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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- Who Do You Want To Be This Christmas? - by Submitted on Dec 17, 2009 from Margaret PaulChristmas is almost here and you get to decide who you want to be. I don't mean if you want to be Santa Claus. I mean what kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to be a person who chooses your actions according to your fears of rejection, of getting hurt, of ridicule, or of being taken ...
Views: 2795(4 votes) - Law of Attraction: The Importance of Feeling Good - by Submitted on Oct 14, 2010 from Margaret Paul"It's really important that you feel good. Because this feeling good is what goes out as a signal into the universe and starts to attract more of itself to you. So the more you can feel good, the more you will attract the things that help you feel good and that will keep bringing you up ...
Views: 5932(7 votes) - *** What Creates Confidence? - by Submitted on Jul 28, 2009 from Margaret PaulThe Encarta World English Dictionary defines "confidence" as "a belief or self-assurance in your ability to succeed."We all know people who appear to be very confident professionally, yet when it comes to personal relationships, appear to be very insecure.Personal confidence ...
Views: 4589(5 votes) - Caretaking Parents, Entitled Kids - by Submitted on Mar 08, 2005 from Margaret PaulDemanding children – children who have entitlement issues – seem to be common these days. Like the obnoxious child, Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, who was constantly demanding that her father get her whatever she wanted (“I want an Umpa Lumpa! Get it for me NOW!”), we hear ...
Views: 2721(5 votes) - "Why Won't my Partner Have Sex With Me?" - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2010 from Margaret PaulI have worked with individuals and couples for the past 42 years, and I have heard this question countless times: "Why doesn't my partner want to have sex with me?"Over and over, I discover that there is often ONE major reason he or she doesn’t want to have sex.Take Lawrence as ...
Views: 4962(3 votes) - ***Taking the Risk of Loving - by Submitted on Jan 13, 2011 from Margaret Paul“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all ...
Views: 3354(3 votes) - *** Giving Up: Have You Given Up on Yourself? - by Submitted on Aug 19, 2009 from Margaret Paul"I feel like giving up," Emma told me in our first phone session. "I've worked and worked on myself and I'm still miserable. I've had years of therapy and I still feel unbearably depressed. Nothing is working.""It sounds to me like you are abandoning ...
Views: 5150(4 votes) - "We Can't Communicate" - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret PaulWhat are couples really meaning when they say, "We can't communicate"?The issue with understanding what this means is what they mean by "communicate."All too often, when a partner states, "We can't communicate," what he or she means is "I can't get my partner ...
Views: 10154(6 votes) - *** Relationship Breakup: Heartbreak and Healing - by Submitted on Jun 29, 2009 from Margaret PaulLindsay called me for counseling because her boyfriend of 18 months had just ended their relationship. Lindsay, 28, had been sure that Jake was "Mr. Right.""I am so heartbroken," sobbed Lindsay. "I don't know how I’m going to get through this. It feels like my ...
Views: 5955(5 votes) - ***"If You Really Loved Me, You Wouldn't..." - by Submitted on Aug 18, 2011 from Margaret PaulHow often have you had the thought, "If you really loved me, you wouldn't... Get angry, yell, curse, call names, say mean, untrue things about meProject your behavior onto meWithdraw, run away, shut down, sit spaced-out in front of the TVResist doing what I ask you to doLook at ...
Views: 3345(3 votes) - ***Are You The Person Your Dog Thinks You Are? - by Submitted on Jul 31, 2014 from Margaret PaulYour pet knows the truth of who you are! Many of us know how unconditionally loving most dogs naturally are – unless they have been abused. Even if you don't have a dog, you've likely seen the joy they express when their person comes home after being gone for even a few minutes. If ...
Views: 1669(1 vote) - ***Caretaking: A Covert Form of Narcissism - by Submitted on Oct 17, 2011 from Margaret PaulI used to think that caretaking was the opposite of narcissism. I thought that narcissists were people who demanded that others give themselves up to care-take the narcissist. I thought that caretakers were people who were programmed to take care of others instead of themselves. I thought that ...
