Husband Midlife Crisis Moved Out: Midlife Crisis Husband Left Me

Is your husband going on a rampage trying to recapture his youth? In other words, has he tweaked his wardrobe, hair or changed his vehicle to something trendier? Has he announced that he is no longer "in love" with you? Are you afraid a divorce is right around the corner? What can you do to save your marriage?

All of a sudden your husband is not the charming man you once married. Who is this guy? You may have been humming along for a number of years perfectly content - never questioning the happily ever after vow the two of you promised each other. Now all of a sudden you are facing a marriage crisis. You seem to be the only one who thinks there is a problem in your marriage. Your husband doesn't see a problem - he's fixated on himself and his needs only.

Your husband may have a classic case of MLC or a Midlife Crisis. It is painful to be on the receiving end of this, however, try to keep things in perspective and know that your marriage can be saved.

Below are three things to help you through this crisis and save your marriage:

* Understand the cause of your husband's behavior. Although not as common a discussion, men go through "the change" as well. Changes in hormone levels affect men as much as they do women between the ages of 40 - 60. Common symptoms are mood swings and irrational behavior, somewhat akin to adolescence. For many men, fear and a sense of mortality take over and rational thought takes a back seat. In most cases, this is just a phase. Hopefully the dust will settle and your husband will eventually come to his senses.

* Get support. Get plenty of help, love and support, whether it is from family and friends or through counseling. You need to keep your head above water. If you are an empty-nester, you may be going through your own mid life crisis. Get help defining your new reality and handling your life.

* Focus on you. Unplug from your husband's ranting and raving. For now, quit focusing on trying to please your husband and take some time for yourself. This is a perfect time to catch up with girlfriends or visit family. Begin focusing on doing fun things for yourself. Giving your husband any kind of attention, even negative attention, only inflates his ego. There really is no downside to pursuing your own happiness. No matter what happens, know that you will be OK.

Although more subtle than children, adults go through stages in life as well. Dealing with a husband's midlife crisis is not easy, but hopefully, this too shall pass. With the right guidance, your marriage can be stronger than ever.

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I personally think the question 'how to save a marriage when it is dead?' is somewhat of a contradiction. To me, a marriage is only dead when a divorce is granted and both partners feel absolutely no love for each other anymore. Otherwise, the marriage is still alive - even if it has a very weak pulse. Let's look at how you can breathe new life into yours.

Firstly, you need to be able to put aside the feelings of anger, guilt and resentment. I know this is easier said than done, but if you can do it even for just a minute it will help you have a clearer view of what the actual state of your relationship is. Do you feel there is still some love there? Maybe you don't think it's as strong a feeling as it once was. That's pretty understandable. The feelings you have in the beginning, particularly the early days, are often somewhat exaggerated if we're being honest. Maybe you feel like you still love your spouse, but they don't feel the same. Whilst this is possible, I think the chances of them not feeling anything for you anymore are pretty slim - so try not to worry.

When you strip away all the anger, frustration and resentment, I'm sure you stlll care about each other and actually like each other as people. You may not like being married to your partner at the moment, but try and think about the version of them you met long before you were married. Are they drastically different to how they were then? What drew you to them back then? Are those attractive qualities still there somewhere?

A common symptom of what people think is a 'dead' marriage is the physical intimacy disappearing. This can happen for a number of different reasons. If you are at odds with each other, then it's highly unlikely that you are going to want to make love. Maybe your sex drives aren't on the same page right now. Maybe you both work too hard that you just can't seem to find time for it. Don't worry, this is a lot more common than you think. I'm sure you're both still attracted to each other.

OK, so what should you do to give this marriage the kiss of life? Firstly, you need to decide if you want it. Do you want the marriage to move forward from this dark place? Do you want things to be as sensational as they were when you first got together and the sparks were flying between you?

