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Articles from Margaret Meloni | Selfgrowth.com
- ***What are the Five Conflict Resolution Modes? - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2009 from Margaret MeloniAnd which one do you use most often? When you understand how you handle conflict, you can begin to understand when your approach is effective and when it is not. Then you can learn to adapt your behavior and draw from different conflict resolutions styles as-needed. There are five conflict ...
Views: 7157(2 votes) - ***Be Impeccable with Your Word - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret Meloni“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.” Do any of you remember that charming little childhood chant? It was meant to ward off the cruel verbal taunts we received from other children. Sometimes kids can be very harsh with their teasing. Sometimes adults can be very ...
Views: 3353(4 votes) - ***Should YOU AVOID Conflict? - by Submitted on Jan 29, 2010 from Margaret MeloniMost of the times you do not want conflict to go unaddressed. It is your job as a leader to ensure that your team engages in healthy and productive conflict and to make sure that conflict is not ignored. After all desperately hoping that an issue will just go away is a great way to turn a small ...
Views: 3252(7 votes) - ***Choose YOUR Battles - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2010 from Margaret Meloni“Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. “ Jonathan Kozol: On Being a Teacher, 1981 Truthfully I do not know if I completely agree with the above quote, I bring it to you anyway because part of me thinks, ‘well this makes sense, I want to pick battles I can win’; but part ...
Views: 2404(3 votes) - ***Can You Schedule Conflict? - by Submitted on Mar 15, 2010 from Margaret MeloniRecently we have discussed steps to take to when you decide to step in and step up to conflict resolution. In ‘You Decide to Resolve a Conflict’ Part I and Part II one of the underlying assumptions was that you had time to plan your actions and the steps you would take to resolve the ...
Views: 2316(4 votes) - ***5 Tips to Keep the Peace this Holiday Season - by Submitted on Nov 30, 2010 from Margaret MeloniDid you blink? Here it is again, another holiday season! Do you love this time of year or do you dread it? Perhaps your feelings are a bit mixed. Your holiday experience can be really upsetting, tiring and stressful OR your holiday season can truly be one of peace and joy. The choice is up to ...
Views: 2237(1 vote) - ***Don’t Give in Without a Fight - by Submitted on Apr 16, 2010 from Margaret MeloniSometimes conflict cannot be avoided and that is not a bad thing. When you and your team or you and a colleague resolve a conflict together, you build a better working relationship. When I say to you, ‘Don’t give in without a fight’; I don’t mean go have an ugly nasty altercation. I mean don’t ...
Views: 2233(5 votes) - When to Be Aggressive - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2010 from Margaret MeloniIs an aggressive communication style always bad? Sometimes it appears that much of the information about aggressive styles or dominant personalities is presented using fairly negative words. Or is it that I interpret these words as negative? Here is a list, what do you ...
Views: 2195 - It's OK to Change Your Mind - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2011 from Margaret MeloniJarrod listened to what the team had to say and then he reached a decision. He was very comfortable making decisions and most of his decisions played out well for him and for his team. His decision making style typically involved soliciting input from his most trusted team members and then using ...
Views: 2119 - Dwelling on Decisions - by Submitted on Oct 16, 2011 from Margaret Meloni“We can’t retract the decisions we’ve made, we can only affect the decisions we’re going to make from here.” As said by actor Jamie Foxx in the movie, Law Abiding Citizen. As you have been reading in ‘Turning Point’; decisions have been the recent theme of our discussions and time together. ...
Views: 2079(3 votes) - ***3 Ways Your EQ Resolves Conflict - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2010 from Margaret MeloniYour Emotional Intelligence can help make or break you. After all your Emotional Intelligence or EQ is your ability to handle yourself and others. It is all about your ability to get along with others and build relationships. In today’s world it is not enough to be good at the technical aspects ...
Views: 1988(2 votes) - ***Stop the Shoulding! - by Submitted on Jan 21, 2010 from Margaret MeloniThe women next to me in line said to her friend, "I am so tired of people telling me what I should do. I just want to yell, STOP SHOULDING ON ME!" I could not help but smile a bit. Not at her annoyance and frustration, but at the phrase, 'stop shoulding on me.' I thought, "What a great ...