Views: 4635(2 votes) - ***Nothing Has Meaning Without Love and Connection - by Submitted on Apr 14, 2011 from Margaret PaulGretchen is typical of many of the clients that I work with. In our first session she said:I've been depressed on and off throughout my life. Medication helped for a while, but now all it does is make me feel more flat and empty. Life seems to have no meaning for me. Nothing looks beautiful. ...
Views: 2423(1 vote) - ***Real Love Versus Infatuation - by Submitted on Aug 10, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Do you know the difference between real love and infatuation? They are light years apart. ________________________________________ In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person.~Margaret Anderson Real ...
Views: 2671(1 vote) - ***The Relationship Trap: "Let's Talk." - by Submitted on May 28, 2010 from Margaret Paul"Let's talk tonight," said Callie."Oh no, not again!" thought Darren as he gave Callie a blank stare, feeling like a deer in the headlights.Darren knew from past experience that "Let's talk," meant, "Let's talking about what you are doing wrong, and about how ...
Views: 4427(2 votes) - ***What Should My Child Be Eating For Optimal Health? - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2008 from Margaret PaulUnderstanding healthy eating has become a huge challenge in our society. Our ancestors living thousands of years ago did not have this challenge. They ate what grew and what they could catch. Before the advent of agriculture, people ate what was naturally supplied. While I have been studying ...
Views: 2091(2 votes) - ***Why Do So Many People Lack Integrity? - by Submitted on Apr 28, 2008 from Margaret Paul"By the right choice and true application of thought, man ascents to the Divine Perfection; by the abuse and wrong application of thought, he descents below the level of the beast. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master." -As A Man ...
Views: 3877(3 votes) - ***Why Do You Blame? - by Submitted on Nov 11, 2008 from Margaret PaulTake a moment to think about who you blame for your feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, aloneness, emptiness, loneliness, helplessness, inadequacy, shame, depression, anxiety, fear, and so on. What is really going on inside when you blame someone else for your feelings? Many people have a ...
Views: 3176(1 vote) - ***Why Don't You Speak Up For Yourself? - by Submitted on Jul 25, 2011 from Margaret PaulMy counseling clients often complain to me about interactions they had with a partner, friend, parents or co-worker. When I asked the question, "Why didn't you speak up for yourself?" here are the most common answers I receive:"I want to keep the peace.""I don't want to ...
Views: 2249(1 vote) - Each Act Of Loving Yourself Is Healing To Our Planet - by Submitted on Mar 13, 2017 from Margaret PaulWhen I was four years old, I had one of those snapshot moments that is clearly embedded into my brain. I was outside by our duplex – at that time kids were safe outside alone - and there were three boys poking a snail with a stick so they could watch it writhe. I was stunned that they could do ...
Views: 1212(1 vote) - If I Am Myself, I Will End Up Alone - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2007 from Margaret PaulPeggy had been married to James for 14 years when she first consulted with me for help with her relationship and her anxiety. "I can't stand being in this marriage anymore. We have two wonderful children and I don't want to break up this family, but I’m miserable and anxious much of the time. ...
Views: 3059(1 vote) - Parenting: Prescribing the Symptom - by Submitted on Jul 10, 2007 from Margaret PaulRebecca was struggling with 3 year old Kevin's screaming. Whenever someone didn't do what he wanted, he screamed and screamed, hoping to get his way. Rebecca had tried many different things to get Kevin to stop screaming, such as time outs, telling him to use his words, walking away and ignoring ...
Views: 2556(2 votes) - Why Do People Lie? - by Submitted on Apr 05, 2005 from Margaret PaulAmanda and Ron had been married for six years and had two small children. I had counseled them during some difficult times in their marriage, but had not heard from them for a while. Then Amanda scheduled an emergency phone session with me. She was very upset. “I just found out that Ron’s been ...
Views: 4069(1 vote) - ***Disengaging From Your Family of Origin - by Submitted on Aug 11, 2009 from Margaret Paul"Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother."But what if your father and mother didn't honor you? What if instead of loving and honoring you they physically, sexually and emotionally abused you? What if you were scared every day of your growing up years? And what if, when you finally grow up and ...
