Intuitive Coach/Counselor, speaker and author Deborah Hill guides clients and groups to quickly and effectively gain more success and fulfillment. She effectively helps clients to transform: Self, work, relationships . . . life. She is able to quickly see where you are on your path, where you're stuck and needing to go. With gentleness, directness, stories and humor Deborah helps you to break through barriers, increase your understanding and awareness, and take your next step
As an experienced practitioner of more than nineteen years, with 4 degrees in medicine and psychology, Deborah Hill brings an extra dimension to coaching that has made it easier for her clients to meet the stresses of managing their life and careers – while achieving fulfillment as entrepreneurs, executives, parents and friends. Her uncommon gifts of intuitive insight and interpersonal communications have changed people’s lives.
Listen to testimonials on her website at www.theawarenessinitiative.com/speaking.php
Saying Goodbye To The Jones'
I didn’t realize that it would be so difficult saying “good-bye”. For years I’ve been “Keeping up with the Jones” without realizing it. I thought my old “hippy”, back-to-nature values were still in tact. I didn’t realize that I depended upon the Jones’ as mileposts – people to look up to and strive to be like. I liked the feeling when I thought I was keeping up with them – walking into a networking event wearing a new designer outfit, dining with friends at an expensive restaurant, attending a charity ball … I thought I was humble. I didn’t buy a huge home and expensive jewelry. I recycled and ate healthy. I supported the right charities. Oh, I knew I had a lot of stuff. It seemed OK, though. I needed a value-realignment.
Many of us are realizing that we were finding joy in “stuff” that left us empty. As our stuff is taken away it’s causing us to reevaluate our needs and dreams. And most of us are finding that we didn’t need all of it. Our dreams were askew. Shopping does not need to be our number one hobby. In the April 6 issue of Time Magazine Anderson said, “It’s time now to be more artisan-enterpriser and less prospector-speculator, to return from Oz to Kansas, to become fully reality-based again.”
What is reality now? Some of my clients are in a state of semi-shock from the quick shift in lifestyle. They are feeling the lack – the void left when major aspects of their lifestyles fell away. They are not lamenting the loss. They are concerned that they do not know what to replace their old habits with. They’ve lost track of reality and don’t know where to find it. Here are some suggested places to look:
1. Self. Go within. I know it’s a cliché. But, try it. Sit for a while and remember who you are. Release your tension, your worry, your doubts, your relentless thoughts and feel YOU. Be you. It all starts from this place. Loving you – and I mean REALLY loving – is the only core to build upon.
2. Being and sharing with others. We’re here to learn and to grow from each other, but spend a great deal of time running from task to task and appointment to appointment. Hang out with your partner, friends, family members, business associates… Smile and talk to the bank teller. Know the name of the person who delivers your mail everyday. Smile at the person next to you in traffic. (OK, that’s a leap, but it may catch on.)
3. Nature. It’s everywhere. The birds and animals are watching you. Really. They know who you are if you live in their neighborhood. Know them. Appreciate the trees, flowers, and even the insects. Not only does nature support you physically, it can nourish the soul if you let it.
4. Spend time on your hobbies. If you don’t have a hobby find one, or two or three. It’s OK to read for pleasure. Garden. Cook. Paint. Hike. Bike. Go bowling…
5. Humor yourself. Laughing is food for the heart and soul. A smile brightens everyone’s day. Especially your own. Milton Berle said, “Laughter is an instant vacation.” Take one.
6. Be grateful for what you have, who and what you are. When you live in grace, you have it all.
A few weeks ago we had some friends over for dinner. We didn’t cook the usual gourmet spread served in the dining room. We made pizza and ate from our laps in the living room. We played a board game that had us laughing and learning about each other. I’ll always remember that night. Thinking back there were so many dinners out in fine restaurants with friends. How many do I remember?
I’m not giving up my fine dining. We still dine out occasionally. I still shop. I just do it now with discretion. I appreciate what I have. I’ve found clothes in my closet that I’d forgotten about, and new ways to wear them. I’ve given up my 30-minute meal time limit, and take time to enjoy the preparation. I call my friends more often and don’t multitask while talking. I notice when I’m tempted to say, “Sorry, I didn’t have time.” I know I had a choice of how to spend my time, and next time I’ll make the one that truly feeds me. I have time for the people in my life now, and for me.
While I’m not keeping up with anyone anymore, I’m admiring loving looks between old friends and the laughter of children. Who were the Jones’ anyway?
