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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- Can This Relationship Be Helped? - by Submitted on Jul 04, 2005 from Margaret PaulI have been counseling couples for 35 years. Quite often individuals come in for help wondering if it is really possible to save or improve their relationship. Perhaps their partner is totally uninterested in working on the relationship. Perhaps their partner is an alcoholic or drug addict. What ...
Views: 2581(1 vote) - ***Are You Enmeshed With Your Children? - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2008 from Margaret PaulThe Encarta World English Dictionary defines "enmesh" as "to entangle somebody or something in something from which it is difficult to be extricated or separated." Are you entangled with your children in a way that is limiting both you and your children? Parents may enmesh with children when ...
Views: 2572 - Parenting: What Praise Helps And What Praise Harms? - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2008 from Margaret Paul"...telling children they're smart...made them feel dumber and act dumber." --Mindset, by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., p.74 In her extraordinary book, Mindset, Dr. Carol S. Dweck presents research that, hopefully, will change the course of parenting and education. In one of her research studies, ...
Views: 2569(2 votes) - Parents: Letting Go Of Guilt - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2007 from Margaret PaulHow are your children doing? If they are doing well, then I'm sure you feel good about your parenting. If they are not doing well, what are you telling yourself about your parenting? "I should have been there for them more." "I should have been harder/easier on them." "I should have been a ...
Views: 2559(2 votes) - Parenting: Prescribing the Symptom - by Submitted on Jul 10, 2007 from Margaret PaulRebecca was struggling with 3 year old Kevin's screaming. Whenever someone didn't do what he wanted, he screamed and screamed, hoping to get his way. Rebecca had tried many different things to get Kevin to stop screaming, such as time outs, telling him to use his words, walking away and ignoring ...
Views: 2556(2 votes) - The Challenge of Merging Your Lives - by Submitted on Feb 18, 2007 from Margaret PaulLily and Don, both in their 40s, decided to get married after dating each other for a year. Lily’s children were in college, while Don still had children coming to his house every other weekend. They discovered early in their marriage that it was one thing to date and quite another to ...
Views: 2556 - Consequences of Authoritarian Parenting - by Submitted on Jun 22, 2007 from Margaret PaulDo you believe that it is your job as a parent to have control over your children? Do you find yourself trying to control your children in the ways your parents tried to control you, or in the ways you learned from siblings, friends or relatives? Do you hope that through yelling, threatening, ...
Views: 2546 - ***Will Your Next Marriage be Better? - by Submitted on Dec 07, 2011 from Margaret Paul“It’s time for me to move on. I’ve learned so much – I just know that next time it will be better.”“Our new relationship has a great chance, because we’ve both been married before and have learned a lot. We know that this time around we will do it so ...
Views: 2535 - *Marriage Help: If You Are Thinking Of Getting a Divorce, Think Again! - by Submitted on Mar 24, 2008 from Margaret PaulAre you thinking of getting a divorce because: • Your spouse is physically abusive with you or with your children? • Your spouse is an alcoholic or drug addict and has no intention of dealing with the addiction? • Your spouse has a gambling addiction and is causing financial ...
Views: 2528(3 votes) - The Mirror of Relationships - by Submitted on Jun 29, 2006 from Margaret PaulNedra, one of my clients, was quite upset when she received an email from her friend, Roxanne, ending their friendship. The email was quite blaming, telling Nedra that she was narcissistic, selfish, and uncaring. Roxanne complained that Nedra just talked about herself and was never there for ...
Views: 2511 - Dating: Why Are People Rejecting Me? - by Submitted on Oct 21, 2007 from Margaret PaulAidan decided to consult with me because he wanted to get married and have a family. A handsome man in his mid-30s, it was certainly not obvious at first glance why he could not find a partner. However, it didn't take me long to understand why relationships were not working for Aidan. Being ...
Views: 2506 - ***Do You Isolate? - by Submitted on Nov 18, 2011 from Margaret PaulIn my counseling practice, I often have clients who tend to isolate as a way of protecting against their fears - especially their fears of rejection and engulfment. They are so afraid of being disliked, disapproved of, attacked or having demands made on them, that they choose to avoid ...