Views: 5006(3 votes) - ***Relationships: Cheating - by Submitted on Aug 27, 2009 from Margaret Paul"Why would my boyfriend cheat on me?""I'm pretty sure my wife is cheating on me. I want to know why.""I know that my husband has been cheating on me for years. I don't get why he does this."Why do people cheat on their partners? Why do others have affairs that their ...
Views: 5805(5 votes) - ***Resistance to Gratitude: Why Isn't The Law of Attraction Working for Me? - by Submitted on Sep 30, 2010 from Margaret PaulMost of us know that expressing heartfelt gratitude is a powerful way to raise our frequency and connect with our spiritual Guidance. Yet many people rarely or never express gratitude, and when they do, it is more rote than truly heartfelt.In a phone session with Deb, one of my clients, we were ...
Views: 3695(5 votes) - Enmeshed Parenting - by Submitted on Nov 03, 2010 from Margaret Paul"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you."-- Kahlil Gibran Symptoms of enmeshed parenting:Your children's good or difficult ...
Views: 4250(4 votes) - *** “I Don’t Fit In.” - by Submitted on Jul 20, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Do you believe that you are supposed to 'fit in?' You might feel differently after reading this article! ________________________________________ The other morning, I opened our carton of eggs to make my breakfast. I looked at the beautiful eggs we ...
Views: 1810(1 vote) - ***"My Wife Is No Longer In Love With Me" - by Submitted on Feb 14, 2014 from Margaret PaulAre you willing to do the inner work you need to do to possibly save your relationship? Many people, like Aaron who asked the following question, seek my help because either their partner is no longer in love with them, or they are no longer in love with their partner. Aaron ...
Views: 1465(1 vote) - ***When You Reach for Help, Are You Loving or Abandoning Yourself? - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, Ph.D. January 25, 2016 ________________________________________ Discover the big difference between reaching out as your loving adult or as your wounded self. ________________________________________ Dorothy asked an important question: "What is the difference ...
Views: 1241(1 vote) - "Why Are My Partners Always Needy?" - by Submitted on Jun 04, 2010 from Margaret PaulAngelo had been married to Serena for 15 years before divorcing. In his marriage, Angelo was a caretaker, always trying to please Serena, always trying to get her approval and avoid her disapproval. Serena was a taker - handing responsibility to Angelo for her happiness and often angry with him ...
Views: 5044(2 votes) - ***Is There Such A Thing As Sexual Addiction? - by Submitted on Jun 15, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Is sexual addiction a real thing, or just an excuse for bad behavior? ________________________________________ In a recent article in CNN.com Blogs, ...
Views: 1996(2 votes) - ***"If Only You Would Get What You Are Doing!" - by Submitted on Feb 24, 2015 from Margaret PaulIs your relationship stuck in a pattern of blame where you both feel like victims of the other person? One of the most common dynamics I see with the couples I work with is that each of them is convinced that if only their partner would see what he or she is doing to cause the relationship ...
Views: 1398(1 vote) - ***Addicted to Porn? - by Submitted on Jan 18, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Are you addicted to porn and not feeling good about it? Discover the likely underlying cause and what to do about it. ________________________________________ I received the following question when I was conducting a webinar on sexual ...
Views: 1543(1 vote) - ***Stop Escalating Conflict! - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Do you get into fights that turn ugly as the conflict escalates? Discover how to stop doing this. ________________________________________ A participant in one of my webinars asked: "Is there any way to resolve conflict if you have two 'escalating' ...
Views: 1995(1 vote) - ***The Difference between Daydreaming and Imagining - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2013 from Margaret PaulOur imagination is a great gift - a connection with our Divine Source - when we use it from an inwardly connected loving Adult to create the life we want. "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." - Albert Einstein We are often ...
Views: 1520(1 vote) - Is The Law Of Attraction Bringing You What You Want? - by Submitted on Jan 07, 2008 from Margaret PaulMany people on a personal and spiritual growth path have read about the law of attraction. Simply stated, this law says that like attracts like, which means, in a general sense, that happiness draws happiness and misery draws misery. The law states that whatever we think about, with strong ...
Views: 2084(1 vote) - ***Addiction to Spirituality: The Spiritual Bypass - by Submitted on May 16, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Dr. Margaret Paul May 16, 2016 Are you using your spirituality as a "spiritual bypass" to avoid feeling your feelings and taking responsibility for them? Lian had been meditating for many years before consulting with me for his depression. He had been part of a spiritual community ...
