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Browse published articles attributed to Dr. LeslieBeth (LB) Wish, with full-archive search.
When The Soldier Doesn’t Return: The Needs of American Families of Downed Warriors In Iraq Note: All names have been changed to protect confidentiality. By LeslieBeth Wish, Ed.D, MSS,MA Reprinted with author's permission from www.helpstartshere.org Introduction Sally had been a ...
We tend to give our partners more than second chances—even when they have betrayed, disappointed or hurt us physically or emotionally. It's as though we'll do almost anything to defend against rocking the boat, and being alone or wrong about our love choices.
It’s difficult enough to meet someone who seems like a good love match. But then, over time, things happen between you and your partner that make you wonder: “Is this the right person for me?” It seems as though it should be such an easy question to answer. But once you fall in love, your head and heart can conspire to make you minimize your unhappiness. As the saying goes, love really can make you blind.
I'm sure many of you have wondered why a man didn't call back — or call you at all after you had what you thought was a wonderful conversation. It's very confusing. Doubts swirl through your mind such as: was I too quiet or too opinionated? Did I talk about my ex too much? I wish I had a magic answer or a sure-fire way to know a man's heart. After all, some men like agreeable women, while other men like women who challenge them.
Q: Do I empathize too much? A: Most of us have been taught to feel sorry for people who are less fortunate than we are and to forgive people when they make mistakes. Charity and civilization rely on empathy. Yet, as many of my clients have shown me, there is such a thing as too much empathy. Read these brief scenarios.
Q: Why do I end up with such "basket cases" for partners? A: Basket cases--a great description of someone whose behavior prompts you to give too much of your time and energy to help, calm, or "fix" them. If you are exhausted and exasperated from feeling that you always have to pick up the slack or do damage repair for your partner, you might be trying to help in unproductive ways.
Q: My partner and I recently separated. What's the best way to use this time? A: Instead of going directly to divorce, some couples decide to separate for a while. This approach definitely has its merits. It prevents you from acting hastily about the relationship and gives you a chance to manage loneliness, time, and decisions.
Well, you got through your divorce, settled in to your new life as best you can, and now you are in your first important, post-divorce intimate relationship. You're excited and relieved — yet also wary. You wonder if this new relationship is a go? Your doubts are not unfounded. After all, 67% of second marriages fail and 73% of third marriages fail as well. But, as I mentioned in my first article in this series, these statistics are for lots of women in general and in all different kinds of circumstances that might not apply to you.
First dates are both exhilarating and a bit frightening. And sometimes it's hard to know the difference between these two feelings. No wonder — these emotions arouse virtually the same areas in the brain. Even more confusing, when you feel anxious, you often don't think clearly. California educator Judy Willis discovered that stress prompts the brain's amygdala, which regulates emotions, to function in overdrive.
Here are some thoughts that might surprise you. There is not necessarily a type of person who cheats. Even nice people can be cheaters—and this concept can cloud your ability to see the signs that your partner is a cheater.
Question: Leslie Beth, how would you describe your product or project? Answer: Are you a woman who is often smart about work but not love? Do you flip back and forth between men who are too mild or mean? Do you know how to take off your Man Blinders so you can read men—and never be fooled again?
Q: I think my partner is addicted to porn. What should I do? A: Last week I saw "Avenue Q," the Tony Award-winning Broadway musical that stars humans and puppets. The Trekkie Monster puppet gets repeated laughs when he sings about the purpose of the Internet: "Porn," he belts out. Even without the Internet, pornography is here to stay. In fact, it's probably always been a part of human life. Pornographic graffiti, for example, has graced the walls since ancient times.
Yes, it can happen to you—the date with the man you always wanted. But don't let your enthusiasm compromise your safety. Get smart and take the following precautions ahead of time. How to Protect your Safety on Dates
Q: I love my partner very much, but how do I manage that we are so opposite when it comes to being outgoing and social? A: You've probably heard the expression "opposites attract." But what, exactly does this mean? And is it true? Of course, nothing is true for all couples, but, in general, we have a tendency to choose someone whose personality style adds or complements our own.
There is NOTHING WRONG with choosing these men–but be sure you can trust your intuition to know how to detect the difference between a “take charge” man and a man who wants to take charge of YOU!