Views: 1963(5 votes) - Narrow YOUR Focus, Increase YOUR Impact - by Submitted on Apr 19, 2011 from Margaret MeloniI do not know about you, but every once in a while when I think about all of the different causes I could join I start feeling overwhelmed. We have so much to do for our planet, our creatures and our people. Where do I start? Where do I place my focus? How can I make a difference? Then I ...
Views: 1892 - Causing a Scene - by Submitted on Jun 18, 2012 from Margaret MeloniScene 1, Take 1 In this movie version of 'The Life of a Team Member' (working title); the camera pans slowly across what appears to be a corporate office. We see workers dressed in business casual walking the hallways, coming in and out of conference rooms and sitting in cubicles. Two team ...
Views: 1827(1 vote) - Be Yourself - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2012 from Margaret Meloni"Do I have to be an extravert to be a good leader?" "Do I have to be able to walk up to strangers and strike up conversations to be a successful leader?" My answer to both of the above: no and no! I receive both of the above (or similar) questions all the time. For some reason people who ...
Views: 1815(1 vote) - ***Conflict and You - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniDo you and the people you work with share the exact same beliefs, perspectives, priorities and goals? Probably not. Hmmm, I guess that means you are going to experience conflict. Conflict is a condition in which people’s concerns appear to be incompatible. In fact since you and your co-workers ...
Views: 1803(6 votes) - ***You are Doing Your Best - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniIf you follow sports you have noticed that top athletes do not always perform consistently. A world class runner may break a world record in one competition and then not even place in the same event one week later. A champion weight lifter might break a record and then be unable to lift that ...
Views: 1775(5 votes) - ***Can't We All Just Get Along - by Submitted on Feb 16, 2010 from Margaret MeloniNo, we cannot all get along all of the time. It is unrealistic to think that all team members will absolutely agree with you or with each other all of the time. If every time you are together, there is never any disagreement, look out - you have problems. Sure, maybe the first time you meet you ...
Views: 1756(4 votes) - ***The Big Cover Up - by Submitted on Nov 15, 2010 from Margaret MeloniAll of a sudden Sam had that ‘I think I forgot something feeling’, the feeling that makes some of us feel just a little bit sick to our stomachs or perhaps brings on a cold sweat. Then he realized what it was, he had completely forgotten to tell his project steering committee about the change ...
Views: 1674(3 votes) - ***Collaborating Over Conflict - by Submitted on Feb 12, 2010 from Margaret MeloniMary Carol had a difficult decision to make. Her team had an important and risky system upgrade to complete. The upgrade definitely needed to occur over a weekend. The schedule was tight and many of the team members felt that the upgrade should occur over an upcoming holiday weekend. This would ...
Views: 1672(2 votes) - ***The Face of Conflict - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniOne of the more common definitions of conflict is that it is a clash between two (or more) opposing groups or that it is a power struggle or a battle between opposing forces. When you think of conflict, you may think of it as a negative (think power struggle or battle) or you may think that ...
Views: 1662(9 votes) - The Art of No - by Submitted on Jun 04, 2012 from Margaret Meloni“The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.” – Tony Blair No is not always negative. It is not a bad or incorrect response. Saying no does not make you a difficult or uncooperative person. Read that again, out loud. Saying no is more honest than a false ...
Views: 1642 - ***New Ideas - by Submitted on Jun 03, 2010 from Margaret Meloni“There is no squabbling so violent as that between people who accepted an idea yesterday and those who will accept the same idea tomorrow… “ CHRISTOPHER MORLEY Wow now isn’t that the truth? Here is another excellent opportunity to sharpen your conflict resolution skills. Some of you ...
Views: 1635(2 votes) - ***How a Cup of Coffee Can Ruin Your Day - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniDanielle left the house with just five minutes to spare. It would have been better if she had left ten or fifteen minutes early because she wanted to stop and buy a cup of coffee. She decided that she could probably get in and out of the coffee house within seven minutes and that being just two ...
Views: 1631(3 votes) - ***3 Ways to Deal with Differences - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2010 from Margaret Meloni"There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration. By domination only one side gets what it wants; by compromise neither side gets what it wants; by integration we find a way by which both sides may get what they wish..." Mary Parker Follett The ...
