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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- Loving Yourself, Loving Your Children - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2006 from Margaret PaulThink about this for a moment: Is it really possible to love your children without loving yourself, or to love yourself without loving your children? The answer is no. If you are ignoring yourself to take care of your children, this is not loving to your children or to yourself. While being ...
Views: 2797(2 votes) - ***Relationships: Attract at Your Common Level of Self-Love - by Submitted on Jun 02, 2011 from Margaret PaulMarty tells me in a phone session,"Susan is always criticizing me. How do I get her to stop?"Fiona tells me in a phone session,"Jeff is often withdrawn. I feel so angry about this."It's always easy to see what your partner is doing that you don't like, but it's generally very ...
Views: 2793(2 votes) - *Diffusing Anger Or Feeding The Flames - by Submitted on Jun 28, 2008 from Margaret PaulHave you ever had an argument with someone - a partner, spouse, close friend, child, parent or other relative, or a business associate - that started small and spiraled into an intense conflict? Have you ever scratched your head, wondering how it got so out of control? Let's take a look at what ...
Views: 2784 - 5 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them - by Submitted on Jul 26, 2006 from Margaret PaulAs a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers: CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear ...
Views: 2755 - ***What is Enlightenment? - by Submitted on Feb 06, 2012 from Margaret Paul"If I could define enlightenment briefly I would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is." - Dr. Wayne DyerAs simple as this definition seems to be, how often do you quietly accept what is? Instead, what do you say or do?I say things like “It’s not supposed to be this way.” “It should have ...
Views: 2751(2 votes) - ***Needs vs. Neediness - by Submitted on Aug 20, 2010 from Margaret PaulI recently received the following request:"Hi Dr. Paul -- I would be interested in an article that talks about having needs vs. being needy.I was brought up to be ashamed of my needs. I was supposed to be self-sufficient. As a result, I am ashamed of neediness and often don't recognize my ...
Views: 2736(1 vote) - ***Fear of Failure: What Does Failure Mean to You? - by Submitted on Dec 29, 2008 from Margaret PaulWhat do you believe about failure? The ego wounded part of ourselves, the left-brain part of ourselves that has been programmed with many false beliefs, often believes that: "If I fail, I am a failure." "If I fail, I am stupid." "If I fail, no one will like me or value me." "If I fail, then ...
Views: 2726 - ***Do You Chase When Someone Withdraws? - by Submitted on Jun 27, 2011 from Margaret PaulA member of our website asked this question in our advice section:I've read several of the articles on the site, but have not seen anything mentioned about "chasing"after someone who is pulling away in a relationship. That has to be a form of protection against deeper feelings, though, ...
Views: 2724(3 votes) - ***3 Steps to Healing from Betrayal - by Submitted on Nov 08, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Betrayal is one of the hardest things to go through, and it is vitally important that you deal with it in a way that doesn’t cause you even more pain. ________________________________________ It is devastating when someone whom we believe cares about ...
Views: 2721(2 votes) - Relationships: Conflict Resolution Without Words - by Submitted on Feb 05, 2006 from Margaret PaulIn the last few decades, partners have spent countless hours trying to “work out problems.” Yet over and over again they often come up against a major roadblock: they just don’t see things the same way. No matter how long they talk and how hard they try, neither ends up feeling ...
Views: 2716(1 vote) - ***Why Do We Seek Approval? - by Submitted on Sep 08, 2011 from Margaret PaulMany years ago, I became aware of feeling anxious much of the time. Since this feeling had been with me as long as I could remember, it had seemed normal - until it stopped being okay with me. It stopped being okay when I went back to school to become a psychotherapist. I realized then that, ...
Views: 2715 - Fear of Commitment - by Submitted on Mar 20, 2006 from Margaret PaulIn my counseling work, I often work with clients who have a deep fear of commitment. These individuals generally say that they want to be in a loving relationship, yet they keep picking “the wrong people.” Susan, 38, sought my help because she was in two relationships at the same ...
Views: 2715 - ***The Incredible Power Of Intent - by Submitted on Feb 26, 2008 from Margaret PaulImagine two big spotlights. One is pointed upward, casting light far into the air. The other is pointed downward and buried into the earth - no light is cast at all. This is like intent. There are only two possible intentions in any given moment: the intent to learn about loving yourself and ...
