Codependency Articles

Communication skills and tools are not just necessary for getting on the same page, making joint decisions and problem solving effectively. They are also indispensable for more deeply understanding each other and warmly flowing in our interactions with our partner. Excellent communication also helps increase our bonding.

It’s amazing how many partners know their partner loves them, but they still don’t feel loved… This is actually kind of an epidemic… Couples struggle because they get stuck in power struggles. They let their Ego get in the way. They approach their situation from a reactive and self-preservation place that only puts their partner in the defensive or offensive. Not allowing them to be open, responsive, or caring and able to meet their needs as desired.

It saddens me to witness people’s struggles, to watch them get in their own way, to drown in a glass of water, to miss the bigger picture. Maybe this is compassion for my Self as I can certainly be in that place… This is one of the lessons I’m still learning. This is part of my Journey. In its course I grow, heal, learn and further embrace my Calling… It is amazing to step back and take in the machinations, the alignments, and the perfection in how everything plays out, always for a reason… It all adds up…

We are in charge of how we choose to experience our life moments, and what we choose to do with them… This is a choice we can make about anything, at any time… Even in the face of trouble, chaos, crisis, and anything that we would usually consider negative life events. It’s all about the meaning we assign things… How we let them impact us… And, how we choose to address them…

If you are feeling stuck in your relationship, resentful, cranky, and easily annoyed by your partner, your relationship lens might be a bit smudged… Partners have a tendency to blame their partner for the status of the relationship and how unsatisfied and unhappy they might be… They tend to point fingers, get finicky and demanding or withdrawn and disengaged, and critical of their partner and their ways. Feeling stuck is usually a relationship mindset issue…r

If you are feeling stuck in your relationship, resentful, cranky, and easily annoyed by your partner, your relationship lens might be a bit smudged… Partners have a tendency to blame their partner for the status of the relationship and how unsatisfied and unhappy they might be… They tend to point fingers, get finicky and demanding or withdrawn and disengaged, and critical of their partner and their ways. Feeling stuck is usually a relationship mindset issue…r

As we embark on a new era… I want you to come along… I want your life to continue to become better and better as well. I want us to continue to Design and enjoy our Best Life. I want us to continue to have an amazing Human Experience and for it to get better every day.

Do you find that hard as you try you seem to be stuck in the same place? That it seems like you’ve tried it all, work hard at it, are pooped and yet nothing is different? Unfortunately, this is the story of most partners, the ones that give a hoot anyway. The rest have resigned themselves to living contentedly in ignorant bliss missing out on the potential inherent in their partnership. Either one of these suck in my book.

It is not uncommon for partners to feel bored, stale, empty, disconnected and cranky. When this is not attended to it festers and creates more difficulties in the relationship. Partner’s start to wonder about the solidity of the relationship, their commitment to it and how much they want to actually be with their partner.

Mothering Vs Fathering… This is not a competition! First off, wishing all the Moms a very Happy Mother’s Day. And here is an invitation for all of us to embrace more Mothering in our own lives, of ourselves and our loved us. We can all stand to be more compassionate, nurturing and loving… Second, the key is finding a balance for these two characteristics within ourselves for a more integrated Human Experience…r

We are what we think. We create what we think. What we resist persists. What we focus on expands. We are super powerful creating creatures…

Post Valentine’s Day Blues are real… There is even a thing as “Anti Valentine’s Day Week”… This week is not just for those that don’t believe on the mushy holiday, but also for those who are disappointed by it. Regardless of what camp you are in on the holiday and your Valentine’s Day experience, you can use this week to enrich your relationship. I say you - do it again, do it over, or do it after all…

Often I hear that it feels like all the stars need to line up for partners to be able to get to a physically intimate moment… There are many factors that impact our libido, our desire, and our ability to have a passionate relationship with our partner. Most believe it is impossible to have an epic love affair with our partner. They believe in mature love and settling down into comfortable love.

