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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- *** Relationships: The Art of Listening - by Submitted on Jun 10, 2009 from Margaret PaulIn 1974, Dr. Virginia Satir presented the concept of mirroring in her groundbreaking book, "Conjoint Family Therapy." In 1975 Dr. Thomas Gordon wrote a best-selling book called "Parent Effectiveness Training." In the book he taught parents to "active listen," which ...
Views: 3913(5 votes) - What Causes Embarrassment? - by Submitted on Nov 13, 2007 from Margaret PaulI was conducting a weekend Inner Bonding workshop. Amanda, one of the participants, was working with me in front of the rest of the group. As we touched on a painful issue, she started to cry, and immediately said "I'm so embarrassed that I'm crying." "What are you telling yourself right now ...
Views: 3903 - Why Do People Lie? - by Submitted on Apr 05, 2005 from Margaret PaulAmanda and Ron had been married for six years and had two small children. I had counseled them during some difficult times in their marriage, but had not heard from them for a while. Then Amanda scheduled an emergency phone session with me. She was very upset. “I just found out that Ron’s been ...
Views: 3902(1 vote) - *** Speaking Your Truth Without Blame or Judgment - by Submitted on Mar 16, 2009 from Margaret PaulHow often have you become irritated or angry, given yourself up, started to argue or debate, teach or explain, or withdrew when someone was treating you badly - ordering you around, judging you, blaming you, or dumping their complaints or negativity on you? How often have you behaved in any of ...
Views: 3870 - ***When is it Helpful to Apologize? - by Submitted on Sep 28, 2009 from Margaret Paul"When it is helpful to apologize?" asked Patricia, a client of mine, in one of our phone sessions. Her husband, Brent, often expected her to apologize and she was confused about when it was appropriate. The answer to this question is a little complex, because there are two different ...
Views: 3846(1 vote) - ***Safety With an Open Heart - by Submitted on Jan 28, 2010 from Margaret PaulDo you live your life with your heart mostly open or mostly closed? Do you spend most of your time protecting against rejection or being taken advantage of, or most of your time open to sharing love with others?As children, many people had very heartbreaking experiences that caused them to close ...
Views: 3842(2 votes) - ***Everyday Creativity - by Submitted on Dec 24, 2007 from Margaret PaulDo you tell yourself that you are not a creative person because you can't draw or play an instrument or write poetry? I often hear many of my clients bemoan, "I'm not creative!" This isn't true! We all have the ability to be creative - it is a God-given gift - but you might not be noticing or ...
Views: 3838(1 vote) - Beyond Misery Junk! - by Submitted on Oct 28, 2010 from Margaret PaulWhat creates your misery?Junk!What kind of junk?Junk thoughtsJunk FoodJunk drugsJunk ThoughtsJunk thoughts are any thoughts that create anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, anger, blame, resentment, jealousy, envy – any thoughts that create misery.We all have junk thoughts at times, but many ...
Views: 3827 - ***Why Do So Many People Lack Integrity? - by Submitted on Apr 28, 2008 from Margaret Paul"By the right choice and true application of thought, man ascents to the Divine Perfection; by the abuse and wrong application of thought, he descents below the level of the beast. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master." -As A Man ...
Views: 3759(3 votes) - ***Self Improvement: Leisure Time, Retirement Time - by Submitted on May 04, 2008 from Margaret PaulYou've worked all your life and now you are looking forward to retirement. How will you spend your time? Many people have not created balance in their lives between work and play, so when it comes to leisure time or retirement, they don't know what to do with their time. If you no longer have ...
Views: 3747 - ***Self-Pity or Self-Compassion - by Submitted on Oct 25, 2011 from Margaret PaulThere is a vast difference between feeling sorry for yourself and feeling kindness toward yourself.Self-PityWhen you see yourself as a victim, you indulge in self-pity. You are a bottomless pit of misery, and you may find yourself crying endless victim tears. You might say things like:Why do bad ...
Views: 3746(1 vote) - Emotional Incest: Will He or She Change? - by Submitted on Jan 31, 2009 from Margaret PaulSharon, one of the members of our website, emailed me asking me to write more on abuse, particularly covert incest. She was in the process of ending her 4-year marriage with her covertly abusive husband, who is emotionally incestuous with his adult daughter. "There is no physical involvement, ...
Views: 3731(1 vote) - ***5 Reasons Why You Might Want to End Your Relationship - by Submitted on May 26, 2011 from Margaret PaulWhen I married my ex-husband in 1963, I was determined to create a stable, loving relationship. I wanted an intact family where we could raise our children and share the joys of our grandchildren.We did raise our children together, but ended the marriage after 30 years. We do get to share the ...
