Are you letting others blow out your flame? How can you keep it lit. Here are some tips.

Last month I poured my heart out to anyone who would listen, saying how important it is that I don’t let my candle burn out (last month's article below). The candle I’m referring to is my life force – the energy that sustains me, that IS me.

No matter how much I care, no one and nothing is worth getting upset over. The many responses I received showed that the message was well received, and that my readers learned from the example. We all need to make being at peace and empowered our priority. Add joy and the effect is godly.

The concept is great, but how can you keep your candle lit? Last week Rochele Hirsch ( and I discussed ways to keep our candles lit., on my radio show ( You can listen to the broadcast by going to: To summarize the call, Rochele spoke about how important it is to be healthy and balanced to so that you can stay strong and empowered. Good mental, emotional and physical health is the base station. So it’s very important (especially going into the holiday season) to eat well, get plenty of sleep and rest, drink plenty of water, meditate, exercise and SMILE.

If your candlelight is strong going into the world, you’re less apt to buckle and have it blown out. This is especially important during the holiday season. If we overeat constantly, drink too much, stress out and get little rest, we’re more apt to “go down” during the family gatherings. There are plenty of excuses to get stressed, not exercise, and eat poorly. Here’s the ammo to counteract those excuses: You’ll stay balanced, happy and healthy, as well as get along better with others if you take care of yourself. You’ll end up having more fun. Don’t take care of yourself and you’re likely to get trashed.

Another way we weaken ourselves is by over-giving or giving for the wrong reasons. “Give until it hurts,” is a common philosophy and it’s ridiculous. What’s the point of hurting ourselves by giving? How are we going to get better? By being fed by others? That’s putting a heavy burden on others. And, it won’t work. Only we can properly light our own candles. Here are some ways to burn yourself out by giving:
1. Out of obligation.
2. Because it will fix someone else. (Not our job. See my book, “Unlimited Life” for a further explanation of this.)
3. To change someone, so we will feel better. (Giving a kid candy so she will stop talking is a great example. Another is buying my child a dress to wear to a party, because I think she’ll look great in it. Or, in other words, maybe I don’t want her to wear what she has and loves.)
4.Self-sacrificing by giving more than is affordable.

To help myself and others move past old giving patterns, I’ve started The Gratitude Challenge, now taking place on my blog. ( I’ve been challenging myself and others to find ways of giving that are also fulfilling. You can connect to my blog to read some suggestions, and I'd love to hear yours. Here’s a summary of the suggestions so far:
1. If you enjoy cooking or baking, make something delicious for someone. The process will be as fun as the sharing.
2. Do work that you love, knowing it will help yourself and others.
3. Donate your time to a charity that you support.
4. Take friends and/or family out for a meal or an excursion.
5. Give the gift of acceptance of another. Don’t judge or react critically.
6. Forgive someone. You’ll both be grateful.
7. Share your knowledge with people who are interested.
8. Enjoy finding the perfect gift for a person you love. Be creative and wrap the present uniquely.
9. Give the gift you’re your time – a gift of YOU.
10. Gift something healthy to someone you love, such as a massage, health club passes or a personal training session.

These are just a few of the ideas others and I have come up with. I’d love to hear about your suggestions. Please comment on my blog and let’s all learn to give until it feels good. Make it a point to keep your candle lit this year by taking care of yourself and giving in ways that feed both you and the other.

If you'd like assistance with transforming your life email me at
Copyright Deborah Hill 2009. All Rights Reserved.

Author's Bio: 

Deborah Hill has been actively involved in the coaching, counseling and training of others throughout her adult life; first as a Registered Nurse and Nurse-Midwife, and finally as an Intuitive Coach, Counselor, author, speaker, instructor and energetic therapist. Her extensive experiences include 4 degrees in science and psychology, 30 years of property management and investment, and 20 years as an entrepreneur and president of her own business.

Deborah Hill brings an extra dimension to coaching and speaking, helping clients and audiences quickly gain insight, work through obstacles, tap into their own power source and unleash their true potential for success and fulfillment. The strength of her uncommon intuitive insight and interpersonal communications has changed people’s lives, businesses and relationships.