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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- ***Why Do I Attach To An Unavailable Person?" - by Submitted on Jul 27, 2015 from Margaret PaulAre you addicted to trying to get love from unavailable, unloving people? Have you found yourself repeatedly 'falling in love' with an unavailable person? Have you wondered why you keep doing this? This is the question Wanda asked: "What about our wounded self causes us to attach so ...
Views: 1324(1 vote) - ***Why Do People Kill? - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2013 from Margaret PaulWe need to resolve the violence in our society. I'm offering a few ideas regarding the issues we need to research and address. Why? Why are these horrible killings happening? I don't pretend to know the answers, but I do have some ideas that I want to share with you. I ...
Views: 2110(1 vote) - *7-Step Foolproof Guide To Creating A Terrible Relationship - by Submitted on Mar 09, 2008 from Margaret PaulNo one SAYS they want a terrible relationship, yet so many people go about creating them that we need to assume they must WANT them! So, here's my 7 Step foolproof guide to creating a terrible relationship. 1. TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN FEELINGS Make sure that you do not take ...
Views: 2616(2 votes) - *Marriage Help: If You Are Thinking Of Getting a Divorce, Think Again! - by Submitted on Mar 24, 2008 from Margaret PaulAre you thinking of getting a divorce because: • Your spouse is physically abusive with you or with your children? • Your spouse is an alcoholic or drug addict and has no intention of dealing with the addiction? • Your spouse has a gambling addiction and is causing financial ...
Views: 2528(3 votes) - *Marriage: Self-Care and Remembering the Good Stuff - by Submitted on Dec 04, 2007 from Margaret PaulAre you finding yourself irritated with your spouse lately? Are you having problems remembering why you love this person - or why you even got married in the first place? You are not alone! Ramona consulted with me because this is exactly what was happening in her marriage. "When Randy and I ...
Views: 2460(3 votes) - A Major Cause of Marriage Problems - by Submitted on Nov 20, 2007 from Margaret PaulWe all know that relationships are very challenging. 52% of married people reach their 15th anniversary and only 33% reach their 25th anniversary. I have been counseling individuals and couples for 40 years and I believe that I have discovered a major cause of relationship problems - if not ...
Views: 3286(2 votes) - Accessing Your Spiritual Guidance - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2006 from Margaret PaulFor the last 35 years, I have been working with individuals, couples and families, as well as business relationships. I have 8 published books on relationships and healing, some of them best-sellers. In the first half of my career, I worked as a traditional psychotherapist, and was not happy ...
Views: 3544(1 vote) - Addiction to Gossip - by Submitted on Nov 11, 2010 from Margaret PaulA member of Inner Bonding Village asked the following question:"I'm a little confused. My mother is visiting me, and sometimes we have a nice time together. But often her way of bonding with me or anyone else is to talk about other people's problems. Most of the time I find it draining. It ...
Views: 4681(1 vote) - Addiction to Venting - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2007 from Margaret Paul"I was up too late with my friend Peg last night," Abigail told me in our phone session. "She was needing to vent. Then I had a problem falling asleep, but at least I was there for her." "How often does this happen?" I asked her. "Oh, fairly often. At least every couple of weeks." "Why do you ...
Views: 3698(1 vote) - Are You Love Addicted? - by Submitted on May 01, 2007 from Margaret PaulImagine that you have a little child - a son or daughter, but that you are only 15 years old. How are you going to feel about this child? There is a good possibility that you will feel that this child is a burden, limiting your freedom. You will likely feel that the child is too demanding, ...
Views: 3400(1 vote) - Can This Relationship Be Helped? - by Submitted on Jul 04, 2005 from Margaret PaulI have been counseling couples for 35 years. Quite often individuals come in for help wondering if it is really possible to save or improve their relationship. Perhaps their partner is totally uninterested in working on the relationship. Perhaps their partner is an alcoholic or drug addict. What ...
Views: 2581(1 vote) - Codependent Relationships: Takers and Caretakers - by Submitted on Oct 05, 2005 from Margaret PaulTakers and caretakers – they often seem to find each other! As a counselor who has worked with relationships for 37 years, I can tell you that this is the most frequent relationship dynamic that I encounter. Takers are people who tend to be narcissistic – that is, they are ...
