You Will See Results Pursuing Your Core Desire

When trying to discern your Core Desires, pay close attention to the responses and emotions elicited by the Search Question. You could overlook a key phrase, comment, or feeling if you are not careful. Emotions are not always easy to sense or detect.

Often people will answer the question flippantly, or without focus. Often I will hear a goal they have had for many years, and when I tell them it is not a 100 on the scale, they say things like "Okay, you want to know what I really want?" Then they say what is really in their heart and get right to the Core Desire. Sometimes they joke about a Core Desire- don't let this fool you. Oftentimes people joke about the things that are most important to them, because to get serious about it is quite painful. They joke around to hide the hurt.

Wheelchair Quarterback
A man in his early thirties was sitting in a wheelchair in the middle of the center aisle. He raised his hand and said, "I don't want to ruin your seminar or anything, but what you are teaching is a lie-at least it is for me. You say that if I discover my Core Desires and pursue them, 1 will eventually achieve them, right?"

"Yes," I said. "Well, it won't work," he said, "at least not for me."

I knelt down beside him and asked, "What would you like to have, that is a one hundred on your Core Desire Scale? What aren't you getting right now in your life?"

With conviction he said, "I want to play pro football." Many in the audience thought this desire was a 100. I did not, so I asked him why he liked football. He told us that in high school he was an exceptional quarterback and broke local records. He was important, valuable, and popular. Many girls wanted to date him, and he was offered several scholarships by major universities. He went on to become one of the best quarterbacks in the history of that school, setting several records. The pros had scouted him, and he was expected to go high in the draft.

Then tragedy struck-he was involved in a major automobile accident, breaking his back and paralyzing him from the waist down. That was the end of his football career. Still, he enjoyed football vicariously-he went to many games and watched all the games he could on TV. He knew the names,numbers, and statistics of all the major players.

As he was talking about his football experience, I paid close attention to his emotions. When he mentioned feeling important and being popular, I recognized that these were the real highlights of his football experience. I asked him, "What if I could help you feel as valuable, important, and popular as you felt when you played football?"

When he looked at me, I could easily tell that I had reached his heart, where all the genuine desire was. He dropped his head down, covered his eyes, and began to sob. "If you could do that for me, I would be eternally grateful," he said quietly.

His real Core Desire wasn't to play football. It was to have all the wonderful feelings that playing football had provided him. Since I had experienced all those feelings without playing football, I knew that it was possible.

In deciding whether something is a true Core Desire, pay attention to the words you use to describe it. If you use words like probably, likely, maybe, possibly, perhaps, or I think, what you're describing is not a Core Desire. Phrases like I think, I should, I ought to, I need, and could be, clearly indicate that what you're mulling over isn't a Core Desire. If you are reluctant to investigate what it will take to achieve your "want," it is not a Core Desire. If you feel that it is too much work, it isn't a Core Desire.

Procrastination comes from not wanting to do something or not knowing how to make it happen given your circumstances. Sometimes it is too painful to keep looking at what you really want but believe you can't ever have, so you never look at it. This doesn't make the feelings go away, it just pushes them deeper down into your heart. Your feelings get buried but still exhibit a measure of influence on your actions-and certainly limit your happiness.

Many people suffer anguish because they know what their Core Desires are, but they don't know how to get them. They just keep on doing things that don't work. They look for solutions somewhere "out there" rather than within their hearts. If you think that something outside you is the cause of your problems, you will look outside yourself for the answers.

Others think they know what they want but often find they are wrong. They work hard to get what they think they want, but they fail. And then they try again and again. Or they do all that work and spend all that energy and money to pursue what they think is a Core Desire, but when they obtain it, they still feel empty.

Marybeth
Marybeth came to me for advice regarding a specific personality trait that was creating serious marital problems. She knew she needed to change it. She had sought the advice of marital counselors, and each told her to read a specific book. When she came to me, I also recommended a specific book with insights regarding her problem. Marybeth dutifully bought all the recommended reading and placed the books on her nightstand-but she never read them.

Around this same time, Marybeth discovered she was pregnant with her first baby. She was so anxious, she couldn't wait-she wanted to be the best mother possible. So she bought several books about babies and parenting, read them all, and prepared for the day when her precious baby would make its debut into this world.