Views: 2504(3 votes) - Intimacy With Yourself - by Submitted on Dec 10, 2007 from Margaret PaulOver the 40 years that I have been counseling individual and couples, I have very often worked with people who are considering leaving their marriage. Often they say things like: * I no longer feel close or intimate with my spouse. I love him/her, but I'm no longer in love with him/her. * The ...
Views: 2504 - Non-Reactivity - A Major Key To Relationship Health - by Submitted on Nov 27, 2007 from Margaret PaulHow much of your behavior is in reaction to your partner? What do you do when your partner: * gets angry or irritated with you? * withdraws from you? * is blaming or criticizing you? * misunderstands you or is not seeing you accurately? * is always busy? * is complaining, needy, or pouty? * ...
Views: 2499 - Addiction to Numbness - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2007 from Margaret PaulLinda sat opposite me at one of my five-day Inner Bonding Intensives. She had decided to attend the Intensive because her depression, which had plagued her for years, was not being helped by medication or by the numerous forms of therapy that she had tried. As she sat opposite me, telling me ...
Views: 2493 - ***7 Step Guide To Staying Completely Stuck In Your Life - by Submitted on May 23, 2008 from Margaret PaulAre you stuck in your life? Do you receive some satisfaction from staying stuck and from no one being able to help you get unstuck? If you are invested in staying stuck, why not do it consciously and deliberately? Here is your guide to never getting unstuck. 1. Make Resistance Your Guiding ...
Views: 2483 - Non-Reactivity - A Major Key to Relationship Health - by Submitted on Nov 27, 2007 from Margaret PaulHow much of your behavior is in reaction to your partner? What do you do when your partner: * gets angry or irritated with you? * withdraws from you? * is blaming or criticizing you? * misunderstands you or is not seeing you accurately? * is always busy? * is complaining, needy, or pouty? * ...
Views: 2482 - ***How Can I Stop Feeling Jealous? - by Submitted on Aug 21, 2008 from Margaret Paul"I know that my boyfriend loves me, but he has a lot of women friends. I don't get why he has to have so many women friends. I get scared and jealous when he spends time with another woman. I know I should trust him, but I don't, and I don't know what to do about this." "My wife is a very ...
Views: 2473 - ***"No One Appreciates Me" - by Submitted on Jun 30, 2011 from Margaret PaulHave you ever hear yourself say, or said to yourself, "No one appreciates me."I used to say this to myself all the time. I was constantly giving myself up to please others, and then ended up feeling completely unappreciated and resentful - until I learned how to take loving care of ...
Views: 2463 - *Marriage: Self-Care and Remembering the Good Stuff - by Submitted on Dec 04, 2007 from Margaret PaulAre you finding yourself irritated with your spouse lately? Are you having problems remembering why you love this person - or why you even got married in the first place? You are not alone! Ramona consulted with me because this is exactly what was happening in her marriage. "When Randy and I ...
Views: 2460(3 votes) - ***Breaking Down or Breaking Open - by Submitted on Jul 27, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Breaking down keeps you stuck, while breaking open allows you to discover the power within yourself. ________________________________________ "Something I didn't want to happen, happens. I feel the resistance build within. I feel the pressure to ...
Views: 2448 - Being a Happy Parent – Part of Good Parenting - by Submitted on Dec 27, 2006 from Margaret PaulWhen you were growing up, did you ever wish that your parents were happy? Did you feel safe when they were happy and peaceful? My mother was rarely a happy person. Most of the time she was anxious, angry and felt overburdened, even though I was her only child. She rarely laughed and was often ...
Views: 2433 - Less Talk, More Action! - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2006 from Margaret PaulIt is time for less talk and more action - loving action. Loving actions are those actions that support our highest good and the highest good of others. Loving actions are those actions that are motivated by love rather than by fear. Many people who have been on a path of personal and ...
Views: 2429 - ***Nothing Has Meaning Without Love and Connection - by Submitted on Apr 14, 2011 from Margaret PaulGretchen is typical of many of the clients that I work with. In our first session she said:I've been depressed on and off throughout my life. Medication helped for a while, but now all it does is make me feel more flat and empty. Life seems to have no meaning for me. Nothing looks beautiful. ...
