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Browse published articles attributed to Tina Tessina, with full-archive search.
Dear Dr. Romance: Is it possible to love someone without ever dating them? If so, how can you tell that you are in love? Dear Reader:
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I saw you on the web and thought I would ask you about my attraction to my plastic surgeon. I am almost 50, and have been having procedures done for 6 months now. He is my age and married with 2 school-age children and a younger wife. I have very strong feelings for him and NO, it is not transference. I have felt that before while in therapy and this is different.
In my counseling practice, couples are often surprised to learn they can communicate and solve problems effectively without fighting; but sometimes you may find it’s not so easy to give up your struggles. You may have trouble letting go of the fighting habit because of two factors: social expectations (expectations the people around you have about marriage) and myths (common beliefs not based on fact.) Myths and Expectations about Fighting
Dear Dr. Romance: My girlfriend does not like phone sex. When ever I bring up the topic, she is always mad at me. I don't know; maybe it's the way her ex treated her. Please help. Dear Reader:
Recently, I had a minor but difficult surgical procedure to lance an abscess on my leg. It was very painful, and while I recovered physically pretty quickly, I had some Post -traumatic stress reactions—bad dreams, flashbacks, and upset—after my recovery. I had to acknowledge my upset and feelings, and let them out before the stress reactions subsided. I often help my clients do this, too, not only with PTSD from shocking or painful experiences, but also with grief and old memories.
(To view the video, go here: http://youtu.be/98RZAsK9c6c) Going through a divorce is devastating. You not only lose the marriage and break up your family; you also lose all the hopes and dreams you had for happiness here. Dr. Romance helps you to pick yourself up from the rubble and move on emotionally. Dr Romance's 5 tips to moving on emotionally after divorce
Dear Dr. Romance: I need relationship advice!!!? I have been with my girlfriend for 4 months now and her best friend who's a girl is also my best friend and I'm very close with the best friend. Me and my girlfriend do fight a lot but there are times where I'm in love with her. And me and the friend have talked about a few times what it would be like if we went out and know it would be good because we have similar interests and sense of humor and trust each other so much. But I dont what to do, so a little advice will help Dr. Romance Replies:
No one likes to be criticized, fairly or not. It’s always difficult to deal with, and it can hurt. Because I’m a writer of books and columns, and because I’ve lectured, appeared on radio and TV, I am sometimes recognized in public. I’m glad I’m not more recognizable, for along with the lovely feedback, gratitude and complements I get from many people, others feel compelled to criticize, often in a mean way, and often without having even read whatever book or column they’re criticizing.
The average person pays more attention to what she's saying or thinking about than what she is hearing, or how her words are "landing" on the other person. This self-involvement gets worse during an argument.
Many years ago an Edwin Markham poem inspired me, and I’ve tried to live by it: "Outwitted" He drew a circle that shut me out — Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. But Love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle that took him in!
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I'm looking at myself and asking the question, "Why this compulsion to cheat?" What will it take to keep my eye from wandering around? I'm divorced, technically, but trying to make amends with the ex. I love my kids, and an absentee father just doesn't fit my taste. I'd rather be there. I won't bore you with it. But everyone thinks I'm insane back with the ex. Why do men cheat?
Dear Dr. Romance:
Recently, I wrote here about making the most of time. This month, I have been asked a lot about how people can overcome paralysis and self-sabotage, so I thought I’d pass on my ideas on the subject. Getting in your own way is all about how you relate your yourself.
If you’re thinking about having sex with a friend, be very careful, because it is not easy to preserve a friendship once you have sex. We think we can control our feelings, but it's not so simple. - If one of you becomes romantically attached as a result of the sex, the friendship will probably not survive. - If you've done it before, and you know you can keep your feelings in check, you might be successful, but what about your friend? Are you sure he or she is aware of his or her own feelings and motives? - Think about it in advance and talk about it a lot.
To watch the video, click here. It's way too easy, in the throes of a new romance, to decide to live together without considering the problems that might arise. Dr. Romance gives you some things to think about before making the leap, to guarantee success.
Many years ago, an Edwin Markham poem inspired me, and I’ve tried to live by it "Outwitted" by Edwin Markhamr He drew a circle that shut me out — Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. But Love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle that took him in!
(View my YouTube video on this topic here: http://youtu.be/hB-SuKLvJlk.) Dr. Romance's 4 tips to smoother step-parenting: 1. Give your blended family a chance to bond. Don’t worry if everyone doesn’t settle in right away; bonding takes time. Hopefully, you all got to know each other before you moved in together, but the transition to living comfortably together can take time.
And then, not expecting it, you become middle-aged…You achieve a wonderful freedom. It is a positive thing. —Doris Lessing
Have you noticed that nagging, whining, complaining, ste ly directing, yelling, criticizing and freaking out don’t seem to get you what you want from a partner, family member, friend, colleague or child? In a previous article, "Asking for What You Want," I explained how to ask cleanly and directly for what you want, and that being direct has a better success rate. While that’s true, it isn’t infallible. Sometimes, it’s necessary to use a technique I call "gentle persistence."
