My Husband Is Immature and Irresponsible: My Husband No Longer Wants Responsibility Of Be Married
It is always ideal to have a partner behaves in a calm and rational manner. Unfortunately, some people just have childish behaviour that can hurt a marriage. When you are facing such situation, you probably will wonder how to handle a childish husband or wife?
If your husband or wife is behaving very childishly all the time, you probably have been giving into him or her too much. For example, you give in to what your spouse wants and when his childish behaviour is making you upset, you would rather avoid than correcting his behaviour. As soon as you decide to refuse his attitude, both of you start to quarrel. Can you see the picture? Childish behaviour actually hurts your marriage if you do not fix it immediately.
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Of course, everyone doesn't wish to act like a mother or father to their spouse. So if you want your spouse to stop his childish acts, you definitely need to stop doing the "parenting" acts. Learn to read through the lines and understand what your spouse is thinking. Learn how to communicate your feelings to your spouse. Sometimes, having some space apart can also help to work through your frustrations and it actually gives a signal to let the other party knows that you mean it this time.
You don't have to retaliate this childish behaviour by becoming moody. Instead, you should set a good example by maintaining a happier person. When your spouse sees that you behave very calm and mature even though he or she has been very childish and unreasonable, they will naturally begin to work on themselves if they do love and care for you.
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The work of John Gottman (family psychotherapist and researcher) has identified six factors involved in functional marriages. Marriages featuring these six components were found by Gottman to have a much better chance of survival long-term.
Good marriages, with sufficient long-term security, featured: typically softened start-ups when communication around complex issues was embarked upon; the mutual acceptance of influence from partners; the ability to make effective repair from conflict; the de-escalation of conflict and self-soothing competencies; the nurturance of positive feelings; and, the management of stress spillover.
1. SOFTENED START-UP
Marriages where tumultuous territory is handled with special care and respect deal with complex issues better. When we respect the need to position particular issues properly, we demonstrate concern for our partners. We don't just dump and run.
Planning the right time and way of raising the matter is important. Going in carefully will avert many potential unnecessary conflicts.
2. ACCEPTING INFLUENCE
Not accepting influence is particularly an issue for men. When a man refuses the influence of his wife, thinking that he alone has all the answers, he cuts off a vital avenue to respect. Through a lack of respect on his part to her, she lacks respect for him. But when partners can accept the influence of each other a particular mutual respect and value for each other resides between them.
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3. EFFECTIVE REPAIR
Whenever conflict has taking place, and one or both have been hurt, effective repair is the key. Through repair forgiveness is forged. A repair attempt takes place when one partner does or says something representing the other partner or them as a marital team. Making an attempt at effective repair can be as simple as saying sorry or acknowledging something positive the other partner has said or done.
4. DE-ESCALATION AND SOOTHING
One of the hallmarks of early marriages is the issue of extended conflict; of not knowing when to take time out. De-escalation is simply the matter of calling an early halt to proceedings when one or both are too angry to communicate effectively. When partners withdraw to their own spaces they then need to draw upon their self-soothing capacities in order to calm down enough so reflection can take place.
5. POSITIVE FEELINGS
The ratio of five positive things said and done to one negative thing said and done is backed by research. Good marriages pass the 86 percent mark so far as positivity is concerned. Positive feelings are augmented by well-placed humour and a generally positive outlook.
6. MANAGING STRESS SPILLOVER
We all get stressed, and marriages where stresses can spillover safely, where anger can be safely contained and even explored, allow for the normal vagaries of life. When partners can support each other in the stresses of life, without either partner being especially or unusually dependent, there are encouraging outcomes.
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One of the most destructive thoughts you can have is that marriage problems are just a natural part of marriage. Our country can literally stop divorce in its tracks if we eradicate this devilish notion brought upon us by pseudo healers known as psychologists.
For obvious reasons, family therapists who claim to specialize in helping married couples do not advertise the fact that their success rate in helping troubled marriages is below 10%. Could you imagine bringing your car to an auto repair shop that had a success rate of 10%?
What has given them power and authority has nothing to do with ability. In the state of California for instance, clinical psychologists who report to the family law courts have absolute legal protection. They literally have more protection than judges because a judge can be 'checked' through the appeals process, but a psychologist has no one scrutinizing their work. The old saying that absolute power absolutely corrupts is absolutely proven by numerous examples of abuse in the state of California.
My mission is to end the marriage crisis in our country for the sake of our children.
Step 1: Show you how to stop divorce and resolve your own marriage problems
Those who believe that marriage problems are a necessary part of a marriage are gravely mistaken and end up undermining their own future marital successes by establishing a subconscious, negative expectation in their minds.
Like anything else, when marriage is understood, a couple is able to work within its guiding structures. There is no need for grandiose explanations of simple principles; anyone can understand marriage.
When a couple understands the definition of marriage and how it is intended to be constructed, and when a couple understands attitudes and behaviors that work with, instead of against those principles, the assurance of a happy marriage is written in stone. Couples who are suffering with marriage problems must be educated to the simplicity and ease with which they can have a joyous marriage.
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Step 2: Teach individuals how to find their soul mate
I am writing a third book that educates young people who wish to find their life's mate by using spiritually scientific methods. It is critically important to properly use one's discrimination to avoid potentially dangerous unions.
Step 3: Create a network of specially trained mediators who offer a viable alternative to divorce
I am laying the foundation for a mediation school that will offer the best alternative to the family court system. The family court system polarizes families that are already suffering and it invariably aggravates the pain and sorrow associated with a breaking family. My specially trained mediators will offer their clients a viable and attractive offer to stay together by teaching the fundamental principles of marriage through coaching receptive couples toward a joyous family experience.
Even if our success rate is only 20% (and the rest go on to a divorce) we will have accomplished much. And for those who must divorce, we will help remove the obstacles of anger and disappointment that prevent future friendship and harmony. Couples who part as friends instead of enemies can more quickly adapt to the traumas of divorce that lie in front of them.
Step 4: Infuse our nation's school system with a "how to live" curriculum
The current emphasis in our schools is focused on teaching children how to become part of a machine called the economy, rather than how to become part of a living entity called our community.
The foundation of almost all crises in our country is the marriage crisis of our broken families. Only through intensity of purpose can we change the current course that our nation is running. We cannot leave our destinies up to political leaders. We all must do everything that we can as individuals and as families to revitalize our nation by making the family the natural unit of measure again.
Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.
If you are looking to patch up a marriage that has seemingly lost all hope and you are struggling to just stay afloat with your partner, then maybe it's time you considered using religion to save a marriage. Religion is often considered one of the last resorts of people who are desperate for an answer and some help, and it actually can. You may be in a marriage where the two people involved have two different religions, the same religion, or maybe one of the people involved doesn't identify with a certain organized religion, it all just depends on the individuals.
No matter what your religious beliefs are, you can come together on the belief that love will heal all and that somewhere deep down you still love each other. Religion, no matter which one, is essentially the law of love. Religious leaders have different ways of distorting and manipulating religion to fit their own agendas, but religion means having a set of beliefs which tie you to something higher and give you a certain strength to overcome hardship, even in times of crisis regarding your marriage.
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God can bring people together and do amazing things. Simply having and sharing the belief of something higher, even if it isn't the entity known as "God", it is still a religion bringing you closer to the person you love, bringing out the best in you and making you once again realize how much you truly love each other and love God as well. By getting in touch with your spiritual side you are not only helping your marriage but your overall emotional and physical well-being as well. By accepting the light of a higher being and religion into your heart your bringing a lot of love and possibility in along with it, making your future bright as well.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.
Looking for love and romance can be challenging. Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com
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