Views: 2423(1 vote) - Ending Relationships Gracefully - by Submitted on Jan 11, 2005 from Margaret PaulIn my counseling practice, I often hear the question, “How do I end a relationship without hurting someone’s feelings?” Whether it’s a romantic relationship or a friendship, ending it gracefully is generally a challenge. The problem arises because so many people see it ...
Views: 2422(1 vote) - Relationships: Prescribing the Symptom - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2007 from Margaret Paul"Sam whines and complains to me a lot, and then expects me to be turned on to him and make love with him. When I don’t want to, he gets angry," said Jackie in our first telephone counseling session. "I have become more and more shut down. I don't want our marriage to end, but if we keep going ...
Views: 2407(1 vote) - ***Can We Run Out Of Love? - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2014 from Margaret PaulIs your experience of love that it is scarce and limited? "Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Love never decreases by being shared. ~Chinese Proverb There seems to be a myth that love is scarce – that ...
Views: 2406 - 5 Actions For Successful Relationships - by Submitted on Nov 10, 2006 from Margaret PaulCouples that have a very good relationship are not just lucky. Successful, loving relationships do not just happen. The couples that have loving relationships are taking specific actions that people in unsuccessful relationships are not taking. ACTION 1 - KINDNESS TO SELF AND OTHER Think for a ...
Views: 2402 - ***A Problem with Today's Parenting - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2011 from Margaret PaulThere was an interesting article in The Atlantic, entitled "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy: Why the obsession with our kids' happiness may be dooming them to unhappy adulthoods. A therapist and mother ...
Views: 2400(2 votes) - ***The Need for Touch - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2011 from Margaret PaulWe are born with the need to touch and be touched, skin-to-skin. If you were not held and touched with love as you were growing up, then this might be a very deep need for you. But even if you were held and touched with love, you still need it today. It is a basic need.But not all touch meets ...
Views: 2399 - ***Caring: For Outcomes or for Joy - by Submitted on Sep 24, 2008 from Margaret PaulMany people have the ability to truly care and receive joy when caring from the heart. Yet even very caring people sometimes find themselves using caring as a form of control. Take a moment right now to think about a situation today in which you were caring - at home, at work, with a friend, ...
Views: 2398 - The Need for Emotional Intimacy - by Submitted on Jul 31, 2007 from Margaret Paul"My husband and I have a great working relationship. He's great to the kids, he's nice to me, he works hard on the house but he isn't very interested in getting to know me for who I really am. Any exploration around personal growth is threatening to him. Sometimes I feel so depressed to think ...
Views: 2398 - Addiction to Perfection - by Submitted on May 03, 2005 from Margaret PaulThe following email was sent to me by Karen, a member of our website: “For no obvious reason this morning, I was feeling anxious and depressed. I looked at it and realized that the false belief creating all this was that I have to be perfect in order for me to allow myself to feel happiness. ...
Views: 2367 - ***Burned by Coffee or Burned by Heartbreak - They Feel the Same - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Science has finally confirmed what anyone who's ever been in love already knows: Heartbreak really does hurt." www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/03/28/burn.heartbreak.same.to.brain/index.html"In a new study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers have found that the same brain ...
Views: 2360 - ***Do You Feel Free? - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2008 from Margaret Paul"...no one ever pushes you toward freedom. You need to take that for yourself." --Joan Erickson, wife of psychologist Erik Erickson, quoted in Joan Anderson's book, A Walk on the Beach. Do you believe that someone has to give you your freedom? Do you believe that you can be free only when you ...
Views: 2326(1 vote) - ***8-Step Guide To Messing Up Your Kids - by Submitted on Mar 31, 2008 from Margaret PaulWe all know that most parents REALLY want to be good parents. But since it is rare for parents to take parenting classes before becoming parents, we inadvertently do lots of things to mess up our kids. This tongue-in-cheek article may help you to see what you are doing! 1. IGNORE THE ...