As we are faced with retriggered trauma, loss, uncertainty, stress and restraints, now is the time to access our best parts not only to weather this storm well but to be ready for what’s next… When we allow ourselves to numb out and shutdown, to sink into a hole, to spiral out of control or to simply press pause on our life and our dreams, we are hindering ourselves now and are making things more challenging for later…

We are slowly starting the reopening and easing up on the lockdown. Different areas have had different levels of lockdown, and people have taken it seriously to different degrees. Regardless, it’s been a long haul already managing the restrictions and their impact, and looking into what this means going forward as this pandemic won’t be over any time soon… Is the reality of the longevity of this hitting you hard? You are certainly not alone! People are fatigued, but we can combat this! First, let’s understand what the fatigue is about. It has to do with:

When we are really frustrated at our partner and become crazy in our interaction with them, in real life or in our mind…, we lose sight of our Self, our partner and our relationship. We instead get mired in a sea of reactivity, and therefore pain. We are not doing anyone any good by getting to this state. This state, thoughts and feelings, is just a reactive experience of a specific set of neurons firing in our brain. This is not who we are. This is not who are partner is. This is not our relationship. This is just some in the moment chemistry.

I’m hearing a whole range of experiences from people, depending on who they are, where they are and how much of an impact the lockdown had in their life for starters. Just know that whatever your version is, whether you are bogging out, are having a reaction, or are feeling guilty for being fine, it’s ok and you are not alone… We are all on our own Journey, and this includes what we make of and take away from this Pandemic…

s we embark on this long holiday weekend kicking off the Summer, it is the perfect time to ponder upon what kind of Summer we’d like to have… By now most choices for academic and extracurricular activities for the next school year have also been completed, as we wrap up this year. By now enrollment to Summer camps, programs and the like have been completed. And, by now vacations, trips, and experiences for the Summer have most likely also been chosen and even booked. So, what’s left to do to enjoy the Summer, you ask? Well, as far as I’m concerned:

It feels terrible when we have the same arguments over the same disagreements, over and over again… Doesn’t it? It’s so frustrating to feel like we are living in the twilight zone, or that we are having a Groundhog Day experience… It’s tough to know that we’ll have the same conversation without resolution, yet again. Feeling like beating your head against the wall? Having repeating arguments, how you’re your relationship dynamics?r

As we are wrapping up January and turn towards the month of Love, things begin to look up… The mad pressure to hit the ground running in January and kicking off the year with a bang, is now behind us. We can now truly embrace more self-compassion and set the right tone for the upcoming year… As we’ve been trying to be gentler with ourselves despite the New Year pressure, today’s Self-Love aspect drives this point home- let’s Embrace Self-Connection and Radiance. Self-Connection is one of the 4 Aspects of Self-Love we are working on to help us start the New Year right…

The Holidays do all kinds of things to people. They provide a year-in-review, showcase our progress and success, spotlight our communion and belongingness, highlight our relationship dynamics, and nudge our very Soul for wakefulness. Add to this all the demands, expectations and hassle and bustle, and it is no wonder that the Holidays are rough for some. The Holidays create stress, anxiety, depression, paralysis, withdrawal, mania, shame, overindulgence, overwhelm, crashing, loneliness, and other goodies. How do the Holidays affect you?

Our mood is impacted by many variables in our lives if we let it. Our hectic lifestyles, poor self care, habits, emotional problems, the weight of our history, etc. can all have a huge impact on how we feel and therefore how available we are in our relationship(s).

After large numbers of deaths in NY/NJ, the outbreak seems to be slowing down and the curve flattening a bit in this area. Yay! This is just the beginning of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Hey, I’ll take ANY good news. Focusing on the good is Good… What insights have you gotten about yourself as a result of this experience so far? How have you stretched outside your comfort zone to step up your game in self-management and positively responding to this crisis? What are you seeing as possible personal lessons and takeaways up to this point?

