Good Communication Skills: Should You Have It?

She often complains “he doesn’t listen”. While he says “she doesn’t want to have sex”. The differences between him and her are universal, with physical appearance as the most obvious. It doesn’t stop there, however, since men and women are never alike in almost every aspect. Psychological and emotional differences are less obvious, so it’s no wonder why it seems like we’re always speaking in two different languages! Relationships between men and women are not impossible, and couples tend to run into a communication problem or two at some point. It simply arises when we expect the opposite sex to think, feel and act the way we do.

Is it ever possible to communicate effectively despite our differences? Are you having a communication breakdown with your partner? Do you know how to communicate effectively? Read on and be amazed at how powerful our words can be. Many arguments and hurt feelings can be traced back to communication problems. This may cause a continual state of frustration or feelings of being misunderstood which in turn, can poison a relationship. Keeping one’s anger bottled up isn’t any help; it will always come out later. Even the slightest misunderstanding could turn into a major argument when these suppressed feelings are finally vented.

In order to communicate with a spouse effectively, one has to learn to be fully present and attentive. Take note: there is a big difference to being attentive and being just physically present. Listen not only with your ears, but also with your heart. Sure, it takes a lot of commitment to really listen to that person in front of you, but it will surely be worth your while. Spoken words create a major impact in our relationships. But that’s not all there is to it. Have you seen a couple waging a “silent war?” No spoken word, but just one look at them tells you that they are ready to strangle one another.

Nonverbal communication also plays a vital role in how we communicate with others. Imagine your husband rolling his eyes and sighing deeply when you start explaining your side of the story. Or your wife getting angry and defensive as soon as you open your mouth. These communication blocks that we are often unaware of prevent us from connecting deeply with one another. Other examples are: not giving your partner undivided attention, looking at your watch repeatedly, not stopping what you’re doing when he/she wants to have a serious talk, interrupting before our partner is finished talking, name-calling, cursing, etc. We often do and say things we don’t really mean when an argument gets heated up.

It has been said that for every minute you are angry with someone, you lose sixty seconds of happiness that you can never get back.Have a brief time-out if you notice yourself becoming more and more emotional. Restart the conversation when both of you have calmed down enough. Avoid blaming each other. It will only cause another round of shouting match. Focus on the main issue and express that clearly to your partner. Have your conversation in a quiet place with no external distractions. This will keep your heads cooler and your thoughts more rational. Give each other undivided attention and look for little cues like posture and tone of voice.

This will give you an idea to how the other person really feels. Men and women have some pretty distinct differences that often get in the way of being open and honest with one another. But, it IS possible to develop good communication skills. That's up to you. After all, it is an essential part in building a solid and meaningful relationship.