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Articles by Dr. Anne Brown

Browse published articles attributed to Dr. Anne Brown, with full-archive search.

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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

How to Get the Best Out of Your 12-Step Meeting!

Attending a support group can be a very positive part of your recovery plan, as long as you understand what is healthy and what is dysfunctional. Let’s look at a few qualities of support groups and what happens when things get out of balance… Similarities vs Enmeshmentr When I join a support group and find others who share similar conce s, I have an immediate way of connecting. Why is this a good thing? 1. I don’t feel alone. 2. I don’t feel so awkward/strange. 3. I have others who have a similar body of knowledge about our concern. 4. I feel comfortable.r

Primary topic: Psychology

2,412 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Why is Giving Up People Pleasing So Difficult?

This question fascinates me because I have observed over many years many jou eys where people struggle with this task (myself included.) Let’s take a look at some of my speculations and see what your thoughts might be on why this is so challenging. Our History and Teachingsr For women, it is easy to look back at the history we are and see that we have had to work hard for our rights. We have been considered an extension of our marital partners, the gender to be educated last in some cultures, the gender to serve, the gender to be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen for starters.

Primary topic: Psychology

2,090 views4.5/5 (2)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Anne Brown: Backbone Power The Science of Saying No | Books on Integrity |Books on Making Decisions |Books on decision making |Books on Codependency. Kindle Edition

A No Nonsense approach to Making Decisions. A Self Help Guide to having Backbone and Integrity in all your choices, short term and long term. Is this decision going to be good for Me? To help Me be successful? How do I make the right choices? What are the effects and the outcomes. Ask yourself, Who am I really making these choices for?

Primary topic: Psychology

2,125 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

The Female Bully and the Codependent: “A Smelly Turd in a Pretty Package”

Physical/aggressive bullying is easy to identify. We can all see the broken bones, blood, and bruises. This type of bullying is most often chosen by men.

Primary topic: Psychology

2,107 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Healing From Betrayal

Let’s look at the definition of betrayal so we can understand why it hurts so much. Webster’s definition: To hurt (someone who trusts you, such as a friend or relative) by not giving help or by doing something morally wrong. “The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.” ~Unknown

Primary topic: Psychology

2,087 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

How Saying NO, Having a Backbone, and Being Your Authentic Self Can Help You Become Successful?

Is this decision going to be good for Me? To help Me be successful? How do I make the right choices? What are the effects and the outcomes. Ask yourself, Who am I really making these choices for?

Primary topic: Psychology

2,043 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

The Female Bully and the Codependent Part II: “A Smelly Turd in a Pretty Package”

In Part One, we discussed some characteristics of the serial female family bully, the way she bullies, her targets and her end game. We looked at some interesting characteristics also seen with the codependent; poor self-esteem and inability to speak her truth or express her anger. In Part Two we are going to give you lots of examples, so you can identify if you are bullying or being bullied. The Setupr The female family serial bully (FSB) may try to set people up against her victim. This can be accomplished in many ways.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,983 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

6 Things I Wish I Knew Then That I Know Now After My Divorce (by: Dr. Anne Brown PhD, RN) | DivorceForce

We always hear people say, "I wish I knew then what I know now," so here is some help if you are navigating a divorce now ... 1.Believe in Yourself!

Primary topic: Psychology

1,915 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Codependency

A No Nonsense approach to Making Decisions. A Self Help Guide to having Backbone and Integrity in all your choices, short term and long term. Is this decision going to be good for Me? To help Me be successful? How do I make the right choices? What are the effects and the outcomes. Ask yourself, Who am I really making these choices for?

