My Husband Is Mean To Me And Nice To Everyone Else: My Husband Is So Nice To Everyone But Me

In case you notice that your marriage seems to head for divorce, you may start wondering how you can influence your husband to fall back in love and save your relationship. There are times when addressing this issue is not as straightforward as you may expect. Every relationship is dynamic and changes are bound to occur. Unfortunately, most of the changes result in familiarity and boredom, which drives a wedge between a husband and wife.

However, you do not have to spend your life in frustration in case you notice that your husband is not as close to you as before. There are some steps you can take to influence your husband to fall back in love once more. Here are some of the things you should take into consideration.

Ensure that you spend more time together

When you have taken some time in marriage, other responsibilities will crop in, which can easily divide your attention. For example, some distance usually starts to develop between a couple when a baby is born. As a mother, you will naturally spend more time with your baby. Unless you make a deliberate effort to rectify the situation, this is bound to make your husband feel left out.

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You should therefore take measures that will help in reviving the dying romance between you. Arrange special dates where you can both enjoy the company of each other. What is important is to do something together that will make your husband notice that you still have him at the top of your mind. For example, you may go for a picnic and take a romantic walk. It is the quality of time you spend together that matters, not the amount of money you spend in the process.

Consider how you act every day

While arranging for a date with your husband is recommended, it will not have much impact if your daily behavior discourages him in some way. For instance, if you are often critical, it will be difficult to influence your husband to fall back in love with you.

While it is true that everybody has weaknesses, you should strive to focus on your husband's strong points instead. Try to focus on the things you truly love in him.

Life is stressful, and you may be venting your frustrations on your husband without even realizing it. You need to take a deliberate effort to focus on the brighter side instead of pointing fingers or trying to change your husband.

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Intimacy is a process of bonding with your spouse and it takes time to work at it and effort to develop and mature.

Intimacy occurs when a couple, having a mutual a heart-to-heart connection and commitment, share their thoughts, feelings and opinions with each other. The couple becomes intimate when their daily communication is enhanced by one partner's willingness to share his/her innermost thoughts with the other.

It is a process that demands hard work and consistency in efforts to accomplish. It will start from emotional to spiritual, physical and finally to sexual intimacy. These stages help the couple to be able to build a strong emotional bond which is the foundation to a successful and lasting relationship.

The failure to build a strong emotional bond will cause problems for the couple in future. Those who fail to bond are the ones who rush into a marital union. Without the due process of bonding, they soon realize that something vital is missing in the relationship.

What is this vital link? Friendship.
Friendship is the key to a lasting and successful marital union. Many couples fail to develop this vital link before moving into romance. Many are in a hurry to connect romantically with a person they like and fail to realize that without real friendship, intimacy will have a weak and unstable foundation.

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Passion is good but it can easily take the place of real friendship. Passion alone cannot sustain a marriage as it is a weak emotion and is no substitute for real friendship. Over a period of time, desires can change and a marital union founded on passion will eventually crash.

True friendships share.
In a true friendship, one partner gladly shares in the sufferings and disappointments of the other partner and will have a real concern for the happiness of the other.

There is always a delight to attend to the needs of the other and this will include the ability to listen attentively to the other with rapt attention while communication is on. There is joy in sharing and a partner will wholeheartedly rejoice in the successes of the other.

In a true friendship based union, there is no room for deceit among the partners. Rather there will be total transparency and the complete confidence to share one's thoughts with the other. This means that they will be naked before each other and will not be ashamed.

The friendship link is important but requires continuous concerted efforts to retain it in a marriage. It amounts to an abuse of the spouse and the relationship when one partner stops treating the other as a friend.
Friendship is the basis for true and lasting intimacy in marriages.

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Marriage partners so often drift from being close to being room mates. It is not an intentional or fast journey, it just sort of sneaks up on people.

A useful analogy is what happens when you put a frog into a pot of boiling water. The frog will do the best it can to get out. But if you put a frog into a pot of room temperature water and slowly turn up the heat, by the time the frog tries to get out, it is cooked.

This is much like what happens in the room mate marriage.

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Signs of a Room Mate Marriage

- The closeness they once felt is gone

- The passion they once felt is gone

- Their is an unease that goes unspoken most of the time

- They each have their separate interests and separate lives

Many room mate couples look like this - the man has had his "affair" with work and career, and the woman has had her "affair" with the kids and the couple becomes virtually strangers to each other.

What to Do

The trip back from room mates to soul mates is intentional and takes conscious attention. The trip is a decision that is made at the beginning of the journey, and then needs to be remade on a daily, sometimes hourly basis.

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Compassion is the lifeblood of families. Failure of compassion is the "heart disease" of a family's emotional life.

Compassion contributes far more to happiness in intimate relationships than love does. Relationships can be happy with low levels of love and high levels of compassion, but not the other way around.

Why is compassion so necessary for love relationships? For one thing, it sensitizes you to the individuality and vulnerability of your loved ones. It makes you see that your partner is a different person from you, with a separate set of experiences, a different temperament, different vulnerabilities, and, in some respects, different values. In contrast, if you feel the intensity of love without compassion, you can't see who he or she really is. Your partner becomes merely a source of emotion for you, rather than a separate person in her own right. When you feel good, your partner is on a pedestal. When you feel bad, he/she becomes a demon.

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Compassion, on the other hand, makes you protective, rather than controlling. The difference is crucial. When you're protective, you want to help your partner achieve what is best for him or her. When you're controlling, you want him or her to feel bad for not doing what you want.

For the kind of compassion that improves your emotional well being and saves your relationships, you need to reach deep down, beneath ego, resentment, and hurt, to touch the part of your spirit that wants to grow, improve, create, appreciate, and connect with the good in other people; and you have enough compassion not to aggravate the shame of those who have not yet learned to return it.

An important way to assess your personal well being and the health of your relationship is to determine the level of your compassion.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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