Putting Your Spouse First In A Blended Family: Blending Families With Children From Earlier Relationships

Children from "broken" families can be a force to be reckoned with in a new marriage. To maintain a successful second marriage, some rules and boundaries need to be made by the new parental figures. The situation becomes even more complicated if both spouses bring children into the new relationship, and more complicated still if the couple chooses to conceive biological children of their own. This blending of the family almost never goes off without a hitch. The problems can be big or small, but there will most certainly be a period of adjustment for everyone involved.

A key factor in making a second marriage gel with kids from a previous relationship, is establishing and reinforcing to the children this marriage and partner will be there for the duration. Kids who spend time with a poisonous parent (the biological mother or father from an earlier marriage), will suffer loyalty issues in regards to accepting a new spouse... and possibly future children. While they may feel lost in the shuffle, or feel they no longer matter as much, the "new" parent must present a united front with the child or children's parent, explaining to the children their partner is here to stay, and they must be respected as an adult.

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Loyalty conflicts and guilty parenting play a huge role in why second marriages involving children fail.

Here are some other rules to follow:

* never become your child's confidante to complain about your spouse

* require your child to respect your partner

* have family meetings with your children and spouse, and request honesty and respect

* generate house rules and consequences with your partner, and then stick to them

* do not allow your children to guilt you into not parenting them

* be gentle with your children's feelings, but realize they will grow up and move on. Realize you deserve to move on as well.

There are many resources available for parents struggling with blended families. Look for help early in the marriage. Counseling, websites, books, and friends with experience, can be invaluable tools. A blended family can only do well if both the partners are willing to not pick sides. The relationship is important between the partners but also between their children. Don't play favorites or have different rules for each of the children. Fairness is a big part of making sure a blended family works in a healthy way. Otherwise, resentment can build up and cause the family to really fracture.

Do your children make you feel guilty and then you pick sides? If so, maybe you need to ask yourself how important is the element of family to you and your new partner.

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Obviously you want to save your marriage from divorce and get it "into the best possible shape'' and that is why you are giving it some great thought, but this takes a lot of work and requires specific steps to make it effective.

Every one dreams of the perfect fairy tale marriage -''happily ever after''. But we are in the real world where your marriage can be faced with all kinds of factors. If not handled properly may lead to a break down in marriage and ultimately divorce.

The issue of divorce has become common place that its so easy to believe its the best alternative to get away from all the trouble of marriage. Studies have shown that people who divorced are not happier than they were in their unhappy marriage. In fact, many they are even more unhappy after their divorce and wish they had worked on their marriage instead. I won't tell you that all marriages work out and the truth is only you can truly decide which option you want to take.

To save marriage from divorce effectively, you need to remember that marriage is a contract to love and hold for better or for worse. You also need to consider how much time you have invested in the marriage and if you are willing to throw it all away. Do you have children? What happens to them afterwards?These and many others (peculiar to you) are the driving forces that make it more significant to save your marriage.

The first step to save marriage from divorce is to commit yourself to make your marriage work at all cost and set out to work on it. Give up ego and look for a solution. Be the best possible spouse you can be, regardless of how your spouse acts. It takes two to make the marriage, if you feel your marriage is not where it ought to be, then its because you also contributed to some extent.

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Self-assessment is a very important step to save marriage from divorce. Identify your own part in it all. You should be able to think about your mistakes, develop an improvement in your behavior and start to make changes. Before you know it, your attitude will reflect on your spouse and cause him or her to change as well.

Depending on what kind of problem you face in your marriage, broken trust, infidelity, emotional abuse, neglect, lack of appreciation, addictive behavior you name it. You have to learn to communicate with your spouse, be open and honest so much so that you are transparent and the other person does not feel left out. Listen ''actively'' to what your spouse is saying and not saying. Women tend to show their discontent through body language while most men will bottle up their feelings. This can be addressed with proper communication. As you may well know communication is the key to long lasting relationship. Only when you know the problem can you tackle it from its root.