Primary topic: Psychology

1,885 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Common Sense Ways to Stay Friends With a Victim

Are you frustrated with someone you care about who appears to be the victim of a perpetrator? Do you find yourself getting angry for this person? We all have examples of these situations and we often struggle with what to say, how much time to spend with the victim, and how to continue being their friend. Some common examples of these situations might be: Your best friend keeps bailing out his/her partner from the consequences of his/her addiction. Your parents keep giving money to your clearly addicted sibling.r

Primary topic: Psychology

1,873 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Narcissistic Abuse | Betrayal | Divorce | Codependency | People Pleasing | Authenticity | Backbone

Have you been a victim or do you know someone who's a victim of Narcissistic Abuse and Betrayal? Are you getting a Divorce? Do you want to learn more about Codependency and People Pleasing? Learn why havingAuthenticity and Backbone will help you. Be among the first to see my newest blog posts, updates, and more! Subscribe now and get a free sneak-preview of my book. Click here www.backbonepower.com/newsletter-signup

Primary topic: Psychology

1,871 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Is it Love or Codependency?

How do I know if I am acting codependent or loving? This is an excellent question and often confusing for many for different reasons. Let’s look at the definitions of codependent and loving and see what we find. Love: An intense feeling of deep affection. For the purpose of this article, we will include some distinctions of love: Truth Strong Energizingr Codependency: Codependency for the purpose of this discussion is a recognizable system of learned personality traits that negatively affect knowing one’s self and others.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,856 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Backbone Power | Newsletter Sign Up

SUBSCRIBE TO GET THE LATEST BLOG POSTS, NEWS, & MORE UPDATES FROM DR. ANNE BROWN. http://backbonepower.com/newsletter-signup Dr. Anne Brown, PhD, of Sausalito, Califo ia, formerly from Aspen, Colorado in her private practice has served as the trusted advocate and advisor to Influential Corporate leaders, Trial Atto eys, Athletes, Leaders, Physicians and their families, many whose connections extend well beyond the town of Aspen.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,801 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Bullying and The Codependent Part IV: “The Smelly Turd in the Pretty Package”

I assess bullying as a form of abuse. Our first child abuse laws had many starts and stops; they did not really gain traction until the 1970’s. These laws addressed physical and sexual abuse, not emotional abuse. Church and State enabled abuse and the paradigm that women and children were property of man and he could do as he wanted with his property. We do know female bullying in the workplace is on the rise. It is highly likely these same women are using their bullying tactics in other areas such as in their social situations and families. Healing From Emotional Bullying

Primary topic: Psychology

1,796 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Bullying and the Codependent Part III: “The Smelly Turd in the Pretty Package”

Even though it is interesting to note that recent reports state female workplace bullying is on the increase, causing more people to say they would rather work for a man, we are going to stay focused on the female family serial bully. I believe bullies know they are bullying. I believe you don’t wake up one morning as a competent bully. I think you learn bullying over time and by attending “mean girl school.” (I am not sure what “mean girl school” means, but I imagine it is a combination of watching other bullies, having been bullied and deciding to retaliate by bullying others.)

Primary topic: Psychology

1,716 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

6 Tools for Resiliency in Recovery

Resiliency and Recovery have a nice ring. The two R’s! Having a backbone makes this process a lot easier. Resiliency is having the ability to adapt in the face of adversity. The more you know yourself, the greater your self-awareness, and the greater your backbone, the greater your chance for success in your recovery.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,702 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

What Our Athletes Can Teach Us About Recovery!

This summer in particular, we had some pretty spectacular athletic competitions in England, France, and more recently, Rio. Whether you follow cycling, tennis or any of the competitions that took place in Rio, it is hard not to be inspired and learn from some of the stories. Stories and Goalsr First, all athletes come with a story. If we spend any time reading about and/or watching the athletic events we have been blessed with this summer, we begin to become a part of these people’s lives.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,662 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

DRAMA

“Being honest may not get you a lot of friends and it will get you the right ones.” We all have been there! Maybe you had a friend or you know someone now who is in a big DRAMA! The situation keeps getting worse and you can’t believe the stories… affairs, lying, addictions, bills not paid, bullying and on and on. I am not referring to illness, accidents, natural disasters; I am referring to things that can happen to us when we don’t have a Backbone.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,644 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor. ~Henry David Thoreau

Keep making those Requestsr Making requests may seem like such a simple thing. Of course I do that you say to yourself. Check again it can be the root of many negative emotions especially resentment.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,644 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Strong Leaders need Strong Minds!