Views: 3672(2 votes) - The Power of Kindness in Relationships - by Submitted on Dec 12, 2006 from Margaret PaulThere is one choice you can make that will heal many of your relationship problems. This is the choice of kindness – to both yourself and to others. This may sound simple, yet for many people, there is one choice far more important to them than kindness. This is the choice to attempt to ...
Views: 3609 - Doorways To the Presence of Spirit - by Submitted on Sep 04, 2007 from Margaret Paul"How can I be more spiritually connected? How can I hear the voice of my spiritual guidance?" I frequently hear these questions from my clients and from people who attend my workshops and intensives. Everyone who is on a spiritual path wants to experience the presence of Spirit in his or her ...
Views: 3580(1 vote) - *** It's All About Love! - by Submitted on Jun 16, 2009 from Margaret PaulWhat is life REALLY all about? It's all about love! But what does this mean? Most people, when thinking about love, think about BEING LOVED. But, as an adult, the deeper soul's journey is not about being loved - it is about BEING LOVING. For small children, the main focus is on being loved, ...
Views: 3566(3 votes) - "There's Too Much To Do" - by Submitted on Oct 27, 2010 from Margaret Paul"There's too much to do. You'll never get it all done." My wounded self was harping on me about not having enough time. It's true that my life is very busy. But every time my wounded self told me that there is too much to do and that I will never get it all done, my body got tense. And, as I ...
Views: 3564(2 votes) - ***Resistance to Gratitude: Why Isn't The Law of Attraction Working for Me? - by Submitted on Sep 30, 2010 from Margaret PaulMost of us know that expressing heartfelt gratitude is a powerful way to raise our frequency and connect with our spiritual Guidance. Yet many people rarely or never express gratitude, and when they do, it is more rote than truly heartfelt.In a phone session with Deb, one of my clients, we were ...
Views: 3564(5 votes) - Self-Judgment and Sexual Addiction - by Submitted on Aug 21, 2007 from Margaret PaulHarv called me for phone consultations because his wife, Nancy, threatened to leave him if he did not get some help. "I must be all messed up with my sexuality. I constantly want sex with my wife and she is fed up with it. When she won't have sex with me I'm angry and sullen. I love my wife ...
Views: 3558(1 vote) - ***7 Step "Tongue-in-Cheek" Guide To Never Having an Experience of God - by Submitted on Jul 08, 2008 from Margaret PaulAre you one of those people who secretly wish you believed in God? Or are you one of those people who believe in God in an abstract way rather than a personal way? Are you actually doing everything you can to never have an experience of God, while denying that this is what you are doing? Now you ...
Views: 3556 - Dealing with Addiction in the Family - by Submitted on May 15, 2007 from Margaret PaulDealing with addicted family members is always a big challenge. There are some important issues to explore when someone you love is harming themselves. ARE YOU CONTRIBUTING TO THE PROBLEM? People use various addictions to avoid their painful feelings, especially their feelings of anxiety, ...
Views: 3552(1 vote) - Dealing with Addiction in the Family - by Submitted on May 15, 2007 from Margaret PaulDealing with addicted family members is always a big challenge. There are some important issues to explore when someone you love is harming themselves. ARE YOU CONTRIBUTING TO THE PROBLEM? People use various addictions to avoid their painful feelings, especially their feelings of anxiety, ...
Views: 3552(1 vote) - ***When You Feel Hurt By Your Partner - by Submitted on Jan 27, 2011 from Margaret PaulI grew up with a very angry mother who would attack me out of the blue. As a highly sensitive only child, the fear and heartbreak of being treated so unlovingly was unbearable. So rather than feel the hurt, I numbed it out by learning to stay in my head rather than being present in my body, and ...
Views: 3540(3 votes) - ***Your Own Inner Work Affects the Whole World! - by Submitted on Feb 23, 2012 from Margaret Paul"Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean." - Johann Wolfgang von GoetheWhat would happen if we each learned to take 100% responsibility for our own feelings and needs - learning to attend to our feelings with compassion for ourselves, and ...
Views: 3530(1 vote) - Addiction to Venting - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2007 from Margaret Paul"I was up too late with my friend Peg last night," Abigail told me in our phone session. "She was needing to vent. Then I had a problem falling asleep, but at least I was there for her." "How often does this happen?" I asked her. "Oh, fairly often. At least every couple of weeks." "Why do you ...