Views: 1617(2 votes) - Bad Company - by Submitted on May 29, 2012 from Margaret Meloni“It is better to be alone than in bad company.” - George Washington Other people do form opinions about you based on your group associations. This is also why good employees leave bad teams. They simply do not want to be associated with a group that has a bad reputation. They rarely hang ...
Views: 1605 - ***Building Your Conflict Resolution Skills? Consider these tips. - by Submitted on Jan 06, 2010 from Margaret MeloniFor many of us becoming comfortable with conflict is part of our continued personal development. Here are three tips for you to work with as you continue to make peace with conflict. 1) Take time to learn and understand the various conflict resolution modes. What are the conflict resolution ...
Views: 1582(1 vote) - ***Are YOU Playing to YOUR Strengths? - by Submitted on Jul 28, 2010 from Margaret Meloni“Oh no, here we go again” thought Joe as his Quality Assurance Analyst Heidi approached him with his memo, complete with typos circled in red ink. He was not really annoyed by Heidi, she was just doing what she does; he mainly felt embarrassed. After all as the leader shouldn’t all of his work ...
Views: 1561(1 vote) - ***Pick Up the Sword? - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2010 from Margaret MeloniThat’s it YOU have had it. You are tired of dealing with that person. THEY are always doing things on purpose to make you look bad. THEY are always doing things on purpose to get on YOUR nerves. Well it is time to do something, so YOU are going on the attack. Going on the attack can mean ...
Views: 1537(1 vote) - ***Make YOUR OWN Paradise - by Submitted on Feb 02, 2010 from Margaret MeloniMy husband turned to me and said, "Everyone here is so nice and so relaxed and so happy". I thought about it for a minute and replied, "Well if you can't be happy here, where can YOU be happy?" The HERE in "Well if you can't be happy here..." was one of the most beautiful tropical islands in ...
Views: 1527(1 vote) - ***The Little Things DO Count - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2010 from Margaret Meloni“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” - Leo Buscaglia Have you ever started to pay someone a compliment or to say something nice to ...
Views: 1497 - Be Skeptical - by Submitted on Feb 21, 2011 from Margaret MeloniBe skeptical but learn to listen. This seems like an interesting agreement to use in navigating today’s world. By agreement I mean a treaty or contract that you have made with yourself. I can’t take credit for this idea; it comes from ‘The Fifth Agreement’ by Don Miguel Ruiz and his son Don Jose ...
Views: 1488 - ***Next Time YOU Make a Mistake - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniMost of you are your own worst critic. So when you make a mistake you are much harder on yourself than you would be on anyone else. It is completely normal to be disappointed with yourself, but the longer you beat yourself up the longer it takes for you to regain your confidence. If you ...
Views: 1478(2 votes) - ***Things to Do Today: Ask for Help - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2010 from Margaret Meloni“Go ahead and tell me the steps you will take to complete this assignment.” This is the question that none of my early supervisors ever asked me on the job. And boy was I relieved that they never asked this question. Why? Because I had no clue! When I was new on the job I was afraid to ask ...
Views: 1474(1 vote) - Don’t Be a Jerk to a Jerk - by Submitted on Apr 07, 2011 from Margaret MeloniSometimes you find yourself working with someone and no matter how kind and compassionate you try to be, you still think they are a jerk. Maybe they yell all the time or they are condescending or a back stabber. It might be tempting to yell at them more loudly than they yelled at you or to ...
Views: 1472(1 vote) - Likeability - by Submitted on May 24, 2011 from Margaret MeloniLikeability – That which makes someone likeable or easy to like, easy to be with, considered pleasant to be around. Now a good search on the word ‘likeability’ will show you that this is not a new term nor is it something I have made up. You will find all kinds of materials about ...
Views: 1472 - ***You Decide to Resolve a Conflict, Now What? - by Submitted on Mar 05, 2010 from Margaret MeloniYou have observed a conflict between some of your team members and you realize you are the right person to help them reach a resolution. How do you KNOW this? You have carefully considered the situation, perhaps using “Can You SHOULD You Help Resolve the Conflicts Around You?” as your ...
Views: 1466(5 votes) - ***Thinking Alike or Not Thinking? - by Submitted on Aug 20, 2010 from Margaret MeloniIt sure is easy when everyone agrees with you and tells you what you want to hear. But sometimes what we want to hear is not what we NEED to hear. This is when you need a dose of conflict or opposition or a contrarian. Unless you and all of your ideas are absolutely perfect 100% of the time, ...