(We all need Strong Minds!) "Unless you try to do something beyond what you have mastered you will never grow." Ralph Waldo Emerson The most important asset one can have is a strong mind. Forget all the material things many think are so important and would be lost without; a strong mind is really what we all need in life.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,595 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

My Spouse has Borderline Personality Disorder! by Anne Brown, Author Backbone Power

When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BP), whether it’s a sudden realization or a long-known fact, it can be challenging. Those in relationships with BP individuals may be subject to unique forms of manipulation or toxicity. Recognizing these habits of the BP is the first step to liberation. I will address different toxic tools here so you can pick from both articles the toxicity that you are experiencing. You may not have all of them and I may not address all of the ones you are experiencing. I also am addressing emotionally leaving the damage of the BP.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,569 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Codependency and Narcissists: What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (Part I)

For this discussion, we are going to stick with our understanding of codependency as a system of distortions that exists on a continuum. Codependents learn personality traits that interfere with knowing one’s self and others. The people-pleasing aspect of codependency might drive the ignoring of who we are trying to please. The focus of wanting approval may keep us from acknowledging abusive behaviors coming from the very person whose approval we seek. The need for harmony might prevent us from realizing we are enabling abusive behavior. Or any combination of the above.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,565 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Divorce Support: A Curse or a Blessing? (by: Dr. Anne Brown, PhD, RN)

It really is up to you every day whether you see divorce support as a curse or a blessing! Whether you are the giver or the receiver, I recommend you reframe it as a blessing. Is this easy? Of course not! However, if you actually go through the trauma of getting divorced and you stay married through your anger that seems pretty self-destructive! Remember, "Letting someone live rent free in your head" has bigger costs than a monthly check.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,563 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

5 Ways to Avoid Court at all Costs! (by: Anne Brown PhD, RN)

Divorce can be ugly. Courts can make it uglier. I think we are all in agreement "settle out of court". How can a couple do that when they are fighting to the extent they are filing for divorce? You are probably going to get tired of hearing me say first always "Fight for your Marriage."

Primary topic: Psychology

1,559 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Strong Minds Accept No Graciously

"What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do." Tim Ferriss How did we become a society that cannot hear the word No? Why are we so sensitive to being told No? There is yes and there is No, there is night and day, dark and light, yin and yang, and on and on. So to be balanced and have strong minds we need to accept No in the same way we accept yes.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,557 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

The Insidious Killer in Recovery! | Dr. Anne Brown | Recovery.org

Living without a backbone sets you up for severe consequences in the domains of health, finances, career, friendships, romance, recovery and your dignity for starters. What does this mean? How can this be? It means you don’t know how to advocate for yourself and even worse you have insidious rationalizations on why you shouldn’t stand up for yourself. It can “be” for many reasons, but for openers because of dysfunction or perceived dysfunction in your family of origin. Enter chemical dependency and your recovery and we have a huge mess.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,547 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Sex and Codependents: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

So many women I interviewed when writing my book reported saying yes to sex just to get the sex over with and have the person go away. Others reported saying yes to sex to have the person like them. Others reported gaining weight so they wouldn’t have to say no to dating and sex. Many reported losing weight, feeling attractive, and wanting to put the weight back on so they wouldn’t have to deal with the dating and sex game. Others reported being raped because when they said no, it wasn’t respected.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,536 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Codependency and #MeToo: A New Way Forward

Recapr

Primary topic: Psychology

1,533 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Codependency and #MeToo: A Brief History of Abuse

Our Historyr When we look at the history of women as it relates to men, we see that it has only been in the last 100 years that we were given rights. Before we had rights, women and children were the property of men. Men could do with us whatever they pleased, whenever they pleased. This included all forms of abuses: sexual, physical and emotional. Having no rights, we were groomed to be compliant, to obey, to serve, to not speak up, to not have a voice, and generally be an extension of the man. Both church and state enabled and didn’t interfere with this paradigm.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,521 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Robin Williams

"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds." Laurell K Hamilton Mistral's Kiss

Primary topic: Psychology

1,510 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

How to Heal from a Relationship with a Narcissist!