Views: 3520(1 vote) - ***What Does Having Sex Mean to You? - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2012 from Margaret PaulI’ve been counseling individuals and couples for many years. More than half the time, when couples are having problems or the relationship is dissolving, sex is one of the major issues. There are a number of common scenarios:After a long marriage with regular sex, he comes home to discover that ...
Views: 3483(1 vote) - ***Fear Of Death - by Submitted on May 23, 2008 from Margaret Paul"The modern tradition of equating death with an ensuing nothingness can be abandoned. For there is no reason to believe that human death severs the quality of the oneness in the universe." - Larry Dossey, MD Kenny, a client of mine, told me that his mother had a stroke and has been left totally ...
Views: 3453 - ***Healing Your Broken Heart - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2008 from Margaret PaulHaley, 38, consulted with me because her boyfriend had just broken up with her. Shocked and broken-hearted, she tearfully told me about how wonderful he was and about how she didn't know how she could survive this break up. Haley and Owen had been together for over 2 years and were making ...
Views: 3450(1 vote) - Relationships: Mysteries Of Attraction - by Submitted on Aug 28, 2007 from Margaret PaulWe are attracted to each other at our common level of woundedness and our common level of health. What does this mean? For example, Jackson, a very attractive man in his early 50s, had been married three times and had been in many relationships. He consulted with me because he was tired of ...
Views: 3448 - ***"I Just Want to Explain" - Explaining as a Form of Control - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2010 from Margaret Paul"My husband never lets me explain anything to him. It's so frustrating! He makes these statements that are blaming and attacking and then he won't listen to me when I'm trying to explain.""Why do you want to explain?""I NEED to explain because he is not seeing things ...
Views: 3405(3 votes) - Accessing Your Spiritual Guidance - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2006 from Margaret PaulFor the last 35 years, I have been working with individuals, couples and families, as well as business relationships. I have 8 published books on relationships and healing, some of them best-sellers. In the first half of my career, I worked as a traditional psychotherapist, and was not happy ...
Views: 3387(1 vote) - ***Fear of Anger - Yours and Others - by Submitted on Nov 29, 2010 from Margaret PaulAre you terrified of others' anger? Are you afraid to open to your own anger for fear of getting out of control?If you grew up in an angry or violent home, there is a good possibility that you have a fear of both your own anger and others' anger.Fear of Others' AngerI grew up with a very angry ...
Views: 3384(1 vote) - ***The Wanting Mind, Part 1 - by Submitted on Jul 25, 2008 from Margaret Paul"This force [that keeps us always wanting] is known in several Buddhist traditions as the Wanting Mind. The Wanting Mind is always craving an experience different from the one it currently has." --Brent Kessel, It's Not About the Money There is nothing wrong with wanting - wanting more time, ...
Views: 3368 - ***"I Don't Deserve to be Loved" - by Submitted on May 19, 2011 from Margaret PaulHave you ever said to yourself, "The reason God doesn't love me is I don't deserve to be loved?"Have you ever looked inside to discover why you might not be loving to yourself and answered with, "I'm not worthy of love"?I hear this all the time from my clients. It is often ...
Views: 3359(2 votes) - ***"What Are They Thinking About Me?" - by Submitted on Dec 16, 2010 from Margaret Paul"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."--Eleanor RooseveltWhy should most people be thinking about you? They are far more concerned with what you are thinking about them to spend time thinking about you!Right now, take a moment to ...
Views: 3348(1 vote) - Bonding With Your Partner - Without Candles, Wine or Lingerie! - by Submitted on Nov 08, 2005 from Margaret PaulA journalist interviewed me regarding intimacy in relationships. One of her questions was, “What are some of the easy ways in which husband and wife can bond - without candles and wine and expensive lingerie?” Easy ways? Well, it depends on what you mean by easy! Bonding has ...
Views: 3346 - Alcoholism and Healing - by Submitted on Feb 04, 2007 from Margaret PaulJeffrey showed up at one of my 5-Day Inner Bonding Intensives to deal with his alcoholism and resulting relationship problems. His past two marriages had ended in messy divorces. His business was falling apart. Yet in the face of all of this, Jeffrey could not or would not stop drinking. Two ...
Views: 3326(2 votes) - What Does it Mean to “Self Improve?” - by Submitted on Jul 15, 2006 from Margaret PaulSelf Improvement has become mainstream. In the last few years, since I have been writing articles and submitting them to article sites, I’ve noticed that the category of “Self Improvement” has been showing up lately when it was never there before. To me, this is very good news. But what does it ...
