The Transforming Power of Mirroring

What is Mirroring?

In this millenium, we have new sources of power that drive technology at ever increasing speeds. As rapidly as we expand the horizons of our technological forces, we move away from a source of power that exists within all human beings.

The power to transform, to catalyze change is a power that has always been used by healers, and heroes. It is available to all of us from the moment of birth. The power is called mirroring.

Mirroring can only take place in close personal interactions, the intimate face to face encounters that are dwindling in the electronic age. When these connections take place, intense emotional states occur, and these states provide the energy for the mirroring process.

The evolution of the power of mirroring can be traced to our earliest moments. From the time of our birth, our caretakers expertly and possibly instinctively mirror the expressions of our feelings. A baby smiles, the caretaker smiles, this is only the beginning of the process. It is from this cocoon of interactions that the first love bonds are formed. They are intense, and they grow with consistent nurturing. The nurturing of emotional expression is driven by mirroring of the child's fluid emotional states. The caretaker reads the facial and body expressions, and gives feedback to the child. The appropriate response is reflected back to the child.

On the journey to adulthood, we draw on this ability to read and reflect back emotional states with our friends and family. This is the way that we connect with each other in real time.

What we do with mirroring, the power to transform, is the vital issue. When an individual launches that intimate connection it can be directed in many ways. In the adult/child relationship, this link is the basis for learning and for empathy. In the adult realm, politicians, actors and sales people use mirroring to perfection. They read their audience, they reflect back exactly what is needed to get their point across. The manipulative use of this power is also found in the antisocial individual. This person has to capacity to read his or her victims emotional states and needs, then use this data in dangerous ways. Such individuals become what their victim's want them to be by reflecting information back to them in a selective manner.

Mirroring is a dynamic process, and facets of it can be learned, enhanced and used appropriately. In the course of therapy, some professionals have learned to use their mirroring power to create a strong bond with their clients. However, in this day and age, the opportunities for long term relationships in therapy and elsewhere are dwindling. When was the last time that you took a few moments to look at the fleeting but intense expressions on another person's face. Did it strike something inside of you, or did the moment leave no impression at all?

Do I want the power?

It takes a certain degree of courage to open our minds to a new concept. In this fast paced, often disposable world it takes time to build something that is enduring. The opportunity to form strong connections with people and use these bonds in positive ways seems to be a difficult thing to do.

Looking around at our digital world, we can see that things are already happening as a result of neglecting our own power and letting others direct our destinies. In some cases, people have become isolated, depressed and frustrated without the intimate, emotional face to face connections that we call mirroring. When we pass by someone in a hallway at work, give that quick smile, a wave of the hand, then move on, we are engaging in a social behavior. This behavior is characteristic of many of our interactions these days, even in our families. We deflect each other rather than reflect each other and it leaves a residue of emptiness inside of us.

In much the same way we have learned to repel the encounters of our children and our spouses. We may be superficially warm, but internally cold and unhappy. In extreme cases, there is a buildup of sadness or of anger that leads to an explosion of built up feelings. The question is can we afford not to tap into this power?

The Basics of Mirroring

The decade of the 90's was called the Decade of the Brain. Neuroscience began to provide us with answers to how and why we think, remember, feel, and dream. A number of scientists explored the early development of the infant's brain and the results have been incredibly important. One of the findings is that the infant's brain grows rapidly in terns of brain connections and that these connections are either helped or harmed in the intense, early interactions with the caretaker. The impact of the caretaker's emotional reflections on the infant has vital consequences.

Mirroring ,which is the reading of emotional states and the reflecting back of emotion, continues beyond infancy into childhood and adulthood. It is instinctive, it is learned, it builds our brains and our spirits.

How do I learn more about it?

The fact that we possess a skill, a capacity, or a power does not always lead to it's safe and effective use. Human abilities need to be cultivated, nurtured and even practiced. The ability to read the expressions of another person's internal emotional states and then reflect them back appropriately is the goal of the next article in this series, The Art and Science of Mirroring.