Browse published articles attributed to Tina Tessina, with full-archive search.
There is a pervasive myth that somehow happy couples just agree on everything automatically all the time. Believing this myth, we enter relationships convinced that whatever problems or differences we have with our partners will be easy to solve. But, in reality, the individuals who make up a partnership will disagree frequently, and often struggle over even minor issues.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am single man, I have question for you, is it natural for a man to masturbate? I normally, do it everyday, sometimes 4 times a day. Tell me if its wrong or normal to fantasize my cousin and she is a woman? Is it that wrong thing to do? I love to masturbate and to me its fun and great feeling. Do you have any advice. I want to know if there is anything wrong with me. I need your help. Dear Reader:
Dr. Romance wishes you a Happy New Year!
Dear Dr. Romance; I read your article about Older Women Dating Younger Men I am dating a man who is 22 yrs, younger than myself. He appeared older and I appeared younger to him. Now I'm afraid the age difference means our relationship won't work. Would you be able to help me with this dilemma? Dear Reader:
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a woman in my mid-twenties from India and working in the middle east in a professional job. I had a brief arranged marriage and am now getting divorced. One of my business clients, who is an arab and over forty has been married for many years but claims his marriage is ending says he loves me.
Recently, as we were eating in an Italian restaurant, the music being played transported me back to holidays with my Italian/American family. Traditional, sentimental Italian songs were such a large part of our gatherings for the holidays. After a huge, slow, multi-course dinner, Uncle Tommy would get up and go to the piano, and just start playing.
Are you a stepparent? Are you struggling to make the right decisions for your newly created family? If so, here are four tips to help. 1. Give your blended family a chance to bond. Don’t worry if everyone doesn’t settle in right away; bonding takes time. Hopefully, you all got to know each other before you moved in together, but the transition to living comfortably together can take time. 2. Have family meetings weekly.
Dear Dr. Romance: I think I am missing myself Dear Dr. Romance:
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Recently, clients have been coming in to Dr. Romance's office with questions about their cell phone use: either it is creating a problem in their relationship, or with getting work done, or even health problems. Here's how to tell if you have cell phone addiction; and what to do about it.
Dr. Romance writes: If you’re thinking about having sex with a friend, be very careful, because it is not easy to preserve a friendship once you have sex. We think we can control our feelings, but it's not so simple. *If one of you becomes romantically attached as a result of the sex, the friendship will probably not survive.
Dear Dr. Romance: I heard you on the radio and I have a relationship question for you. I have been dating my boyfriend for seven years, I care for him deeply. However, I am not happy. I want to break-up with him, but I don't know the best way to do it and not hurt him. I would still like to remain friends with him, or is this just wishful thinking? Dear Reader:
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a woman in my thirties. It's been over a month since I last spoke with my ex-boyfriend of one year. He gave me the silent treatment because I hurt him. Or it might be his way of breaking up with me. I lied to my girlfriend about him and he found out. I actually forwarded him the conversation by accident and he read it and texted me "I will never change".
Many of my clients come in with complaints about personal habits that feel toxic in their lives. Just as you can detox your body when you're feeling sluggish, it's also possible to detox your emotional life. Here are some of the most common ways your life can back up on you, and how to handle it. 1. Frequently late
Want to make sure your relationship is a success? Here are ten ways to bring the sparkle back and keep it going. Dr. Romance's 10 Behaviors to Enhance Your Marriage
Dr. Romance on creating a Happy New Year Most of us are infused with good will and joy over the holidays, getting together with loved ones and friends, spreaking kindness, and being surrounded by reminders of holiday spirit. The holidays happen around this time of year for a reason: it's the time when the old year ends, and the new one begins. We have yet another chance to start again. Here are some ways to keep that happiness going.
1. Seek first to understand. If you know your partner's frame of reference, you can speak to him/her within it. 2. Pay attention to how your words are landing. If your companion's response looks off the mark for what you said, check out what he/she is hearing.... 3. Focus on the solution that would work for everyone, rather than who's right or wrong. Only focus on the problem long enough to understand, then switch to what will fix it.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am married 19 years and my husband and I have two children. We have a good marriage in so many ways yet we continuously cycle to a low point every couple of months primarily due to my change in mood and feelings about the relationship. A bad case of ambivalence on my part. We recently had a nice break from one another with my travel for work. We decided to let go of the past negatives we know about one another and our relationship and start fresh. I really like this idea.
Dr . Romance wishes you a Happy New Year, everyone! This is the time when a lot of energy is spent on making resolutions, most of which we don’t manage to keep. So, in the face of all the violence we have experienced this year, I would like to propose a different kind of resolution. Will you join me in resolving to create a year of peace?
