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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- *** "I Keep Choosing The Wrong Partner" - by Submitted on Jan 17, 2014 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Discover the way out of choosing the wrong relationships over and over. ________________________________________ Do you find yourself choosing a similar wrong partner over and over? This is what Laura asks about: "How can I get past the point of ...
Views: 1831(2 votes) - *** The Meaning of Life - by Submitted on Apr 06, 2009 from Margaret PaulSome say that the purpose of life is to seek happiness. Is happiness the purpose, or is happiness the result of another purpose? Is happiness the meaning of life, or is happiness the result of discovering what has heart and meaning for you? There is not one right answer to this question. The ...
Views: 5420(3 votes) - ***"What Are They Thinking About Me?" - by Submitted on Dec 16, 2010 from Margaret Paul"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."--Eleanor RooseveltWhy should most people be thinking about you? They are far more concerned with what you are thinking about them to spend time thinking about you!Right now, take a moment to ...
Views: 3588(1 vote) - ***"Why Can't I Forgive Myself For My Mistakes? - by Submitted on Aug 28, 2013 from Margaret PaulDo you judge yourself for the past? Discover why and what to do about it. Brianna wrote to me, asking: "I am having a difficult time forgiving myself of past mistakes and it feels like it haunts me every morning and I get bogged down in swirling thoughts which only holds me ...
Views: 1548(1 vote) - ***5 Reasons Why You Might Want to End Your Relationship - by Submitted on May 26, 2011 from Margaret PaulWhen I married my ex-husband in 1963, I was determined to create a stable, loving relationship. I wanted an intact family where we could raise our children and share the joys of our grandchildren.We did raise our children together, but ended the marriage after 30 years. We do get to share the ...
Views: 3778(2 votes) - ***Addiction to Getting Others To Change - by Submitted on May 03, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Are you focusing on getting your partner to change to avoid a painful choice that you might need to make? ________________________________________ If you find yourself often focused on healing others or hoping you can get others to change, it is ...
Views: 1688(1 vote) - ***Americans: More Self-Centered… and More Lonely - by Submitted on Apr 28, 2011 from Margaret PaulOn April 1, 2011, Matt Cantor, Newser Staff, posted "As Americans Get More Self-Centered, So Do Lyrics Study finds increasingly narcissistic words in top 10 hits."Today's hit songs aren't about "us"-they're just about "me," a study finds. Researchers examined ...
Views: 3153(1 vote) - ***Are You Emotionally Dependent? - by Submitted on Oct 12, 2012 from Margaret PaulDiscover the difference between needs coming from emotional dependency and authentic needs that we have within a relationship. ________________________________________ Every few weeks I do a free webinar. People can listen on their computers or on the phone; they can write in asking ...
Views: 3236(6 votes) - ***Are you Inspiring or Gloomy? - by Submitted on Dec 22, 2011 from Margaret Paul"You find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful people. Why not make an honest effort to confer that pleasure on others? Half the battle is gained if you never allow yourself to say anything gloomy." --Julia Child, 1912-2004, Chef, Author and Television PersonalityWhat is your ...
Views: 2949(1 vote) - ***Are You Loving Yourself Or Avoiding Conflict? - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2015 from Margaret Paul-------------------------------------------------------------- How honest are you willing to be with yourself regarding your intent? -------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes, when there is conflict in a relationship, it's hard to tell if you are withdrawing ...
Views: 1773(1 vote) - ***Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health - by Submitted on Nov 03, 2011 from Margaret PaulThis article on CNN Health - http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/08/17/bitter.resentful.ep/index.html?&hpt=hp_c2-by Elizabeth Cohen, is very interesting, regarding the negative health effects of blame and resentment."Feeling bitter interferes with the body's hormonal and immune systems, ...
Views: 3390(1 vote) - ***Can You Emotionally Connect With Your Family Of Origin? - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, PhD October 31, 2016 Do you have major challenges in emotionally connecting with your family of origin? You are not alone! Are you happy with your family of origin? Can you emotionally connect with your family? If you can, you are fortunate indeed. Many people feel ...
Views: 1297(1 vote) - ***Do You Come To Your Partner Open And/or Happy? - by Submitted on Jul 27, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Are you aware of what state you are in when you and your partner come together? ________________________________________ On a recent visit with my daughter and her family, she and I were taking a walk and talking about our mutual work. "I read a ...
