Separated Husband Wants To Be Friends: My Husband Only Wants to Act like My Friend While We're Separated

Is separation good for marriage?

The answer to this question is much simpler than you think. That's not to say that making the decision and taking the necessary steps is easy. If your marriage is slightly rocky right now, then it's perfectly natural to feel scared or anxious about the notion of separation. This is true whether your spouse is the one who brought it up or if you've been the one wondering, "Is separation good for the marriage?"

The prospect of separation can be overwhelming because of all that's at stake in a marriage. Couples often worried about children involved, but there are other investments both material and emotional such as houses, cars, mutual friends and in-laws that all play a part in deciding if a separation is the right answer for a struggling marriage.

Many people worry that if a couple separates, that there's no chance for saving the marriage in the future. The truth is, it's exactly opposite. Separation most often results in a stronger and more stable relationship than ever.

Why is separation good for marriage?

The answer to this is surprisingly logical. A separation simply means having some time apart. Right now, there is conflict in your marriage. There's that looming feeling of anxiety or stress because you don't have the ability or opportunity to get away and make sense of it all in your mind.

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Being in constant contact only serves to intensify any issues or problems between you. Separation allows you to relax and think about the real issues at hand in a calm and clear manner. And in this time you spend apart sorting it all out, the hidden benefit of separation that will save your marriage will come.

You will start to miss each other.

Time apart gives you the gift of perspective. You'll both be able to see again why it is you fell in love in the first place. The time away from each other will help you both realize that you don't want to live without each other. And it is at this moment that you'll appreciate how much you mean to one another.

So, is separation good for marriage? Absolutely.

But...

It must be done right to avoid any further damage to the relationship. Drifting apart is a natural turn for a marriage to take. But there are steps you can take that will help get your marriage back to what it was. The right plan can help set the foundation for reconciliation and ultimately saving your marriage.

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If you have been married for some time, you already know that the journey can get stressful at times. The daily struggle, concerns, and issues can take their toll on you and your relationship. This may lead to constant bickering, arguments, and an overwhelming sense of disaster and bitterness. And when this happens, it's best to work out the difference or end them permanently or temporarily. If you opt for ways to save your marriage you'll have lot of work cut out for you. However, if you choose divorce, be prepared for heartburn unless it's mutual. But off late, more and more couples are choosing to part ways temporarily, on a trial basis. Trail separation marriage can help you figure out whether you want to work through the differences in your marriage or if you are willing to let go altogether. For those couples who can't divorce each other due to religious or traditional norms, living apart while still being married, or separation marriage becomes a viable option.

Well, I must tell you that separation marriage is really not the first step for couple trying to save their marriage. Nowadays, marriage counseling is considered the best way to push for changes or to iron out differences in the relationship. For those with a religious bent of mind, seeking the advice of the father in the neighborhood church, or family and friends seems to be a laudable effort for saving the marriage. Sometimes, distressing, going off on a vacation together, or a weekend alone can prove to be beneficial as well. Whatever, you may decide to help save your troubled relationship, it's important to act now!

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If you discover that you have altogether stopped loving your partner, a separation period can actually help you to accept this. Typically, legal separation is looked upon as the first step for those who are aiming for a divorce. Marriage separation includes norms about everything from child visitation to child support to child custody. It also covers things such as where will each partner stay, who'll take care of the mortgage, properties, etc. However, less formal trial marriage separations can also be seen, where the couple act based on a verbal agreement.

While I can't offer you any proven figures or statistical data on how often marriage separations lead to happy marriages or divorces, it can be said that many couple have admitted that a trial separation marriage has helped them to realize the importance of their partner and how much they truly loved them. For many others, trial separation has tragically ended in a divorce. It's important to realize that separation marriage period is not a cure for all your marital problems. But, it can help you realize what you want, what you expect, and what is expected from you in a relationship.

Whether you are back together after separation marriage or whether you decide not to, you will have something to do in any case. In the former you will have plenty to look forward to; in the latter you will be able to being your grieving process.