Views: 2695 - Fears of a New Relationship - by Submitted on Feb 21, 2006 from Margaret PaulKatie had not been in a relationship in ten years, and she was scared to death. In her last relationship, she had lost herself completely and then felt devastated when her boyfriend of three years left her for another woman. After working on herself emotionally and spiritually for a number of ...
Views: 2695 - *7 Step Guide To Never Having Sex In Your Marriage - by Submitted on Mar 16, 2008 from Margaret PaulOne of the most common complaints I receive in my relationship counseling work is "We hardly ever have sex." Since you might be addicted to the anger and complaining around this issue, I want to make sure you do ALL the right things so you get to continue being angry and complaining about ...
Views: 2694(3 votes) - Moving Beyond Negative Emotions - by Submitted on Oct 28, 2008 from Margaret Paul"Sooner or later, all of us must see that negative feelings toward another person is like tossing dust at him while the wind blows against us. It all comes back." --Vernon Howard, Psycho-Pictography Negative emotions, such as anger, blame, resentment, misery, jealousy, hurt, guilt, shame, and ...
Views: 2693(1 vote) - ***When Not To Start A Relationship - by Submitted on Jan 28, 2008 from Margaret PaulHave you recently ended a relationship or are you recently divorced? Are you thinking about dating again? Many times, putting yourself back into the dating scene is a good idea. But how can you know when it is time to start a new relationship? Here are some questions to ponder: 1. Are you ...
Views: 2688 - ***9 Secrets For A Joyful Life - by Submitted on Aug 10, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Joy is our birthright - a gift of Spirit. Discover the choices you can make to lead a joyful life. ________________________________________ 1. Self-Compassion Rather Than Self-Judgment In the 44 years I've been counseling clients, I've never had a ...
Views: 2685(3 votes) - ***Discover Your Level of Narcissism - by Submitted on Jul 29, 2011 from Margaret PaulAll of us have some characteristics and behaviors that fall into the category of narcissism. Narcissism is on a continuum from mild, occasional, and subtle to the more ubiquitous, obvious or extreme behaviors of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since narcissism is likely a part of everyone's ...
Views: 2676(1 vote) - Control and Resistance - the Relationship Gremlins - by Submitted on Sep 14, 2007 from Margaret Paul"I'm so sick and tired of Andrea's anger and bossiness that I'm about ready to leave this relationship," said Paul in our phone counseling session. "Everything has to be her way. Why can't she just keep her mouth shut? She is ruining this relationship. I hate her judgmentalness. Every time she ...
Views: 2663(1 vote) - ***Fear Of Failure - by Submitted on Jan 21, 2008 from Margaret PaulFailure! What do you feel when you think about failure? Inadequate? Unworthy? Unlovable? It is so sad that you might have learned to link failure to your value as a person. Most people who are successful in their work and their relationships have experienced many failures along their road to ...
Views: 2657 - *"You're Not Meeting My Needs - by Submitted on Aug 16, 2008 from Margaret Paul"Sandra wants to end our marriage," Ted told me in our phone session. "She says that I am not meeting her needs." I often hear this in my counseling practice. How did we get the idea that marriage is about the other person meeting our needs, or about our meeting the other person's needs? How ...
Views: 2652 - ***Connecting With Loved Ones - by Submitted on Oct 16, 2008 from Margaret PaulAs social beings, our desire for connection is a deep and powerful force within us. Babies who do not experience connection with a caregiver do not thrive or may even die. Deep connection with another is one of the greatest joys in life. Yet for many people, this deep and joyous connection ...
Views: 2652 - *Saving Your Marriage When You Have Children - by Submitted on Apr 06, 2008 from Margaret PaulResearch indicates that, unless there is violence in the home, children are better off being raised by an intact family. Whenever clients who have children call to work with me on their marriage, I always encourage them to do all they can to save their marriage. Leah is a good example of a ...
Views: 2647 - ***Love: Falling in Love With Your Spouse - Again - by Submitted on Feb 09, 2009 from Margaret PaulBobbie and Mac sought me out for couples counseling because they were on the verge of divorce - after 25 years of marriage. Both had years of counseling, yet they could not find their way through their relationship problems. Bobbie described her experience of their relationship: "I love Mac ...