Resolving conflicts before it starts can save marriage from divorce. Anger is the greatest challenge when it comes to resolving conflict peacefully. Anger needs to be controlled by separating the person from the problem. View the situation with a clear mind without allowing anger. And remember, if you react with anger in a conflict then you have lost the battle

Spark your romance again. This is highly neglected in 88% of marriages today. The baggage of children, work, paying bills cloud our minds and make us believe we are too busy to even sustain a romance in any marriage. Learn to have fun together, go to dinner, take the weekends off and initiate intimacy more often. Remember those early days you were dating before you got married? Good memories huh? Bring them back.

Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouse. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now.

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Having to maintain a marriage over long periods of time can be quite the task. This is not surprising when two people get together to live under the same roof with a variety of differences between them. Getting past those differences will allow couples to possess fruitful and enjoyable relationships for years to come. It's not an easy task but well worth it. Don't let statistics of divorces scare you despite the fact that they can be quite high. You have the ability to make it work, and you just need to find out how to accomplish it.

The person that helped to save my marriage has taught me that the main causes for divorces have not been the fights or the differences between them; but rather it is the things that a spouse would do to try to save the marriage. Typical things include crying, begging and pleading in the hopes of getting a reunion out of pity.

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Do you really think that it is okay if your husband or wife stays together with you only out of pity? My best friend thought it was okay at one time. At one point he tried to save his marriage doing the same things mentioned above. The crying and begging that certainly did nothing good for the relationship. Things like this only make it worse off because you do not understand your mistakes. This only ruins your credibility and trustworthiness, because your spouse will notice that you aren't apologizing (or begging) really because you have understood your mistakes and you will not make them again. They DO notice that you are doing those things out of desperation, and as I said, the only thing that this can accomplish is to ruin your credibility. And trustworthiness (and credibility) are two very important qualities that any person would look in their spouses. The moment you lose your trustworthiness, your marriage is doomed unless you can earn it back. Yes, you CAN earn it back, but it is a better idea not to lose it in the first place by making desperate attempts at begging or apologizing!

The first step in getting things done right is to always avoid doing desperate measures to save your marriage. It will only make you look pathetic and no one likes a pathetic spouse. Show your loved one that you are an independent person capable of pulling your own. This can do nothing but help you look more desirable in the eyes of your loved one.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Divorce hurts! No matter who you are, and no matter how much you might think you want a divorce, it's a very painful ordeal to go through. Each of the partners can feel left adrift to start their lives over, children can feel unloved or guilty that they're to blame for the split up, finances can be left in turmoil, and court battles can turn nasty. You may have some kind of idea that divorcing will be easier than trying to save your ruptured marriage, but in most cases, getting help from a marriage coach and trying to resolve the issues in order to stop divorce from happening is the least painful option.

No one likes to be in emotional pain, yet the stresses of everyday life can keep us there a lot of the time. When we feel stressed, everything becomes a burden, we feel overwhelmed, and we strike out at those nearest to us, like our spouse. As we do so, our spouse tends to get defensive and fight back, and the problems can escalate. Pretty soon, your mind will start telling you that you're not happy with your marriage, even if you truly love the person you're married to. You start finding faults and cracks in the relationship and use wedges to drive them wider. Pretty soon you've built a chasm so wide you don't know how to find your way back across.

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That's when a marriage coach can make a world of difference in your life and in your marriage. A coach is trained in the skills it will take to repair the damage and stop divorce. This person can be the perfect sounding board for you to bounce your troubles off of and will help you determine what went wrong and how to fix it. As mentioned earlier, repairing your marriage will be a whole lot less painful than getting divorced will be, and it will be a lot less expensive, too.

Marriage was never intended to be a throwaway relationship. As the wedding vows state, "'til death do us part", and being fully committed to your marriage is the only way to go into a permanent relationship and the only way to save it once it gets into trouble. There are many reasons why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place, and those traits are still there. They've just gotten a little blurred by some of the hard times in between. A marriage coach will guide you back to the basics of why you got married in the first place and help you stop divorce.

Now Listen Carefully-

Take 2 minutes to visit the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. Yes, you can indeed save your marriage no matter how hopeless the situation seems. Take the right step now and live to enjoy a blissful marriage. I strongly urge you to visit the next page- Click Here


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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com