OK. I felt better now. I was relaxing. At least that was SOMETHING. I was able to let go and allow this to happen. Once I got into the “down” time something became very clear. I was filling up. I thought I filled myself up with my work and my learning. But this was a different type of fuel. I was nourishing my body and the rest of me on a deep level. The forward movement had stopped and this felt strange. Then the dust settled and I saw the meaning and importance of rest.
Weight lifters know that it’s important to rest muscles a day between workouts. What happens? During the off day the body recuperates and builds upon the areas that were stressed during the workout. In sleep we process the day’s activities and wake up to a new day. We take time between eating to digest. We also need time in our lives to digest what we’ve experienced and learned – time to assimilate this learning into our deepest self.
I know there’s still a part of me that believes that I must be productive in order to belong. I’m now learning the importance of taking time for rest and appreciation of all that’s happening around me. I do belong no matter what I do and am more uplifted when I revel in my “down time.”
If you'd like assistance with creating more valuable time in your life, contact me at debhill@theawarenessinitiative.com.
Getting Along with Family
A reader of my blog "Getting Along with Difficult People" (www.theawarenessinitiative.com/blog) asked how to get along with family members. I can't say that I've mastered the family conumdrum. In fact, I believe that family members are often our greatest and most difficult ongoing teachers. Here are lessons I've learned about dealing with family members:
1. We are obviously genetically linked with family members, having most of the same genes. That's big. That means that on many levels we have a tremendous amount in common. We may not behave exactly the same way, but we are essentially similar. It helps to examine what the similarities are at a base level, so that we can work with them.
For instance, I come from a very intense family, where everyone wants to be right. Ouch. That can be challenging for a person like me, who hates to argue. I had to look at why I argue. Because I want to be right... like them. When I finally realized this I could step back and be objective. How important is being "right" to me? In most instances it's irrelevant who is right. When I step back I can SEE the other person more clearly. I then have the power to act instead of react and can choose how I respond or not.
The characteristics that bother us the most about family members (and others) are often the characteristics that we share. How can you tell if you share it? When the family member says or does something to you that makes you angry, you probably are seeing a mirror on some level. Look at yourself closely and work on accepting that part of yourself.
2. Boundaries tend to fall apart in many families. We get in each other's face and space. Somehow the rules of outside decorum don't apply and we invade each other. Maintain your boundaries with your family. Know what you need and accept, and don't get pushed around.
For example, members of my family tend to be critical of each other. I know from introspection that I have a tendency to be critical of others and especially of myself. I accept that in myself and can mitigate some of my tendencies. I decided to stop criticizing myself (sometimes works, sometimes doesn't) and also decided that I wouldn't accept unsolicited criticism from others. I had to tell my family members that I could no longer be around them if they were critical of me. That meant being away from one or two of then for awhile, until they agreed to accept my boundaries.
I can't say they don't criticize me (or me them), but they are much better about it. If they aren't I don't put up with it and walk away, and I no longer take it personally. I've learned a lot from being around family. I can often feel compassion for them, and even amusement. Other times, I'm still learning.
The key is, know what you need. Let others know and kindly enforce your boundaries.
3. Don't expect to get along. If it happens, great. If not, accept it. For most families there's going to be friction. If you accept this going in and see it as an opportunity to grow you may get a lot out of the interaction. At first you may trybeing with them for shorter periods. Increase the time when you feel ready.
Also, plan on taking off - time alone - when you're with them for longer periods. You'll need time to process and recoop your energy from all the effort you put into personal growth. You'll find that over time you'll begin to change and grow - to behave better and maybe appreciate them more. You may even find you love yourself and your family members more.
4. All of the above applies to family situations where the members aren't abusive (emotionally or physically), rude or taking advantage of others. If this is the case, stay away until you know you're safe.
5. We tend to think of our families as the most important part of our world. They can be an extremely important role. However, they are only a part of your life. Focus time on your friendships with others and with your mate or partner, and appreciate the life outside of family.
I hope this answers your question. I know how challenging it can be to be around or to get along with family. I don't claim to be an expert on this. I'm still learning. I guess I will be as long as I have family.
If you'd like assistance with relating with others email me at debhill@theAwarenessInitiative.com.
Copyright Deborah Hill 2009. All Rights Reserved.
Deborah Hill
The Awareness Initiative
404-459-0590
http://www.TheAwarenessInitiative.com
debhill@TheAwarenessInitiative.com