to divorce than to start a new family lifestyle. The retirement phase or stage is often a harder adjustment. Fixed or reduces incomes, changes in routines, lack of hobbies or disagreement over free time, even choices of foods can affect the lifestyle. The unwillingness to adjust brings on choices to separate and try to start over in marriage. Yet the couple that recognizes the five phases of marriage and learns to adapt will find their way to a successful marriage.

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Six is associated with labor and hard work. A successful marriage takes a lot of hard work. It has been said marriages may be made in Heaven, but they must be worked out on Earth. Success requires recalling what brought you together in the beginning. It means you must keep the seed of love blooming by remembering your spouse on special occasions. Try placing a note in his briefcase that says: I love you. Send her a red rose for no reason. Pack a photo of yourself in the suitcase. Call and leave a message: I'm thinking of you right now. Say a special prayer for your spouse. Remember it takes a lifetime to make a marriage successful.

Seven is considered a perfect marriage. That is why so many people wanted to be married on 7/7/07. However, marriage is not perfect because people are not perfect. Success means accepting the other's faults, understanding why the person acts as he/she does, forgiving one another and allowing love to prevail over trials and tribulations. Marriage is like a rose garden. Success blooms with aromatic aroma but the thorns of problems can destroy the enjoyment. Learn ways to overcome or avoid the thorns that affect the success of your marriage. May the Creator of Marriage say at the end of time: Well done my good and faithful servants.

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