Views: 2124(1 vote) - ***Do You Feel Free? - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2008 from Margaret Paul"...no one ever pushes you toward freedom. You need to take that for yourself." --Joan Erickson, wife of psychologist Erik Erickson, quoted in Joan Anderson's book, A Walk on the Beach. Do you believe that someone has to give you your freedom? Do you believe that you can be free only when you ...
Views: 2326(1 vote) - ***Do You Give People The Benefit of the Doubt? - by Submitted on Aug 05, 2015 from Margaret PaulDiscover whether or not it is loving to yourself to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I was having a Skype session with Raul. He was feeling down because a woman he has recently met rejected him. He was confused because he hadn't actually really liked her on their first date, but he ...
Views: 1493(2 votes) - ***Do You Have Problems Bringing Up Issues? - by Submitted on Aug 10, 2015 from Margaret PaulDo you get stuck in not being able to resolve conflicts because you don't know how to bring up issues in a way that works? Bringing up difficult issues is often a major challenge in relationships. Laurie wrote to me about this issue: "My biggest trigger in relationships is bringing up ...
Views: 1387(1 vote) - ***Do You Have The Courage to Be a Loving Parent? - by Submitted on Sep 30, 2014 from Margaret PaulDo you have the courage to risk loving yourself – even when you might encounter your children's uncaring behavior? Most of us really don't like it when someone is angry with us. We don't like it when someone goes into resistance to helping us when we need help, instead of caring about us. We ...
Views: 1531(1 vote) - ***Do You Isolate? - by Submitted on Nov 18, 2011 from Margaret PaulIn my counseling practice, I often have clients who tend to isolate as a way of protecting against their fears - especially their fears of rejection and engulfment. They are so afraid of being disliked, disapproved of, attacked or having demands made on them, that they choose to avoid ...
Views: 2504(3 votes) - ***Do You Know How To Love? - by Submitted on Apr 18, 2014 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Love is not something that can be described – it needs to be experienced, and when you experience it through loving yourself, you will know how to love. ________________________________________ We read many things about what love is and what it isn't ...
Views: 1294(1 vote) - ***Do You Wake Up Happy or Anxious? - by Submitted on Jun 22, 2009 from Margaret Paul"I can have a really great day, but when I wake up the next morning I feel anxious. Sometimes the better day I've had, the more anxious I am the next morning. I can't figure it out." I hear this over and over from my clients. What is happening here? The Tyranny of the Ego Wounded ...
Views: 7106(6 votes) - ***Everyday Creativity - by Submitted on Dec 24, 2007 from Margaret PaulDo you tell yourself that you are not a creative person because you can't draw or play an instrument or write poetry? I often hear many of my clients bemoan, "I'm not creative!" This isn't true! We all have the ability to be creative - it is a God-given gift - but you might not be noticing or ...
Views: 3998(1 vote) - ***Fear of Anger - Yours and Others - by Submitted on Nov 29, 2010 from Margaret PaulAre you terrified of others' anger? Are you afraid to open to your own anger for fear of getting out of control?If you grew up in an angry or violent home, there is a good possibility that you have a fear of both your own anger and others' anger.Fear of Others' AngerI grew up with a very angry ...
Views: 3591(1 vote) - ***He's Trying To Control Me - by Submitted on Dec 17, 2007 from Margaret Paul"I know what's coming when Robert says that we need to sit down and have a talk," Maryann told me in our phone session. "He wants to tell me everything that is wrong with me. It's not about talking - it's about wanting to have control over me. Last time he did this it was all about how I spend ...
Views: 3090(5 votes) - ***Healing Envy - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2010 from Margaret Paul"I have a question about envy. I'm not talking about jealousy but specifically envy and how to be happy for someone else's good fortune. I feel like I have broke new ground on this issue as I have genuinely been able to feel happy for someone else recently who achieved something I hadn't but ...
Views: 4776(2 votes) - ***Healing Your Broken Heart - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2008 from Margaret PaulHaley, 38, consulted with me because her boyfriend had just broken up with her. Shocked and broken-hearted, she tearfully told me about how wonderful he was and about how she didn't know how she could survive this break up. Haley and Owen had been together for over 2 years and were making ...