Views: 2646 - ***The Art of Manifestation: When It Is Loving to Be Controlling - by Submitted on Sep 14, 2010 from Margaret PaulIs it loving or unloving to be controlling? It all depends on your intent, on which part of you is trying to control, and what you are trying to control.When Controlling is UnlovingWhen you are coming from an ego wounded part of yourself and your intent is to control others to get them to do ...
Views: 2639(2 votes) - Filling Up Externally, Filling Up Internally - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2006 from Margaret PaulWe all love to feel full inside, which is one of the reasons why eating too much is such a challenge for a lot of people. Yet, as soon as the food digests, many people go back to feeling empty, searching around for more food or something else to fill them up again. Feeling empty feels so awful ...
Views: 2638 - ***Do You Believe What You Perceive? - by Submitted on Mar 15, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Perception is a mirror not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind, reflected outward." - - A Course in MiraclesI remember many years ago seeing the movie "Rashomon" (starring Toshiro Mifune and directed my Akira Kurosawa) where three people saw a murder committed and ...
Views: 2636(2 votes) - ***Does Crying Make you Feel Better? - by Submitted on Oct 11, 2011 from Margaret PaulA recent study indicates that crying does not make people feel better. But there is a problem with this study.(Crying shame: Tears don't make you feel any better, study shows, By Cari Nierenberg, ...
Views: 2588(2 votes) - ***The Devastation of Inner Emptiness - by Submitted on Sep 02, 2011 from Margaret PaulOne of the sad truths in our society is how empty many people feel, and the devastation their emptiness causes others through their resulting addictive behavior.We have all heard about the sexual acting-out of Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton and John Edwards. We ...
Views: 2586 - *Love And Marriage: Do They Really Go Together? - by Submitted on Apr 14, 2008 from Margaret PaulDo love and marriage really go together like a horse and carriage? For some they do but for many they don't. Why not? Why does love seem to die away in so many marriages? At the beginning of most relationships that eventually lead to marriage, the couple falls in love and believes that this ...
Views: 2583 - ***Have You Fallen Out of Love With Your Partner? - by Submitted on Aug 03, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Are you contemplating leaving your partner because you have fallen out of love? Read this first! ________________________________________ We have only to look at the divorce rate—41% for first marriages, 60% for second marriages, and a whopping 73% ...
Views: 2579 - ***Real Love Versus Infatuation - by Submitted on Aug 10, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Do you know the difference between real love and infatuation? They are light years apart. ________________________________________ In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person.~Margaret Anderson Real ...
Views: 2576(1 vote) - Who Do You Want To Be This Christmas? - by Submitted on Dec 17, 2009 from Margaret PaulChristmas is almost here and you get to decide who you want to be. I don't mean if you want to be Santa Claus. I mean what kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to be a person who chooses your actions according to your fears of rejection, of getting hurt, of ridicule, or of being taken ...
Views: 2576(4 votes) - ***The Law of Love - by Submitted on Jun 16, 2011 from Margaret PaulI have learned over my 43 years of counseling that no one heals without a personal connection to a spiritual source of Guidance.William was struggling with issues of shame and depression. He had struggled with feelings of insecurity and jealousy most of his life, despite years of inner work. ...
Views: 2567(1 vote) - ***How to Connect with Others - by Submitted on Dec 05, 2011 from Margaret PaulWe are inherently social beings, and feeling emotionally connected with another is one of the great joys in life. Yet, all too often, we feel lonely around another or others, wanting to connect and not knowing how. We may have learned numerous dysfunctional or unsatisfying ways of connecting, ...
Views: 2566(1 vote) - ***Forgiveness: Acceptance And Letting Go - by Submitted on Feb 16, 2008 from Margaret PaulHave you ever noticed the difference in people who are able to easily let go of resentment and forgive, and those who stay in anger and blame? What I have noticed is that those who continue to stay in blame and resentment are often people who see themselves as victims of other people's choices. ...
Views: 2562(2 votes) - Self-Esteem: Who Do You Want to Be? - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2008 from Margaret Paul"We lift ourselves by our thought. If you want to enlarge your life, you must first enlarge your thought of it and of yourself. Hold the ideal of yourself as you long to be, always everywhere." --Orison Sweet Marden, 1850-1924, Author and Founder of Success Magazine How do you see yourself in ...