“Sometimes, you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.” In our article about Leaving a Narcissist, I spoke about knowledge being your best weapon. Only with knowledge about what is happening, how it is happening, and how to counter can someone who is brainwashed begin to fight back. Once the person is out, we add to knowledge, “developing a different observer”.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,748 views4/5 (2)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Preparing for Divorce in the Face of Emotional Abuse! (by: Dr. Anne Brown RNCS)

The History

Primary topic: Psychology

1,497 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

5 Signs You Are in an Abusive Marriage (by: Dr. Anne Brown PhD, RN)

Are you controlled or in a partnership? Abusive marriages come in different forms. Most people are quick to think of "physical abuse" but there are definitely other acts of abuse that detriment the wellbeing of individuals at the hands of their domestic partner. 1. Physical Abuse

Primary topic: Psychology

1,488 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Surviving Your Divorce when the Courts are New to Emotional Abuse! (by: Dr. Anne Brown RNCS)

Prepare to Fight

Primary topic: Psychology

1,484 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

How To Heal From A Borderline Spouse

Stay or Leave?r

Primary topic: Psychology

1,481 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Juicy Relationship For Couples: Rules For Creating And Keeping It

I could write on and on about what you can do, should do, must do, and could do. We have all been frustrated with and in our relationships especially regarding a juicy relationship for couples. I had one of my students write me an entire letter the other day on all the ways she hated everything about her husband. It took me two sentences for me to get back to a place of willingness to see what could change. It went from hate, hate, hate to I don’t know what to do.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,476 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

How The Moon Centers Can Turn A Woman's Life Around

Moon Centers. Let’s face it, many women have out-of-control emotions—huge emotional swings that they often blame on PMS, SMS, MPS—whatever! Some people would say it’s easier to just let the emotions rule. Wrong. As a woman, I’m sure that you’d welcome knowing that there are ways other than prescription drugs, to deal with your emotions—how to get them to work for you instead of the other way around—being a slave to them. I’m sure you agree.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,475 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

ABUSE!! And what would you do??

The Grand Jury file on reports filed against Sandusky in the Penn State Sex abuse scandal illustrates some of the most egregious rationalizing (right up there with the Catholic Church's sexual abuse of children) in our country. There are some people involved who attempted to do the right thing and according to the report there are those who simply lied. If you want to educate yourself on minimalizing, rationalizing, doing the right thing, doing the right thing but others sabotaging your report, and not doing the right thing, read the report.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,458 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

How to Leave A Narcissist!

“Stop Asking why they keep doing it and start asking why you keep allowing it.” ~Charles J. Orlando Today we are going to address leaving a narcissist emotionally and physically. Many people feel they cannot leave physically because of logistical conce s (e.g. money, no support system, housing, etc.), so leaving emotionally becomes vitally important. Knowledge is the best weapon you have in this scenario. The Components of Emotional Abuser

Primary topic: Psychology

1,456 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Breaking Up is Hard to Do!!

(A simple way to let go with dignity) "The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." Mother Teresa

Primary topic: Psychology

1,453 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

In America You Are Allowed To Say NO!