Views: 2320 - Leaving An Abusive Relationship - by Submitted on Aug 13, 2007 from Margaret PaulJennifer consulted with me regarding her 18-year marriage. "I just don't know what to do. I believe in marriage, and I have tried to believe in my marriage. But Jake's drinking has been getting worse and worse for most of our marriage, and so are his rages. Occasionally he has hit me, and last ...
Views: 2291 - ***Relationships: Do You Have the Same Conflicts Over and Over? - by Submitted on Apr 07, 2011 from Margaret PaulKari and Rudy consulted with me because they kept having conflicts over the same issues over and over - primarily money, chores, and child-rearing. They were nearing the decision to separate, believing that they were incompatible.I asked them to pick one of the issues and they picked a recent ...
Views: 2273 - ***Are You Eating Pink Slime? - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Are you putting 'pink slime' in your body without knowing it? ________________________________________ ABC news did a story about ‘pink slime’—an additive that is in 70% of the meat in super markets. See: ...
Views: 2264 - ***Authenticity, Transparency and Integrity - by Submitted on Apr 23, 2012 from Margaret PaulDo you know how to discern when someone is being transparent and authentic and when they are being duplicitous? We seem to be living in a time when authenticity and transparency are not highly valued. We have only to look at government and many government agencies such as the FDA, politics, ...
Views: 2254 - ***Why Don't You Speak Up For Yourself? - by Submitted on Jul 25, 2011 from Margaret PaulMy counseling clients often complain to me about interactions they had with a partner, friend, parents or co-worker. When I asked the question, "Why didn't you speak up for yourself?" here are the most common answers I receive:"I want to keep the peace.""I don't want to ...
Views: 2249(1 vote) - ***Oneness With God - by Submitted on Jul 06, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Have you ever felt the Grace of oneness with God? There are many things you can do to have this at will. ________________________________________ "Praying without ceasing is not ritualized, nor are there even words. It is a constant state of ...
Views: 2245(2 votes) - ***Following A Child's Lead - by Submitted on May 10, 2008 from Margaret PaulHow long should your child breast-feed? Should your child go to pre-school? Should your child sleep with you or by him or herself? What about home-schooling vs. attending school? Most people who choose to have children want to be good parents, and they have many questions about what would be ...
Views: 2225 - ***Relationships: Why Do You Attack and Blame? - by Submitted on Jan 12, 2009 from Margaret Paul"A woman who I was dating and who I really liked ended our relationship and is dating someone else. I see her all the time at the market and I feel like yelling at her." "I keep vowing not to, but I keep getting really angry at my husband when he is distant." "I lost my temper with my ...
Views: 2206 - ***Do You Come To Your Partner Open And/or Happy? - by Submitted on Jul 27, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Are you aware of what state you are in when you and your partner come together? ________________________________________ On a recent visit with my daughter and her family, she and I were taking a walk and talking about our mutual work. "I read a ...
Views: 2124(1 vote) - ***Why Do People Kill? - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2013 from Margaret PaulWe need to resolve the violence in our society. I'm offering a few ideas regarding the issues we need to research and address. Why? Why are these horrible killings happening? I don't pretend to know the answers, but I do have some ideas that I want to share with you. I ...
Views: 2110(1 vote) - ***What Should My Child Be Eating For Optimal Health? - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2008 from Margaret PaulUnderstanding healthy eating has become a huge challenge in our society. Our ancestors living thousands of years ago did not have this challenge. They ate what grew and what they could catch. Before the advent of agriculture, people ate what was naturally supplied. While I have been studying ...
Views: 2091(2 votes) - ***Life: Security or a Daring Adventure? - by Submitted on Sep 26, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits ...
Views: 2087 - Is The Law Of Attraction Bringing You What You Want? - by Submitted on Jan 07, 2008 from Margaret PaulMany people on a personal and spiritual growth path have read about the law of attraction. Simply stated, this law says that like attracts like, which means, in a general sense, that happiness draws happiness and misery draws misery. The law states that whatever we think about, with strong ...
Views: 2084(1 vote) - ***Is There Such A Thing As Sexual Addiction? - by Submitted on Jun 15, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Is sexual addiction a real thing, or just an excuse for bad behavior? ________________________________________ In a recent article in CNN.com Blogs, ...
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