Views: 3309(2 votes) - ***Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health - by Submitted on Nov 03, 2011 from Margaret PaulThis article on CNN Health - http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/08/17/bitter.resentful.ep/index.html?&hpt=hp_c2-by Elizabeth Cohen, is very interesting, regarding the negative health effects of blame and resentment."Feeling bitter interferes with the body's hormonal and immune systems, ...
Views: 3291(1 vote) - *** Getting Love, Being Loving - by Submitted on May 04, 2009 from Margaret PaulTake a moment right now to think about your real intention when it comes to love: Is it most important to you to get someone to love you - to get love? Is it more important to you to be a loving person - to give love to yourself and others?At any moment, you have one of these two intentions, ...
Views: 3285(2 votes) - Codependent Relationships: Takers and Caretakers - by Submitted on Oct 05, 2005 from Margaret PaulTakers and caretakers – they often seem to find each other! As a counselor who has worked with relationships for 37 years, I can tell you that this is the most frequent relationship dynamic that I encounter. Takers are people who tend to be narcissistic – that is, they are ...
Views: 3279(1 vote) - ***The Crazymaking Trap: Proving Your Worth Over and Over - by Submitted on Jan 03, 2011 from Margaret PaulMarcus grew up the eldest of three, with a highly critical mother and an absent father. Marcus's mother frequently told him or implied that he was too stupid to take care of himself - that he would be nothing without her. She programmed him to believe that she was his only source of love and ...
Views: 3273(3 votes) - *Relationship Advice: Be Willing To Have Your Partner Be Upset With You - by Submitted on Apr 20, 2008 from Margaret PaulAs a counselor, I often work with people who are unhappy in their relationship and thinking of leaving. They believe that they are unhappy because of their partner, but the real reason is that they are not taking responsibility for their own feelings within the relationship. For example, when ...
Views: 3271 - Are You Love Addicted? - by Submitted on May 01, 2007 from Margaret PaulImagine that you have a little child - a son or daughter, but that you are only 15 years old. How are you going to feel about this child? There is a good possibility that you will feel that this child is a burden, limiting your freedom. You will likely feel that the child is too demanding, ...
Views: 3257(1 vote) - *** Real Love: What is Real Love? - by Submitted on Apr 27, 2009 from Margaret PaulMost people would love to have "real love," yet often they have no idea what real love is. Take a moment to think about how you would define real love. Defining love is like defining a particular color to a person who has never been able to see color - you have to feel it know what it is. ...
Views: 3249(2 votes) - Food That Harms, Food That Heals - by Submitted on Apr 26, 2010 from Margaret PaulOur country is stretched to the limit due to the cost of health care. Even with the new health care bill, there will be on going conflict over what we should do to provide people with affordable health care. But the reason that the problem seems irresolvable is a very complex one.Let's take ...
Views: 3237(2 votes) - Actions of Love - by Submitted on Jan 09, 2006 from Margaret PaulMyrna, 38 and a successful physician, sought my help because she often felt inadequate. While she really valued herself as a doctor, she did not value herself in her important relationships with friends and family. In addition, she said she wanted to be in a loving relationship but she took no ...
Views: 3230 - ***7 Rules for Saving Your Marriage - by Submitted on Oct 09, 2008 from Margaret PaulIs your marriage in trouble? The first question you need to ask yourself is: "Do I want to save this marriage or do I want to leave it?" If the answer is that you want to save it, then this article is for you. Following are 7 rules or choices that you can make to completely change the course ...
Views: 3228 - Addiction to Being "All Together" - by Submitted on Jan 26, 2009 from Margaret PaulI often have the experience of someone showing up at one of my 5-day Inner Bonding Intensives and presenting themselves as "all together", or "fine." "I'm not sure why I'm here," they state. "I really don't know what to work on. I've been through years of therapy and to a ton of workshops and ...
Views: 3227 - ***Find your Genius - by Submitted on Jun 07, 2012 from Margaret PaulWe are all geniuses. Are you ready to find your genius? “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” ~ Albert Einstein Did you know that everybody is a genius? I love this quote by Einstein because ...
Views: 3223 - ***The Happiness Choice - by Submitted on Nov 29, 2010 from Margaret Paul"Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us."--Stephen R. Covey, Author and SpeakerThis is a powerful freedom. And, from my point of view, another way of putting this is that the ultimate freedom is the right and power ...
Views: 3196(2 votes)