"Two things define you; your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything." In my article on March 2, 2014 and chapter two in my book Backbone Power The Science of Saying No, I speak about the importance of being able to say No when you mea No. After listening to Elliot Rodger's horrific video, I see that it is also important for us all to learn how to HEAR/ACCEPT the word No. There is not just one breakdown that led to this tragic shooting and this is one distinction that screams out to me.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,438 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

DivorceForce : Survival Guide

If you have been affected by divorce or separation or are considering ending your marriage you're going to want to tune in to DivorceForce Survival Guide. In each episode, DivorceForce CEO Gregory Frank tackles various aspects of divorce through candid discussions with leading industry experts such as lawyers, financial planners, divorce coaches, and beyond. Whether you need inspiration, information, or just to know that you are not alone, DivorceForce Survival Guide delivers.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,428 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Domestic Abuse

"Never make yourself feel like nothing, to make someone else feel like everything!" Rationalizing has to be prevalent when there is Domestic Abuse because how else could you convince yourself to stay. First you have to recognize that you are being emotionally, physically and or sexually abused.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,427 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Guidelines for Determining a Toxic Relationships

Should I leave my relationship? This question is probably one of the top ten reasons people have come into my practice asking for help. I am a therapist who prefers to work preventatively. I would like someone who is in the market for a relationship to already be in therapy. A good therapist can evaluate your history with intimacy, help you heal your wounds and help you get clear on who might be a good partner for you. A Quick Guide of Gauging Toxicityr

Primary topic: Psychology

1,644 views4/5 (2)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Say No to Killing!

"Whenever one person stands up and says, "Wait a minute, this is wrong," it helps other people do the same." Gloria Steinem

Primary topic: Psychology

1,408 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Reinventing the Concepts of Recovery

Wouldn’t it be great if we could wave our magic wand and no one would relapse? Until we understand more about addictions (and we have work to do there), we will have to tackle relapse in other ways. Let’s look at a couple of possible breakdowns that might lead to relapse and find some ways to avoid the traps. First of all, everyone is different. We can give a general plan and it is up to you (with your team) to make it specific to your vulnerabilities. In working with my clients, here are a couple of key areas I’ve found that need to be addressed: Structurer

Primary topic: Psychology

1,406 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Clearing Old Thoughts

Yesterday I was weeding in my back yard and I had a realization. Weeding the yard is so much easier than weeding out our thoughts. Weeding out unwanted thoughts needs tools. What are your tools for weeding out ineffective thoughts? What about ones that actually take you down? Do you have different tools for each of these? I’m not into perfect tools I’m into effective ones. Are yours effective? I want to share some of my favorite tools. The first one is just to clear your head so you can calm down the chatter or lists, or all the peoples demands. Hands Shakingr

Primary topic: Psychology

1,402 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Say No To The Weight Of Your Past!

" Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." Steve Jobs Someone recently asked me the definition of Codependency, so let's take a look at what we can see to help uncover this complicated phenomenon. The visual I have is someone who is suppose to be driving his own car in the race of life, but he is running around cleaning everyone else's car.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,389 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Are You Ready To Die?

Are you ready to die? Most people aren’t? Yet if we are not willing to be with death it will hunt us down. Last week I had a gigantic dose of people sitting with death. My contractor’s 10-year-old daughter with an inoperable brain tumor on the brain stem. Next a dear friend called with breast cancer, then another dear friends sister found out she had a brain tumor all within less than 24 hours. All sitting with what we are all sitting with only they are doing it consciously. Befriending death.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,370 views5/5 (1)

By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Dos and Don’ts of Visitation From the Therapist! (by: Anne Brown PhD, CS)

"The best security blanket a child can have is parents who respect each other." ~ Jane Bauston Do treat your Children like Gold! Remember you just turned your children's life (and they didn't have a vote) upside down. They now have to decipher new rules, new logistics, probable logistical chaos until their stuff finally gets where it is suppose to be, emotional land mines, and they have just inherited all the things you divorced your "ex" about. Maybe you were able to shield your children from some of the "bad stuff" going on and now they have to figure things out on their own.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,370 views5/5 (1)

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