Colleges Rejected You? Learn Top Tips of Intuitive Parents and Students—and Get Accepted! Got rejected or wait-listed by your college or grad school? I got rejected in my senior year in high school by all the colleges I applied to! And, later, I got rejected on my first attempts at applying to graduate programs. And guess what? I graduated from prestigious colleges and graduate schools!
Here is the age-old question: Can a man and woman be friends and stay strictly platonic? The answer is “Yo and Nes”—each word, as you can see, is a combination of Yes and No. So, how do you know if your friendship with a person of the opposite sex might cross over into “dangerous territory?” In the movie When Harry Met Sally, Harry declares that men and women can never really be friends because “sex always gets in the way.” In other words, at some point, one or both of them will have a sexual desire for the other. Is that always true?
The suicide of Robin Williams has shaken—and awakened us up. News of his death has made many of us think:
I love traveling. I love it so much that while I am on vacation, I am already planning my next one! But I sure don't like packing. And unpacking is even worse! I must be a slow learner because it took years of making mistakes to learn what to take and what to take it in. You may not use all these tips, but here are the ones that have worked for me and my family and friends. The goals are to look good and feel good — and still be a smart packer. 1. What kind of luggage should I bring?
Making and keeping New Year’s resolutions is challenging—especially when you want to make the best resolutions about dating. Don’t despair. You can make smart resolutions — and use your brain’s ability to undo old habits to keep your resolutions! Let’s start first with smart resolutions that are based on my research about love issues from thousands of people. The next section offers ways to prepare your brain for lasting change.
Perhaps the end of your most recent relationship is a good thing regardless of who did the leaving. But now what's the best next step for you? Every situation has different details, but here are the top things to consider that emerged from my research and work with thousands of women. 1. Don't swear off love for a long time. That decision could start an unhealthy cycle:
The way your partner proposed to you might allow you to see into your future with this person. Good card players can detect “tells”—those unconscious behaviors that give away information about a player’s hand.
Many of us have probably heard the word "mindfulness," but what does it mean? And more importantly, why should I bother? Obviously, I think it's important, otherwise I wouldn't be mentioning it. So, I'll start by attempting a definition. Mindfulness is the conscious process of learning about you by being aware of your physiological and emotional sensations in the moment.
Q: I'm in my thirties and I've been living with my parents ever since I lost my job. How can I convince my parents that I still need a personal life? A: No matter how great the goodies are at your parent's house, you'd probably like to live on your own in your own space. More adult children who have lost their jobs often have no choice but to move back in with mom and dad. Many families underestimate the stress levels and the issues of this new living arrangement.
Are statistics about the odds of women finding love and happiness getting you down? Don't fret — get smart and think about you instead! Virtually all of the women in my study for my books said they had trouble "turning down the background noise" about what statistics and society said about women's chances for happiness in love, life and work. Turning Off these Messages that Can Jam Your Head about Love!
If you have never been in an abusive relationship, it’s easy to think: Why doesn’t the person just get out of it? Well, think of these things: An abuser knows exactly what emotional buttons to push in his or her partner. The abuser is a master of finding that chink in the partner’s sense of self-worth and confidence. An abuser has emotional radar for people who need to please, and who tend to doubt his or her feelings, thoughts, and actions.
One of the common plot lines of romantic comedies involves a relationship that has to change from a best of friends into a romantic couple.
Travel is great medicine for boosting your sex and love life. Don't have the money or time? Don't worry. All you need to do is cut back on a few unnecessary purchases such as that magazine, or comfort food, or that movie that you don't really need - and then find a day and a half to be together. So, let's get started! STEP 1. HOW MUCH TO SPEND, HOW LONG TO GO!
Had rotten parents who abused, neglected, criticized or abandoned you? Or something happened to you later in life such as assault or rape? Or your disappointing love relationships hover overhead like mylar balloons glinting at your failures?
Uh-oh—another study about women's unhappiness at home. The sociologist Arlie Hochschild wrote in her 1997 book, "The Time that Binds," that time at home with spouses and children was more stressful than time at the office. The author described home as a place where couples had on-going tasks about caring for children, the household, finances, and all the emotional ups and downs of family members.
Do you want to be happy in love? If you answered, "Yes", then you need to know the signs of a good relationship. Common sense will tell you to find someone you trust and like. But you can learn a whole more with research-based advice that delves deeper. The first part of this Women's Love Quiz series tested your relationship smarts. In this second part of the quiz, you'll be challenged to spot the signs of a good relationship and see if you really know what it takes to be happy in love!