Number Four Is A Must In Any Relationship 1. Talk frequently and honestly to each other. You should talk about frustrations, sex, anger, disappointment, about your appreciation of each other, about the meaning of life, about everything. No topic should be off limits. Learn to listen and communicate instead of fighting. Fighting is childish, and you want a grown-up relationship. 2. Strive to work together to solve anything that comes up: Be a team, create a partnership.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dr. Romance writes:
b> In my counseling office, I see a lot of damage done because people don't know how to ask for what they want, or don't think it's OK. Not asking for what you want means you'll eventually resent somebody, and that leads to a lot of strife. So today, I thought I'd give some hints about how to ask for what you want. To really be successful, you need to understand the difference between asking and demanding, and how to approach different people.
Dear Dr. Romance: My wife is totally shutdown and she does not know what to do. She wants to talk to someone for help and also for taking a decision that can help her to decide the future of us as a couple if is still possible or not.
In 1998, Richard and I had a marvelous opportunity to sail around the world as the ballroom dance teachers on a cruise ship. Many of the places we saw then, such as Oman, Jordan, Turkey, Morocco, Indonesia and Israel are in turmoil now, and not as safe for tourists. Last year, when Palestinian soldiers took refuge in the Church of the Nativity at Bethlehem and were under siege, I marveled that I had stood where they were, and I could picture the place as the news reports came in.
The biggest obstacle to most of my clients' healing and recovery is their inability to understand and accept their feelings, and the emotional and behavioral clues that indicate where the problems lie. Most of us learn early that being too open with our feelings and thoughts is dangerous. It can lead to punishment, censure, ridicule, or hurt feelings. In some families, being open and honest about your feelings is like giving other family members ammunition to use against you.
In romantic depictions of love, cute little images of cherubs and cupids abound. But Cupid, in his real inca ation, is not so sweet and cuddly. His arrows can create deep and lasting wounds, and can strike you blind and irrational in a heartbeat. A few disaster-filled run-ins with Cupid's dart and you can readily believe that love will never work for you.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Richard and I just indulged in our early December tradition – we watched our favorite Christmas movie, "Scrooge!." the musical starring Albert Finney, which kick-starts our holiday spirit every year. No matter what you observe: Ramadan, Kwaanza, Chanukah, Solstice or Christmas, this is a celebratory time of year. For some it's a joy, for others a nightmare, and pressure to spend too much, eat too much, and socialize in ways you don't like. If your Holiday expectations are out of line with what you can really accomplish, you'll be stressed.
Dear Dr. Romance: I'm still having a bit of trouble letting go and cutting off communication with a guy who mistreats me. I understand in my head that this is not right, but I can't seem to get it emotionally. Yesterday was his birthday and particularly difficult to not reply despite his angry words or cursing. Is there any advice you can offer or perhaps additional reading? I'm trying to cement that he is a predator as you said but still rationalize the good aspects of him.
"And then, not expecting it, you become middle-aged... You achieve a wonderful freedom. It is a positive thing." -- Doris Lessing
Dear Dr. Romance: I stumbled upon your article "Don't Make The Same Mistake Twice" while I was searching for advice on dating a divorcee. I can't help but wonder what advice you would give to a girl who has never been married who is currently seeing a divorcee. I have never in my entire life dated a divorcee, so I am clueless.
Dr. Romance writes: Extreme makeovers are all the rage these days, with botox injection parties, and reality shows. Plastic surgery is on the rise. Many people are trying to match the extraordinary measures actors and actresses go through to look perfect on the screen. These are shortcuts taken to try to create happiness with a scalpel, a diet, or an implant, and they don’t fulfill their promise. Beautiful people are not automatically happy people.
Solstice is the day near year end when the sun is furthest away from the Earth, and immediately begins to come closer again. Solstice marks a celestial turning point, and it's no coincidence that we celebrate the end of the old year, and begin a new year of birth and renewal at this time. It's a time of new beginnings, of letting go of the old and generating the new. Many of my clients come in looking for a new way to see or do things, or a way to let go and refocus. What kind of renewal do you want to generate in your own life?
Dr. Romance writes:
And then, not expecting it, you become middle-aged…You achieve a wonderful freedom. It is a positive thing. Doris Lessing
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: My last romantic relationship (that I thought was mutual) ended because she said one day out of the blue, "I don't love you any more." I think she never really did, but rather I was her crutch after her last breakup. I loved her wholly, with all my everything, however she did not do the same. That, of course, hurt.
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
I've been dealing with a lot of unwanted changes, and it's not easy. Losses, disappointments, changeswe all struggle when life doesn't go our way. Why is it so hard to handle change? Then there are the changes we want to make, fight hard to makelosing weight, giving up smoking, being more organized. Why is it so hard to create change?
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance:
So many couples are now separated part- or full-time because of military deployment and/or work travel and schedules, I get a lot of questions about faithfulness. Your marriage vows may have said, "'til death do us part" but no one said anything about what happens when a military career or traveling job makes it necessary for you to part, and you want to maintain the closeness in your relationship.