Views: 3421(1 vote) - Control and Resistance - the Relationship Gremlins - by Submitted on Sep 14, 2007 from Margaret Paul"I'm so sick and tired of Andrea's anger and bossiness that I'm about ready to leave this relationship," said Paul in our phone counseling session. "Everything has to be her way. Why can't she just keep her mouth shut? She is ruining this relationship. I hate her judgmentalness. Every time she ...
Views: 2757(1 vote) - Dealing with Addiction in the Family - by Submitted on May 15, 2007 from Margaret PaulDealing with addicted family members is always a big challenge. There are some important issues to explore when someone you love is harming themselves. ARE YOU CONTRIBUTING TO THE PROBLEM? People use various addictions to avoid their painful feelings, especially their feelings of anxiety, ...
Views: 3664(1 vote) - Dealing with Addiction in the Family - by Submitted on May 15, 2007 from Margaret PaulDealing with addicted family members is always a big challenge. There are some important issues to explore when someone you love is harming themselves. ARE YOU CONTRIBUTING TO THE PROBLEM? People use various addictions to avoid their painful feelings, especially their feelings of anxiety, ...
Views: 3664(1 vote) - Do You Need Others' Approval? - by Submitted on May 23, 2007 from Margaret Paul"At work, every time I have to speak at meetings, I get so stressed." "I’m taking a class and I'm always afraid to raise my hand and ask a question." "I'm fine one to one, but as soon as I get into a group, I'm so tense I can hardly stand it." "I'm totally relaxed with my women friends, but ...
Views: 4268(1 vote) - Do You REALLY Want to Lose Weight? - by Submitted on Feb 05, 2011 from Margaret PaulIf you asked almost any overweight person, "Do you really want to lose weight?" the answer is likely, "Yes, I would love to lose weight."If most overweight and obese people would so love to lose weight that they spend billions a year on trying to lose weight, why is our ...
Views: 5085(4 votes) - Doorways To the Presence of Spirit - by Submitted on Sep 04, 2007 from Margaret Paul"How can I be more spiritually connected? How can I hear the voice of my spiritual guidance?" I frequently hear these questions from my clients and from people who attend my workshops and intensives. Everyone who is on a spiritual path wants to experience the presence of Spirit in his or her ...
Views: 3914(1 vote) - Ending Relationships Gracefully - by Submitted on Jan 11, 2005 from Margaret PaulIn my counseling practice, I often hear the question, “How do I end a relationship without hurting someone’s feelings?” Whether it’s a romantic relationship or a friendship, ending it gracefully is generally a challenge. The problem arises because so many people see it ...
Views: 2422(1 vote) - Five Secrets to Weight Loss - by Submitted on Feb 05, 2011 from Margaret PaulWeight loss - such a "big" topic! Every month another book or program is out by another expert on weight loss. Everyone wants to know the secret to losing weight.Weight used to be a major issue for me. Losing weight was never out of my thoughts, and I can't tell you how many ...
Views: 4291(1 vote) - Food That Harms, Food That Heals - by Submitted on Apr 26, 2010 from Margaret PaulOur country is stretched to the limit due to the cost of health care. Even with the new health care bill, there will be on going conflict over what we should do to provide people with affordable health care. But the reason that the problem seems irresolvable is a very complex one.Let's take ...
Views: 3340(2 votes) - Forgiving Your Parents - by Submitted on Sep 22, 2007 from Margaret Paul"My parents were distant, unaffectionate people. I don't remember ever being held by them. They were never interested in how I thought or felt. I never felt important to them at all." "My mother was crazy - nice one minute and the next a screaming maniac. My father was sweet but he was never ...
Views: 4240(1 vote) - Love Addiction, Approval Addiction - by Submitted on Jan 07, 2007 from Margaret PaulIn my experience as a counselor for 40 years, I have found that love addiction and approval addiction are far more prevalent than any other substance or process addictions. We live in a love-addicted, approval-addicted society. What does it mean to be love/approval addicted? Below is a ...
Views: 4234(1 vote) - Lying as a Form of Control - by Submitted on Jul 12, 2010 from Margaret PaulAll of us, as we were growing up, learned a myriad of ways to try to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe. One of the ways we might have learned is to lie.We all had many opportunities to learn this way of protecting ourselves, which is a form of manipulation/control:A ...
Views: 4243(1 vote) - Moved to Tears and Loving Acts by Witnessing Kindness - by Submitted on May 21, 2018 from Margaret PaulLearn about the feeling of ‘elevation’ and why you might be moved to tears and benevolence by witnessing acts of kindness. Have you ever been moved to tears by acts of kindness? This happens to me all the time and I’ve often wondered about it. I recently read an article by Daniel Burke, ...