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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The term 'co-dependent' was originally coined when referring to relationships that involved chemical dependency (i.e. the spouse of an alcoholic dealing with that person's addiction in the relationship). Since then, the term has broadened to include any relationship where there is a one-sided power differential. When you have a needy spouse, it can be a draining, tiring experience that seems more like parenting than partnering. In these relationships, there's usually a partner who is very strong, independent and self-sufficient. That person knows what to do, how to do it, and where to go. Even though all of these attributes seem to represent high self-esteem, the co-dependent partner suffers from low self-esteem.

It is this person who represents the co-dependent part. In every effort made to help the other partner, there's a sense of guilt, a need to control, and a lack of trust in self and others. One of the reasons why a strong partner would choose a weak one is to feel needed. When you've only known what it is to be caretaker, caregiver, or in "survival" mode as a child, when you grow up, your idea of safety comes in being able to fulfill that role in a relationship. What a co-dependent person quickly learns is this: having a needy spouse can be absolutely exhausting.

Needy spouses have their own issues. They tend to be weak, dependent, have low self-esteem, and consistently define their lives by the co-dependent partner. The needy partner is also the one who wants to always be physically close in the relationship (i.e. let's shop together, watch tv together, go everywhere together, have all the same friends, etc.) and doesn't see his or her life existing without the other person. It is a clear example of enmeshment where the relationship has structural closeness but lacks intimacy.

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So what do you do when you realize that you're a person who needs to be needed but you've married someone who needs you way too much? You have to set healthy boundaries. This is a HUGE paradigm shift in a marriage. When two people are used to operating under certain roles, it takes a long time to change and transition out of those modes but it can be done. In order to re-establish healthy boundaries, both partners have to be willing to change the paradigm. Once you have that, here are 4 ways to re-establish healthy boundaries with a needy spouse:

1) Release the need to control your spouse. Let your spouse make his or her own decisions and trust that no matter what, the situation will work out. That doesn't mean you relinquish all control or you close your eyes to discussions and situations that matter. It simply means that you release the need to be the point person, the final say-so or the one who's responsible for making ALL of the decisions.

2) Accept that you are enough exactly as you are and do your fair share (but not more than that). If you're used to doing all of the housework (and you secretly do it because you think that you're the only one who does it well), let that go. Give your spouse the room to make the bed, wash the dishes, care for the kids, even if the end result isn't as perfect as you'd like it. Do enough and stop trying to overcompensate by doing it all.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

3) Say what you feel as you feel it. One of the key issues for those who experience co-dependency is the inability to communicate their emotions and feelings. This is where hiring a highly qualified, licensed therapist comes in. A therapist can help a couple learn how to openly and honestly communicate their feelings in a safe, secure environment. In order to set a healthy boundary with a needy spouse, you need to learn how to communicate your needs and how to communicate when they are and are not being met.

4) Get good with being alone. Alone doesn't mean lonely. One of the things a co-dependent partner fears most is not being needed. But the reason that he or she fears this is not because that person wants to be needed 24/7. It's because that person fears that if he/she is not needed, then the other person will see that there is no value in being in the relationship and will walk away. That is a completely unfounded fear. At some point, you've got to accept that you are good enough exactly as you are. Coming to the place where you can say, "If this person leaves me, I'll be just fine. If this person walks away, I'm still whole. No one has the ability to break my heart. Alone doesn't mean I have to be lonely so long as I like the company I'm keeping" is critical to setting healthy boundaries with a needy partner. If you are always afraid of something leaving you, you won't set the boundaries that allow you to say yes or no. You'll say yes out of fear rather than love and that's no way for anyone to live.

At the end of the day, we attract to us who we are. In relationships, we are mirrors of each other. Very rarely do you ever have a co-dependent partner without having a needy partner as a match. The gift in every relationship is that you are brought together with this person who has the greatest ability to help you heal and learn what you were born to heal and know. Don't see this as an obstacle, trial, or tribulation. See this as an opportunity to learn, grow, and set healthy boundaries.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

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