What was the difference between the two stacks of books? The first set fell under the category of "I should, I ought, or I need to change." These dutiful attitudes produced more guilt than action. The other stack represented something really exciting to Marybeth; she could hardly wait to read them. She even interviewed several parents to learn how they raised their children. This interest easily ranked 100 on the Core Desire Scale.

Excitedly and anxiously conducting an investigation and steeping yourself in knowledge is highly indicative of a Core Desire. Like a sleeping volcano, it certainly hasn't blown sky-high as yet, but the early warning rumbles are there if you know how and where to listen.

The stack of books about motherhood and babies were read thoroughly by Marybeth. Her desire to change her personality trait ranked much lower on her Core Desire Scale. It was powerful enough to ask experts for help and to invest money, but not enough to find the answers being sought-and work toward achieving them no matter what. That goal will never happen until it becomes a 100 on the scale. Her heart just isn't in it.

When we are pushed into doing something, we resist. But when it is a Core Desire, no pushing is necessary, and no resistance occurs. No one likes to be pushed into something they don't want to do.

Nike's famous motto "Just Do It" sounds great, but you will only "do it" if you want to do it. The willpower required to finish a task only exists if there is a Core Desire behind it. When a Core Desire is propelling you, your willpower is automatic-and success is assured.

YOU WILL SEE RESULTS
You can always tell when people are working toward a Core Desire by the results they achieve. When they are working on a Core Desire, they are enjoying themselves and are determined not to quit until they achieve their heart's desire. They are learning and doing the things they need to do to get what they want, even though they may get hurt, injured, or discouraged.

For example, two of my daughters love to snowboard. When they first hit the slopes, they fall down a lot. The next day they are so sore they can hardly walk, but they can't wait to go again. A dear friend of mine, a professional skier, damaged his knee severely. After having six pins put in his knee, having a cast on his leg from hip to ankle, he asked the doctor how long it would be before he could go skiing again. "Not this season," he was told. But my friend was up skiing-in his cast-in just six weeks! Even pain won't stop you when it's a Core Desire. It may slow you down, but it won't stop you.

When Henry Ford was asked what contributed most to his success, he said, "I keep my mind so busy thinking about what I want to accomplish that there's no room in it for thinking about the things I don't want." It's critical that you focus your time and energies only on the things you really, truly want-only on your Core Desires. It's quite easy to stay focused once you identify them, in spite of
all the problems and hurdles in your path.

In the absence of a Core Desire, a nasty monster called Negative Labels lurks. When you fail at something, you tend to give yourself negative labels, such as "I don't have what it takes," 'Tm not smart enough," 'Tm too shy," or "I guess I didn't want it badly enough. It must not be a Core Desire."

You are smart enough to learn whatever you want to learn. It's not a matter of can you learn what it takes, it's a matter of do you want to learn it. When you want something enough, you will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to get it.

Once you know what your Core Desires are, you will automatically work toward them because they become priorities. Core Desires are things you are always trying to do, and when you are pursuing the things you love in all areas of life, you will find the secret of peak achievement, balance, and happiness in life. Suddenly, astonishing sources of energy become available when you are pursuing your Core Desires.

Listening to your head while trying to determine your Core Desires will lead you off course. Your head usually makes decisions based on facts and data gathered from your own or others' personal experiences. Your mind can learn anything you want it to. The operative word is want. It can help you solve problems so you can achieve the desired end result. It can help you acquire traits, attitudes, and abilities you didn't have before.

To identify your Core Desires, pay close attention to your emotional reactions-they come from your heart. You must have the proper heart-set-not mind-set-to achieve your Core Desires. With practice, you'll develop the ability to evaluate whether what you are considering is a genuine Core Desire and whether you'll be willing to put forth the effort to achieve it. Learn to focus on your Core Desires so you don't waste time and money on other things.

Having a life in which everything you do is driven by Core Desires-things you love to do or to be-is the most satisfying and fulfilling way to live. When you embark on the journey to identify your Core Desires, you will open up a whole new way of living-a life where everything you ever wanted will be available to you or you will be on the path toward it-and loving it.