Views: 1379(1 vote) - Power Struggles - Being Right or Being Loving - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2005 from Margaret PaulMandy and Evan consulted with me for couple’s counseling because they were always bickering. Every little thing seemed to become an issue between them. They loved each other very much, but the bickering was certainly getting in the way of enjoying each other. I ask Mandy and Evan to come ...
Views: 2933(1 vote) - Relationships: "I'm Open, You're Closed" - by Submitted on Oct 19, 2010 from Margaret PaulRianna and Joel consulted with me because they kept getting stuck in their relationship whenever there was a conflict. It wasn't the issue itself that kept creating a problem, but how they were dealing with the issue. Married for 7 years with three children, they loved each other deeply, and ...
Views: 4570(1 vote) - Relationships: Conflict Resolution Without Words - by Submitted on Feb 05, 2006 from Margaret PaulIn the last few decades, partners have spent countless hours trying to “work out problems.” Yet over and over again they often come up against a major roadblock: they just don’t see things the same way. No matter how long they talk and how hard they try, neither ends up feeling ...
Views: 2832(1 vote) - Relationships: Prescribing the Symptom - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2007 from Margaret Paul"Sam whines and complains to me a lot, and then expects me to be turned on to him and make love with him. When I don’t want to, he gets angry," said Jackie in our first telephone counseling session. "I have become more and more shut down. I don't want our marriage to end, but if we keep going ...
Views: 2407(1 vote) - Self-Judgment and Sexual Addiction - by Submitted on Aug 21, 2007 from Margaret PaulHarv called me for phone consultations because his wife, Nancy, threatened to leave him if he did not get some help. "I must be all messed up with my sexuality. I constantly want sex with my wife and she is fed up with it. When she won't have sex with me I'm angry and sullen. I love my wife ...
Views: 3664(1 vote) - The Fear of Being Alone - by Submitted on Nov 23, 2006 from Margaret PaulGina consulted with me because her marriage was falling apart. She had discovered that her husband was having yet another affair, and when he was with her, he was either angry or withdrawn. She had requested numerous times that he join her in couples therapy, but he had no interest in healing ...
Views: 4685(1 vote) - The Powerful Secret to A Loving Relationship - by Submitted on Aug 09, 2005 from Margaret PaulThere are many factors that go into creating a loving relationship. Certainly it helps if two people have some things in common regarding how they like to spend their time. It also helps if they have common values around religion or spirituality, around politics, the environment, abortion, and ...
Views: 2927(1 vote) - The Secret to Emotional Healing - by Submitted on May 06, 2010 from Margaret PaulWhat does it mean to emotionally heal? It means that you know what you are thinking or doing that causes fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, fear, anger, jealousy, and so on, and how to learn from and heal these painful feelings. It means that you no longer turn to addictions to avoid loneliness, ...
Views: 5478(2 votes) - What Does it Mean to “Self Improve?” - by Submitted on Jul 15, 2006 from Margaret PaulSelf Improvement has become mainstream. In the last few years, since I have been writing articles and submitting them to article sites, I’ve noticed that the category of “Self Improvement” has been showing up lately when it was never there before. To me, this is very good news. But what does it ...
Views: 3440(2 votes) - “I Need A Partner to be Happy” - by Submitted on Oct 06, 2006 from Margaret PaulDo you believe that you need a partner to be happy? My client, Adrienne, an attractive woman in her 50’s, has been married and divorced twice. She was unhappy in both marriages, but she still believes that she needs a partner to be happy. This belief continually leads her into inappropriate ...
Views: 7062(1 vote) - ***Self-Validation - How to Validate Yourself - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2011 from Margaret PaulFrom the time we are born, we need validation. Loving parents offer consistent validation to their children, validating their feelings, their perceptions, their gifts and talents, their particular form of intelligence, their interests, their kindness, caring, and intuition. You are very ...
Views: 8718(4 votes) - ***Are You Caring or Caretaking? - by Submitted on Jun 16, 2010 from Margaret PaulCaring = giving to another from love, for the joy of it - as a free gift Caretaking = giving to get love, giving with an agenda attached, giving yourself upEven though the actions of caring and the actions of caretaking might look exactly the same, the intention is totally different, so the ...