To succeed at anything a real commitment to do whatever it takes is needed… We all know of the “self made man”. People who grew up with nothing and are now multi-millionaires. We might be friends with them. We might be one of them. The same principles apply in Relationships! I have seen couples come back strong from the most awful of situations. All it takes is a real commitment to creating what you desire and full heartedly going for it…

I know it still feels surreal that we are in the midst of a Pandemic and we are, what I’m calling, grounded… And, now that the shutdown has been extended to May 15th in our NY/NJ area, our resilience is being further tested. But, let me tell you that I’m super impressed with the stories I’m hearing from clients on how well they are managing this very stressful and uncertain time.

Partners expecting too much or too little from each other is a sign of a dynamic in disarray. When partners have expectations that are beyond what their partner is capable or willing to do, it is usually because they think they know best. They think they know what their partner should be about. They know what their partner should do, how they should feel, how they should respond, how they should think, and everything in between. They are usually projecting their own wishes, needs, likes and such onto their partner. They expect their partner to be the way they themselves would be.

Nobody likes to feel disconnected from their partner. Partners might like to have time to themselves and do their own thing. But they like to have that while still feeling connected. Feeling disconnected, not in a good place, not on the same page, not in alignment, not together or not close, intimate and special – doesn’t feel good. Missing love, how is your connection and intimacy? We’ve already established that we have not only been in a Pandemic but also undergoing, and this is not just during the pandemic, a low desire and lack of intimacy Epidemic…r

Right about now is when the end of year crunch and stress of holiday planning starts to creep in. People fall into all kinds of categories in terms of how they do the holidays. But whether they actively plan and try to dot all their “i”s and cross all their “t”s or by just wing it nonchalantly, everyone is affected… The holidays have this funny way of getting under one’s skin, hitting raw nerves, and poking at our soul. There is something primal about holidays…

Do you find that your relationship and life appear to be on pause? Do you feel like you’ve been in a hamster’s wheel? Does it feel like you are always back to square one, like you can’t get ahead, like life is passing you by? Does it feel like your relationship is not going anywhere? This is a very common feeling in some people’s lives and their relationship. This is experiencing Inertia.

It is not easy to live a successful and meaningful life. It takes intentionality, focus and dedication to stay the course. Our life Journey has ups and downs, and at times it can feel like an obstacle course. With the many demands of today’s modern life and specially recently as we’ve weathered a global pandemic, things can be challenging. It can be overwhelming to manage all the demands and responsibilities. This is why it’s so important to uplevel your support and collaboration.r

Hey, we can all relate to being annoyed by our partner at one point or another. But sometimes this goes beyond our idiosyncrasies, quirks or habits. Sometimes we just pick, pick, pick and go around and around. We argue to make our point and prove ourselves right. We get into fights about how we are talking and arguing. And the fights might even escalate to epic proportions. There is no fun and love in that. I you are bickering and fighting, how are your communication skills? Have you considered this as part of the issue?r

Do you feel like you are spinning your wheels and getting nowhere fast in your life? Do you feel like your world got turned upside down and you don’t know what’s up or down? Do you feel exhausted and completely unmotivated? Do you feel like are banging around without purpose and alone? Do you feel disconnected from your partner and like you are both just floating around?r

Appreciation, acknowledgement and understanding are key ingredients in couple relationships. Partners feel important, content and loved when they know their partner practice these and are truly dissatisfied, unfulfilled and unhappy when they don’t. The reason is that these characteristics aid couples in feeling connected. Their absence leaves couples fumbling to get their needs met and to “feel” their partner and the relationship.

I learned to listen to my husband’s wishes. This might sound simple and easy to do, and even a given, right? But it’s not. It’s common for partners to give and do for each other what they’d like for themselves. Just this week I was talking with a client who does not like to make a fuss over her birthday so she doesn’t make one over her husband’s either, when the he actually wants a fuss! I wish, my husband likes to fly under the radar also. I’ve learned to respect and honor that. I’ve learned not to embarrass him with undo attention and lavish gifts. It makes him uncomfortable.