Dear Dr. Romance:
In my private counseling practice, clients often tell me, "I want to be happy!" We then set about making it a reality. As a psychotherapist, I know that your habits, your relationships, your environment, and especially what you think about them determine more about how happy you are than your genes do because I've watched so many people figure out how to meet their goals and create their own happiness. You can improve any part of your life you wish: your relationship with yourself, your relationships with others, your work life, your home life, and even your health.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Lately, I’ve gotten so many anguished questions from people who are being criticized and rejected by family for making relationship choices the families don’t like, usually for cultural or religious reasons, that I changed my mind about what I was going to write this month.
So many couples are now separated part-or full-time because of military deployment and/or work travel and schedules, I get a lot of questions about faithfulness. Your marriage vows may have said, "'til death do us part" but no one said anything about what happens when a military career or traveling job makes it necessary for you to part, and you want to maintain the closeness in your relationship. Not only does the war take husbands away from their wives, but the greater involvement of women in the military means that more husbands are also left behind during wartime deployment.
If video doesn't load, click here. Discovering your partner has been unfaithful is a shock. Your first instinct may be to run, but if you have a shared history, children and finances, you may wonder – should you stay or go? Dr. Romance shows you how to decide.
In 1998, Richard and I had a marvelous opportunity to sail around the world as the ballroom dance teachers on a cruise ship. Many of the places we saw then, such as Oman, Jordan, Turkey, Morocco, Indonesia and Israel are in turmoil now, and not as safe for tourists. Last year, when Palestinian soldiers took refuge in the Church of the Nativity at Bethlehem and were under siege, I marveled that I had stood where they were, and I could picture the place as the news reports came in. Even when I was there, Israel and Palestine were struggling, as they have been since Israel was formed.r
Dr. Romance on Learning Forgiveness
Dear Dr. Romance: Hi, I read a few of your articles. I always find your info helpful and interesting I have been divorced now going on 6 years, I am man in my early 40s, and have been internet dating consistently. Yikes! I never have trouble getting the dates, I've been selective, and have been out with some of the most beautiful in my eyes women (body and soul.)
Frequently I help my clients work through problems with their grown children. Sometimes, an offspring is angry about something, and the parent is at a loss for what is wrong or what to do about it. These struggles often have their seeds in things that happened long ago, when the child was young. Even parents who love their children and try to do the right thing can make mistakes, and some parents let their issues—struggles with spouses, stresses of single parenting, fears about money or social disapproval—skew their child-related decisions.
Dear Dr. Romance:
For you men who ask, "What Do Women Want?" Here are Dr. Romance's 11 Things Married Women Want: Women value intimacy, safety for themselves and their children, and emotional connection. Therefore, they long for the following qualities in a man:
I can’t escape it, it’s in the news every day, and it fills my counseling office. Yesterday, the news told of a four-year-old who was shot to death by his own father, because the father was jealous of his divorced wife’s new relationship. "O, beware... of jealousy; it is the green-eyed monster" wrote William Shakespeare in the sixteenth century. In four hundred years, we don't seem to have been able to tame or conquer this monster.
This exercise is especially effective when you can’t sleep or when you experience anxiety attacks. If you worry a lot, or obsessively think about future events and problems when you should be concentrating on other things, follow these simple steps:
None of us wants to think about it, but the standard definition of a totally successful relationship is the old, traditional “til death do us part.” Any time we love, whether it’s a life partner, a dear friend, a child, a sibling, a parent or even a beloved pet, we are risking the loss of that love.
Miley Cyrus is only 19, and she's just gotten engaged to Liam Hemsworth. Will it last? Well, the fact that it's a celebrity match is not in its favor -- celebrity couples don't have a great track record. As a little pre-wedding gift, here's what Miley and Liam can do to make sure they're ready for a long, happy marriage. In my counseling practice, I see lots of couples who don’t make it, because they're not prepared, and their expectations are out of line with reality. In my counseling practice, however, I see lots of couples who don’t make it, for various reasons.
There's a lot of misinformation about divorce, and Dr. Romance would like to clear up some of the confusion. Here are 11 things people will not tell you about divorce.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dr. Romance wishes all of you a happy, healthy and loving 2012! We all are inspired to make resolutions in the new year, to celebrate new beginnings. Rather than resolving to exercise or diet, try: Dr. Romance's Top 5 Resolutions to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great Resolve to:
Dr. Romance writes:
There is always something in the news or on TV to scare us. Hysterical articles in the media sell papers, and attract eyeballs to websites, but are usually exaggerating the facts. If you listen without evaluating what you’re being told, it’s easy to become frightened. There's a reason why I don’t usually waste time and energy on panic and drama.
To view video, click here.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dr. Romance writes: The old folk songs say it: Oh, love is handsome, love is finer Love is a jewel when it is new; But when love's old, it waxes coldr And fades away, like morning dew. Folk wisdom says it: If newlyweds put a penny in a jar for every time they make love in the first year, and take one out for every time after that, the jar will never be empty.
To view the video, click here.) Relationships can be devastated by simple, thoughtless things. Bad behavior will ruin your marriage faster than any temptation from the outside. Tina B. Tessina, PhD, "Dr. Romance" licensed psychotherapist and author points out the worst mistakes to make in a marriage. Dr. Romance's 3 ways to ruin your relationship:
Dear Dr. Romance For many many years, i have been the income earner for our 4 kids and my wife while she was home raising the kids. Day in day out I was working sometimes three jobs. I got into a career that took 10-15 hrs per day for the first three years - the money was great and I thought everything was going awesome especially since everyone was enjoying spending my money on lavish things.