Views: 5133(3 votes) - ***Are You or Your Partner Possessive? - by Submitted on Aug 10, 2011 from Margaret Paul"I freak out when my husband even looks at another woman. I trust him not to wander, so I don't know why this upsets me so much.""My partner spends too much time with her friends and family. What's the point of being together if she's always gone a couple of nights a ...
Views: 4894(3 votes) - ***Do You Chase When Someone Withdraws? - by Submitted on Jun 27, 2011 from Margaret PaulA member of our website asked this question in our advice section:I've read several of the articles on the site, but have not seen anything mentioned about "chasing"after someone who is pulling away in a relationship. That has to be a form of protection against deeper feelings, though, ...
Views: 2798(3 votes) - ***Do You Feel Loved or Unloved? - by Submitted on Jan 20, 2011 from Margaret PaulDo you feel unloved? Do you know what would make you feel loved?Ask yourself: Who do you feel loved or unloved by? Your partner? Your parents? Your children? Yourself? God?Feeling Loved or Unloved by Yourself and/or GodWhat does it mean to feel loved or unloved by yourself?You will likely feel ...
Views: 5385(3 votes) - ***What Will They Think? - Love and Approval Addiction - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2010 from Margaret PaulWhen you were growing up, how often did you hear, "What will they think?"Who are "they?" Unfortunately, "they" are everyone. Many of our parents and caregivers were love and approval addicted and geared their behavior to try to have control over getting love and ...
Views: 5382(3 votes) - Do You Get Frustrated With Others? - by Submitted on Apr 22, 2010 from Margaret Paul"I feel so frustrated when Mark is late," complained Shauna, during our phone session. "What am I supposed to do with all this frustration?"Shauna believed that her feeling of frustration was being caused by Mark. But this was not the case.Frustration is the result of an ...
Views: 4414(3 votes) - *** Why Don't I Have Friends? - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2009 from Margaret Paul"Why don't I have friends?" asked Isabella in one of our phone counseling sessions.Isabella, 25 and very attractive, was having a problem that many people have. Sometimes, if people don't keep their high school friends or meet friends in college or at work, they may have trouble making ...
Views: 4925(2 votes) - ***"I Can't Do It" - by Submitted on Jun 16, 2011 from Margaret Paul"He can who thinks he can, and he can't who thinks he can't. This is an indisputable law." - Henry FordHave you ever noticed how often you say, "I can't"?"I can't lose weight.""I can't find my soul mate.""I can't find a job I love.""I can't ...
Views: 3152(2 votes) - ***"I Don't Deserve to be Loved" - by Submitted on May 19, 2011 from Margaret PaulHave you ever said to yourself, "The reason God doesn't love me is I don't deserve to be loved?"Have you ever looked inside to discover why you might not be loving to yourself and answered with, "I'm not worthy of love"?I hear this all the time from my clients. It is often ...
Views: 3483(2 votes) - ***7 Step Guide To Creating A Life Of Substance Abuse - by Submitted on Jun 13, 2008 from Margaret PaulWhile it is probable that no one consciously sets out to create a life of substance abuse, those who end up addicted to substances are choosing certain thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that will likely end up leading to some form of substance abuse - drugs, alcohol, nicotine, food, junk food, ...
Views: 3251(2 votes) - ***Are Kindness and Tenderness Signs of Weakness? - by Submitted on Dec 07, 2010 from Margaret Paul"Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair but manifestations of strength and resolution."~Kahlil GibranOver the 42 years that I have been counseling individuals and couples, I have heard countless times:"If I cry in movies people will think I’m ...
Views: 4355(2 votes) - ***Can't Say "No" to People? - by Submitted on Jan 19, 2010 from Margaret PaulWhat are you afraid of if you say "No" to people? Here are some of the things my clients have told me regarding their fear of saying no: "I'm afraid of hurting their feelings. Then they will get angry at me and I will feel like a bad person." "I'm afraid of ending ...
Views: 9511(2 votes) - ***Do You Believe What You Perceive? - by Submitted on Mar 15, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Perception is a mirror not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind, reflected outward." - - A Course in MiraclesI remember many years ago seeing the movie "Rashomon" (starring Toshiro Mifune and directed my Akira Kurosawa) where three people saw a murder committed and ...
Views: 2723(2 votes) - ***Does Crying Make you Feel Better? - by Submitted on Oct 11, 2011 from Margaret PaulA recent study indicates that crying does not make people feel better. But there is a problem with this study.(Crying shame: Tears don't make you feel any better, study shows, By Cari Nierenberg, ...
Views: 2683(2 votes)