The conversation continues on having a refresh and reset, a renewal, on creating a new beginning, and on getting traction on our relationship and life transformation… Are you ready for newness? Let’s do it! To get traction with the new, we have to get rid of the old… Your new beginning needs a communication cleanse to set the right tone for the awesomeness that’s to come. Today we’ll focus on how to clean up how you communicate in your relationship. I recently wrote about Communication Roadblocks that get in the way of your Radiant and Successful Relationship.

Sometimes things don’t seem to be working out the way we’d prefer in our life and our relationship. We don’t lose the weight. We don’t get the promotion or hit our sales target. We haven’t gotten engaged yet. We keep having the same fight. There is a reason for this. The reason is that we are getting in our own way…r Now, I say with lots of love and compassion, for who wants to hear it’s their fault they are having a hard time. Right?r

Springtime is a time for renewal and New Beginnings… It is an opportunity to start fresh again. It is a time to refresh, course correct and reset. All changes in season and any new start, provide the opportunity for New Beginnings… Spring is special in this endeavor as the newness is so obvious with nature springing back to life… There is momentum in this… This is your chance to spring into a new level in your relationship and life…r

It is a wonder that couples figure out how to get along and create a joint life together. Partners usually experience love, attention, intimacy, communication, conflict, money, holidays, time, space, and everything else differently. They bring to their experience their history, upbringing, culture, spirituality and many other influences. Yet, they still have one very important thing in common, their need to feel loved, valued and accepted.

A lot of people have difficulties having trust in their relationship, and in general… Mistrust in our relationship is not just about wondering, or obsessing about, if our partner is cheating. But not trusting our partner usually has the flavor of not trusting we can count on them. That they have our back. That they’ll pick up where we leave off. Whether or not they’ll follow through on what they say. If they’ll use their best judgement. And so on. It is imperative that we create safety, security and trust in our relationship for it to be successful…r

I hear how every year appears to go quicker and faster for some as their lives get busier and more complicated in their attempt to keep up with the pace of our ever moving society. This is a challenging pull to evade fraught with consequences for the relationship. We become distracted from our partner, our connection, and our love and in so doing we loose sight of each other and move away from our happiness.

Even the most healthy, satisfying and rewarding relationship has stuff that gets on our nerves. As nobody is perfect, the way we are in relationship with our partner and what we put in our in-between (the space between the two partners that represents the relationship) is also less than perfect. This imperfection causes us frustration, angst, disillusionment, and pain.

When partners create tunnel vision in their lives focusing all their energies on certain endeavors, they tend to loose sight of their partner and the relationship. These are the partners who feel disconnected and end up dissatisfied in their relationship.

That’s right. It is not easy to Receive. Some of you might question this statement and might be thinking: “Hey, bring on that diamond necklace or that new set of golf clubs!” – but just sit with it and see how it does make sense…

It never ceases to amaze me that what we believe and think we create… I recently had the pleasure of connecting with a fabulous person who shared, “I started having the Good Things falling out of the sky…” What a lovely, powerful and faithful statement! I want this for you. I want you to have a life of ease and beauty. I want your Journey to be out of this world…

That’s right. It is not easy to Receive. Some of you might question this statement and might be thinking: “Hey, bring on that diamond necklace or that new set of golf clubs!” – but just sit with it and see how it does make sense…

Mental health has become a critical issue in the United States, with millions of Americans experiencing mental health challenges every year. Despite increased awareness and a growing recognition of the importance of mental well-being, the nation continues to grapple with a mental health crisis that affects individuals across all demographics. From anxiety and depression to severe mental illnesses and substance use disorders, the impact of mental health conditions on society i

As they appear in therapy, psychological curses are false beliefs absorbed in childhood by a kid too innocent to know better.