Views: 3559(1 vote) - ***How Relationships Can Be Easy – 4 Keys to Loving Relationships - by Submitted on Oct 13, 2015 from Margaret Paul_______________________________________________________ Creating a loving relationship doesn't have to be as hard as you might think! _______________________________________________________ As most of us know, relationships can be very challenging. We generally enter a relationship with ...
Views: 1598(1 vote) - ***How To Trust Again - by Submitted on Aug 29, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, Ph.D. August 29, 2016 Learning how to trust again is a process, not an event, and it take both inner and relationship work. I received the following question about how to trust again: "My husband and I remarried after we both got divorced and went through a number of ...
Views: 1280(1 vote) - ***Intimacy and Connection - The Aliveness of Life - by Submitted on Nov 09, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers, and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself." - Thomas Moore, author, Care of the SoulMost of us would love to have intimacy and connection in our lives, yet we often ...
Views: 2587(1 vote) - ***Living Alone Can Kill You - by Submitted on Dec 06, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Loneliness is a huge problem in our society. It doesn't have to be this way. ________________________________________ A study "followed nearly 45,000 people ages 45 and up who had heart disease or a high risk of developing the condition. Those who ...
Views: 1637(1 vote) - ***Loving Yourself When in Conflict - by Submitted on Nov 07, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, Ph.D. November 07, 2016 You have a much better chance at conflict resolution when you are loving yourself rather than trying to control the other person. One of the questions I often receive is about how to manage conflict. If you think back to the role-modeling you ...
Views: 1153(1 vote) - ***Needs vs. Neediness - by Submitted on Aug 20, 2010 from Margaret PaulI recently received the following request:"Hi Dr. Paul -- I would be interested in an article that talks about having needs vs. being needy.I was brought up to be ashamed of my needs. I was supposed to be self-sufficient. As a result, I am ashamed of neediness and often don't recognize my ...
Views: 2849(1 vote) - ***Persistence: Playing a Poor Hand Well - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2012 from Margaret Paul"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well." – Josh Billings, 1818-1885Research indicates that holding good cards is actually of great benefit in life. People born into wealthy families, who are emotionally and financially supported to become all ...
Views: 3388(1 vote) - ***Relationships: Attract at Your Common Level of Self-Love - by Submitted on Jun 02, 2011 from Margaret PaulMarty tells me in a phone session,"Susan is always criticizing me. How do I get her to stop?"Fiona tells me in a phone session,"Jeff is often withdrawn. I feel so angry about this."It's always easy to see what your partner is doing that you don't like, but it's generally very ...
Views: 2899(2 votes) - ***Resisting Happiness - by Submitted on Aug 19, 2015 from Margaret PaulAre you stuck in misery? Do you resist taking responsibility for making yourself happy? Discover a possible cause of this. One of the issues I frequently encounter with my clients is the following: Sasha is in a long-term, on-again, off-again, relationship with Fabio. When Sasha is taking ...
Views: 1310(1 vote) - ***Self-Pity or Self-Compassion - by Submitted on Oct 25, 2011 from Margaret PaulThere is a vast difference between feeling sorry for yourself and feeling kindness toward yourself.Self-PityWhen you see yourself as a victim, you indulge in self-pity. You are a bottomless pit of misery, and you may find yourself crying endless victim tears. You might say things like:Why do bad ...
Views: 4025(1 vote) - ***Speaking Your Truth When it's Hard - by Submitted on Aug 11, 2010 from Margaret PaulHow often do you withhold the truth from someone important to you - your partner, friend, parent, child, co-worker - because you know he or she will get angry rather than care about you?How you do feel when you don't speak your truth about something that is important to you? It is likely that ...
Views: 6606(1 vote) - ***Stop Taking the Bait of Projection! - by Submitted on Nov 22, 2011 from Margaret PaulAll of us have projected our own thoughts, feelings, motivations and desires onto others, and have been at the other end of projection. Many of us learned to project onto others as we were growing up, when our parents, siblings or caregivers projected their unconscious feelings, thoughts and ...