Views: 1448 - ***YOU are a Role Model - by Submitted on Apr 30, 2010 from Margaret Meloni“To observe people in conflict is a necessary part of a child's education. It helps him to understand and accept his own occasional hostilities and to realize that differing opinions need not imply an absence of love.” … Milton R Sapirstein When children can see others disagree and disagree ...
Views: 1441(4 votes) - ***All that People Stuff - by Submitted on Apr 06, 2010 from Margaret Meloni“I am too busy doing the work to worry about all that people stuff”, said one of my students. “I am busy managing the project and updating the schedule and budget and making sure people don’t miss their deadlines, you know – doing the real work”, he continued. I wish I could tell you this was ...
Views: 1438(6 votes) - ***Conflict Takes Courage - by Submitted on Mar 24, 2010 from Margaret MeloniLast year there was an unfortunate incident at a military base in the United States. I am talking about Fort Hood. An individual started shooting people. Within hearing range of the shooting a graduation ceremony was taking place. Attending the graduation were medics and other trained personnel. ...
Views: 1423(2 votes) - Please, Make a Decision - by Submitted on Aug 30, 2011 from Margaret MeloniOver lunch, Jacob and Marilyn discussed some of the frustrations they were experiencing on one of their current projects. Jacob was a business analyst on the project and Marilyn was the subject matter expert. Jacob turned to Marilyn and said to her, “If you could say just one thing to Tom our ...
Views: 1405(1 vote) - Avoid Communications Chaos - by Submitted on Jun 26, 2011 from Margaret MeloniWe have so many different ways to communicate with one another. We can pick up the phone and call using either a land line or a cell phone; we can send an email or a text using our computers or our various handheld devices and we can ‘tweet’ and ‘friend’ and make all kinds of connections AND we ...
Views: 1398 - ***Changing Your Mind - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2010 from Margaret Meloni“Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.” - John Kenneth Galbraith Have you ever watched someone put enormous time and energy into proving why they were right? I am talking about the kind of person ...
Views: 1396(1 vote) - ***Be Honest about YOUR Boundaries - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniIs this you? You start working for somebody new and you want to make a good impression. Maybe you start carrying your BlackBerry with you everywhere and you answer them all night and all weekend. Every time they send you something, you answer them whether or not you are on call. As time goes ...
Views: 1395(3 votes) - ***It Starts with YOUR Attention - by Submitted on Sep 07, 2010 from Margaret MeloniThe act of compassion begins with full attention, just as rapport does. You have to really see the person. If you see the person, then naturally, empathy arises. If you tune into the other person, you feel with them. If empathy arises and if that person is in dire need, then empathic concern can ...
Views: 1393(1 vote) - ***Fight Fair, Here’s How - by Submitted on Mar 30, 2010 from Margaret MeloniThe time has come. You have a conflict and it cannot and must not be avoided. Not everyone agrees on the solution and arriving at an approach that moves you and the team forward is absolutely necessary. Now what? This really does not need to be a big deal. But you do want to set the stage for ...
Views: 1387(5 votes) - ***Don’t Assume a Thing - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniIn one of the first classes I taught, I had a student who was always scowling at me. It would have been really hard to miss that scowl. He sat in the front row and it was a small class in a small room. He was friendly enough when he entered the class room and when he left for the evening. ...
Views: 1383(6 votes) - ***Can YOU, SHOULD YOU, help resolve the conflicts around you? - by Submitted on Feb 23, 2010 from Margaret MeloniMaybe you've mastered conflict resolution and you like to help others. Maybe you are the one that others come to for help when they have a conflict or you work in an environment where conflict occurs regularly. But somehow you find yourself stepping in and helping to resolve the conflicts around ...
Views: 1381(5 votes) - Conflicted Priorities Equal Conflicted Behavior - by Submitted on May 14, 2012 from Margaret MeloniIt was 4:45pm and the requirements review meeting had already gone fifteen minutes beyond the scheduled end time. Joe was becoming agitated. He needed to get out the door at 5:00 pm exactly in order to pick up his daughter from soccer practice. The meeting was not showing any signs of wrapping ...
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