Views: 2561 - *Emotional Intimacy - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2008 from Margaret PaulExperiencing emotional intimacy with others is one of the most satisfying experiences of life. Emotional intimacy, or a sense of deep connection with another person or a group of people, occurs when each person is completely open hearted and devoted to taking 100% responsibility for their own ...
Views: 2545 - Caretaking Parents, Entitled Kids - by Submitted on Mar 08, 2005 from Margaret PaulDemanding children – children who have entitlement issues – seem to be common these days. Like the obnoxious child, Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, who was constantly demanding that her father get her whatever she wanted (“I want an Umpa Lumpa! Get it for me NOW!”), we hear ...
Views: 2528(5 votes) - ***First-Date Blues – What Can you Learn? - by Submitted on Dec 06, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Dating is challenging for many. Here are some tips to turn it into a learning adventure. ________________________________________ Sometimes, dating can be discouraging, or it can be a learning experience. One of the things I encourage my dating ...
Views: 2527 - “I Feel Overwhelmed” - by Submitted on Feb 06, 2012 from Margaret PaulI often hear from my clients that they feel overwhelmed. Generally, feeling overwhelmed means one of three things:Overwhelmed by their feelingsOverwhelmed by time pressuresOverwhelmed by how to do things ‘right’The feeling of overwhelm is generally caused by how we are treating ...
Views: 2527 - ***Intimacy and Connection - The Aliveness of Life - by Submitted on Nov 09, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers, and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself." - Thomas Moore, author, Care of the SoulMost of us would love to have intimacy and connection in our lives, yet we often ...
Views: 2517(1 vote) - ***What Does Your Child Really Need From You? - by Submitted on Mar 03, 2008 from Margaret PaulMost parents want to be good parents. Yet parenting is one of those things that does not have hard and fast rules. So how do we know what to do? How do we know what will support our children in being all they can be? One of the most important things for parents to do is to learn to trust their ...
Views: 2511(2 votes) - Fear of Intimacy - by Submitted on Jun 07, 2005 from Margaret PaulEmotional intimacy is one of the most wonderful experiences we ever have. Nothing else really comes close to the experience of sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings with another, of being deeply seen and known, of sharing love, passion, laughter, joy, and/or creativity. The experience of ...
Views: 2504 - *7-Step Foolproof Guide To Creating A Terrible Relationship - by Submitted on Mar 09, 2008 from Margaret PaulNo one SAYS they want a terrible relationship, yet so many people go about creating them that we need to assume they must WANT them! So, here's my 7 Step foolproof guide to creating a terrible relationship. 1. TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN FEELINGS Make sure that you do not take ...
Views: 2503(2 votes) - *Relationships: Letting Go Of Problem Solving - by Submitted on Sep 17, 2008 from Margaret Paul"We never seem to be able to solve any problems," Kaylee told me in a phone session. "Every time we sit down to solve a problem, we end up fighting. It doesn't really matter what it is about - it always ends up the same. Is this normal? Aren't couples supposed to be able to solve ...
Views: 2501 - ***Who Am I? - by Submitted on Feb 16, 2012 from Margaret PaulI recently attended a conference and one of the speakers was David Stanley, who lived with Elvis Presley as his stepbrother since David was four years old. His book, about his experiences with Elvis, called “Conversations With the King,” just got published. The book is co-authored by ...
Views: 2493(1 vote) - ***Are You Enmeshed With Your Children? - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2008 from Margaret PaulThe Encarta World English Dictionary defines "enmesh" as "to entangle somebody or something in something from which it is difficult to be extricated or separated." Are you entangled with your children in a way that is limiting both you and your children? Parents may enmesh with children when ...
Views: 2490 - Parenting: What Praise Helps And What Praise Harms? - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2008 from Margaret Paul"...telling children they're smart...made them feel dumber and act dumber." --Mindset, by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., p.74 In her extraordinary book, Mindset, Dr. Carol S. Dweck presents research that, hopefully, will change the course of parenting and education. In one of her research studies, ...
Views: 2484(2 votes)