Views: 2947(1 vote) - ***The Greatest Joy in Life - by Submitted on Oct 21, 2015 from Margaret Paul_______________________________________________________ There are many experiences that create momentary happiness, but there is only one experience that is truly the greatest joy in life. _______________________________________________________ Take a moment to think about what you ...
Views: 1266(1 vote) - ***The Happiness Choice - by Submitted on Nov 29, 2010 from Margaret Paul"Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us."--Stephen R. Covey, Author and SpeakerThis is a powerful freedom. And, from my point of view, another way of putting this is that the ultimate freedom is the right and power ...
Views: 3426(2 votes) - ***The Power of Tears - by Submitted on Sep 09, 2010 from Margaret Paul"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either." - Golda MeirDo you have a lid on your tears? Do you also have a hard time laughing with your whole body?Our tears are a God-given way of expressing sadness, just as laughter is a God-given way of ...
Views: 5107(3 votes) - ***The Vital Importance of Community - by Submitted on Oct 17, 2011 from Margaret PaulI've been reading in many different sources about the research involving community and well being. In his best-selling book,"Outliers," Malcolm Gladwell opens with a study done in a small Pennsylvania town called Roseto.In 1882, Italians who lived in a town of the same name, Roseto, started to ...
Views: 3335(1 vote) - ***Trying to Control Makes us Miserable - by Submitted on Apr 21, 2011 from Margaret PaulHave you ever noticed how bad you feel when you try to control things you can't control - such as others and outcomes?Larry consulted with me because he was often miserable - despite running a successful business, and having a lovely wife and two daughters, whom he adored.It soon became apparent ...
Views: 3035(1 vote) - ***Verbal Abuse, Emotional Abuse - Overt And Covert - by Submitted on Oct 21, 2008 from Margaret PaulOur society is filled with verbal and emotional abuse, from radio and TV commentators and presidential candidates, to parents, educators, employers and managers. As Patricia Evans states in "The Verbally Abusive Relationship", the old adage, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will ...
Views: 5294(1 vote) - ***What Does Having Sex Mean to You? - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2012 from Margaret PaulI’ve been counseling individuals and couples for many years. More than half the time, when couples are having problems or the relationship is dissolving, sex is one of the major issues. There are a number of common scenarios:After a long marriage with regular sex, he comes home to discover that ...
Views: 3700(1 vote) - ***What Does It Mean To Have Integrity? - by Submitted on Feb 11, 2008 from Margaret PaulWhen I was in school training to be a psychotherapist, one of my professors introduced me to a concept that I find very valuable: "bad faith." We are in bad faith with ourselves and others when we are out of alignment with what is true for "who we really are." Who we really are - who is ...
Views: 5849(1 vote) - ***What Does It Mean To Love Yourself? - by Submitted on May 24, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Many of us know that we need to be loving to ourselves, but what does this actually mean? ________________________________________ Since most of us had little or no role modeling regarding loving ourselves when we were growing up, it's often ...
Views: 1556(1 vote) - ***What to do When Your Partner Lacks Empathy - by Submitted on Jul 14, 2015 from Margaret PaulHave you found yourself in relationships where you feel empathy for your partner but your partner lacks empathy for you? Were you born with the ability to feel others' feelings? I was, and one of the issues that I had to face was that not everyone is empathic. This was very confusing to ...
Views: 1537(1 vote) - ***What Will Love Give You? - by Submitted on Jan 10, 2012 from Margaret PaulDid you grow up believing that if only someone REALLY loved you in the way you needed to be loved, then you would feel happy, safe, lovable and worthy?Certainly being truly loved by parents goes a long way toward supporting children in feeling safe and lovable, but it is not the whole story. ...
Views: 3036(1 vote) - ***When You Feel Hurt By Your Partner - by Submitted on Jan 27, 2011 from Margaret PaulI grew up with a very angry mother who would attack me out of the blue. As a highly sensitive only child, the fear and heartbreak of being treated so unlovingly was unbearable. So rather than feel the hurt, I numbed it out by learning to stay in my head rather than being present in my body, and ...
Views: 3736(3 votes) - ***Why Complain? - by Submitted on Jan 24, 2014 from Margaret PaulAre you a complainer? Are you ready to do something different? "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." - Maya Angelou Do you complain? If you do, why? ___I complain as a form of control - in the hopes ...
Views: 1353(1 vote)