Views: 1438 - A Major Cause of Stress - by Submitted on Jul 23, 2018 from Margaret PaulDiscover that stress is NOT being caused primarily by people or situations, but by your own thoughts and actions. We tend to think of stress as something that occurs because of outside events, such as having financial problems, relationship problems, health problems, or from having too much ...
Views: 964 - Are These False Beliefs Controlling Your Life? - by Submitted on Aug 20, 2018 from Margaret PaulWhat limiting beliefs are controlling your life? Do you identify with any of these common false beliefs? All of us absorbed numerous deep false beliefs as we were growing up, and these beliefs now govern much of what occurs in our work and our relationships. It is sometimes challenging to ...
Views: 1083 - Consequences of Authoritarian Parenting - by Submitted on Jun 22, 2007 from Margaret PaulDo you believe that it is your job as a parent to have control over your children? Do you find yourself trying to control your children in the ways your parents tried to control you, or in the ways you learned from siblings, friends or relatives? Do you hope that through yelling, threatening, ...
Views: 2546 - Couples Who ‘Chore’ Together, Generally Stay Together - by Submitted on Jun 11, 2018 from Margaret PaulDo you and your partner do chores together? If not, this article might be very helpful to you. One of the major complaints I hear from my clients who are married is around the issue of chores. I can tell you from my own 30-year marriage that the issue of chores was a big deal in leading to ...
Views: 886 - How Often Are You Aware Of Your Intent? - by Submitted on Dec 26, 2018 from Margaret PaulLearn to practice awareness of intent, to move out of your painful feelings and into your inner peace. Those of you who have been practicing Inner Bonding know that the basis of the Inner Bonding process is the intent to learn about loving yourself and others. It is the intent to learn ...
Views: 1205 - The Crazy-making of Projection - by Submitted on May 28, 2018 from Margaret PaulProjection created a deep sense of confusion and loneliness in my life for many years. I was raised by parents who consistently projected their disowned wounded aspects on to me, their only child. I was an overly-responsible child, but my mother told me I was irresponsible because she often ...
Views: 863 - What to do if Your Spouse Won't Go to Counseling - by Submitted on May 08, 2007 from Margaret Paul"What should I do if my spouse won't go to counseling?" I often hear this from my clients. What are they really saying with this question? Generally, they are saying something like: "My unhappiness is coming from my spouse's behavior," or "The problems in our marriage are my spouses' fault," ...
Views: 4447 - You CAN Learn To Make Yourself Feel Safe - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2018 from Margaret PaulGrowing up, many of us didn't feel at all safe in our households. Many of us had parents or other caregivers who were physically, emotionally, and/or sexually abusive or neglectful. We had to find ways to manage this lack of safety, so we learned to numb out, eat or use other substances, be ...
Views: 882 - Your Imagination Can Take You Where Knowledge Cannot Go - by Submitted on Sep 03, 2018 from Margaret PaulAre you limiting yourself to knowledge gained externally? Try using your imagination and opening to the limitless information available from the universe! "Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the ...
Views: 1031 - * Is Your Marriage Suffering From Emotional Infidelity? - by Submitted on Jul 18, 2008 from Margaret PaulEmotional infidelity occurs when you or your partner become emotionally connected with someone outside your relationship, either in person or on the Internet. How dangerous to a marriage or committed relationship is emotional infidelity? One way of looking at emotional infidelity is that it is ...
Views: 3270 - *"You're Not Meeting My Needs - by Submitted on Aug 16, 2008 from Margaret Paul"Sandra wants to end our marriage," Ted told me in our phone session. "She says that I am not meeting her needs." I often hear this in my counseling practice. How did we get the idea that marriage is about the other person meeting our needs, or about our meeting the other person's needs? How ...
Views: 2743 - *** "I'm Consumed With My Ex - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Discover why you might be obsessing about an ex and how to stop. ________________________________________ "How do I stop allowing my ex to consume my thoughts?" asks Tammy. "Is your ex consuming your thoughts, or are you consumed with your ex?" I ...
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