I am really angry—and sadden by how the media and the National Football League handled the domestic violence incident of Ray Rice against his fiancé, Janay Palmer, who is now his wife. For those of you who don’t know the details, here is a recap.
The New Year seemed to have passed, and the sting of an unhappy, unromantic Valentine's Day is over, too. No wonder you feel sad. No matter how much you fight the influence from what seem like manufactured holidays, it's still hard to beat the blues from breakups and being alone. Best Tips for Beating the Breakup Blues
Yes—you broke up because it wasn't working. Every relationship has unique details about unhappiness. You may still harbor some doubts, but, for now at least, breaking up feels the right thing to do. It wasn't easy—regardless if the relationship was very bad or just not a good match with a person who was good! You may already know that your next steps after you close that door on this relationship are to:
It might surprise you that size may not be the most important factor in choosing your cabin. Location and the amenities that are included in your cabin’s category can be much more important. Here are some tips to help you select the cabin that is best for you.
When Alyssa and Rick returned from their honeymoon in Italy, they were still squabbling. They rented a car in Tuscany because they wanted control of their itinerary. Instead, they ended up losing control of their temper over being lost, low on gas, and parking spaces. They drove to so many towns that they came back exhausted and in need of a vacation!
Yep—soon it will be time for you to get: HOLIDAY SEASONAL STRESS DISORDER. Symptoms of this disorder include:
Oh—so you think that just because you are together with your family that it's a good time to have one of those heart-to-hearts where you grab the opportunity to air your emotional hurts and open wounds. Well, not so fast. It just may not be the best time to settle your grievances. Why It May Not be a Good Idea
Secrets to Hiring Smart: New Ways to Mix Wisdom with New Formats, Questions and Intuition In my career the task of hiring always landed on my desk. There were other “sets of eyes” on the potential employee, but I was often the first or last set of eyes. Over the years, I relied on a unique format and questions, combined with my intuition. There is no magic recipe that will work in every situation, but I’m sharing top tips that have worked.
I've often told my clients that at any moment World War III could break out in your intimate relationship—if you let it. You really do have to pick your battles and your moment, tone, words, and emotional intensity. Here are some key ideas from Part 1. Quick Review: Managing relationship disappointments, setbacks and hurt require skills in: Keeping a perspective on what to let go and what to talk about (No knit-picking) Maintaining a positive emotional management and style (No criticism)
It’s very scary to think you found Your Soul Mate, but you found instead Your Love Nightmare. What went wrong? Getting smart about dating, mating, and relating relies, in part, on maintaining your ability to turn on your awareness lights about your observations of you and others. You are most likely doing this already. For example, when you meet a new person, you are making assessments about them. You think: Is this person kind, secure, honest or smart? Prehistoric humans had to rely on these skills because their survival depended on it.
Dear Dr. Wish, Please help me get my thinking clear about my boyfriend "Don," who has been divorced for two years and has seventeen year-old twin sons who live with his ex. We've been dating for a year. I have never been married and I don't have any kids.
No matter how successful and seasoned you are, you may still experience setbacks and disappointments. Setbacks come in many shapes and sizes for each of us. Sometimes they are small, while other times they're huge — or perhaps they just feel that way. Read this sentence out loud several times: No one is immune from experiencing career setbacks, regrets and disappointments, and from making mistakes both big and small.
How Women Can Boost Their Travel Mindfulness & Intuition I’ve been fortunate enough to travel a lot – often alone – to give workshops and talks. I’ve also lived in another country that is very different culturally from my home in the United States. I mention this information because I was living with the false belief that I was a really savvy traveler.
When you're unhappy in love, it's often hard to know if you are being too picky, too "sensitive" or just wrong in your assessment of the situation. You wonder what "counts" as being a legitimate reason for you to fall out of love or feel distant from your partner. Should you break up if your partner cheats on you, hits you, lies to you? Just how do you know how to set limits, draw the line and pick your battles?
Does your tummy chu at the thought of speaking in public? Do you feel cotton-headed when you get to the podium? And, unbelievably, did you forget to make the most important point? Welcome to the vast majority of people who fear speaking or performing in public. You’re in good company with famous actresses who revealed they get stage fright — such as Barbra Streisand, Cher, Ella Fitzgerald, Adele, and Hayden Panettiere.