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The words have just left his mouth, and you sit there, open mouthed, shocked, devastated and with no clue how to respond. He said he is pretty sure he wants to end the marriage and mentioned the dreaded D word. You might think this is the end, and there is no coming back from this, but this doesn't need to be the end if you are prepared to fight for your marriage. After all, if something is worth having, then it's worth fighting for. But what should you do now you have found the devastating truth about how he feels about you and the marriage? Follow these 5 tips, and you are going to be in with a shot of holding on to your beloved marriage, and he may never utter the D word ever again.

1. Don't make it clear that you are devastated about it. Yes, we both know you are, but he may see that as a sign of weakness and he may even be 'testing' you. Instead, say you are disappointed, but that 'life goes on'. Try not to cry in front of him, and certainly don't make things more dramatic by discussing it with friends and family when he is around.

2. Try and go on as normally as possible. Saying and doing are two very different things. Your husband may have told you he thinks he wants a divorce, but has he seen a lawyer? Do you have any papers yet? If not, it's not over yet. Go through your day to day life as you normally would. Yes, it's difficult, but it's not impossible.

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3. Take the pressure off the marriage. What I mean by this is don't be tempted to try and suddenly change into what you think he wants. Instead, try and spend some time together in a kind of 'friends' capacity. Try to just get along well for now. I'd also recommend no kissing or physical intimacy.

4. Spend some more time doing things outside of the marriage. Maybe you can spend more time with friends or pursuing your hobbies and interests. I absolutely DO NOT mean flirting with other men just to make him jealous or any of that monkey business. That's just childish and will come back to bite you.

5. Let the dust settle. He very well might have said what he said in the heat of the moment, or after a period of frustration or anger. Even if he felt he really meant it, a period of reflection may do wonders in terms of him realizing he was being irrational and overreacting. Don't ask him why, don't keep pushing him for answers. Just let it be for now.

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* Put Things into Perspective. Don't allow minor irritations to snowball, such as little annoying habits your spouse may have like having no sense of direction when driving or leaving the toilet seat up. Either address these issues head-on by letting your spouse know what bothers you, or accept them as minor. Instead, look at the bigger picture. Look for the things that you appreciate about your spouse. Allow this to be at the forefront of you perspective, rather than what is wrong with your spouse. No one is perfect. Sometimes, not even you.

* Talk to your spouse. Get into the habit of engaging in conversations with your spouse. Try to think of amusing anecdotes to talk about or find topics on things you both enjoy discussing. Don't turn your conversations into checklists, such as - did you pick up the laundry? What time will you be home for dinner? etc.

* Avoid arguing before going to bed. There's a lot of truth in the old saying, "don't go to bed mad". For one thing, little is accomplished in an argument that takes place in the evening when both of you are exhausted from your day's activities. You are more likely to say things you may later regret for lack of a better reason than your thinking isn't the sharpest at the end of the day. Fighting before bedtime will probably cause a restless night. Couples that sleep well tend to get along better. Instead, reserve evenings for winding down and de-stressing. It's a good time to just cuddle or engage in stress free conversations.

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* Keep the romance alive. Do those silly little things that are "cute". Exchange kisses, hold hands while watching television, give each other compliments. Most importantly, make sure you find some "couple" time. Make it a habit to schedule regular date nights with your spouse.

* Support each other. Give each other encouragement and support. If you know something is important to your spouse, support them. Allow your spouse the freedom to be themselves. If your spouse loves gardening or golf, even if you don't, allow them to enjoy those activities without making them feel guilty. You will find the same kind of support coming back your way.

* Remember to say "Thank you". Relationships suffer when couples don't show each other enough gratitude. It's one of those gestures that is often forgotten once married. Start to remember to say thank you for the little things. For example, "thank you for the nice dinner you prepared" or "thank you for picking up the kids today". A little appreciation goes a long way.

* Do things the two of you enjoy. What brought the two of you together? Was it a shared hobby or activity? What sparked the romance? Bring back that old feeling. Find time to do those special things together. Perhaps it was playing tennis or reading poetry to each other. Keep that special part of your relationship alive.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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